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i'm a bit confused, so don't berate me...

1118 replies

mylittleimps · 20/05/2007 10:39

before all the usual crowd start slagging me off this is just my personal opinion and i am entitled to express how i feel. if you dont like it i dont care as i will not be telling any of you how to live your lives. I've read the very long thread and i'm confused, mainly about attitude in the UK, i've grown up thinking it's not acceptable to leave a young child alone and hence i would not be going on holiday and leaving my children alone. (and people i talk to in my town feel as i do) I cannot relate to it and got annoyed when a colleague of maddy's father said it's a situation every parent can relate to (what leaving your children out of view for an hour just so you can go and do something that could have been done in your apartment on the otherside of door to the rooms your children are sleeping). I find it hard to empathise with the parents (but saying that i recognise it is the most dreadful position to be in, not knowing who has your child/or where your child is), my heart however goes out to the little girl and i pray and hope that she comes out of this fine.
I don't understand why the press have made the practise of leaving toddlers alone acceptable - especially when there was a babysitting service. i don't understand why the family and friends of the parents just can't show a bit of humility (i only hear: "why isn't more being done", "why aren't the police doing more", "it's all very fine what the police are doing but it's not getting maddy back" and the colleague's statement above). if there had been a bit more gratitude being shown to the support they are getting rather than it's a done deal that they should be getting it i would feel more inclined to have some feelings for the parents. BUT why am i such a cold hearted cow and taking the enormous risk of posting this on MN? because of the facts (i'm not apportioning blame, I'm just stating the facts which make it difficult for me personally to have sympathy to their situation) - there was a babysitting service and it wasn't used, they chose to go out to dinner and not eat on the balcony, they earn extremely well and did not employ a nanny to take on holiday with them ,anything could have happended in half an hour/an hour between checks WITHIN the apartment (drowning,electricution,fire hitting head, 4 year olds are very independant and she might have woken and thought she'd go find mummy/daddy) the exit doors could not be seen from the restuarant. This is not the case that they turned their back for a second in a busy area and she was snatched, nor that they were also sleeping when it happened, that they did have a babysitter and it happened then.
in whatever situation a child is taken the perptrator is the worst kind of evil and it gives me great hope that there are good people out there that just want to help in whatever way they can (although i do worry about those that want to but cant really afford to and we are not talking about a poor family needing help are we)
i just get annoyed at the fact that they APPEAR to be seeing that they are entitled to all of this, when they should be showing they are extremely lucky to have such a caring and thoughful home nation.

when nothing happens to the child the mother/family get lynched in the press for what might happen when leaving their child home alone, if something does happen ,like the child going missing, the parents are vindicated from responsibility. like i said i'm confused.

OP posts:
Carmenere · 20/05/2007 18:09

But you are not remaining impartial, you have put blame on the parents already. You are holding them responsible for the actions of a nutter. Every day we all make risk assesments, they fucked up massively, they get to live with it for the rest of their lives and you can feel no compassion for them? Your spirit is so mean that you can't empathise with a parent who has to live with the fact that their child may well be being tortured because they made a mistake? You don't have it in your heart?
What does that say about you?

bobbysmum07 · 20/05/2007 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Malaleche · 20/05/2007 18:11

What really confuses me is why there were no bars on the window? In Spain it would be unthinkable not to have bars on a ground floor apartment windows, some first floors even have them.

Tortington · 20/05/2007 18:11

what a nasty horrible thing to say

blueshoes · 20/05/2007 18:11

Impartial? Clearly, bmum, you are being the self-annointed judge.

The rest of us reserve judgment, out of compassion.

Carmenere · 20/05/2007 18:11

Ok you are a troll.

unknownrebelbang · 20/05/2007 18:11

That's a vile thing to say.

minorityrules · 20/05/2007 18:12

MAking a decision to leave little ones alone, in an umlocked apartment while you go 100 metres away and only check on them every 30-60 mins is not an accident

Saying we put children at risk is completely different. We make things as safe as possible but bad things happen. These people did as little as possible to ensure those children were safe

Would everyone still be fawning over this family if it was proven that the child wandered off and drowned in a pool or was hit by a car? I doubt it very much. They would have been berating them for being stupid

She was abducted (if that is the case) by someone given the best possible opportunity. They gave the pervert the chance to do it.

