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Original poster

Sorry, but my children bore me to death!

354 replies

MrsBigD · 26/07/2006 16:54

Not meaning to start a major debate here (that already seems to be happening on the articles own board), just thought it was quite well written and touching on one of the things 'us bad mums' don't dare bring up... imho she's a bit extreme in her attitude but simultaneously have to admit that I have had some of the thoughts myself at times

here is the article

OP posts:
Gizmo · 27/07/2006 12:58

Hmmm.

The second article confirms it.

Woman's a whinging wankpot.

V annoying that she gets paid for it

MrsJohnCusack · 27/07/2006 12:59

I wouldn't say she shouldn't have had children
But I would say she shouldn't be suprised if those children choose not to spend an awful lot of time with her later in life, especially if they ever see this article....

Gobbledigook · 27/07/2006 13:05

The writing is fucking dreadful and she's a hateful bitch.

What a complete pile of steaming poo.

Gobbledigook · 27/07/2006 13:06

The writing is fucking dreadful and she's a hateful bitch.

What a complete pile of steaming poo.

Bugsy2 · 27/07/2006 13:08

Mrs JC, I agree, it is not a well written article & it took me several reads to actually get to the bottom of the point I think she is trying to make.
I think she is being deliberately inflammatory, as she is in her other article about nannies too.
However, I think the views she expressed are not criminal & as you rightly point out do not necessarily make her a bad mother.
She does say she loves her children & it would appear that she has enough money to ensure they are well looked after. The trip to the cinema & the offer of a game of Monopoly would suggest a degree of involvement in their life that is beyond merely existing in the same house. I am surprised that people feel she is rubbish, a bad mother, a narcisstic bitch and so on.
I would like to know where their definitions of "good" motherhood come from.

MrsJohnCusack · 27/07/2006 13:11

I think one thing that really hacks people off is writing about her children in such a public way, and they are old enough to see/read it and understand too - then using them to look cute in the accompanying picture.

it is really hard to read though - can't actually tell if one is misintepreting it or not because of the way it's written

there just seems to be no joy there - it seems such a shame

Bugsy2 · 27/07/2006 13:23

but MrsJC sometimes there isn't much joy is there. Other than very brief moments of reprieve I found the years of up until my DS was 5 & DD 2.5 pretty joyless. It was a really hard slog. I'm not moaning - just observing the reality for me. I didn't expect motherhood to be easy, but I had no idea what was actually involved either.
I still find an awful lot of the stuff boring beyond my wildest expectations. I am crap at playing with children. However, I bust a gut to find a good school & get my children into it. I ensure that they have good healthy food & because I have to work, I try to find the best childcare for them I can afford.
What I am trying to say is that you can be bored by playing & children's activities without being a bad mother.

joelallie · 27/07/2006 13:30

Bugsy2 - yes a lot of kids activities are dull but it is possible to find things that you do enjoy doing with them. And someone who really can't find anything at all that they might enjoy with their kids must be a fairly limited human beings.

MrsJohnCusack · 27/07/2006 13:31

of course you can, and yes lots of it can be pretty joyless

but I think you can admit that without implying that people who do love spending time with children must be less intelligent than you, or have just sold out. Which is how is comes across to me.

blueshoes · 27/07/2006 13:33

Just spotted this article, also courtesy of the Daily Mail, slating the original one. This is much more sensible:

link

Looks like the Daily Mail has the battle lines drawn for us!

beckybrastraps · 27/07/2006 13:35

I tell you why it made me sad.
Children can be dull. Their games are repetitive. All those boring things like getting them dressed and getting them out of the house are annoying. I too am uncomfortable with women who make their children their "career". It's not for me.
But, if you avoid your children, you miss out on the little nuggets of joy and pride which just light up your life. When they say something that is just so perfect it makes you want to cry. When you realise that, despite your neglect, they have learned something.
Perhaps I misread it, but it just seemed this writer was so uninvolved in her children's lives that she would miss these moments.
Yesterday, completely unexpectedly, my ds said something that was phrased so perfectly, so poetically, that I just had to hold him tight, much to his amazement. Has I been avoiding him, instead of only half-listening, I would have missed it.

joelallie · 27/07/2006 13:36

I like Virginia Ironside She writes in the Independent and seems eminently sensible.

Original poster
MrsBigD · 27/07/2006 13:43

she might be a bit more sensible but ...

'If you hand your children over to nannies early on, it's easy to miss out on the bonding that is the foundation of motherhood. And that's a pity, not just for the child, but for the mother as well.'

I have 'handed my children over to cm/nanny early on (i.e. 5 months and 8 months respectively). However I do not feel either of us (me or kids) have missed out on bonding.

IMHO Mrs. Ironside has written the article a bit to the other extreme

OP posts:
Bugsy2 · 27/07/2006 13:43

Becky & MrsJC, I understand the points you are making completely. I'm perfectly happy to have this sort of discussion & think that there is alot to be gained from it.
I spend lots of time with my two, often simply because I have to - rather than actively because I choose too. However, as they get older there are more & more frequently we have good times together, which is wonderful & I wouldn't want to miss.
Maybe I just felt really uncomfortable with the incredibly strong wording about this woman as a mother. It always saddens me when we women knife each other in the back because their choices are not the same as our own.

