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Leaving children 'home alone' - what do you think?

769 replies

KateMumsnet · 27/03/2015 09:31

Hello all

A parent is arrested for leaving their child alone every day, according to new research.

The law doesn't currently specify the age at which children can be left on their own - and charges in the last three months of last year involved children between the ages of three months and 14 years.

What do you think? How old were your DC when you left them 'home alone' - and would you like to see the age at which a child can be left unsupervised defined in law?

OP posts:
SewingAndCakes · 27/03/2015 18:27

I disagree with you there Emmakids. I'm not irresponsible and I have made the decision, based on my own assessment of risk, that it's ok to leave two of my children very occasionally for short periods.

SewingAndCakes · 27/03/2015 18:28
  • Emmandkids
Littlemonstersrule · 27/03/2015 18:32

Pre high school age of 11, I'd agree with the NSPCC. Primary aged children are not equipped with the skills to be left alone.

Once high school age then freedom should be built up slowly and ensuring both parties are happy.

I don't think there should be a set age, some parents are very lax and it would lead to more being left for longer.

EmmandKids · 27/03/2015 18:33

posted too soon

him home alone as then I wouldn't have a clue wether he was safe or not.

EmmandKids · 27/03/2015 18:34

Don't know where my original message has gone. But I went on to say that my 11 yr old ds has started to walk home from school with friends, bikes over to their houses etc so in gradually allowing him that bit more freedom, but prior to this she he wasn't allowed to do these things.

Diplomum · 27/03/2015 18:41

As others have said, it is very UK-specific. We live in Scandinavia and 7 is the usual age for children to be left at home on their own, to take buses/trains on their own and to be out on their own. My 10yr and 12yr olds are both left at home, sometimes for a couple of hours, and that is quite unexceptional. They are sensible, have phones, know the emergency drills and numbers for fire/ambulance etc. I think it's interesting that children can fly unaccompanied at 12 (i.e. without any airport staff looking after them) but can't necessarily stay at home on their own.

sanfairyanne · 27/03/2015 18:41

see to me that is helicopter parenting. mine walk to school alone from 8 or 9, just like most of the other kids round here, and definitely call for friends/go out on bike before 11

littleducks · 27/03/2015 18:45

The NSPCC advice isn't actually that primary school children shouldn't be left alone. According to this leaflet they shouldn't be left for hours ad "latch key kids" only for short period of you think they are mature enough (which i agree withwww.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&ei=XnsVVdHdEoy7Pcm2gLgP&url=www.nspcc.org.uk/globalassets/documents/advice-and-info/home-alone-guide-keeping-child-safe.pdf&ved=0CB8QFjAB&usg=AFQjCNEyXkOPF2uzovdYpNNfl-fqDJz-6w&sig2=XdAfQ7_WZzdC4er6Gg_QKQ)

Also to the dumping kids comment, it just isn't like they at all. More like one child wanting to be left doing the activity they are doing while other gets dropped off or while I pick up from train station.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 27/03/2015 18:47

Emma why? Just because you say so? Entire nations consider it appropriate, but people should be ashamed because Emma on the Internet says so with absolutely no evidence to back her silly little finger wagging episode up? Biscuit

EmmandKids · 27/03/2015 18:50

An 8 year old walking to school alone, I'm sorry but that is disgraceful. The majority of children I know start to walk to school when they are in year six, I cant comprehend how any parent would feel comfortable letting their child who has only recently started junior school walk to school unsupervised.

EmmandKids · 27/03/2015 18:52

Why......because it's my bloody personal opinion, and I'm entitled to it. I don't give a damn what other nations do, we are in general talking about our country.

LadyIsabellaWrotham · 27/03/2015 18:53

Oh for heavens sake Emma. If my older DC was poorly (not throwing up or seriously ill) then I'd leave them in bed for 20 minutes while I collected the younger one from school.

I don't think that making a poorly 8 year old walk half a mile each way in the cold rather than lying in bed with a book and a phone in a locked house would have made me a better or more caring mother.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 27/03/2015 18:55

Yet all over Europe they do Emma. The UK is the only place in Europe where anyone thinks like you.

