Leaving children 'home alone' - what do you think?

[KateMumsnet]

Hello all

A parent is arrested for leaving their child alone every day, according to new research.

The law doesn't currently specify the age at which children can be left on their own - and charges in the last three months of last year involved children between the ages of three months and 14 years.

What do you think? How old were your DC when you left them 'home alone' - and would you like to see the age at which a child can be left unsupervised defined in law?

I leave my 7 year old and/ or my 9 year old for half an hour while taking/ fetching siblings from places.

We have plenty of neighbors who are parebts of school friends, they know the rules and what to do in any emergency, they always have the choice to come with or stay.

We live in Germany, kids get themselves to and from school from age 6 (escorting them is disapproved of by school and by community police officer who does the "starting school" talk for parebts).

I know people in similar circumstances who have children of 7+ come home and be alone in the house for up to 3 hours til a parent gets home - always with emergency back up plans of various people within walking distance.

DD will start secondary school just before she turns 10 and there is no after school care for that age - the idea non SN kids would need it is considered ridiculous (there are SN schools which are full day though - mainstream school is over at 1pm, all kids walk or take the bus home).

I think there is a tendency to hysteria on this subject on some MN threads :o

Maybe there is a place for a law for those who think it's ok to leave a toddler home alone, or a 10 year old alone for a week... But really would a law stop people who go on holiday and leave kids home alone etc? It would more likely criminalise perfectly sensible parents by having to err too far on the side of caution toaccount for dizzy kids who's parents haven't bothered building up to leaving them and gradually teaching them age appropriate life skills etc.

School are happy for them to walk there by themselves from around age 10 where we are. As such I think they're probably safe at home for a short period from that age. Surely sitting in the house is safer than walking to school, crossing roads, coming across members of the public.

I think it's fairly normal for secondary aged dc to let themselves in with a key and wait for parents to get home from work for an hour, isn't it?

I work from home so that's not an issue for me. But I think mine would be sensible enough to let themselves in, get a biscuit and put the tv on at age 11.

I wish they'd give more guidance on it tbh. Then we'd all know where we stood.

We had an issue with some neighbours a couple years back, and police were involved.

Advice from them was children are okay to be left alone from age 11, but no more than 30 mins. And that was only from being pushed for an age as they didn;t have an official one!

IMVHO parents know their children best and should be the ones to judge how they would be, and they are all ready at different ages.

My older girl was fine at age 10 to be left for brief periods, especially if she was poorly and I had school runs and didn;t want to take her and make her worse.

My youngest son however - he is 12 and I would still be wary of leaving him as he frets about even going upstairs on his own - being left would send him into a tailspin!

Have people learnt nothing from Madeleine mccann? Too many weirdos around in this world.
would never forgive myself

I've never done it (but my oldest DC is only 6) but I actually had one of the fabled MN "what if there was a fire!!!" incidents this morning. 2yo and 4yo playing in bedroom earlier, one knocked on lamp onto floor, lamp was v hot, melted a piece of lego, melted the carpet and a smouldering jumper burst into flames when I threw it out the window in a panic. This all happened in about 15 mins and DH and I were both in the house. Made me a bit jumpy...

I wonder would an age limit actually make a difference ? People will probably still leave their children..
A person I know was leaving their 4 year old all day whilst at work! Social services were called but they still leave them! I don't personally leave my children on their own ( more my dp that won't allow it) my eldest is 9 and very sensible ! But dp partner doesn't feel comfortable doing it! Which is fine but I feel that parents know their children best and the sensible parents are not the ones to be concerned by! But as usual with everything nothing is ever in moderations it's all or nothing with the government and laws!

Frequently leave Dd in when I nip to shop. She's 9. Never more than half an hour and she knows how to ring my mobile or my mums house if she needs to. I do think we are overly cautious these days.

What I feel confused about is how it correlates to children being allowed "out" on their own. Surely if you can't leave children on their own in a house, you also can't let them out on their own. I think safety of children is massively important, but you've got to take some risks and enable them to learn about risks, at some point! In the safe(ish) rural town that I live in, the kids are outside playing from 6/7 onwards.

I let my daughter out with friends at 8 yrs and left he alone in the house for short periods (like nipping to the shop) by 9. Now she's 13 I left her for four hours for the first time. Feels fine. Weirdly, my biggest (irrational?) fear was if something happened to me while I'm out and what she would do if I didn't return...maybe cos the chances of me being run over are higher than her being in a fire or being abducted!

