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Why the Madeleine critics make me mad

336 replies

mumofteens · 18/08/2007 16:30

It makes me mad to still be hearing pompous, judgemental, illogical people criticising the parents of Madeleine about their decision to eat nearby while the children were in the room, and even going so far as to say that social services should be involved.

Here's why. If you have ever been to a Mark Warner resort you will know that there is (or used to be) a baby sitting service available whereby a nanny walks around the floors of the hotel while you dine in the restaurant somewhere else in the hotel. We have used this ourselves. Now, if someone was determined to abduct a child, they could walk into the hotel and take a child from the unlocked room while the nanny is walking on other floors, or is inside a room comforting a crying child. Like most hotels, people come and go without reception turning a hair. Security is usually incredibly lax in hotels and no-one knows who is staying there, who has come in just for a meal or drink and who is a friend of guests. Equally, someone could let themselves in/out of a downstairs window or back entrance if they did not want to walk past reception.

Are the critics suggesting that all the parents who have used such services should have their children taken away by social services?

Ditto with the baby listening services that people use in hotels when reception listen in for crying babies. A person of criminal intent could let themselves into the room, (assuming it had been left unlocked due to a fear of fire) and abduct a child.

You could be asleep in you house and someone could break in and take a baby/child while you were asleep. You could be sitting in the garden while you child was asleep in the house and the same thing could happen. Equally, in my experience, schools and hospitals are often extraordinarily lax about security with people coming and going. One of my daughters had to spend quite a bit of time in hospital and the staff were incredibly laissez-faire about security with hoards of people traipsing in and out of the ward day and night. Someone could easily have taken my child while I nipped off to the loo.

You could watch your child 24 hours a day and something bad could happen - a wierdo could grab them and hurt them etc. Someone was attacked in the park by a wierdo recently - if that had been a child, would the parents have been deemed neligent for allowing their children to walk (with them) in the park?

The point is - if someone is determined to snatch a baby/child, or do something horrible they will find a way to do it.

In terms of risk assessment, the most dangerous place for your child to be is near the road. Yet we all happily put our children in cars every day. Every single week children are killed in cars on the roads, driven by law-abiding, caring parents.

There is also a danger associated with babysitters. We used one for a stage who came highly recommended (she was a nanny at the creche at the prestigious Harbour Club in Chelsea). In fact, she was a criminal with a huge history of stealing. Another friend used one who again came with glowing references but who was in fact a serious drug-addict. I would rather have my children on their own in the house than locked up in a house with a drug addict/criminal.

There is also a danger of putting a child in a creche. One of mine was once badly attacked by another child and could have lost her eye. This would not have happened if she had not been in the creche.

See what I mean? There are risks associated with every single thing we do/don't do. In the context of the big bad world, the possibility of accidents and the reality that not all people looking after children are necessarily very responsible (and that other children can cause accidents), having the children sleeping nearby on their own might have seemed like the lesser of a number of evils.

Having said all that, I do not want to scare people. I do not think that there are bogeymen around every corner. We give our children quite a bit of freedom and do not worry. The main thing I worry about is road accidents as statistically this is by far the most dangerous place to be.

OP posts:
kamikayzed · 20/08/2007 00:37

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kamikayzed · 20/08/2007 00:39

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3andnomore · 20/08/2007 00:45

then we do disagree afterall kami...

3andnomore · 20/08/2007 00:48

because I obviously a...however...am pretty sure that, unless they would be stupid, the MCCanns would say the same thing....I know I would in their situation...but wonder if they are not allowed to voice this....well, tbh, I hope that is why they haven't said they weer wrong in their judgement, because surely nothing should be more imprtant then a) lookibg for ther daughter, but b) protecting any other child and family from this "misfortune"....

stramash · 20/08/2007 01:03

I accept that you're all entitled to your opinion/it's a free country/ we have the right to free speech/they made a mistake/they've paid a terrible price.

I just don't have the stomach to criticise a mother who is clearly going through a living hell. I'm with LittleBreatrixLeBoot who's posted about this before. There's just a complete lack of compassion and empathy in some of the posts here. It depresses me.

I can see the McCann's logic - MW offered a service which did what they did ; checked on their kids every 30 mins( FWIW , many hotels that I've stayed in no longer offer this service as their insurance won't cover them in case of fire etc). Putting 2 year olds in a creche until 9.30 at night makes them cranky and isn't very pleasant for the children . MW and these places actively discourage children eating with their parents later at night .Babysitters are not always available. They were relaxed and on holiday and lulled into a false sense of security. I would be prepared to put money on the fact that the McCann's wouldn't leave the kids sleeping at home and go to a party at a neighbour's house in the UK, yet they did it on holiday because it felt safe. It was a mistake but I can see why they did it.

Her family have done a lot to highlight the cases of other missing children. They have apparently been counselled by trauma experts who advised them in the initial stages to get active and focus on the postive.Hence the media campaign I should think. Who wouldn't use the internet in similar circumstances?