Bugsy2 · 27/07/2006 13:45

Apologies for complete illiteracy. Must check better before posting.

kittywits · 27/07/2006 13:48

Well, I would say that there are many ways of being a "good" mother: Being emotionally and physically absent most of the time isn't going to get you an A++. Being there for you kids even though life with them can be tedious at times is a basic requirement and is not something that is above and beyond the call of duty. There has to be a parenting base line and I don't think she comes close to aceiving even that.

Greensleeves · 27/07/2006 13:53

Have just read the second article.

God, these people are disgusting. Barely human. [skin-crawling emoticon]

joelallie · 27/07/2006 13:55

MrsBigD - I too 'handed my kids over' to a CM at 3 months, 4 month and 4 months. But that wasn't to avoid the tedium of nappy changing and potty training - it was because I didn't have any choice. I too don't feel that my kids or my relationship with them was damaged. VI's contention was that the problem lies in doing this in order to avoid having to do any of the tedious parenting stuff. I thought so anyway.

I wouldn't say that she was the other extreme. I've never ever seen her as a SAHM earth-mother type at all. Probably just over-reacting a little.

Bugsy2 - I agree that the mud-slinging is unfortunate but the tone of the original acticle was somewhat dismissive of those mothers who are child-centred. She wasn't keen on the whole mothering package so she was scornful of those that were. And the otther thing that annoyed me was the 'come on, be honest, we all secretly thing the same' attitude. Well no we bl**dy don't actually! Anyway I think the article was intended to get a huuuge backlash...the Mail being what it is.

Original poster
MrsBigD · 27/07/2006 14:06

joelallie, maybe I was overreacting myself, but I always get irked when people assume that I miss out on bonding etc because I handed over my kids to childcare. I had no real choice either, my options were either going to work and be happy during the time I had with my children or being a SAHM and falling deeper and deeper into depression and hence being useless to my children.

I love my children and do lots of stuff with them, including the 'tedious' ones (e.g. birthday parties galore which my dh avoids like the plague, the parties that is). However if I were with them 24/7 I probably would go insane. Does that make me selfish? Maybe a little but...

OP posts:
joelallie · 27/07/2006 14:17

"However if I were with them 24/7 I probably would go insane. Does that make me selfish? Maybe a little but... "

No. I feel the same. In fact I know I'm the same as I now work at home 2 days a week and have DS#2 with me. I find that he can drive me mad when he's very demanding and if I'm not careful I can end up telling him to 'go and find a teddy', or 'why don't you go and watch CBeebies' all the time. But I recognise that that is my lack and not his. And when I see his little face fall as yet again I refuse to play with him, I know that I am not doing my job properly and I make myself get down on my hands and knees and play trains or help him paint a picture. He has learned to play by himself but somehow there is something very sad about hearing him having little conversations with his toys rather than a real person and when the older 2 come home he won't leave them alone [sad[. But generally I find I'm better out of the house with them - picnics, long walks, visits to friends - situations where we do interact but there are other distractions too. The original article made it very clear (to me anyway) that she had virtually no enjoyable interaction with her children. And that is not OK.

Wordsmith · 27/07/2006 14:34

I find the boring bits of bringing up children dull - and summer holidays are a chore but only because I can't devote my time 100% to playing, like they want me to - I have work and housework/everything else to do as well - so that's why a couple of days a week they got to nursery/school/activity club. But there is no way I would describe having kids as boring! I love taking them for days out and paying in the paddling pool and having fun with them. Being stuck inside on a too hot/too wet day and trying to find diverting activities when all they want to don is watch TV is boring, but I've never had so much fun as when I'm with my kids. Yes, they annoy the hell out of me and can make me feel extremes of emotions, but I feel really sorry for this woman if she can't find anything about her lovely-looking children to enjoy.

Original poster
MrsBigD · 27/07/2006 14:57

joelallie glad to hear I'm not alone ;)

Having no interaction with the kids is indeed not o.k. I have a friend who's friend or was it cousin? worked as a nanny for a high flyer family where the mother was hardly ever around. When the girl she looked after was about 4 or 5 she (the girl) turned around to the nanny telling her 'why can't you be my mummy'. She (the nanny) nearly cried. That imho is just so wrong - of the mother not the nanny.

OP posts:
DontlookatmeImshy · 27/07/2006 14:59

Makes me wonder why some people even bother having children.
What a shallow selfish bore.

Never mind, shoe might be on the other foot in 20 years time when they want nothing to do with her cos 'old people are boring'

kittywits · 27/07/2006 15:00

I honestly think that for women like the one in the Daily Mail, they have children because they're curious as to what it will feel like to be a parent. They have the children then decide it's not for them. "A child's for life not just for when you feel like it".

MrsJohnCusack · 27/07/2006 15:36

BUgsy I really agree with you on the attacking women when their views don't agree with you own; it's so divisive. DM loves to see us women criticise each other. but with such an extreme article, she was going to get extreme views.

the Virginia Ironside response is also extreme isn't it- I don't like that she implies that 'handing over' your children to a nanny ruins bonding and you won't be as close to them as someone who is at home all the time. I'm sure that makes mothers who have done this feel great. And then all the antideluvian twits who think women should be at home chained to the sink come out going 'quite right, mothers who work are so selfih, bla bla bla'.

grr

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