Tragic case of stressed mother leaving her child alone in car

[GiantSquirrelSpotter]

www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/worldnews.html?in_article_id=458063&in_page_id=1811

This is a dreadful case, but what I found quite heartening, is that the Belgian child protection authorities have not immediately bayed for the mother's blood; they've responded with compassion, not condemnation, acknowledging that tragic mistakes happen and forgetfulness does not equal lack of love.

I just wish the English could learn a bit about compassion in cases like this.

But I bet that poor woman, after reading about similar things in the papers etc, said 'I'd never do that' No-one sets out to 'forget' a child, but it is easy done...

oldwomanwholivedinashoe, in my experience when my memory has failed me, and it has, something will happen that will make me think "did i lock the back door?" etc. So i would have thought if she thought about baby, that might have triggered "I don't remember dropping him off" and start a chain of events.

For this not to happen the woman must have been under a level of stress, whether from work, home, whatever that does not bare thinking about.

No-one should be left in a situation that stress levels get so out of hand. There are probalbly alot of people who feel some level of responsiblity over the babies death. All asking, could i have been nicer, helped more etc.

Loving your job is not the problem, its great you have one you do. For me leaving my children to go back to work was not an option i wanted to take up. Don't get me wrong i am not with them 24hrs a day, they both started nursery at about 18months as i know i was not enough interation for a child.

not quite the same, but the other day, I locked up and went out in my car, DH turned to me and said 'did you lock the backdoor?' I questioned myself and then realised that I had not only not locked the back door but also left the dog running abut in the garden so we had to turn back.. dh was not impressed...

But stress levels are odten outside people's control. The biggest stress factor in our lives is something we can do absolutly nothing about (severely autistic eldest son). The stress isn't constant grinding down, it's flashpoints and constantly having to ask whether windows are locked, whether the front door is double bolted, before opening the front door knowing where he is, making sure that if we go out every child is ready and we have everything and someone is holding ds1's hand. A constant thought process of watching and trying to predict danger- of having to watch out for every danger. Add 2 other children, dh working 12 hours plus a day and me wroking part time and it's very difficult to find time to actually stop thinking, and it's that that makes me forgetful.

Who knows how many things this woman was juggling, how many things she was running through in her head. For whatever reason she forgot, not on purpose, not becauuse she's nasty because she made a mistake. And to say "oh I would never do that" without knowing anything at all about her life seems very arrogant to me. She could have been juggling stuff that would make your eyes water- you don't know.

but do you not find that often when it's a task you complete every single day you are actually completely unaware of doing it and therefore wouldn't realise you hadn't?

what i mean is she might well have thought of the baby but had so many memories of dropping him off that she honestly 'remembered' doing it.

also i can't remember who commented on not noticing the car seat but i'd like to point out that the car seat would probably have been in the car every day... no-one drops the seat off at the nursery unless someone else is collecting the baby, so she might have noticed the seat but there was nothing unusual in it being there so never thought for a second the baby could still be in it

normally yes but not when you're strung out and frazzled.

i've quite often tripped over dd because i was so flustered i didn't notice her standing right on my heels.

and she's a loud walking talking toddler

So are you saying that she did actually sense the child then KM?

Because there doesn't seem to be any hint of that in the report.

I forgot that dd2 was in my car the other day, I thought she was at school, it was a break from the norm for me, to have her in the car after the school run, so just forgot. I didn't sense her there, until I got out and she shouted at me.

oh and dd2 is 5!!

I can see me forgetting the new baby at times, as for 5 years I have had 3 kids, so to have another one will be very strange to begin with

If you have a backward facing car seat, I think it can happen. When my dd was younger and asleep in hers, I wasn't necessarily conscious of her in the car.

I feel dreadfully sorry for the whole family and it's awful that a mistake ended in tragedy. I've done some unbelievably stupid and forgetful things since I had children - could have happened to me and that makes me feel quite sick.

I haven't managed to read the whole thread but can't believe that earlier today someone has yet again managed to drag the McCanns into this - so unfair and totally unnecessary.

Apologies for bumping this up again - I hope it falls off active convos soon. I can't see what else can be said.

d'oh...... that's what we've been trying to say KM...... she was stressed out! more than i think you can possibly imagine by your posts

Oh god how awful

I once drove off without my dog from my parents and didn't notice for a while. Poor poor woman

Pink Tulips, we had a Britax First class and that was obviously permanently in the car, even in rearfacing position, so, that could have been teh kind of seat they had, and you would even be less likely to see a Baby in that if it was in the backseat rearfacing.
We were lucky we could have it in the front, but that isn't always an option even with that carrier kind of seat.

And totally agree, it's the things that I do every single day that I would most likely not realise if I hadn't done them...like I mentioned earlier...

Maybe no one saw the baby because they had tinted windows.

Our new car has, and I can't see into the back at all.

Just a thought.

good point WTH, hadn't thought of that.

i doubt everyone's as nosy as me peeking into cars they pass on the street anyway

Pinktulips has had stresses too. I have had stresses beyond believibly. But as parents we do make mistakes

you cant say taht kerrymum

dotn be so ridiculous or uppity