Every Child in my children's primary school had walked to school without adult supervision or walked to the bus stop and caught the bus from the age of 6, just as all the other children all over Europe do, whether you think its disgraceful or not Hmm

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 27/03/2015 18:57

Emma I highly doubt British children are developmentally 5 years behind their UK contemporaries on average - is that what you think?

TooBusyByHalf · 27/03/2015 18:58

Surely the answer to this question is what are the consequences if something goes wrong? So popping to the shops and leaving a young child for 5 mins is only ok if you don't get run over. You can't guarantee that so if the worst happens and you don't come back as quickly as you'd like what then? If the child is sensible enough and capable of phoning a nearby trusted adult and would do so and the adult would be near enough to help then no problem. Ditto if you have a friendly neighbour who's always in. If they are only ok on the assumption that you are back in a few minutes, then you haven't thought through the what ifs.
The age at which a child is capable of dealing with that situation could be anything from 8 to 13, depending on personality I would say.

VirginiaTonic · 27/03/2015 19:03

I was left alone occasionally for up to 3 hours from about age 10/11. For eg. when my mum went to work part time, both parents went to the supermarket or out to the pub for a drink in the early evening. It was fine. Don't see what has changed since then. I currently only leave my 9 year old dd for 10 minutes or so when popping to the local shop for milk. When she is 11 she will have to catch a public bus and cross a busy road to get to secondary school and back. This is far more hazardous to me than being alone in her own home.

Vicarscat · 27/03/2015 19:04

I sometimes leave my 12 and 10 year old DCs on their own. While I go to work for half a day, and once or twice I've needed to leave them for 7 or 8 hours. The 12 year old is very self confident and would happily be left on her own indefinitely.
They live in a small flat, on an estate surrounded by neighbours who they could go to in an emergency. Have a phone, etc etc.
Our children are not a different species from those in Scandinavia etc where they are independent far far younger. The paranoia here makes no sense to me.
I also fear that if an age were imposed, it would be a ridiculously high age.

VirginiaTonic · 27/03/2015 19:06

Why is you getting run over while out such a danger to the child? If you don't come back won't they have someone to go to for help like a neighbour or be able to phone their other parent (if they have one?) or grandparent?

littleducks · 27/03/2015 19:06

<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&ei=XnsVVdHdEoy7Pcm2gLgP&url=www.nspcc.org.uk/globalassets/documents/advice-and-info/home-alone-guide-keeping-child-safe.pdf&ved=0CB8QFjAB&usg=AFQjCNEyXkOPF2uzovdYpNNfl-fqDJz-6w&sig2=XdAfQ7_WZzdC4er6Gg_QKQ" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&ei=XnsVVdHdEoy7Pcm2gLgP&url=www.nspcc.org.uk/globalassets/documents/advice-and-info/home-alone-guide-keeping-child-safe.pdf&ved=0CB8QFjAB&usg=AFQjCNEyXkOPF2uzovdYpNNfl-fqDJz-6w&sig2=XdAfQ7_WZzdC4er6Gg_QKQ

Blush clicky link

sanfairyanne · 27/03/2015 19:06
Grin 8 year olds are more than capable of walking to school if the route is nice and easy no big deal
MehsMum · 27/03/2015 19:41

I think the rest of Europe is much saner about this than the UK and the US. I tried to give my DC much the same freedom I had when I was a child, so they were allowed to go round the corner to the shop at 7 or so. And yes, I would leave them alone at home for short spells at that age - say, while I nipped to the shop myself.

Flowergirlmum · 27/03/2015 19:43

Do people genuinely think it's ok to leave 8 year olds on their own?!

sanfairyanne · 27/03/2015 19:51

yep, loads of people do, and the kids are fine

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 27/03/2015 19:54

Yes Flower everyone in Europe and Scandinavia pretty much - just a few neurotic people in the UK and the US mix up smothering over protection with parenting. Nobody's leaving an 8 year old for hours or without preparing them, but a sensible 8 year old should be fully capable of staying home alone for half an hour (or walking a safe route to school) if they've been properly parented and prepared for all realistic situations which might arise, and are themselves happy to be left.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 27/03/2015 20:01

All children are different you cannot have a blanket rule.

But I personally wouldn't leave an under 12 no matter how sensible I thought they were

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