Leaving children 'home alone' - what do you think?

[KateMumsnet]

Hello all

A parent is arrested for leaving their child alone every day, according to new research.

The law doesn't currently specify the age at which children can be left on their own - and charges in the last three months of last year involved children between the ages of three months and 14 years.

What do you think? How old were your DC when you left them 'home alone' - and would you like to see the age at which a child can be left unsupervised defined in law?

My daughter is 14 and babysitter my 11, 10 and 8 year old boys for a couple of hours here or there. She is very sensible. My three boys on the other hand won't be mentally old enough for a good while. They are not latch key kids as I'm lucky enough to be in a position to be a housewife but I want to go back to work in the next couple of years to build for my future with hubby as the kids are growing up fast. They will need to be latch key then. When i was young i was babysitting from age 11 not only for my brother but for my mums friends. It's good for a child to have responsibilities, I'm never far and only a phone call away.

I agree with MrTumbles - pretty much everywhere in Europe children are expected/encouraged to be responsible and independent much earlier than here, certainly well before secondary school age.

And in Japan all children are expected to get themselves to and from school without adult help from when they start school at age 6 - even if getting to school involves a trip on the Tokyo underground, for example. They do lots of practice runs with parents beforehand, are taught to use phones or ask for help and so on. Many of them then take themselves to after-school clubs (not on school premises) or tutoring sessions before going home.

I'm not sure why parents in the UK and US are so much more scared of letting children become independent - the risks here are pretty much the same as in Europe and Japan.

i dont know why it is so overprotective here (in some ways). my parents were practically feral, my generation were fairly free, but this current generation are so stifled in many places. luckily where i live there is still a lot of freedom for kids and 'knocking on' for friends happens from an early age, for example

I don't think parents, who have taken the informed decision to leave their DC alone for short periods of time, should be ashamed of themselves. It is rude and offensive to suggest that.

However, I think describing parents who, for whatever reason, do not wish to leave their 7/8/9yo DC for short periods of time as neurotic is equally rude and offensive.

My DD is 7yo. We live in the middle of the country and our nearest neighbours are approx. 200yds away. Whilst she is a very responsible and mature girl, I would not be comfortable leaving her alone and it will be a few years before I consider doing so.

This Europe wide claim is a little misleading, too. My family are Greek Cypriot and it is definitely not the norm to leave your 7/8/9yo DC alone for periods of time there.

I have a very sensible and very bright 8 year old and there's no way I would consider her old enough to be left home alone. There's so many variables and potential hazards in a house. I think 12+ is much more realistic.

How can there be more variables and hazards in your own home than on the road to school?

I wouldn't let her walk to school on her own either!!! Not at 8! I've said she can do that from year 6 (she's in year 3).

Emma, yes I'm going to say it again. The role of a parent is to make themselves redundant. Not immediately of course, small steps like someone else said. But in every form of animal life, the parents raise their young to be able to fend for themselves because, in most cases, the parents die before the children. If the children can't fend for themselves then they die too. Sorry to be so simplistic but I take umbrage that you think I am a crap, uncaring parent because I leave my children unattended for very short periods and let them walk to and from school by themselves. I'm not swaning into town care free. I'm getting the flipping shopping in. I've not just left them and gone. They have instructions, they have rules, it's what works for us. We go over what if scenarios so that they know what to do.
Life is full of constant risk and if we don't allow our kids to be exposed to it in a safe manner then they will never be able to use their instincts or fend for themselves. To use one example to illustrate. When they were smaller and I walked them to school, they defaulted to me and let me do all the thinking about crossing roads. If I walked 100 yards behind them they took responsibility for themselves because they knew they had to.

I think it should be based on the individual child's sense, maturity and readiness than on an arbitrary age. Given that many children are getting themselves to and from school from age 11, that seems a good age to start having more responsibility. All these things need to be built up gradually otherwise children will get to 16/18 never having done anything alone.

