I'm Jack Monroe. Ask me anything.

[MxJackMonroe]

Hi Mumsnet.

It seems every time I am in the news, a MN thread about all things transgender crops up. I didn't see the last one (yesterday?) as I don't come on here very often these days - people who eavesdrop etc etc. I was cooking in a tent in a muddy field all day, having a ball, not googling myself on the internet!

The thread was deleted - which was nothing to do with me, nor my lawyer. The day I call him about a MN thread is the day I pack everything in for good. So far only the Mail and Hopkins have had legal action taken against them, and both for quite serious statements. I'm not rich enough nor quite bothered enough to call him every time someone says mean words on the internets.

ANYWAY. Threads about me tend to get deleted. So here's a new one. Because there are clearly some questions that keep coming up, criticisms that I could answer, speculation I could clarify and untruths that could do with correction.

So I'm taking questions. I'm an adult and I take an awful lot of criticism and unkindness online, on the chin. I am pretty mentally stable right now, and feel this could be a constructive discussion.

In order to stop this descending into pandemonium, using general 'chair' rules, to start with I'll take one question from each user - if it's quiet and everything gets answered, feel free to add follow up questions.

It doesn't have to be about boobs, dresses, hormones. Literally ask me anything.

MN - please don't delete this thread. I think people have valid things to say and I'm here with my big girl/boy pants on to hear them.

Over to you.

"Seek I thought Julia was bang out of order for labelling every transwoman as a rapist in disguise on national television."

If you are going to try to attribute a smear to someone, it doesn't help if people can refer to the source video and see it is plainly untrue.

If you had just said everything happened in the Green Room, nobody would have been any the wiser as to the veracity of the event. Not a tip on how to successfully misrepresent someone, just an observation.

As to the ask anything. I know people in the public eye have stage names. Michael Caine just recently made his stage name legally his name, I read. Both first and last ones.

It may be a token reinvention and anyway 'a rose by any other name', but why change your first name and surname. If you have done so legally, rather than a 'stage name'. Obviously you cannot speak for anyone other than yourself.

I'm just curious as to what drives someone to legally change their first name and also their surname. If it is more than unofficially a 'pet name'/ nickname/stage name'.

I am aware, culturally, lots of women in Britain have changed their surname to that of their spouse on marriage. Many women don't alter their surname anymore, of course. This is not relevant to my particular question, though.

I agree with Maudlin's post.

I'd like to see 'I just want to order towels' added to every drop down list of titles ever.

Mx - I am a person and my gender is really of no relevance here, I just want to order towels from John Lewis online, can't you just send them to my house, FGS.

I think I will send that post to John Lewis customer services and see what they think.

My son was born with a birth defect, he has additional body parts (not nipples before anyone queries) and we are constantly told that they serve no purpose and should be removed. But I am aware that this is only an asthetic view of his body and I feel uncomfortable making decisions about his body and how it looks (he's a toddler and if we wait it may mean complications to parts of his body he will certainly use).

I'm not sure if it is relevant but I have around a dozen large port wine stain birthmarks on my right leg. Through my childhood several doctors advised my parents to seek removal treatment, and I ended up in and out of GOSH having quite painful laser treatment on a leg that actually caused me no bother. The result of this years of treatment is that I cannot swim, as my leg was bandaged and blistered for so long I could not participate in school swimming lessons.
The birthmarks were resistant to treatment and remain, insolent, on my leg.
It is only recently that I have thrown a fuck it to the wind and confidently worn shorts and skirts again.
I cant advise you about your own child, but I can say that creating a sense of shame around a body perceived to be abmormal can have long lasting, scarring effects.
But you know your child best.
Just make sure any discussion about permanent physical changes includes them, and explores their feelings.

Hi JM - the world is a better place for having you in it!

“I’m not ashamed of it or embarrassed by it,” she says. “It’s on my bloody birth certificate and on my karate records and my GCSEs. My mum cross-stitched me a beautiful picture with bears on carrying a banner across saying (deadname redacted by Kimmy) and it’s in my flat. I haven’t burnt it or torn it to pieces or unpicked it or restitched it. I’m fine with it, but Jack is my real name.”

Jack was an old nickname and she changed her surname, too – “In for a penny” – because it sounded better.''

I hope Jack comes back to the thread but the above was from an interview re their name change, that they did it when their child was born ''I'm just not a (old name)'' and it felt right.
---------------------------
None of my business but I get it fwiw. I like the deadname as it happens but I love the name Jack and I also kind of like the duality of Jack Monroe (Jack masculine but Monroe always make me think of Marilyn). The old surname is very hard to pronounce (no offence JM) and lots of people change names by deed poll. I kept my birth name so have a different name to my dc but my dp's name was also changed by deed poll to match his mum's. Michael Caine changed his name allegedly to MC from Maurice because of the amount of time it was taking to get through passport control. ''You're Michael Caine. Why does it say Maurice?'' etc
I think if people want a new identity or new chapter it's natural that they might change their look/name/outlook. Stage names/nom de plumes tend to be actors/writers. Anyone else makes it official. although Rocknroll is still a crap name, Ned, looking at you

Hope MN extends this thread Jack.

