I'm astonished that so many people are in favour of...

[emkana]

... smacking

but sometimes kids are just naughty...it is mad to expect them to be good all the time

oh yes

I think that children are more likely to be "naughty" if you see general being children things as "naughty", which lots of people do.

hear hear

"f you see general being children things "?/

Wasn't Custy's post meant to be a joke?

i think

"general 'being children' things"

yes a joke, saying if you live in the 'real world' you smack and anyone that doesn't obv terrorises their kids

I read it as there could be worse things to do than smack?

(I am a non-smacker btw)

Hunker, I agree with you up to a point. But I've had encounters with mothers who laugh at their little darlings antics, talking about "high spirits" when I found their children's behaviour unacceptable. My children are also rather exuberant, but I think learning that they need to moderate their behaviour so as not to upset others is an important social skill.

Ah, you see, I punch mothers like that, BBS.

Aha! Clearly you have learnt those important social skills!

I've never smacked my children and was never smacked as a kid (quite unusual in late 60s, early 70s). When we were very badly behaved, my parents went all cool and distant - I remember the phrase "I love you but I don't like you very much at the moment". My sister feels this has contributed to her neediness in relationships and that, with her personality, a quick slap and then kiss and make up would be better, but could be self-justification! I'm usually easy-going but once or twice a month get wound up with the boys (10, 9 and 7 so old enough to understand) and end up shouting which none of us enjoy. But just wondering if we're always rational and in control will our children grow up emotionally repressed?

Time Out on the Naughty Step has worked wonders for me and DD. Smacking and shouting don't, I've used both (only smacked once) and both inflamed already tense situations making it harder to restore calm. 2 minutes in another room is enough time for us to get some perspective on a situation. It is not the only strategy I use and is only a last resort after the usual tactics of encouraging good behaviour, distraction etc.
Also, people who say that smacking doesn't hurt are kidding themselves, of course it does.

Haven't had time to read the whole thread, but here's my 10 cents' worth! I was smacked (and spanked) as a kid and don't think it did me much harm although I do think it reduced my respect for my mum, who I remember used to lash out when she was in a temper - right up to when I was in my teens and I would think along the lines of "you've lost control again, haven't you?".

I have 2 boys aged 13 and 3 (and expecting again). The funny thing was when I was pg with DS1 I remember having an argument with a vehement anti-smacker saying I definitely would smack but once I had him - absolutely no way! Oddly enough I haven't got a well thought-out set of reasons why not - just they are my little children (well ok, DS1 now 6 foot....) and I would no more hit them than I would cut my own foot off. Sometimes I've wanted to and felt my palms "itching" but who would that have helped? They are both fantastic lively boys and (touch wood) I have never had a major discipline problem with either of them. So there you are. I think on the whole we are better off without. We parents are much cleverer than our infants and there is always a mutually better way of dealing with things.

BTW Enid - I'm with you! No sticker charts (wtf are they about?!), no time outs, just make it up as we go along.

Don't think children should moderate exuberance or high spirits we spend most of our adulthood doing that and resenting it!Let them be they are children and those days go past so quickly

I disagree. We are able to spend our adult lives doing it because we learned how to do it when we were younger. They don't have to creep around all the time. They just need to know that there's a time and a place, and other people's feelings do matter.

But we are too hung up on all this time and a place crap imo and if you can't do it as a child when can you?Why smack someone who is so obviously not aware they are doing something wrong They are children not mini adults

Um, I don't think I advocated smacking. Did I? Yes, children are children. And children need to learn social skills. We live alongside others and have to take their feelings into account. Childhood is the best time to learn that.

i agree with jessicaandrebeccasmummy, it never done me any harm as i child when i got smacked & the choice should be down to the parent/parents

People have posted about how traumatic is must be for a child's primary carer to whom they look for love and support to turn on them and smack them. When I read those I have an instant Pavolvian reaction - I get tears in my eyes and I totally agree and feel even more guilty about the rare time's I've lost my rag with my kids and smacked against my better judgment. It seems to be so clear that a child would be devastated. But then I think back to the times when I was smacked - not often and only by my mum and usually, like me, when she lost her temper and was under stress. And I can honestly say that I didn't feel lost and scared - I usually felt surprised and a bit cross! And forgot about it almost immediately. I can't say it didn't do me any harm as who can say how things would have been if I hadn't been smacked - and I do have a fairly short fuse at times - but my memories of my feelings at the time were not sorrow and fear and betrayal. I sometimes think we are guilty of putting adult feeling on to children - that is how we'd feel not neccesarily how they feel.

Oh no - not another smacking thread

What is all the fuss about and why are people who choose not to use smacking so sanctimonious? That's your choice, good for you - stop preaching to everyone else about how to bring up their children please!

The vast majority of parents on the planet smack their children, it normal practice in most countries and the majority of parents in the UK do too.

Yes, its not pleasant, but neither are many other measures such as locking children in their rooms. That is the whole point of punishment.

Oh, no, not another smacker who harps on about punishment...

Joelallie - you clearly did not read the link further down the thread which gives childrens reactions to being smacked straight from their own mouths!