If it's true that the 14 year old was only left minding the 3yo for 30 mins (and no other SN etc) then no way would I have accepted a caution and a criminal record for that. They'd have had to see me in court.

I don't get this.
My children are 12.5 and nearly 11 (next week). I would be happy to leave my 12.5 year old alone for half a day with no issues, and she hasn't got a problem with being 'home alone'. She knows not to answer the door and has her mobile and landline available. I will also leave my younger child alone during daylight hours for about half an hour if I have to pick up the older one. He is very resistant to coming with me for pick ups, although anything above 30 mins or further than a couple of miles away, he has to come with much to his chagrin!! I have also left them together for half an hour or so if I have to pop to the local shops during school hols and they are still in their pjs.
We have also had babysitters start from age 14.5 - neighbours and children of local friends who could call on their parents if a problem arose. I wouldn't let a 14.5 be in charge of a toddler or baby, but our old neighbour sat for us when the children were 4 and 6 - her parents were at home though 3 doors away.
I think a lot depends on how long you leave a child for, how sensible the child is and how happy the child is to stay at home. There are obviously people who take the piss and leave their children at home for longer than they should at that particular age, but unless it's neglect then they should be left to make their own decisions about their own family.

If it's true that the 14 year old was only left minding the 3yo for 30 mins (and no other SN etc) then no way would I have accepted a caution and a criminal record for that. They'd have had to see me in court.

I babysat much younger children at age 14 so that strikes me as odd too.

I've left my elder very sensible child home alone for short periods from the age of about 7, gradually leaving for longer as he got older. My slightly less sensible one I left from about 9 or 10.

I think whilst there might be a few parents need to be reminded to keep their kids safe, the NSPCC is responsible for a lot of scare mongering in this area and providing very little useful guidance to parents who are genuinely trying to figure out what's safe (though the quote on the article from the NSPCC is actually quite reasonable)

Most of the parents in that article were released without charge. And one a day is about 365 per year, which must be a tiny proportion of parents across the whole country.

The article doesn't say how long they were left alone for either - arresting a parent for leaving a 14 year old for a couple of hours is clearly crazy - but if the parents went on holiday for a fortnight and left them alone, then the police would be right to arrest them.

What concerns me is that lack of guidance leaves all parents decisions open to others interpretation.
I think a lot of perfectly capable and sensible parents might actually over estimate the age at which a child can be left,purely because of fear of others reporting,and finding themselves in trouble because another persons interpretation of when a child can be left differs from their own.
I think possiby guidelines as to a minimum age would be helpful.

I have 2 DC. I have worked nights for the last 11 years and will be starting a new job on 20th April which is 1/2 days 1/2 nights. DC's will have to come home from school by themselves (which they already do) and immediately take the dogs out for a walk around the block. DH finishes work normally at 4:30 but both DC are sensible and have mobile phones. DS starts secondary school in September and DD will be going into year 9. However, I wouldn't let DD walk home alone when she was in year 5 but when her brother started at the same school the following September I was happy for them to walk home together. DD asked me why as she is 2 years (and 4 weeks Mum!) older and was a little sheepish when I pointed out that I couldn't trust her to find her way home from school safely (come out of the back, walk to end of road, turn left, walk to shop, turn right walk 100 yards to house) because she has no sense of direction!
DC's will also be left home alone during the day time come the next lot of school holidays but have been used to managing while I am in bed sleeping after a night shift.

DS is expected to make his own lunch (DD obviously is too but at 13 it is expected) at 11 because he never eats what we make him so DH and I said "tough, make your own. At least then you can only blame yourself if you don't like the filling!".
Our job as parents is to set them up to be able to live alone without killing themselves.
Oh, I too have had the fire situation when my dishwasher caught fire. DD was in the way of the fire blanket so had to get it out for me and watch while. I used it to yank open the dishwasher door and wrap it up so she knows what to do.
As a cub leader, we invest a fair amount of time in training kids to be safe and take on the right amount of responsibility. We teach them knife skills and road sense.

