Tragic case of stressed mother leaving her child alone in car

[GiantSquirrelSpotter]

www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/worldnews.html?in_article_id=458063&in_page_id=1811

This is a dreadful case, but what I found quite heartening, is that the Belgian child protection authorities have not immediately bayed for the mother's blood; they've responded with compassion, not condemnation, acknowledging that tragic mistakes happen and forgetfulness does not equal lack of love.

I just wish the English could learn a bit about compassion in cases like this.

3 children, 3 diiferent schools (with different term times and different drop off/pick up times) 4 people who work for us helping us out plus childminder/respite plus work. It's not that difficult to lose track of who should be where when there's an awfully long list of different items on each day's agenda.

Well I feel Kerrymum needs a bit of support here. Forgetting about your child for 8 hours which inturns leads to their death is not the norm is it? And by saying that is not her saying she's perfect.

It's not one of those 'It could happen to anyone' Because, frankly no, it would not happen to me.

It's beyond comprehension to me.

I really dont see how she could forget about her baby for 8 hours! thats awful!

and before it all starts - no, I'm not perfect - yes ill forget to pack a bottle sometimes when i leave or forget to change a nappy before bed or something but theres no way i could forget my child wasnt dropped off at nursery and leave him in the car for the whole day!

bizzare, and utterly, utterly tragic.

poor baby.

Kerrymum, what's your point? I imagine the mother is finding it very hard to live with herself. Who knows, she may not, she may kill herself from despair. Are you suggesting she is living with herself?

I echo Northener's post.

Last time I stayed in LA there was a similar story in the paper about a man who'd forgotten about his toddler in the car while he went to work.

In that case, it was put down to a recognised psychological phenomenon. The father's usual morning routine had been disturbed but then his autopilot took over, making him think his ds was safe and sound at nursery when in fact he was still in the car.

Maybe this woman's routine had been upset by something which put her out of kilter for a while but then she returned to autopilot, with tragic consequences.

And anyway, what is the point of saying, "That would never happen to me"? Well bully for you. We're not talking about you, we're talking about the woman who it did happen to, and I think it is rather insensitive to say "That would never happen to me."

agree with Northerner.
How sad that no one was passing by too and didn't hear the baby screaming
I can understand leaving the baby in the car for an hour and forgetting, or maybe until coffee break, but all day? Not even in her lnch break? It is a very odd thing to have done imo

I have 3 children and I work fulltime. Yes, it's a juggling act. There is a difference between forgetting that your child has tennis lessons after school to forgetting that you didn't hand your baby into nursery. I sometimes get stressed, but I make bloody sure it does not affect my children. I have never even forgotten to send a packed lunch with them. Why should my children starve at school all day just because I have an important meeting. I simply do not accept this "oooh we are so busy, so eay to forget we have kids"

if this was your friend would you say this to her face?

or would you have some compassion for her?

But the point is she forgot to drop him off and consequently didn't realise he was still in the car - it was a momentary mistake.
And I don't know who has jobs where they are thinking about their children all day - lots of jobs (mine included) tend to need your full attention for most of the day.

I think people who are confident they could never do that are implying they never make such momentary lapses. You might not be able to imagine making this mistake but maybe this poor woman also wasn't expecting to forget her child.

Whoever said 'there but for the grace of God...' lower down this thread has it right.

I HONESTLY dont see how she could get out of the car without noticing him there,

and then she drove to the nursery without noticing he was dead in the back??

just seems utterly bizarre

Kerrymum - I hardly thinnk it's been a witch hunt or anyone reading riot act on you. You posted some links that a lot of people didn't really need to think about so people posted in response to the strength of your posts. I don't think you've been flamed tbh but I'm sorry if you feel that way, personally it was never my intention to make anyone feel 'got at'.

I know what you mean sudo. im a really organised together person and nerver forgot things but after I went back to work after baby 2 we moved house. one night I drove to my old house and tried to get in. I only realised when new owner found me struggling with lock.

Lucy not everyone has lunch breaks or coffee breaks.
And many, many working women who do have breaks have to spend them shopping or on the phone sorting out appointments etc for the children.

jesus, i cant remember the last time i got lunch break at work

kerry, why do you feel liek this si a wtich hunt?

i am responding to your posts thats all, i cant sit back and read critisism of a woman whose child has died, sorry. she isnt here to defend herself after all

Of course I wouldn't say it to a friend of mine if it was her, that would be the last thing she needed. Plus family and baby's Dad would probably be rather unsymapathetic too.

I would not expect any sympathy off my dh either if I had forgotten about my ds and this had killed him. Would you?!

If baby had been left with a childminder and this had happenned I'm sure she would be prosecuted, and she'd certainly never work again.

Just an idea to contribute -

One school of thought is how did she do that, it is appalling, it seems incredible. Rather like the McCanns leaving their children in the apartment.

The opposing school of thought is that this is dreadful - we have all had to rush and juggle - there but for the grace of god - let's show some compassion.

The problem is that these two strands of thought are actually irreconcilable. The child-protection school wants to make sure all children are protected and think that the opposing school of thought are being lacksadaisical.

The opposing school of thought thinks that they are not lacksadaisical, that to say so is lacking in compassion and the woman has definitively been punished enough.

You've all become entrenched. This discussion has already degenerated into argument and name-calling.
Would it not be a good idea to stop now? There is actually a thread that boycotts these sort of discussions because they inevitably get out of hand.

Err, who is calling people names?

Kathy - that's my point though. If you were shopping in your lunch hour something might click in your mind as you bought something for the baby. Ditto making appointments.
I work too, and don't always get breaks.

nailpolish - we're not all criticising, we're discussing. This s a forum after all, and obviouosy will have comments on it we would never say to a person who had been in the same situation. We all post things on here we would never say all the time.

well i dont
i dont post things i would never say to someones face
that is 2 faced

call me boring

am I the only one that wishes this would drop out of active convos???

how can you all analyse this?