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i'm a bit confused, so don't berate me...

1118 replies

mylittleimps · 20/05/2007 10:39

before all the usual crowd start slagging me off this is just my personal opinion and i am entitled to express how i feel. if you dont like it i dont care as i will not be telling any of you how to live your lives. I've read the very long thread and i'm confused, mainly about attitude in the UK, i've grown up thinking it's not acceptable to leave a young child alone and hence i would not be going on holiday and leaving my children alone. (and people i talk to in my town feel as i do) I cannot relate to it and got annoyed when a colleague of maddy's father said it's a situation every parent can relate to (what leaving your children out of view for an hour just so you can go and do something that could have been done in your apartment on the otherside of door to the rooms your children are sleeping). I find it hard to empathise with the parents (but saying that i recognise it is the most dreadful position to be in, not knowing who has your child/or where your child is), my heart however goes out to the little girl and i pray and hope that she comes out of this fine.
I don't understand why the press have made the practise of leaving toddlers alone acceptable - especially when there was a babysitting service. i don't understand why the family and friends of the parents just can't show a bit of humility (i only hear: "why isn't more being done", "why aren't the police doing more", "it's all very fine what the police are doing but it's not getting maddy back" and the colleague's statement above). if there had been a bit more gratitude being shown to the support they are getting rather than it's a done deal that they should be getting it i would feel more inclined to have some feelings for the parents. BUT why am i such a cold hearted cow and taking the enormous risk of posting this on MN? because of the facts (i'm not apportioning blame, I'm just stating the facts which make it difficult for me personally to have sympathy to their situation) - there was a babysitting service and it wasn't used, they chose to go out to dinner and not eat on the balcony, they earn extremely well and did not employ a nanny to take on holiday with them ,anything could have happended in half an hour/an hour between checks WITHIN the apartment (drowning,electricution,fire hitting head, 4 year olds are very independant and she might have woken and thought she'd go find mummy/daddy) the exit doors could not be seen from the restuarant. This is not the case that they turned their back for a second in a busy area and she was snatched, nor that they were also sleeping when it happened, that they did have a babysitter and it happened then.
in whatever situation a child is taken the perptrator is the worst kind of evil and it gives me great hope that there are good people out there that just want to help in whatever way they can (although i do worry about those that want to but cant really afford to and we are not talking about a poor family needing help are we)
i just get annoyed at the fact that they APPEAR to be seeing that they are entitled to all of this, when they should be showing they are extremely lucky to have such a caring and thoughful home nation.

when nothing happens to the child the mother/family get lynched in the press for what might happen when leaving their child home alone, if something does happen ,like the child going missing, the parents are vindicated from responsibility. like i said i'm confused.

OP posts:
fortyplus · 20/05/2007 13:49

If they don't get Madeleine back safely then the poor family will spend the rest of their lives agonising over the fact that they could have paid 8 Euros an hour for a babysitter.

Not forgetting that they probably became the targets for this because they were following the same pattern every evening - I don't know that, I'm just speculating.

I wouldn't have left my child under those circumstances, but I certainly wouldn't criticise them for their choice.

No one should have to bear the pain that they must be going through at the moment.

lulumama · 20/05/2007 13:49

me too

agree wholeheartedly with Xenia

fortyplus · 20/05/2007 13:51

Agree - they didn't do anything wrong. They made a choice that some of us would share whilst others wouldn't.

Every parent has to make these judgements on behalf of their children.

AitchTwoOh · 20/05/2007 13:51

lol xenia. i fear that she was not confused at all, just wanting a wee moment in the sun...

let the talk of who would do what and how commence when the child is found, mylittleimp - until then you're really only putting the boot in. personally i think that no parent who has heard this story will be using a listening service again as even if they'd had it they likely wouldn't have heard anything. so if you really are worried for other children in the future then i think that message ahs been put across loud and clear.

Saturn74 · 20/05/2007 13:51

Another smug thread on this topic.

Re "i just get annoyed at the fact that they APPEAR to be seeing that they are entitled to all of this, when they should be showing they are extremely lucky to have such a caring and thoughful home nation".

You don't sound confused to me!

And yes, you're entitled to your opinion, blah, blah, blah, but just because you can say something doesn't mean you should.

hercules1 · 20/05/2007 13:52

I make choices all the itme for my kids that others wouldnt and vice versa. Means zilch. Nobody deserves this to happen.

beansprout · 20/05/2007 13:54

It's the misguided notion long beloved of teenagers that they "have the right" to say what they want, when they want.

Part of being an adult is learning that this is not quite the case and that, say, not slagging off people who find themselves in more pain that most of us could possibly imagine, is actually quite a good thing.

Now go and clean that toilet.

Spidermama · 20/05/2007 13:55

I think some people just HAVE to apportion blame in order to make sense of it. I would suggest things are black and white for the OP, and let's face it she's not alone.

It's deeply disturbing that anyone can feel anger and blame towards a couple who've had this happen to them Astonishment even.

