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Original poster

IVF - GENDER SELECTION? RIGHT OR WRONG??

35 replies

kittylette · 14/09/2006 20:37

My friend has just given birth to her third son a few weeks ago, and whilst visiting mentioned she would be having IVF next time, confused as she has no trouble concieving i asked 'why'?

Her reply was, i want a girl next time. Ill have IVF and have the frozen embies sent to a clinic in Spain where they will be genetically screened and the girls seperated from the boys. Ill then have only female embryoes replaced - itll cost around £6000 for the treatment.

I was secretly very shocked, and at first i didnt see the harm but the more i think about it the more i am sadened!

During IVF for 'fertility problems' the embryoes are screened yes, the best ones are put back - but to me that is keeping in line with nature, survival of the fittest, and i think IVF is very much justified for childless couples - its a truely wonderful bit of science,

but to use it to choose the gender? not so sure - once those embies fertilize they are babies, and to simply dispose of them because they are boys seems so wrong.

perhaps if the embies were donated to eggless couples it would be more justified!

but honestly, where does it end? a girl...then a girl with blue eyes.. blonde hair only?

surely it a long, sad, slippery slope??

Kitty

OP posts:
speedymama · 15/09/2006 20:13

I agree with you. You just have to look at what has happened in China and parts of India where baby girls have been killed or abandoned because boys are favoured.

bigandstrong · 15/09/2006 21:17

dont agree with it except in certain medical situations, eg avoiding one sex to avoid genetic deseases etc

notagrannyyet · 15/09/2006 22:16

I think it's totally wrong unlesss it's for medical reasons.

I've got 5 sons & 1 daughter. I had 4 boys in a row and must admit I would have loved another little girl but I wouldn't change anything.....I think the world of my boys.

Wouldn't mind a granddaughter though.

LadyTophamHatt · 15/09/2006 22:44

she had her 3 son a few week ago and she already talking about gender selection through IVF to get a girl .

I hope the 3rd son never finds out he was so wanted

I'm PG with No4 ATM, we have 3 boys already and of course I would love alittle girl. My 21 wk scan showed No4 is a boy too.
Yes, I was sad for a while after finding out but it was avery short while, I can't wait to have my 4th boy now....I think it's very wrong to choose the sex unless there is a medical reason.

3andnomore · 17/09/2006 10:28

I don't agree with sex selection, unless it is done for medical reasons!
I feel you should want a Baby because you want one, not because you want a boy or a girl!
I think there is also another issue with this, if someone is so deseprate for a child of teh opposite sex to teh children one already has and goes to this extreme...I would be worried that once the girl is there the boys will be pushed out a bit

Pinkchampagne · 17/09/2006 10:59

I don't agree with sex selection unless there are medical reasons for it.

TenaLady · 17/09/2006 11:00

Nope im an ivfer and would only gender select if it was for serious medical reasons only.

Original poster
kittylette · 17/09/2006 17:54

she loves her boys very, very much and is a wonderful mum

no 3 is very wanted topam hat,

i shouldve stated that in my oginal post, i dont fear the boys will be pushed out ay all - shes just ensuring she gets a girl,

i dont agree with it but i dont think it affects her ability or her integrity as a mother to her existing children

OP posts:
3andnomore · 19/09/2006 16:27

But why would it be so important to have the "right sex"...

Original poster
kittylette · 20/09/2006 10:25

i suppose after 3 boys shed like a girl

i dont think its about a girl being the 'right sex' for her. if shed had 3 girls shed probably want a boy

OP posts:
Judy1234 · 02/10/2006 19:22

I don't think there's anything worng with it. I followed a special diet to make sure my 3rd child was a boy (although who is to know if it worked or was just chance). I just wanted a mixture of sexes in the family. Nature makes more boys born because they die in war but we don't have so many wars now. I don't think you can use these natural arguments. It would be natural for 25% of mumnetters to have died in childbirth.

hunkermunster · 02/10/2006 19:23

Oh, parp!

