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Leaving children 'home alone' - what do you think?

769 replies

KateMumsnet · 27/03/2015 09:31

Hello all

A parent is arrested for leaving their child alone every day, according to new research.

The law doesn't currently specify the age at which children can be left on their own - and charges in the last three months of last year involved children between the ages of three months and 14 years.

What do you think? How old were your DC when you left them 'home alone' - and would you like to see the age at which a child can be left unsupervised defined in law?

OP posts:
CunningCat · 27/03/2015 16:15

My bench mark is when they start highschool.

voluptuagoodshag · 27/03/2015 16:17

No I don't want guidance or some nanny state telling me when the right age is. All kids are different. My two aged 10 &11 get left at home if ai nip into town or get the shopping. They have my phone and there are doors they can knock on in an emergency. It's all part of growing up. Last thing I need is a suit telling me that the correct age is 10 so I have to drag the youngest out whilst the other gets to chill.
The role of a parent, ironically, is to make yourself totally redundant. Watching their every move and giving them no independence will. To achieve that

voluptuagoodshag · 27/03/2015 16:19

Will not achieve that!!!!

Apples corrective text really is a pain in the arse

PipeDownSmallFry · 27/03/2015 16:39

No I don't think it should be illegal either but hopefully some publicity and debate will make parents question their decisions when leaving children of any age when it's longer than just popping out briefly. As for some parents it is just done out of convenience for themselves to the detriment of the children.

MrsMarigold · 27/03/2015 16:54

I once left mine in the house while I tried to sort out car seat covers which I had taken out wash. I was parked in front of the house and they were inside hammering the front door down and screaming mummy but we live on a super busy road and at ages two and three they were safer indoors. A bobby on the beat came by and asked if they were ok. I was mortified.

But I do wonder sometimes our house is very big and if I'm sorting out the washing downstairs and they are on the top floor I have no idea what they are up to. How is that different to if I went to corner shop two minutes away? I've also left them while nipping to the corner shop over the weekend while my husband is at home but having a lie in.

EmmandKids · 27/03/2015 17:40

My eldest is 11 and I wouldn't dream of leaving him a home by himself yet, not because I don't trust him because I do, but because I consider myself a responsible parent and would worry about what may happen. Those of you who openly admit to leaving your 7/8/9 year olds alone should be ashamed!

exexpat · 27/03/2015 17:44

Why should we be ashamed?

I am a responsible parent: I know my children, I look at risks, and I make an informed, responsible decision based on facts, not unfounded anxieties.

I think children learn independence and responsibility as a gradual process, so keeping them under constant supervision and not allowing them any freedom or responsibility until they reach a magic age (11? 13? 16? 18?) is asking for trouble.

DrCoconut · 27/03/2015 17:50

DS1 is 16 and has ASD. He is not as independent as others his age but can walk to and from school and let himself in when we're at work and prefers to stay when we go shopping etc. he has done this since about 13/14. He has a tablet that he uses to contact me just to say he's OK or if he wants anything. I trust him to be sensible, he applies rules that are set pretty inflexibly so no worries there and he feels very secure in his own little world at home. My mum lives locally and could get to him quickly if he rang for help. But he does not go out other than to school unsupervised because he is not street wise at all and has no wish to be out alone, it scares him and he has a phobia of public transport that we are trying to overcome. He is not ready to be left at night and prefers to go to my parents if we're away for something which doesn't interest him, which is fine with them and us. DS2 is 3 and so we are a long way off independence yet there! So I guess a legal limit is quite difficult to set as children vary so much. A sensible guideline is more appropriate with the parents judgement being final.

EmmandKids · 27/03/2015 17:51

Asking for trouble....really? I teach my children independence through a variety of ways, and it just so happens that doesn't include me leaving them alone why I go off doing other things. My 11 year old has never asked to stay home alone but I'm aware that when he starts high school in September he may have to let himself into the house as he will finish at 3.15 and my youngest two only finish slightly later. He would be alone for a maximum of 20 minutes which I consider to be fine but to leave a child of say 8 or 9 years old to their own devices is what I'd consider to be irresponsible.

