Sorry, but my children bore me to death!

[MrsBigD]

Not meaning to start a major debate here (that already seems to be happening on the articles own board), just thought it was quite well written and touching on one of the things 'us bad mums' don't dare bring up... imho she's a bit extreme in her attitude but simultaneously have to admit that I have had some of the thoughts myself at times

here is the article

bugsy I dont think ANY mother would say that you should only get satisfaction with your life through your children

of course thats not true - I get satisfaction from loooooooooads of things un-child related (not sure why working for some mind-numbing corporation is somehow a 'bigger' use of brain power than loving and nurturing your children though)

and you can raise a sardonic eyebrow at people who hate the article if you like! But the really gruesome part of it is taht her kids will read it someday - I personally find it morally and spiritually vapid, I would hate to be that selfish and spoilt and believe, in a rather old-fashioned way, that helping and nurturing others helps you to grow and develop with dignity and grace.

"Frankly, as long as you've fed them, sheltered them and told them they are loved"

I told my bank manager this morning I'd be putting money in to cover the overdraft - it don't make it true!

I am guilty of having one day a week when my dd is in nursery and I am not working. I use this day to go to the gym, clean the house, sort out house stuff generally. However, I LOVE the time that I spend with DD and make the most of the time that I have with her - dh and I spend most of our spare time with her and I think that the author is missing out. Why have kids if you don't like spending ANY time with them? Seems like having kids was a box that she needed to tick on her middle class 'to do' list right after get a first at uni, get good job, get married.... and right before hire understanding nanny.

Sounds like she is pretty up front with her children to me. I doubt that they will be surprised by her revelations in the Daily Mail. She says she loves them. She doesn't say they are little gits, perfect horrors or anything nasty about them at all. She just owns up to finding children's activities boring.
Judging by the reaction on here, you'd have thought she had owned up to some appalling crime.

No doubt her kids will be packed off to boarding school before long. Mind you, probably far better for them than living in the same house as someone who barely tolerates their existence.

Maybe not Batters, but they are a bit old for that!
I suppose I am taken aback by how horrified people seem to be by her admission. And I'm annoyed by the number of people saying "oh, she shouldn't have had children then". Why the hell not? Since when did having children become about being totally fascinated by your children at the expense of everything else?

You have to have a reasonable degree of interested involvement with your children in order to be a good mother. If you aren't interested, no matter if you say you love them , then you are truely a crp mother. She is crp.

So what is a reasonable degree of interested involvement? taking them to the cinema, sending them to a good school, organising a good nanny? Or does it have to be storytime, playdoh & trips to the park?
Honestly not tyring to have a dig here, genuinely curious as to everyone's very strong reaction to this woman's views.

Bugsy I think the article says that she finds spending any time with her children boring. The only good word she has to say about them is that they are creative (ie finding things to do without her input) and make their own social arrangements (because they have had to learn to).

I think loving spending time with your children does not equate to sacrificing your life and interests to them. The two are not mutually exclusive.

Where I do agree with her is the 'professionalisation' of being a parent, which IMO has led to all sorts of evils from Gina to Supernanny.

I have always done things with my children that I have enjoyed. So I do reading, cooking, lego-ey stuff, board games. DP does the more creative arty stuff, football etc.

We both like being out and about with them, national trust type places, parks, museums, galleries etc. We both loathe soft play/ big amusement parks so we never go there. I've never found it hard to do things that appeal to all of us.

I found it sadder that the woman was proud that she had no idea about school, or her sons teachers. I bet she has no idea who their friends are either. To me that is an unacceptable lack of interest.

I've re-read the article again and I cannot see anywhere where she says that spending any time at all with her children is boring. The article is not saying that children are boring but simply that alot of the stuff they do can be perceived by some adults as boring. As far as I can tell, she is just admitting that she has found certain aspects of child-rearing dull & she is not going to do them.
I know my son's form teacher, but I don't know the name of the ICT teacher, music teacher or PE teacher. Is that an unnacceptable lack of interest? Where are we drawing the line here - between the admission that she doesn't know the name of most of the teachers & concluding that she therefore doesn't know who her children's friends are either?

Yes it is sad that she seesm to delight in finding her children a constant bore, I so wish someone would write a sensible article on this issue

"To be honest, I spent much of the early years of my children's lives in a workaholic frenzy because the thought of spending time with them was more stressful than any journalistic assignment I could imagine".

"They stopped asking me to take them to the park (how tedious) years ago. But now when I try to entertain them and say: 'Why don't we get out the Monopoly board?' they simply look at me woefully and sigh: 'Don't bother, Mum, you'll just get bored.'

How right they are".

Bugsy she doesn't say anything about what she does like doing with them - safe to assume then that it may be nothing?