Piffle · 02/10/2006 19:25

be a bloody big waste of money if her dh produces no girl sperm won't it?
Wrong, for non medical reasons IMO

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 02/10/2006 19:25

Strongly disagree with it unless for medical reasons. You should have a baby because you want just that - a baby - not one that's the right or wrong sex.

hunkermunster · 02/10/2006 19:26

What if she has the girl and she's an evil little tossface? She'll wonder what her perfect boy might've been like.

Oh, fgs.

I parped and everything...

noonar · 02/10/2006 19:30

i totally agree that it is wrong, except in exceptional circumstances.

however, if there was a way of doing it without sacrificing embryos, then, as mum of 2 girls, i can't prtend i wouldnt be tempted.

noonar · 02/10/2006 19:35

ok, you really shouldnt care what sex your next baby is. but if you have children of the same sex, you don't choose to feel a certain way about it. it's sort of beyond your control. you either feel a 'pang' of sadness about the son/ daughter you've never had, or you don't. doesnt man i love my dds any less! i 'd just really like to have a little boy to nurture too.

why parp?

Pruhoohooohoooooni · 02/10/2006 19:36

I do ivf. I would dearly love not to. To put oneself through it physically and emotionally is taking its toll on me. She might get lucky and get pregnant first go, but in reality most embryos don't implant - even in women who have no fertility problems, like me. It may cost many multiples of £6000. Of course it's her/their choice but that's the reality.

Personally I feel nothing about using it to choose a boy or a girl. If anything, I feel it's a bit of a reactionary, Daily-Mail type thing to say, that it's the thin end of the eugenics wedge. It's a gut reaction, though, isn't it? But sensibly, gender is different from appearance. For one thing, it has only two variables, whereas appearance is controlled by too many genes and too many interactions of genes for it to be a possibility to manipulate them, for a few lifetimes, I think.

It's distasteful but not on the scale of eg choosing a blonde child because blondes are thought to be more beautiful, or whatever.

hunkermunster · 02/10/2006 19:41

Parp because it irritates me.

I have two sons. I have no longing for a girl.

hunkermunster · 02/10/2006 19:42

Quick hug for Pruni x x x

(I also seemingly have two curly-haired children - should I try again for a straight-haired one? I will never know the joy of taking them for a perm or something otherwise)

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 02/10/2006 19:44

A tinge of sadness is fine but to go through unnecessary IVF for the right sex isn't IMO.

I have two boys and was lucky enough to have a girl. Sadly she wasn't lucky enough to be born 100% healthy.

Think I should parp too hunker.

Kidstrack · 02/10/2006 19:48

i can slightly imagine the longing for a daughter but to think about it only weeks after giving birth is beyond me, the sex should only be chosen for health genetic reasons, boys/girls can sometimes be carriers of some horrible illness's in some peoples families.

noonar · 02/10/2006 19:49

i wouldnt say that i 'longed' for a son. but do feel a bit sad that i'll probably never have one. people can't help how they feel. we can't criticise them for that, and shouldnt, imo , trivialise those feelings. however, we can criticise the way people deal with their feelings. i do think that it is wrong to abandon ethics and indulge one's preferences- not matter what the cost.

chipmonkey · 02/10/2006 19:54

I do have a longing for a girl. I wouldn't use IVF though. I don't think I would feel right about discarding a male embryo, it would feel a bit like discarding ds1 or ds2 or ds3. (have just threatened ds3 that he will get discarded if he doesn't keep turning off the monitor!)Sperm selection wouldn't bother me at all because its not the same thing.
I would much prefer it if I didn't feel this way.

Pruhoohooohoooooni · 02/10/2006 20:23

I have got myslef quite cross about this. I get the impression that the public at large thinks ivf is a bit of an inconvenience, quite costly, but a real alternative to natural conception. The media usually talks about ivf without any real reference to how difficult it is.
Most ivf ends in no pregnancy. It takes months. You stuff yourself full of hormones (ignoring the fact that they may not be that good for you) and feel like shit for weeks, if not months. Things go wrong, complex little medical things that you don't really understand, but then, someone else is totally controlling this bit of your life, so all you need to do is accept what they tell you like a meek little girl. It's a violation, physically and emotionally.
I could write more but you get the picture. There's no way I would put myself through it just to "balance" my family.