Saturn74 · 20/05/2007 18:12

Oh, enough already.
You are a wind-up merchant.
Go and play somewhere else.

fireflyfairy2 · 20/05/2007 18:13

Oh bobby, you are a fucker. And I don't swear much.

You have a fuckin swinging brick instead of a heart.

Fuck away off, will you. Go somewhere that your stupid inane comments will be appreciated.. twat!

dinosaur · 20/05/2007 18:13

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

DANCESwithnewlytannedlegs · 20/05/2007 18:13

I've seen lots of nasty things on mumsnet but bobby's mum....congrats...that's the worst I've seen for a long time...

LongDistanceClara · 20/05/2007 18:15

They have two other children to look after - they can't give in totally to the incredible grief and fear they must be feeling, for their sake.

Tortington · 20/05/2007 18:15

i would 'fawn' becuase i am not perfect all the time, there are loads of times my children could have come to harm. like the night my ds woke up stood on the gas box and went to his older brothers school at 3am.

so for the grace of god. and i wish you some grace.

rattleskuttle · 20/05/2007 18:15

first time i've posted on this subject

not understanding shows a lack of empathy and stupidity. the parents probably were wrong to leave their children alone. BUT, as someone who has grown up children i can tell you that we will all make errors of judgement over our children's care. it is called being human.

DANCESwithnewlytannedlegs · 20/05/2007 18:17

'They gave the pervert the chance to do it'

I'm sure someone linked a while ago to an interview with a convicted paedophile who said when asked how a parent could keep their child safe from him something like 'well they could strap their child to them but otherwise there is no way'

Even if OP or minority or bm are trolls why the feck would you on this topic? Very, very sad and poss. a bit disturbed.

mommajools · 20/05/2007 18:18

Why some people are so upset about the kids being left was the distance from the apartment to the centre of the resort. The holiday village is within a real village - the resort - tennis courts restaurant, kids club and reception are together with all the apartments spread outside .
Maybe this article will explain it better

fireflyfairy2 · 20/05/2007 18:21

My sister and her dh were in the livingroom one night with a friend.

The friend and my sis went to the shop for bread.

My nephew (9 at the time) looked out his bedroom window and saw 2 people leaving in the car.

he jumped to the conclusion that it was his parents (not having seen the friend arrive) and he got out of bed, went out the back door in the dark and rain and went half a mile across a field to the nearest neighbour, saying he had been left alone with his brother and sister.

When the neighbour brought him back they found my BIL in the livingroom watching tv, totally oblivious to the fact that his son had been out for ages in the dark.

So that goes to show that these things can happen whether you are in the same house or not!

mylittleimps · 20/05/2007 18:34

but the point is your nephew wasn't at home alone and he still left obvilious to the sitter being there (he was a bit older too ) these things happen when you make arrangments so why is it a surprise when it happens when they/you don't make arrangments.

i still would like to know how long can you be out of sight and earshot of your (pre-school)children before it becomes unacceptable?

OP posts:
CODalmighty · 20/05/2007 18:35

does htis thread make you feel smugger in your parenting?

mylittleimps · 20/05/2007 18:37

oh please, no, parenting is very hard work and i have a good few years still to cock up if i haven't done so already, all i can say is i would never ever leave them alone and go off to dinner, next door or down the road. i still don't understand how that is acceptable by anyone

OP posts:
lulumama · 20/05/2007 18:37

parpity parp parp parp

bobbysmum,.,this thread is clearly the most exciting thing that has ever happened to you

stop calling everyone a lunatic, and look at your own disgusting, insulting, and downright nasty behaviour first

lulumama · 20/05/2007 18:39

i;ve never left my children unattended, here or abroad

BUT

i don;t judge anyone else who has

that is the difference between me and you

mylittleimps · 20/05/2007 18:39

instead of being rude to anyone who disagrees with your point of view, be constructive and answer the question that no-one will (please) how long can you be out of sight and earshot of your (pre-school)children before it becomes unacceptable?

OP posts:
CODalmighty · 20/05/2007 18:40

we are bored of discussing this fo the last fortnight

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