Gay parents the new norm?

[yummymummy345]

Is it just me? but I do not entirely relish the idea of same sex couples being parents and thus becoming the norm. Watching Channel 4 news, they are highlighting books aimed at children with same sex couples instead of the traditional man/woman combo. I'm really not trying to offend anyone but I think men and women are generally different and so offer different things to a child, can 2 women or 2 men offer the same? I know 2 women/men would love that child just as much but is it all about love and security and thats it?

Gay marriage in the news also is looking to change our culture to make it the norm although I dont understand why civl partnership which affords the same rights? is not enough? A church marriage is for 2 people to procreate (if possible) so why does this all need to be changed?

I am interested on peoples opinions these are obviously just mine but would like to add I am not religious or homophobic .

[yummymummy345]

Blimey you would have had me sterilised! the terribly bigoted idiotic person I am!

Cor imagine if we all thought the same then you wouldn't have anyone to attempt to offend.

[Valpollicella]

But your posts do make you sound bigoted OP. Can you explain why it would be detrimental to the child?

[Booyhoo]

hahaha. look at you trying to turn this round on other posters! FAIL!

OP can you answer my last post please?

[Devora]

OP, I'm not interested in bashing you, but you should have a think about what you are doing here. You KNOW you are not the only one with these views - until recently they were clearly majority opinion, and loads of people still feel as you do.

Now imagine my kids, at school, with a group of mums chatting in the playground, thinking like you do. Do you think your dc, and others, won't pick up these views? Do you think they won't repeat them to children like mine, tease them, bully them?

I'll bet you don't know any lesbian or gay families. Perhaps you have a particular mental image of what same sex parents are like? Perhaps you should ask some questions before you decide that you know what it's about, and it's not good for children?

It's all very well shooting off inflammatory posts and then going all 'so shoot me' when people challenge you, but please don't miss the very real impact of your views on living, breathing children.

[Valpollicella]

Devora I hope you can take something from this thread in that there are a LOT of other mums posting who wouldn't give a glittery shit and don't have the same opinion as the OP.

[yummymummy345]

My original post asked can 2 men or women offer the same to a child as heterosexual couples, I was interested in opinions, I didnt state same sex couples should not be parents. I have come to the conclusion that perhaps there is no real difference as long as loving, secure relationships, children can thrive. I was interested in opinions that is all.

Booyhoo your asking a complicated question off the subject ie single parents I have given my opinion on this.

[KobayashiMaru]

your pants are on fire.

[Booyhoo]

no, i'm asking you if you are ok about a single gay parent raising a child and whether you think that is better or worse for the child than two gay parents in a couple. it is very relevant to the topic of the thread that YOU started. why can you not answer these questions? can you see that i am trying to get you to question your views by transferring them to similar scenarios that may or may not be more palatable to you.

if you are ok about a single gay person raising a child then it leaves me to assume that it is the act of being in a gay relationship that you think would be detrimental to the child being raised. which you say isn't the case. so i am quite confused.

are you happy with the idea of a single gay person raising a child?

[edam]

I think it's one of the most moving social changes that's happened in my lifetime, that gay people can have children in gay relationships and that it can be normal and fine. I remember being a teenager and overhearing a gay kfriend of my mum's saying, of course, course I'll never have children... Fast forward 20 years and dh's gay male boss has two kids, who have four parents, parents, two Mummies and two Daddies. So lovely, esp as said boss spent his early adulthood being arrested for protesting for gay rights (in New Zealand).

[Devora]

Thanks, Valpollicella . I do find MN a very safe and supportive place as a lesbian parent. I know i needn't bother posting at all, as loads of other MNetters will make the arguments I would make. I just hope that sometimes, it can make a difference to post about personal experience. I think some people imagine gay parents spend their lives sticking diamante and pink boas on their offspring and carting them round clubs and Pride demos, and maybe, just maybe, getting that our lives are about picking raisins off the floor and drilling Jolly Phonics might help them see us as parents first, hedonistic demons second.

