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Why the Madeleine critics make me mad

336 replies

mumofteens · 18/08/2007 16:30

It makes me mad to still be hearing pompous, judgemental, illogical people criticising the parents of Madeleine about their decision to eat nearby while the children were in the room, and even going so far as to say that social services should be involved.

Here's why. If you have ever been to a Mark Warner resort you will know that there is (or used to be) a baby sitting service available whereby a nanny walks around the floors of the hotel while you dine in the restaurant somewhere else in the hotel. We have used this ourselves. Now, if someone was determined to abduct a child, they could walk into the hotel and take a child from the unlocked room while the nanny is walking on other floors, or is inside a room comforting a crying child. Like most hotels, people come and go without reception turning a hair. Security is usually incredibly lax in hotels and no-one knows who is staying there, who has come in just for a meal or drink and who is a friend of guests. Equally, someone could let themselves in/out of a downstairs window or back entrance if they did not want to walk past reception.

Are the critics suggesting that all the parents who have used such services should have their children taken away by social services?

Ditto with the baby listening services that people use in hotels when reception listen in for crying babies. A person of criminal intent could let themselves into the room, (assuming it had been left unlocked due to a fear of fire) and abduct a child.

You could be asleep in you house and someone could break in and take a baby/child while you were asleep. You could be sitting in the garden while you child was asleep in the house and the same thing could happen. Equally, in my experience, schools and hospitals are often extraordinarily lax about security with people coming and going. One of my daughters had to spend quite a bit of time in hospital and the staff were incredibly laissez-faire about security with hoards of people traipsing in and out of the ward day and night. Someone could easily have taken my child while I nipped off to the loo.

You could watch your child 24 hours a day and something bad could happen - a wierdo could grab them and hurt them etc. Someone was attacked in the park by a wierdo recently - if that had been a child, would the parents have been deemed neligent for allowing their children to walk (with them) in the park?

The point is - if someone is determined to snatch a baby/child, or do something horrible they will find a way to do it.

In terms of risk assessment, the most dangerous place for your child to be is near the road. Yet we all happily put our children in cars every day. Every single week children are killed in cars on the roads, driven by law-abiding, caring parents.

There is also a danger associated with babysitters. We used one for a stage who came highly recommended (she was a nanny at the creche at the prestigious Harbour Club in Chelsea). In fact, she was a criminal with a huge history of stealing. Another friend used one who again came with glowing references but who was in fact a serious drug-addict. I would rather have my children on their own in the house than locked up in a house with a drug addict/criminal.

There is also a danger of putting a child in a creche. One of mine was once badly attacked by another child and could have lost her eye. This would not have happened if she had not been in the creche.

See what I mean? There are risks associated with every single thing we do/don't do. In the context of the big bad world, the possibility of accidents and the reality that not all people looking after children are necessarily very responsible (and that other children can cause accidents), having the children sleeping nearby on their own might have seemed like the lesser of a number of evils.

Having said all that, I do not want to scare people. I do not think that there are bogeymen around every corner. We give our children quite a bit of freedom and do not worry. The main thing I worry about is road accidents as statistically this is by far the most dangerous place to be.

OP posts:
OonaghBhuna · 20/08/2007 20:57

I just feel as adults and parents it is our responsibilty to protect them. After seeing an ariel shot of the resort I was quite shocked to see how exposed the apartment was and that people hadnt exaggerated about the main road and swimming pool being so close by.Leaving three pre school children alone in an unlocked apartment is shocking I cant help the way I feel it actually upsets me to think that they were alone for four nights.
I think its sad that people probably take more care with material possessions, I doubt that anyone would deliberately leave passports, mobile phones, money, travellers cheques in an unlocked apartment, all of which can be replaced.

UCM · 20/08/2007 20:58

That was to Kerry btw.

Hurlyburly · 20/08/2007 21:08

The latest theory published in the Standard today, and perhaps other papers too, is that it was a burglary attempt that went wrong when little Madeleine woke up.

If you were there, as a parent, you would be able to protect them. Not being there leaves them more vulnerable. Isn't that the point people are making? Not wanting in any way to be sanctimonious.

contentiouscat · 20/08/2007 21:13

I would never leave my child alone in a room on holiday...If we are out then so are they, if they are tired we all go back, but I think their lives must be hell, I mean how do you live with no knowing where or child is or if they are alive - criticising them is just a really low thing to do and achieves nothing other than making ourselves look small & mean.

