Tragic case of stressed mother leaving her child alone in car

[GiantSquirrelSpotter]

www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/worldnews.html?in_article_id=458063&in_page_id=1811

This is a dreadful case, but what I found quite heartening, is that the Belgian child protection authorities have not immediately bayed for the mother's blood; they've responded with compassion, not condemnation, acknowledging that tragic mistakes happen and forgetfulness does not equal lack of love.

I just wish the English could learn a bit about compassion in cases like this.

Not you Dr Notherner - but Kerrymum has been called names "so perfect" arrogant etc - it's kind of stopped being reasoned and started getting personal.

What a tradedy for ALL in this story. But what also makes me sad is how many of you seem to have to struggle and juggle.

I feel so lucky to be a working, but also stay at home mum.

Quattrocento, I told Fairymum her belief that she could never have this happen to her was arrogant and naive.

If you are going to lecture the rest of us from on high please get your facts straight first.

Well Naily, we are all very unlikely to ever say anything to this womans face.

I find it bizarre how she 'forgot' her child. It didn't all end well. He died. Because she forgot.

I am sure she will never forgive herself. Of course I do not wish to vilify her, but I am allowed to express my concerns and opinions.

northener, she could very well be reading this thread

anyway it doenst matter

god if anything like htis happened to me id be too scared to tell you lot

I am PMSL @ tennis lesson. FFS. Perhaps that'swhy some people don't understand about stress and juggling. Tennis lessons FFS.

Well if she is there is nothing for her to read that I'm sure she hasn't thought herself.

Knowing your child died and sufferred due to your own neglience is worse than a few woman discussing it on an internet chat board I'm sure.

I'm sure she is distraught, inconsolable and greiveing, that goes without saying.

She's in Belgium anyway so she's probably not on a British parenting site.

I forgot my second child several times in his first few months. I walked out the house with dd while he was sleeping upstairs. I just COMPLETELY forgot I had another child. It wasn't the only time either - although I do have a reputation for being a bit forgetful .

I can't see the point in discussing it really - I feel dreadfully sorry for the whole family and can easily see how it could happen. Poor woman - what a shame the nursery didn't call someone when she didn't turn up (I know they don't have to).

Quatrocento:
"The problem is that these two strands of thought are actually irreconcilable. The child-protection school wants to make sure all children are protected and think that the opposing school of thought are being lacksadaisical.

The opposing school of thought thinks that they are not lacksadaisical, that to say so is lacking in compassion and the woman has definitively been punished enough."

They are not irreconcilable at all. Of course we want all children to be protected, but you can't legislate against human nature. Yes, it was an extreme example. Yes, it was rare. Yes, every single parent should do their utmost to be responsible. But there is nothing at all you can do to stop this sort of thing happening occasionally. Being compassionate is not to make light of the fact that the woman made a terrible, dreadful, fatal mistake. Nobody is saying she didn't. But she was human. And we are all human.

Oldwomanwholivedinashoe, that's exactly the sort of thing. We can be so used to doing things in a certain way that a change of routine upsets the equilibrium temporarily but we soon revert back to normal circumstances.

i remeber when my first baby was born. dh kissed me goodbye and went off to work, i turned over in bed and started to doze.

there was this noise and it was really loud

"what is that fricking noise?" i thought. god, it ws such an irritating noise and really loud

it was my baby crying for a feed

took ages for it to dawn on me

i felt guilty for s o long but too embarrassed to tell anyone

I think the thing about this is that she forgot for sooooo long, iyswim. All the things people are describing are so temporary that no harm is done. To drive all the way to work and then work all day and then all the way back to nursery without realising is really bizarre don't you think?

I mean, I don't really know what went on - it's just really strange for it to not dawn on someone before it did here. That mother is going through something that 99.9% have not experienced surely (to forget I mean).

She may have been depressed.

yeah GDG, but all she forgot was to drop the baby off. Once she'd forgotten that step, she went through the day as normal iyswim. The car seat was facing backwards so she couldn't necessarily see him from her position.

anyway, who really knows I suppose.

Sure. I mean, most people would remember even if it was once they pulled up at work wouldn't they. Was the baby not making any sort of noise in the car at all - even when they sleep they snuffle don't they?

I know fox - but wouldn't you even walk into work and at some point in that day the baby would come to mind and you'd think 'shit, I don't remember stopping at nursery'. Do you know what I mean?

Obviously she didn't, I know, but that's serious forgetfulness. I don't know. I just don't know..

I can understand that people find it strange that she should not have realised for the whole day. But that doesn't mean that it wasn't a genuine mistake. If you are totally convinced that you've done something, there's no reason for you to suddenly realise quickly that you didn't do it.

Agree GDG- she must have been very stressed/depressed/ to forget for so long.

But to be able to do certain jobs you have to be able to compartmentalise your life. That's why I don't find it odd.
And if you have a mad day at work with things coming at you from all directions so much that you even forget about your own needs (I'm sure I'm not the only one who has forgotten to have lunch or take medication I'm supposed to be taking) it's not hard to get through the whole day without giving a thought to your children.

Perhaps this is about two distinct things happening - forgetting the child in the first place, and having a mad day which stops you remembering.
Consequences here were only tragic because of these two things coming together, but I'm sure a fair number of people have experienced either momentary lapses or completely madly busy days.

"That's assuming everyone on here is a) British and b) in the UK - no evidence for that one."

No it's not - we all know there are lots of British expats/overseas people on MN. Just, fewer than British people so the odds are correspondingly reduced. I said probably.

yes, I see what you're saying GDG. It said in the article that she was 'stressed'.