I can't remember when I was first left home alone, but it was probably around 9/10 for maybe an hour (was told not to answer the door or phone etc). I was a latchkey child from about age 11.5, although not for long hours as my mum was back by 5.45pm. I didn't do much in the way of housework or dinner preparation apart from maybe putting some dry dishes away or putting jacket potatoes and deep country pies in the oven.

our school lets them out in year 3 without a parent present, so they can walk home if they/their parents wish
my house is no more dangerous than the road

BunnyJo that sounds very well balanced - unlike the hysterics of Emma . Her finger wagging tone and judgemental emotive language brought out the same in me.

However it is all about rusk assessing and lots of people risk assess so unrealistically! A child is actually more likely to be at risk dragged on a short car ride or walk by a road with their parent than left home on the sofa, having been thoroughly prepared and knowing what to do in various situations.

I endlessly read about parents on MN thinking it's normal and fine to have parents or nannies they barely know pick up their very small vulnerable children (3 and 4 yos) and take them to houses the parents have never entered for a several hour long play arrangement- yet it's apparently shameful to leave a well prepared child 4 years older in their own familiar home for half an hour ... In reality the preschooler with the practically unknown adult in the unknown house is far more likely to come to harm!

MrTumbles, thank you and I acknowledge you were provoked. I think, as parents, we have to make decisions based on our own individual circumstances and my own personal feelings on this will be different to others.

If only parenting came with a fool-proof handbook...

As always with these cases it seems that the irresponsible minority (three year old left for six hours /two weeks) is held up as the benchmark for how the vast majority treat their offspring.
Four or five cases of unbelievably mad people leaving their kids alone in the house for hours, that always leads to a Daily Mail worthy headline, leads to a country wide re-evaluation of whether the overriding majority of normal, responsible parents should have their decisions about their own children scrutinised and potentially criminalised?

Lowest common denominator politics. Aka, the weakest link.

The school may let them walk home alone but I wouldn't with an 8 year old! I'm not alone in this- I actually can't think of a single child in my daughter's class who walks home alone.

I personally wouldn't let my 8 year olds walk home alone either Flowergirlmum, but you were saying that the right age for walking home alone (10/11) was younger than the right age for staying alone in your house for a short period (12+) and that seems a bit odd.

It depends on the housing situation too.
Living rurally, with no neighbours is different from being on a street where you know people you could knock on.

As far as I remember we were always coming home alone to an empty house from the beginning of secondary school, just for an hour or so. I have an older sibling but he just went to his room and ignored me, though I guess he'd have been there in an emergency.

its up to you if you let them walk home or not at 8, my point is that many educational establishments are quite happy for them to do so if the parents wish.

I live in a rural village where the school is a 3 minute walk away and where you can see my house at all times on the walk. My expectation would be that my daughter will walk that short distance with friends. It will be important for her to do so as in year 7 she will travel further (with friends still though).

Right sistermoon in the seventies /eighties I knew at least ten houses I could knock on at the age of ten.

Now at 42 i would not expect my kids to know more than one, due to ever changing renting neighbours. That's a huge difference.

My 5 year old was off ill a few weeks ago. I left her on the sofa with a blanket on zoned out in front of Disney Jnr for 5mins whilst I took the dog out for a walk. I walked the dog to the end of the street and back again several times, all the time I had the house in site. DD was fine. She is a sensible girl. I worried the whole time, not about DD doing something stupid and getting hurt, but rather about public perception/police being involved if DD mentioned this to anyone at school.

Now, I probably will be slated for this but actually I still believe this was the right thing to do.

I am finding this genuinely crazy reading this. When I was growing up I was walking to the local shops by myself aged 6 (about half a mile) and I am sure my mum would have left me alone in the house for the odd 10 minute pop.

Once a child can understand the rules of being at home alone then they should be allowed to be at home alone. I tested it on my bright 4 year old when he was sick the other day when I had to leave the house for 5 minutes and he understood the rules: if you are sick you have to stay in bed unless you need to wee. He was fine and there was no way I was going to drag him into the street with a raging fever.

Exactly tineoff - at what point did public perception overtake what you yourself know is right and fine? The whole thing is a pc mess.

Genuinely I think leaving 4 and 5 year olds in the house alone for any length of time is outrageous. Sorry but that's just my view. That is far far too young.

Why are German children capable of getting themselves to and from school at the age of 5? Is there something inherently more dangerous about the UK or are our children less capable?

They can't be born that way surely?