Woolyheads · 27/03/2015 17:51

Long way off for me yet but I intended to not let my child be home alone until secondary school, when I assumed he'd be home for 30 minutes or so between the bus getting in and my getting home from work. He'd be nearly 12 at that point. If any after school clubs were available I'd use them to get him to as old as possible. Things were very different in the 70s and 80s.

CunningCat · 27/03/2015 17:53

It is a very tricky one. If you have to work it is very difficult getting childcare for 10+. Many children will have to be left especially with benefit changes .

kesstrel · 27/03/2015 17:53

I think part of it used to be "what if there's a fire"? But wiring standards are much better these days, open fires are rare, and also we have smoke alarms. It's probably true now that they are safer at home than playing out on their own.

meglet · 27/03/2015 17:55

A 10yr old left alone is probably less likely to do something daft than a 14yr old.

I did what I was told when I was 10. Less so when I was a teenager......

sanfairyanne · 27/03/2015 17:58

woolyheads i appreciate your child is younger, but why does him getting a bus to and from school/walking/standing at bus stop seem fine to you but being in his own home alone seem not fine? what is it about being home alone that is more worrying than being alone outside?

EmmandKids · 27/03/2015 17:59

"The role of a parent is, ironically' is to make yourself totally redundant" Are you bloody serious??? This is not the role of a RESPONSIBLE parent these are the actions of a parent who is palming their younger child off with their eldest CHILD so that she can swan off around town care free. Unbelievable.

yellowdaisies · 27/03/2015 17:59

A 10yr old left alone is probably less likely to do something daft than a 14yr old

I think that's very true. The only trouble I've ever had with children home alone was with a 15 year old DSD who let herself into our home when we were away (having lied to her mum about where she was) to host a party at ours Angry

I've never had any trouble with leaving younger DCs. If there's a problem of any sort they phone or text you

SoupDragon · 27/03/2015 18:01

A 10yr old left alone is probably less likely to do something daft than a 14yr old

No, it depends entirely on the child.

sanfairyanne · 27/03/2015 18:01

i am definitely not into helicopter parenting a la *EmmandKids

EmmandKids · 27/03/2015 18:07

Erm, neither am I. My children learn independence but age appropriate, I don't control them or "hover" over them constantly, I allow them their freedom but again this relates to their age. Sorry for actually caring for my children and taking the time to care for their safety.

littleducks · 27/03/2015 18:08

Ok Emma....Can't say I am ashamed though!

I think I'm responsible for teaching then life skills. Mine know what to do in a fire, how to call the emergency services and basic first aid. I got to sew the badges on their uniforms to prove it! We live in a street full of families so in the unlikely event of an emergency they have back up there too.

Blooming heck at 11 and at secondary they take them on school trips to France and let the kids walk around the town and theme parks alone.

SewingAndCakes · 27/03/2015 18:09

Actually I agree with voluptua that the role of a parent is to raise your kids to be independent, secure and confident adults. This obviously isn't going to happen all at once or at any particular age, but in small steps.

SoupDragon · 27/03/2015 18:14

Sorry for actually caring for my children and taking the time to care for their safety.

Are you implying that people who do things differently to you do not care for their children or about their safety...?

EmmandKids · 27/03/2015 18:17

So you assume because my children don't get dumped alone in the house all the time that they don't know about safety and how to deal with an emergency. They too attend/have attended brownies/beavers/scouts etc and they too have the related badges to safety, survival, emergencies etc, I just actively chose for them not to have to put these skills into practice until they are older.

EmmandKids · 27/03/2015 18:19

No, I'm not implying that in general people who do things differently to myself do not care about the safety of their children. I am however saying that anybody who actively choses to leave a young child, so say under the age of 10 alone, is irresponsible.

SoupDragon · 27/03/2015 18:25

I think it's irresponsible not to have given an 11 year old small freedoms when they are going to secondary school in September but each to their own.