You can argue about the rights and wrongs of what they did if it makes you feel better. I just don't have the stomach for it, thinking about what that child ( same age as my dd) and her family are going through.

FFS it's one o'clock. Am at work tomorrow. Off to bed.

stramash · 20/08/2007 01:06

And the McCanns have said that they made a mistake.

FFS. Off to bed ( again).

slim22 · 20/08/2007 04:04

well said stramash.
As if they were not already agonising about that mistake................No need for all that heartless bashing really.

kamikayzed · 20/08/2007 08:34

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elasticbandstand · 20/08/2007 08:45

The Criticism of the McCann's would have been far worse if he hadnt had such a prestigious job.
Now that is a scandal. I wonder how much coverage there would have been?

corblimeymadam · 20/08/2007 09:09

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expatinscotland · 20/08/2007 09:51

'Nothing is bullet proof, eh!'

Yeah, so? Why tempt fate by being irresponsible.

'It could have happened to anyone'.

Erm, no, not that exact scenario.

Lorayn · 20/08/2007 10:14

I've not posted on a 'Madeline thread' as yet, but I think it's fair to say that as parent's we are horrified by what happened, and although all children SHOULD be safe in their beds, no matter what the scenario, this is NOT the way of the world. It is horrid, yes, but as adults, we know the dangers and should be considering them at every possible moment, there were many things that could've happened to 3 young children left alone in an apartment, unfortunately, what happened to Madeline was the worst possible scenario. All we can do is hope and pray for the best psosible outcome (which sadly, seems unlikely) and be aware of any risks, we may previously not have considered. When we get pregnant and decide to continue the pregnancy and actually bring up a child we also decide to devote our time to them as much as feasibly possible, the McCanns weren't doing this, they left their children alone, ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION, to enjoy a meal without them, ok, everyone needs time away from their children, but what makes it even less excusable is that it wasn't a one off, it was a silly thing to do, but her parents are paying for it, and I doubt they will ever get over their guilt. I know I wouldn't.

kamikayzed · 20/08/2007 10:25

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Hurlyburly · 20/08/2007 10:34

As you say MOT, there are many risks and as parents we have to make risk assessments all the time.

My personal feeling is that the McCanns' approach was unusual. Whilst the risk of abduction is statistically very low indeed, there are many other risks associated with leaving children alone. These include choking, waking up and wandering off looking for parents, fire etc. I was surprised by what they did and I don't personally know any parents who have done what they did.

It is very unfortunate for them though that their actions have had this awful consequence.

turquoisenights · 20/08/2007 10:56

if it happened to a single parent it would be awful.
i guess the remaining 2 children would be taken away.
nobody would accept any reasoning.

ELF1981 · 20/08/2007 12:54

stramash - I respect your opinion but I do have to post this.

I am NOT having a go at the McCann's, I pray they get their daughter back, I feel sorry for them, I really, really do. I have stated on other threads that one thing I wish people will take from this story is to not be lulled into a false sense of security when on holiday (people with children and those without).

What I object to is people saying that it could happen to anybody, and equating the risk of leaving children home alone, (in an unlocked apartment, next to a swimming pool, with half hour intervals between checkups), with the risk of driving a car, putting your bin out, leaving them at a day care centre in the UK etc. The risks are NOT the same and I am fed up with people telling me that it is. And for those who think it is, I do question your logic.

this does not mean that I do not hope with every fibre of my being that they get their daughter back.

ELF1981 · 20/08/2007 12:57

Expat, I totally agree with your post on Sun 19-Aug-07 20:34:05.

UCM · 20/08/2007 19:42

I wonder if anyone would do this again at a resort?

KerryMumbledore · 20/08/2007 19:44

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FioFio · 20/08/2007 19:45

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UCM · 20/08/2007 19:53

Perhaps they have weighed up the pros & cons and decided that this was a one in a million thing. It very probably was, sadly.

peanutbear · 20/08/2007 19:58

as a sty away from these threads person i will try to make no other comment than

They didnt ask the Nanny or the listening services of any kind to look after their children this service does have to be requested

FioFio · 20/08/2007 19:59

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LittleBellatrixLeBoot · 20/08/2007 20:12

Elf fair enough I agree with you, I don't think this particular incident could "happen to anyone", but acknowledging that the couple made the mother of all fuck-ups, is not the same as therefore taking the opportunity to castigate them for the mistake that they acknowledge they made (I'm not saying you have btw, but plenty of people have.)

And those people who are claiming that the McCann's are guilty of contributory negligence... well, word fail me. 25 years ago when a friend of mine got raped, the police told her that it was her own fault for being out late on her own. If she'd made a different choice, she wouldn't have been raped, you see. I fail to see how the argument that if the McCann's had made a different choice, they and their daughter wouldn't have been the victims of a crime, differs very much from that attitude.

ELF1981 · 20/08/2007 20:47

No problem LittleBellatrixLeBoot

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