Have people learnt nothing from Madeleine mccann? Too many weirdos around in this world.
would never forgive myself
Not quite sure what this has to do with it. We are talking about leaving much older children (ie not age 4), who are awake, in their own homes with windows and doors shut/locked, not in an holiday complex, at night with lax security. Sadly, there will always been the isolated case of something happening, but it happens so rarely which is why it makes the news.

Actually my biggest worry about leaving me children home alone (which I think is an important step to take, growing their independence) is the poilce/ss. My eldest is a very sensible girl of 9 and would be absolutely fine while I nipped to the shop.

Loads of children play out and I don't really understand why they're deemed to be safer out on the streets than at home alone. Maybe the solution is when you have to go out, kick them outside on the streets until you get back.

Just read the link and the NSPCC advice that you never leave a baby alone, even if asleep for any length of time. I would leave mine asleep in the cot, even awake in the cot if happily playing, while I hung the washing out in the garden. I'd be classed as neglectful under this advice.

I really think this terror of some disaster befalling children, almost regardless of how unlikely does both them and us no good.

We started leaving DS1 around the age of 10 for short trips to post office/corner shop/play date pick ups. He was walking home from school by himself at age 11 and was home alone for half an hour while I collected his siblings. I'm now back at work and age almost 13 he is home for an hour or do after school, and has done half day training days and two full days when off with a bad cold (phone numbers on standby and a retired neighbour keeping an eye out/popping in to see he was ok. Dd is almost 8 and has stayed in when I've gone to puck up Ds2. Would I leave DS1 supervising the littler ones? Not a chance. We have to separate them from DS1 on a daily basis due to fighting and bickering. No way is he responsible enough yet (or ever at this rate)
I'm hoping dd will be able to walk home from school in year 5 with DS2 who'll be in year 3 then! The school only hand them over to a parent up to year 2. Once they hit KS2 they are just let out into another part of the school and either find their parent or make their own way home.

We have 4 smoke alarms and 2 co2 alarms - a couple of times a smoke alarm has gone off and my kids have been outside at the end of the drive quicker than I could get up from the sofa.

You have to train your kuds what to do in a fire! Even if you don't leavethem home alone you could be asleep at night with several kids in different bedrooms - they need to be trained to get themselves out on autopilot if they hear the alarm; if they wait for a parent it could be too late to get to one or another. Kids can be trained to get out and go to a pre arranged location in case of fire from age 3 or so - it shouldbe well and ttruly ingrained as second nature by age 6 or 7!

I think the most complicated aspect of this for me is the decision as to when you can leave two children alone together.
Most siblings argue or even fight at times.I certainly did with mine,way into my teens.
I can't see how legislation can cover every eventuality with this.
And at what age do children become responsible for their own behaviour towards a sibling?
Its a pretty complex issue really.

The NSPCC's 'advice' is crazy!

A baby asleep in a cot is perfectly safe. Toddlers and older teens are the most dangerous. With toddlers no ones suggesting leaving them home alone at all. With teens, give them the alcohol/drugs/sex talk then cross your fingers and trust them!

I agree 2 (or more) together and whether one is "responsible for" another make it far more complicated.

My 7 and 9 year old bicker but don't fight physically ever. I wouldn't leave them together if they were bickering but would if they were getting on - playing Playmobil or reading or watching TV. Neither would be in charge of the other; they'd each be responsible for them self. They call me while I'm out regularly - to ask if they can play x box mostly :o

When I (and my two younger sisters) were young we were looked after by our Nan after school as she lived with us. She died when I was 16 and my youngest sister was 11, we were then just at home together after school. It was awful. I as the oldest naturally felt responsible and had to organise all three of us, cook dinner etc. but we argued constantly. In the end I told my mum I wasn't prepared to be responsible for my youngest sister anymore. Whilst I was perfectly sensible and capable of taking care of the situation, I think it was wrong of our parents to just expect us to do that 5 days a week.

Pipe although (as a fellow eldest of several) I absolutely sympathise with resenting being made responsible ona daily basis for younger siblings, no government is going to make it illegal for a 16 year old to babysit in the day/ early evening, and in practice nobody in their right mind would want that to be illegal, unless it was regarded as forced child labour as an unpaid regular babysitter!

Me and my brother used to be left 'home alone' for a few hours from about age 10. We were both sensible. When children play out there's no parent with them so surely its safer if they're at home anyway. You don't see parents getting arrested for their kids playing out all day do you?