Life is full of risks. Different people take different risks.

mylittleimps I could only ever feel the contempt you clearly feel for the McCanns if they had actually handed their dd over to a paedophile ring because they couldn't be arsed to find a babysitter.

SuperSleuth · 20/05/2007 13:59

ditto spidermama and well done Xenia.

I dont especially like the shield of "im confused - please dont hurt me".

DANCESwithnewlytannedlegs · 20/05/2007 13:59

FGS I have steered well clear of these threads but didn't realise this was one as obviously it's not indicated in the title.

So many of us out here are wondering if we would have done the same on holiday. My dh told me he'd read in one of the papers that your child is 20 times more likely to be struck by lightening than abducted. NO-ONE rich or poor would think this was going to happen to them. Hindsight is a bloody marvellous thing isn't it. I can't believe someone would post that the McGann's aren't grateful enough, words failed me. THEIR CHILD HAS BEEN TAKEN. That's it. Someone has ripped the heart out of their family. They deserve every sympathy they get and more.

If someone's child pulled away from their hold and ran into the road and was killed would we be on here saying, well they should have held on tighter...of course not. We all make judgement calls all the time and 99%of the time all is well. Obviously in this case it wasn't but that doesn't mean they don't deserve our compassion.
Honestly your post has sickened me.

Spidermama · 20/05/2007 14:06

Well said. Absolutely.

lulumama · 20/05/2007 14:09

wonder if the OP is going to come back and acknowledge the clarification she has had?

as Humphrey said, just because you are allowed to say something, doesn; mean you should

part of being empathetic, being an adult, being compassionate

is keeping some thoughts to yourself

WideWebWitch · 20/05/2007 14:11

I don;t think you are 'confused' and you can't tell people not to berate you, it's a public forum.

And your OP is too much of an effort to read but I get the gist. Unfortunately.

TheArmadillo · 20/05/2007 14:20

why couldn't you have posted this on one of the other threads?

YOu are allowed to express your own personal opinion and so are those who disagree with you.

blueshoes · 20/05/2007 15:04

They ARE entitled to all of this. End of. If you are jealous (or confused), feel free to walk in their shoes.

mylittleimps · 20/05/2007 17:30

just asking the questions so didn't feel the need to reply but reading this frankly it's quite amusing that some of you get the total hump with people who are putting a different point of view down and you feel the need to crucify them, call them opinionated and say that they haven't any compassion!!! not really very compassionate but very opinionated perhaps we should do a thread on hypocracy.

i still don't understand - how long can you be out of sight and earshot of your children before it becomes unacceptable?

argue all you want Xenia there is no way being 200yds away is the same as being in the same building where you can hear everything that is going on. I take great comfort that most people don't agree with you on all your other posts and so when you get support for this one there's not a lot in it - you're still way off the mark on what is neglect. have you ever done a Child Protection Course?

yes they made their choice and are paying for it - all my sympathy and thoughts are with their daughter not the selfish act that caused it. i still don't understand why people say their actions were acceptable. if the place had burnt down would they be getting the same coverage i doubt it. but same cause.

OP posts:
Carmenere · 20/05/2007 17:37

OMG you are a nasty piece of work, the smugness and bitterness from your posts are thoroughly unattractive.

FrannyandZooey · 20/05/2007 17:41

You find this amusing?

If you don't want people to comment and give their honest reactions to your post, then I suggest next time you keep your opinions to yourself rather than posting them on a public forum.

Taylormama · 20/05/2007 17:41

it is spelt hypocrisy - and perhaps that makes me patronising but better that the smugness radiating from your post

mylittleimps · 20/05/2007 17:42

I'm so pleased that's come from such a kind, warm hearted and tolerant soul.

i must be so very nasty that i find it hard to understand how anyone can leave their children alone coupled with the fact that i am confused why the media are making out this is acceptable practice - who's that helping, adults or children going forward?

so please enlighten me how long can you be out of sight and earshot of your children before it becomes unacceptable?

OP posts:
Carmenere · 20/05/2007 17:43

Just because I wouldn't do it doesn't mean I can't have empathy for the poor bastards who did.

mylittleimps · 20/05/2007 17:43

thanks for the spelling check, i'm dyslexic

OP posts:
minorityrules · 20/05/2007 17:44

I'm with the OP. How dare they put three precious babies at risk of any harm just to go to dinner.

They are well paid and but are too tight and selfish to get in someone to keep them safe or forgo their metime

That poor baby is suffering/has suffered more than any child on this earth should have. They have got people giving them money

They will pay forever over their stupidity

It can never be right to leave children alone in a buliding and those that do it, shame on you. Dogs are treated better by some people

If they had been young/poor/ethnic they would have been slated but because they are 'middleclass' it's ok

I hope they find that angel and then get those poor examples of parents prosecuted for neglect

Taylormama · 20/05/2007 17:44

you don't sound confused - you sound pretty certain in your views
The Mcanns are no showing enough humility
the people in your home town feel the same as you
you have no feelings for the parents

yep - you sound pretty certain of yourself

Carmenere · 20/05/2007 17:45

SIGH

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