A thread to discuss DEVELOPMENTS regarding Maddie McCann

[jampot]

We can discuss parenting styles in a few weeks

good post jampots

Is she still missing? Was it Thursday night she went missing? Gosh, that's a good few days.

yes GDG

ah, but you see jampots, discussing it in order to stop us ever feeling the way the mccanns are now (i.e. would i have left my child alone in a hotel room?) was deemed judgemental (even though it wasn't imo). as i recall it made some of MN's queasier posters nauseous again...

i dont agree aitchtwooh - one doesnt have to be judgmental to discuss it.

and being as though you were being picky about my choice of Madeline's name can I point out my name is Jampot NOT Jampots - thank you

There has been endless discussion on the details of this case. It is human nature to discuss current events. Most people will try and identify with a current news situation by relating it to their own personal arena - be it friends, family, work, whatever. This is why there have been many 'I would, wouldnt' comments. I dont believe most comments have been maliciously intended but they have been as a result of people trying to express their feelings and to put them into their own context. Obviously some have been offensive (why would people cut & paste their own posts??) but IMO they are best ignored at the moment.

To discuss this type of situation is important as it will allow people to 'hopefully' be more aware of the society we live in, it may also aid people in their own understanding of how they feel about the situation.

I, personally, have been affected by this story more than many others in recent times. I've been trying to work out why. I think that it is because I have a daughter the same age. For example, before I had children I didnt really pay much attention to these types of stories other than to superficially think 'oh, that is terrible!' Does that make me a bad person? Possibly, but I cant change that now. Does it make me a bad person to want to know any developments on this case? Possibly, but I do anyway. I pray this little girl is safe. Once a story like this comes out into the public arena then one hopes it sees a positive conclusion.

But it is a story in the news at the moment and so most people will have some kind of opinion on it. MN is a forum where people share opinions, about parenting, about current events, and this covers both.

I dont think we need to see pictures of the family going to church but that is the media for you, and another discuission. I think if it keeps the story on the front page, and helps catch whoever has taken this little girl then it has to be a good thing.

Anyone who feels "uncomfortable" watching people discuss the news should obviously not be hanging out here, in the "In The News" part of MN. FFS.

As I said last night, I think people feel compelled to post about this because talking about it helps them make sense of something that none of us can understand i.e the reason why someone would do this.

I think all the disagreements stem from the same feeling of needing to believe this could never happen to us, that it's so rare that we don't need to add it to our long list of parental worries.

My view is that those posters who have felt the need to post incredulity at the parents actions are just subconciously reassuring themselves that such a thing could not happen to them as they would never do this.

Yes, this is a public forum but intelligent debate does not cease to be so just because it makes room for compassion. Lets remember that everyone, other than the bastard who took her, wants the same ending here.

I think its interesting to see how this story has been covered in the press as well as MN. Noone is allowed to talk about how the parents possibly should not have left such small children by themselves. I can't help its because of who they are. They are a nice very middle-class family and doctors In fact the type of people who are more used to telling us how to treat our children...I think if these were people from a more deprived background I could see headlines like "little girl left alone by parents drinking in bar" etc. Oh yes, I think the spin on it would be quiet different.
It's not that long ago I remember people calling me both neglectful and threatening SS because I admitted to sometimes leaving my 7 year-old DD alone in the house. All of a sudden its completely normal to leave 3 toddlers alone sleeping?

I think analysis of how this tragic abduction came about will be covered in the media when (hopefully) Madeleine is found.

Yes, but FM, if you'd come on here and posted that having left your 7yr old alone, she was then abducted, you would have got a very different response. MNetters would have been falling over themselves to offer you comfort and support. They would have tried to ease your guilt by telling you it wasn't your fault (even if they thought otherwise). Compassion would have reigned over recriminations.

Discussion and disagreement over theoretical parenting issues and choices (should)give way to empathy and sympathy when appropriate.

Excellent post, homemama.

I'm just sure that nobody could possibly make them feel any worse than they must already be feeling

Yes you are right HM. The British press is normally so sensitive I think it has got a lot to do with the photo released of the family where they dont look like the types to let their kids drink fruitshoots.

I think people tend to discuss the should have/should not aspects of something like this because by saying well if x,y,z was done, then psychologically, they are justifying why it wouldn't happen to them...I think its an instinctive protective mechanism - people in Beruit used to do it at the height of the war there - oh well, if he hadn't gone to the market at 1pm, then he wouldn't have got caught in gun fire - everyone knows the market is a no go zone at 1pm etc.....pyschological coping imo.

However, the fact remains that no matter what people are saying, the hell that these parents are going through is enough without media comments or judgements from other people. By all means have an opinion on what course of action they should have taken, but to voice it so heatedly like it has been on these threads, is really not in the spirit of mumsnet.

We all do parenting our own way -I let DS into the kitchen a few weeks ago and unbeknownst to me, there was a small tea glass at the back of my built in spice rack. I let him play with the spice rack thinking he would be ok and the next thing, he had grabbed the glass, it broke, he cut his finger (not seriously thank God) and we had to take him to hospital to check for glass in the wound etc.....I shouldn't have let him in the kitchen, I should have checked the spice rack first, but believe me, the guilt I felt at his little face red with tears and his babygro covered with blood was more than enough - the last thing you need when you are feeling like that is judgement, however wellmeaning it is intentioned.

I pray she is found safely very soon but I think we need to quit with all the nit picking over it - especially people getting sarky over name spelling, cut and pasting etc and lets just send positive vibes out that she is found safe and well

I didn't want to touch this thread agian, but I just want to beg you all to please be supportive of these parents as they go through this dreadful time.

www.functionpix.com/index.php/article/Police_Arrest_Portugal_Child_Abductor/1376/

I've just seen this website in the news section of Google and am confused as this development hasn't been on BBCNews24. Has anyone else heard about this? Praying she's OK ..

heres link

Strange - they said he was arrested 6am local time . Would have thought BBC woudld have picked up on it by now .

Strange it's not being reported elsewhere.

Lets hope it's correcyt and they rae on their way to finding her.

Oh god I hope its true and they are closer to the poor little girl.

agree with fairymum and also all other posters since

such a terrible case, lets hope she is found very soon

Surely it would also have appeared on other sites too by now, supposedly 12 hours on? It seems strange to just have one solitary reporting on the whole of the internet.

The BBC dont report on something until it has been throughly checked.
As a result they are usually last to report on such things.

Its been nearly 12 hours since the arrest , surely the BBc would have checked it out by now ? Anyway wouldn't it have been on Sky News ?