Genieva, don't you think that if there was a workable solution someone would have suggested it by now? It's not people getting high and mighty, it's people pointing out legal and practical reasons why the simple solutions cannot work. And the more the British government ignore this issue (the NI border) or try to blame it on other people, the more it seems obvious that they don't have a fecking clue what they are going to do.
Expecting Ireland and the EU to say "ok, you don't know what to do, never mind, we won't make you decide, we'll move on happily to discuss what you do want" is, in my opinion, very entitled behaviour by the British government. When they decided to leave they knew borders would have to be dealt with before trade; they should deal with them, make decisions, piss people off if they have to (Ulster Unionists, the EU, Ireland, whoever) and then pay the price for that pissing off (losing UU support, having to hold another general election, getting a worse trade deal, whatever the consequence may be).
I agree referenda can be great as long as they are used to decide the issues they are about. Sadly, often and in many countries, a lot of voters use them as a sort of "protest vote" along the lines of "the government want me to vote this way on X issue, I hate the government because of Y and Z issues, therefore I will vote against them on this" which gives skewed results. A lot of the time it's not significant, but sometimes it is.