Leaving children 'home alone' - what do you think?

[KateMumsnet]

Hello all

A parent is arrested for leaving their child alone every day, according to new research.

The law doesn't currently specify the age at which children can be left on their own - and charges in the last three months of last year involved children between the ages of three months and 14 years.

What do you think? How old were your DC when you left them 'home alone' - and would you like to see the age at which a child can be left unsupervised defined in law?

I'm a bit concerned by this. I often leave my alone while I do drop offs. I always take the youngest but would happily leave either my almost 7 or almost 9 year old while I took the other to Beavers or Brownies and have done for some time. There is a small benefit to me but actually I think it's good for them, they like the odd bit of time alone with space to themselves (as did I at their age).

I am guessing the figures relate either to children with SN or left for extended periods of time without proper arrangements in place. Either that or my patenting is way out of sync!

I leave my 16 year old home looking after his brothers aged 12 and 7 for a couple of hours

the 12 year old has to come home and let himself in sometimes too

there is no after school care for middle school children

I leave my 10 year old home for up to 20 mins while I pop to a shop or to pick up DP or one of the other DCs.

He knows not to open the door/touch the cooker etc and I'm confident the could call someone on the phone for help if needed.

There isn't a lot of opportunity to gain independence of any kind where we are, there are no parks to walk to by himself to play, no shops to walk to etc so I figure he needs to get these small bits of gradual responsibility somewhere before he starts high school next year otherwise he really is going to get thrown in at the very deep end!

He just sits on the sofa watching Pokemon anyway

I couldn't do it personally. I don't know why perhaps anxiety levels are different to others but if something happened to me while out or to them it's just not worth the risk. However my mother used to leave me in charge of my 4 yr old brother when I was 11 in the 80's

I feel pretty angry about this, it's NSPCC stirring again.
It's not been reported well, either.
73 people (for which outcomes are known) were arrested in a 3 month period.
30 of the 73 were discharged with no further action. So that's 30 people who were arrested for no good reason.

At least one of the kids involved was old as 14.

8-9yo was a normal age to be left alone for short periods (up to 2 hours) when I was a kid. I'm quite sure the world is a safer place now.

There are horrific stories coming out of the USA about police arresting parents of (healthy sensible no SN) 10+yos. If we do get a legal rule in UK I'm quite sure it will be will be higher age than anything I'd like.

I find whole situation extremely depressing.

123 seriously - you couldn't leave a 14 year old ? I don't know what age it should be set at but it worries me that teenagers should be thought of as toddlers.

I'm planning on leaving dd2 alone for an hour or so when she starts senior school in September. There is no option for childcare apart from odd days where the school has an after school interest club (am hoping she'll be interested in EVERY club, but this will only be 3 nights a week).

She is fairly sensible and I think she'll obey rules that we will agree beforehand.

Didn't leave dd1 alone until she was about 16 as she was not so sensible

I've not left mine (8 & 6) at home alone yet. I was rather hoping I'd be able to start doing it for very short periods of time once they reach 10yrs. ds would remain glued to the tv or electronic device anyway .

I was a latch-key child from around 9 years old (maybe a little younger). In hindsight, it seems way too young to have walked home from school, let myself in the house and made a snack, do my homework (or not as more often was the case) and watch TV before running out to play with friends.

This was every day after school. Not many years after that, my mother would leave me home at night if she went out, often inviting another friend over for company etc.

It all seems crazy now but I was a capable and confident child who obviously survived the experience.

I think each case would depend on it's own merits. A mother running off to Tenerife for a week and leaving a ten year old vs. nipping down to the shops and leaving a seven year old etc.

almost half were arrested and released without charge
how does that compare with other arrests as it sounds a lot to me

i let my kids go swimming by themselves age 9+, go to the park alone, walk to school alone. what is so very different about leaving them at home alone?

Children of high school age/teens should be ok to be on their own. In charge of younger ones? Over 14 I'd say abd very much depends on their maturity.

I wouldn't like to see a legal age set. Some would be fine before that age and some still not fine after that age.

It would need a definition of 'home alone' too. 20 mins in between letting themselves in and a parent/carer getting home from work etc? 10 hours alone overnight once the 'legal' age was reached?
The child also has to feel comfortable with being left, whatever their age and know what to do if something out of the ordinary happens.

DS was 11 (left for periods shorter than an hour), building up to longer periods.

I feel that my kids are safer in their home than playing outside. I leave my older two (7 and 9) for up to 20 minutes occasionally, and I also let them play out with their friends when they want to. I feel equipped as a parent to do my own risk assessment based on their maturity and abilities.

ds is twelve and sometimes has to let himself in after school. I am currently looking for work though and once I find a job he will have to come back to the house on his own. I have been known to leave him on his own for an hour or so while I go to the shops but tbh he'd rather go out and play with his mates than stay in the house on his own.

And this is where IMO the issue arises - we put so much emphasis on the being home alone element yet no-one bats an eyelid if children are playing out in the park for several hours.

He has asked me if he can go bowling with his mates after school and I've said yes. he travels by bus to school every morning (public transport)along with several million other secondary age children no doubt.

So why the hysteria about leaving them alone at home? Surely the home environment is safer?

"arrested for no good reason"
No, they would have been arrested as police believed there was suspicion of neglect or similar.
Cops don't randomly knock on doors looking for lone children, people (often the child themselves) reported it to the police.
The CPS have a high threshold test to actually take things to court, because there is no age set in law it would be a difficult case to win.
It doesn't mean the parents did nothing wrong.

I have not read the article but am worried that legislation would be beyond daft:

I have 4 DC 13,12,10,8

I treat them according to their maturity and ability to follow direction/act sensibly in a crisis, not their age alone.