I do agree to a certain extent that had it been a single parent or someone of a less "professional" nature who had been her parents then their treatment would have been far more savage.

I was surprised by the Portugese police saying they were "never" suspects surely in an investigation of this nature,the people closest to her should have been suspects. Not saying for a moment that they did it but that avenue should have been investigated if the police were doing their job properly.

kentgirl73 · 20/08/2007 21:27

Just wish everyone would lay off them - their child is gone...where know one know - what would you be doing....

ELF1981 · 20/08/2007 21:33

I wouldn't be searching the internet to see what people thought of me, so I dont see why people should not talk about it.

expatinscotland · 20/08/2007 21:34

Elf raises some salient points here.

kentgirl73 · 20/08/2007 21:38

Freedom of speech, but it would be nice if everyone kept some thoughts to themselves

ELF1981 · 20/08/2007 21:46

If you disagree with how people post about the McCann's then do not open the threads, simple as.
Mumsnet is not censored and it is up to the user to chose what to read and not read. I dont think it is fair to say that everybody can have freedom of speech and post about blow jobs and whether their partners can dress their children in an acceptable manner, but not about a serious news event.
I personally was shocked at a thread before this all happened about how many people have left their young children alone, and if this makes one parent stop and think, I dont see what the issue is in discussing it. If it makes one parent think about their actual surroundings on holiday and not be blase because "we're on holiday and it seemed safe" then GOOD!

kentgirl73 · 20/08/2007 22:04

Totally agree with you about how this will ensure children arent left alone wherever they are and whoever they are with, but, after nearly 4 months of this terrible position they are in, isnt it time to stand with them and to continue to support them and leave the critics to rest....

expatinscotland · 20/08/2007 22:04

What one construes as an acceptable thought is a subjective thing.

expatinscotland · 20/08/2007 22:05

'isnt it time to stand with them and to continue to support them and leave the critics to rest.... '

For some, perhaps.

I don't see where disagreeing with them and their actions is the same as criticism.

kentgirl73 · 20/08/2007 22:06

Lets just agree to disagree!

expatinscotland · 20/08/2007 22:07

Fair enough, but we were discussing this long before you came along, in a fairly civilised fashion, so can we please get back to our discussion without you popping in to scold us for our thoughts at every post?

Hurlyburly · 20/08/2007 22:07

I agree with Expat.

kentgirl73 · 20/08/2007 22:10

Wasnt scolding, just putting my view across - and was being totally civilised!(

ELF1981 · 20/08/2007 22:15

In fairness though, it may be 4 months down the line but the McCann family are hardly pushing the media away, so it does leave them open to being discussed. Cant be like Posh and Becks - put everything out there but cry invasion of privacy when people criticise.

expatinscotland · 20/08/2007 22:15

Exactly, Elf.

kentgirl73 · 20/08/2007 22:19

Totally not like P nd B - they endorse the media for themselves, the mccanns didnt ask for this kind of circus and if could roll back the clock...I would do anything if I was in their situation too

SueW · 20/08/2007 22:21

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

ELF1981 · 20/08/2007 22:22

But they are using the media to their advantage. By being interviewed how ever many times a week, it keeps the story in the papers, often at the front page or at least in the front section before the reader is bored.

Yes, it is a terrible situation. Yes, they would give anything to turn the clocks back. Yes, they think they are doing the best thing by keeping this in the media and fresh in everybodies mind but unfortunately you cannot have it both ways.

Invite the media in and expose yourself in that way, and people will talk, because that is human nature unfortunately.

SueW · 20/08/2007 22:22

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

expatinscotland · 20/08/2007 22:22

And so hiring a PR rep isn't courting or that? Or travelling all over Europe and to N.America?

There are inconsistencies in their story, and I think these are sadly because it's a case of self-preservation on their part. Because that flat wasn't the 20 yards away that Gerry McCann said it was to Matt Lauder in America.

UCM · 20/08/2007 22:23

Put your thoughts & views here please because the minute MN says that it is banning talk of Madeliene, I am off. And I mean it. I don't want to talk about it, but I accept that lots of people do. Thats fine. If I don't want to click on the thread, that's fine too.

kentgirl73 · 20/08/2007 22:23

Maybe if it had happened in the UK, things would have been very different - makes you realise its not bad in UK

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