[Devora]

edam, I agree. My head spins when I think how far we have come, and how fast. When I came out as a gay teenager, in the early 80s, the climate was so very hostile and for many years I just believed I would never be able to have children (which was heartbreaking, as I had always wanted them). It is amazing that I have been able to have children - that the state has even given me a child to parent - and that we live in a very straight suburb where we and our children are welcomed and respected. Fantastic stuff.

[Greensleeves]

It isn't off the subject, it's relevant to the posters who are trying desperately to get to the root of your prejudice and understand it. Easier though it would be to just ignore you.

What exactly is it about a hetero relationship that you think children need and would miss out on? Is it some half-baked cultural hangover you have about children going fishing with daddy and coming home to a mummy in a apron who has just baked some gingerbread man? Or do they need daddy to teach them how to change a fuse and mummy to teach them how to make a bed with hospital corners? Or... mummy to be soft and sympathetic and daddy to lay down the law?

Because nobody's life is actually like that. Or is it sexual disgust? Is it that the couple are modelling a gay sexual relationship to the children? Because really if you think it through, it's no different from a hetero household - one generally tries to keep the coital howling to a minimum while the kids are awake, and answer any questions in an age-appropriate manner.

Explain what your actual problem is. Please.

[yummymummy345]

Booyhoo I do not have an issue with a single gay person as a parent. But your assumption which you have made about me is incorrect.

I do think that personal stories are helpful if willing to give, what good does it do calling someone homophobic etc - does it really change things?

[Booyhoo]

" But your assumption which you have made about me is incorrect."

feel free to tell me what is right to assume about you then.

what is the issue with a gay couple raising a child that isn't an issue with a single gay person raising a child?

[OeufsEnCocotte]

OP, not being funny here, but is English your first language?

[TheSmallerPenguin]

What good does calling someone homophobic do?

It challenges your attitude. It needs challenging. Hopefully what may change is that you have a rethink about your attitude. I fear that may be wishful thinking, but the reason we no longer send the police around to bother people who are happily having consensual sex is that someone bothered to challenge someone else's attitude.

[Ginformation]

OP is this in any way related to the digital spy thread ?

If so, you are barking up the wrong ill informed tree. You will not get the response you were hoping for.

If I am wrong, my apologies and my sympathies for your little intolerant world.

^ what maryz said. ODFOD.

[yummymummy345]

Ok, for what its worth, when I wrote the post I wasn't sure what a difference if any, it made to have same sex parents or hetero parents. Although I wasn't comfortable with the new cultural change of acceptence. Thinking through, I believe (rightly or wrongly) in quite traditional role models for the male and female parents. However, in reality I guess it doesn't make any difference who performs what roles as long as the children are well loved and cared for.

[Booyhoo]

why are you uncomfortable with the acceptance of gay couples as parents? surely you want to raise your children in a more accepting world than we have previously had so that they will grow up feeling accepted as who they are rather than having to hide any aspect of their being? you understand that your children might be gay, or bisexual dont you? why would you want them to not be accepted in society?

[SPBInDisguise]

I think the op has accepted sibu

[ripsishere]

Not before time though.
Shock horror, my friends have three children. Two boys and a girl. They are most worried about the girl since neither of them have ever had a period or a fanny.
They are the best, most involved and loving parents of all my friends. Better than me which, TBH, isn't too difficult.

[SPBInDisguise]

:)

[cory]

I've just realised that dh does not actually possess all the possible male qualities. In fact, I can think of quite a few traditional ones that are conspicuously lacking.

On consideration, it is also possible that I do not have a full supply of feminine qualities either.

So this means our children will not be getting the fully rounded bringing up that you are so concerned about, non?

I can, however, assure you that dh is in possession of a willy whereas I do sport a (somewhat torn and mangled) fanny. Does that make us ok then?

Is it about individual qualities or about toolkit?

[sunshine401]

O Lovely and we say we live in a free society. You sound charming by the way op.