I think the problem is that the article is so dull we have all glossed over the details!

"To be honest, I spent much of the early years of my children's lives in a workaholic frenzy because the thought of spending time with them was more stressful than any journalistic assignment I could imagine".

"I was begging the nanny to stay on, at least until she had read my two a bedtime story"

"Is that because talking to anyone under the age of ten requires some sort of lobotomy?"

She does say this, which rather implies a dread of spending any time with them....and also there is no mention whatsoever of any activity she does enjoy with her children - if there was I think people would feel a lot more well disposed towards her!

I think there is a fair point in saying that not all parents find their children endlessly interesting and want to spend all their time with them, and that is an interesting and useful discussion. I don't think this article does it though, and it also makes extremely irritating sideswipes at the intelligence of anyone who chooses to spend lots of time with their children.

and now I'm declaring my boredom with her, her crappy article, and the Daily Mail. Please tell me to leave if you see me on this thread again!

Imo she's a rubbish mother. I can't believe that anyone would want to defend her views, Bugsy.

interesting

and now I am going to get myself a life

I'm not sure why I feel so strongly about the backlash to the article Kittywits. I loathe the Daily Mail & would never have seen the article had it not been posted on here.
I suppose I am defending her right to say that she is bored by children's activities. I also question the definition of what is a "good" mother & I am curious as to how people can issue the judgement that "she shouldn't have had children".

Tantrums, nappy changing, ferrying kids about IS boring. Not exactly news is it? But taking them to museums, watching films with them isn't boring ...not in my book anyway. From reading her long whinge there doesn't seem to be anything about her kids that she does like? I don't remember anyone telling me that it was all going to easy or exciting - that's a myth that's promulgated by bored mothers who feel letdown by the whole experience and want someone else to blame. Not all of life is fulfilling....some of it is dull and mundane. So what? Get over it!!!

I confess that I don't play very well with my kids. I get frustrated and can always see other things that I could/should be doing. But I stick to the things I do enjoy - reading to them, taking them out for walks and looking for bugs, having long complicated discussions with DS#1 and DD about the Big Bang, global warming, religion ...stuff that fascinates all three of us and the fact that we don't know that much doesn't seem to get in the way....and dinosaurs and animals to DS#2 I do the boring stuff too...I hate lego and painting but I'll spend a few minutes until they're involved enough to do it on their own.

And I don't know about her parents but mine would most definitely interrupt an adult activity to attend something that my brother or I were involved in. I found that a really odd assertion to make about our parents generation...

Yes I can see that to a certain extent modern kids maybe are a little 'spoilt' for want of a better word. They are treated as if they are the centre of the whole world but you don't change tht by treating them as if they are boring and too dull to spend time with, and throwing nannies and possessions at them. How will children learn to value themselves if their own parents don't?

I think we can and often are bored by our children's activities. I certainly am. The difference is that most people carry on regardless because they have a sense of love, duty and responsibilty.
I would guess that people are angry because her selfishness can only have a negative impact on her children's emotional health and security. What her actions are saying is that she puts her needs above her children's and ultimately their needs weren't a big enough incentive for her to actually become an involved parent.
A child in my 8 yro DS's class has a mother very similar to this woman. Not so much with all the money to throw at the situation, but she palms her kids off on evrbody she can. She is absolutely obsesseed with horses and spends all her time at the stables.Tthe kids don't come to school with the right stuff, miss school trips, parties etc because she has forgotton. More like not been bothered because she never forgets horse stuff. It makes me so sad to see those little children look so lost and sad. She never comes to open evenings, assemblies, school events . Her children see the involvement of the other parents and you can just SEE the look of disappointment on their faces. I truely don't understand why she had them in the first place.

I hate the Daily Mail with a passion. Perhaps I shouldn't be surprised that they print this kind of shoddy writing in a pathetic attempt to look like a newspaper. You get better writing in the Beano.

Have to admit that I too hate the park with a passion........ That is dull, dull. dull. However thankfully my older 2 can go on their own now .

I do know what you mean Bugsy2 and I have been very careful not to say she's a crap mother or anything similar because I just don't think things are always that simple. And I wouldn't say that people who find small children boring are neccesarily crap parents either, it's not that black and white.

I think good points could have been made in the article, they're just not made in a thoughtful or useful manner, just exaggerated and it makes her sound deeply unpleasant (and, ironically, quite boring), which is kind of my objection to the whole thing! also the sly remarks about intelligence, and then reading the other article I linked to where she's rather snide and sensationalist about nannies - she obviously does think she is more intelligent and a cut above anyone who decides to be a nanny which does get my goat.

as I said earlier, it's a typical DM article designed to set women against each other - makes me furious.

not doing very well at keeping away am I....