In my opinion being able to independentky walk to places, ride a bike, stay home alone for appropriate periods, boil a kettle, cook a meal are all important life skills that need to be developed....gradually

as such my children all can cross roads alone, and come home from school, the youngest one is not proficient enough on her bike to ride alone...but will be able to ride to the small local park by the summer I think. The oldest and middle are able to cook a simple meal, the second child is careless and a little devil may care...skills under development, the middle 2 can make tea/hot chocolate safely , all can use a toaster and handle a knife for chopping. The oldest has no sense of direction so navigating to new places needs practice, the second is great at directions and can easily follow them as can the third, 4th not tested.

Oldest 2 can be left for a couple of hours, 3rd child hates being alone but can be left with someone else, youngest only left with sibs for a quick trip to corner shop etc.

it would be daft to legislate for only "being left alone" what about the context? What about available back up, what about plans for emergencies?

In our local paper yesterday a 4 year old at home with her mother...mother had accident, was unconscious, child phoned for ambulance. Technically and factually worse and more dangerous situation than just being home alone...child did the right thing.

Legislation won't make people train their children for independence...just give a random cut off point where leaving happens

do the police really just arrest people on suspicions? cant they just question people these days without actually arresting them? is that the normal response now eg burglary, car theft, assault? arrest first then release 40% without charge? i am a bit shocked if those are normal arrest stats.

For someone to be arrested for leaving a14yo (Sen excepted) unsupervised is utterly ridiculous and a huge waste of police time and money.

In some careers this will show up in crb checks even when they have committed no crime. Ludicrous!

I know someone who is concerned she can't find childcare for a 13yo over Easter. A generation ago 13yos were working and babysitting at Easter! Why are our DCs so infantilised these days?

My 12yo often chooses to stay home alone rather than come out with us. He knows what to do in event of a fire, knock at the door etc. I have absolutely no concerns for their safety.

I probably could have left them much younger than I did. But I was too scared, not of anything happening to them, but being 'caught' by someone who didn't approve and having to go through this and destroying my career because it'd show up on a check.

I think a really important part of parenting is teaching DCs incependence and responsibility. They will never learn this if never left unsupervised until 16.

It's such a weird British thing. Go to other countries and 5 yos are walking to school alone and using knives! And they come out as happier children on international surveys. UK kids are miserable. No wonder!

I wish I could leave my 13 and 14 year olds but they just can't be trusted!

my 14yo leaves the house at 6:50 every school day, walks five minutes to the train station, gets her connecting train into the nearest big town changes & gets another train to the small town where she catches her school bus (after a 15 minute wait at the station). In the evening she walks home from nearest big town (20 minutes) because there is no sensible connection. She's been doing this perfectly competently since she was 11 - as have the vast majority of her school mates (rural school - no parents doing drop offs, most of them are driving in the other direction to get to work).

I can't imagine what madness would lead to someone deciding she was not competent to be left 'home alone'. In fact twice a week she comes back to an empty house as I'm out taking younger siblings to various activities & dh is at work.

Crazy! I was left from about 7/8 while mum posted a letter and gradually building it up. I knew I had family nearby and how to call for an ambulance etc. by 12 I was babysitting infants in the family. I had done first aid and honestly was more reliable than many 16 year olds. Surely maturity is the issue here.

Incidently, not being left alone doesn't guarentee anything. At 10 I was with my apparently fit grandmother when she had a heart attack. I had to call an ambulance, explain what happened and take my younger siblings to a relatives house, all while trying to contact my parents. This happened the time I was 'supervised'.

I don't see how it is possible or desirable to set an age, but anything later than secondary school (11) seems totally ridiculous given what secondary age pupils should be doing (getting bus, walking to school, meeting each other in town etc). Personally 7 seems a good legal minimum for being left alone for short periods IF they are mature and sensible.

Well it really divides opinion and there are loads of beliefs and half truths flying around.
Already a few posts in I find myself shocked at the age one poster would leave her child and surprised (other end of the scale) at another's reluctance to do so.
Maybe some guidelines about what would constitute negligence may help. At the moment it's a mixture of subjective opinion, nosy neighbours and pot luck as to who gets arrested/whose child is injured/ who gets away with it and who made the right choice.
Maybe a licence - once a child has passed a test

oh & I agree with ragged - this is typical NSPCC rubbish.

I have no qualms at all leaving my 14yo 'in charge' of my 8yo for a couple of hours. I'd leave her with my 6yo for shorter periods but wouldn't be happy giving her responsibility for my 3yo at all. I wouldn't leave her overnight yet.

Yes, police arrest on suspicion.
If they see a man wearing a mask, carrying a bag marked 'swag', climbing out of a broken window whilst an alarm sounds he would be arrested on suspicion of burglary.
And as stated up thread, actually getting a prosecution at court in an interfamilial case is very very hard, thus the high rate of people who don't end up with a conviction. Courts are reluctant to drag a child through the process, potentially giving evidence against a parent.
It is not as simple as thefts, assaults etc.
Police do not arrest parents on a whim, I really don't think people should be panicking here.
To put it in perspective I have worked in law enforcement for 15 years, and have only seen an arrest made for this once.

IMHO, if it's accepted that a child can safely walk or cycle to/from school alone (usually on transition to secondary school round where we live), crossing roads etc (and often at times of heavy traffic) then surely it is safe for them to be in their own home by themselves for say a couple of hours if they are happy to do so and ground rules are set.

Our rules are not using any gas appliance and not opening the door to anyone.

Being home alone offers the opportunity for unlimited undisturbed Xbox time so it's naturally preferred to tagging along on a trip to the shop or drop off/pick up of a younger sibling.

I would hesitate to leave kids alone together until they are older however as squabbling can lead to poor judgement and the risk of stupid actions increases.