Oh sorry. You're back. Have a and some . Hope the article above you were quoted from was accurate. The interviewer sounded nice.

Has anyone ever discussed with you that you might have Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder ? Previously known as Borderline Personality Disorder .

Ooh you're getting diagnosed by posters on the internet. Excellent.

I don't agree with the way you have chosen to reject being a woman as it's never an option really. You can't undo the sexism you have and will receive . You (like many, most?) women have had to deal with sexual assault which can't be opted out of unfortunately... You can't opt out of people's comments on you as a mother (like the rest of us). It starts in pregnancy... ends when you die I suspect.

Being a woman can be shit and I can see the urge to say 'fuck this, I want a do over' but the truth is that only works if other people buy it. and people won't buy it' so the reality is you have to change the perception of womanhood not change your sex (because you can't).

But all that aside as another poster said upthread I think you've come across quite well and I think you have answered far more questions directly then say, anyone working for the fuckin WEP even when you really don't have to. I think it takes a pretty sizeable pair of ovaries to do that and thank you for taking time to do so.

Really, NoMud? How bloody rude.

Ok, so I now know a little more about who Jack Monroe is (they - see I used the correct term - are not another xfactor reject but a journalist/ chef and a neutral gender person) but what I don't understand is, what makes this person any different to any other trans/ neutral gender person?
Because they are young and being a role model?
Because they are using social media?
What is so special about Jack Monroe rather than any other person fighting to live their life like this?
In actual fact, I suspect that most of the population couldn't give a toss about whether you are he, she, they. There are far more important issues in the world at the minute and it seems it is more Jack them self that is trying to antagonise and be controversial and gain media attention.
If they were really happy wouldn't they just go and live their life rather than post self obsessed blogs like this?
Something to think about....

Erm... have you read the thread NotSunkIn? We've already said that this started with MN talking about Jack, they haven't just randomly appeared expecting people to be interested in their life

vashta

In what context do the men you know use the title Mx? Have you evidence of its use you could post here?

Just wondering why any man would invite the inevitable questions as to why they have misspelled "Mr".

I apologise if this a stupid question, but what does your son call you? Like, mum, dad, or Jack?

He's lucky to have such an intelligent parent

Saying that Mx is only for special snowflakes has the same feeling as saying that Ms is only for people who are divorced, or possibly who are ashamed that they are single.

One of the reasons a man might call himself Mx is the same reason that a married woman might call herself Ms - because they actually believe that it should not be relevant and they want it to become more common.

We don't yet know if Mx will become common, and in many circles Ms is still unusual.

FreyPie from above:
My son calls me Mama, because that is what he has always known and I saw no need to impose a change on him. He also knows 'Mama is like a girl sometimes and like a boy sometimes' and that my 'singing voice has changed'. He went through a phase of MamaPapa but that was more to do with the Barbapapa books we were reading at the time. Sometimes MamaBear.

Can you post proof?

It is normal standard for lgbt people. Look it up if you've never seen it. it is just as likely to be a 'misspelling ' of Ms though anyway.

NoMud, I have a good friend with BPD and don't think Jack is coming across in the same way at all. What makes you think she is?

Fair enough. Just never seen it except for in the OP's username.

And it seems a strange choice for men, for whom Mr means nothing in respect of their marital status, unlike Mrs and Miss, for which reason Ms became popular.

And the "special snowflakes" comment was made by another poster.

Yes it is less usual that people from the more privileged gender (men) would choose to obscure their gender in their title.

The same way that more unmarried women use "Ms" than married ones do, because to be Mrs is in some ways a status symbol. You are the more privileged or more well-regarded group, so why hide it?

But can you see how old-fashioned that sounds?

Rhonda I wasn't accusing you of saying special snowflakes - I was using the Ms analogy to address more than one point, because it seemed to fit both.

Request/suggestion for end of thread - let Jack start a new thread (or leave it here).

If anyone else starts a new thread, that person's posts will be highlighted and Jack's wont be. Much nicer if Jack is the OP..

Jack I hope you're still reading this. Firstly I want to say thank you. Thank you for being brace enough to talk honestly and openly about food poverty. An even bigger thank you for providing useful and practical help to everyone struggling with this and living with this and the emotional fear it causes. You are a lifesaver/ probably literally in some cases. You have certainly saved the sanity of many. Keep on keeping on, you are helping many.

I hope you don't ever feel forced to defend or explain yourself in terms of your gender. As far as I and I'm sure the majority are concerned it's irrelevant to us, it's your personal issue and no one else's business. Whether you are male, female or somewhere in between it doesn't matter because you are a shining example of what it means to be a decent human being and everything else pales into insignificance after that.

Thanks again.