Sir Roy Meadow to face inquiry

[musica]

Here's the story

I you did the right thing and your quote sounds very generous. Haven't had a reply from my MP yet but will post when I do. Will be thinking of you anyway and really hope access visit is good. Hugs.

I think you did the right thing, my only worry was the technical legality of writing to your son (I know how draconian those family law gagging orders can be) and wondered if they would try to stop you writing by using the law. Could you ask the solicitor's advice on this or do you know already. I really think it is incredibly important that your son knows you love him, have always loved him, always wanted to keep him and didn't harm him or his sister. I certainly don't want to worry you and think you wrote wonderful things - as I have said many times before, you are a far more generous person than I would be in your shoes.

Any news Bunglie?

I wish I could write and say that I had some news, but alas I have not heard anything. I emailed my MP to find out if Mrs Hodge did make a statement, but no reply yet. I have not heard back from the adoptive parents since sending them the letter and would you believe that today is the anniversary of the judge making the order to have them adopted. So all in all it has been a pretty rotten day.
I sit, I cry, I think how selfish I am and that there are people like cheeseball who never even got to show her children love. I at least had a chance for a couple of years to show mine that they were conceived and cared for with love. So I then stop crying and try to pull myself together and then I start to think have I done the right thing. Will they break off contact with me, will they read this thread and hate me and then all sorts of awful scenarios go through my head. So you see I am a bit screwed up today and emotional. I spoke to a friend earlier who cheered me up, and made me realise that life was really not that bad. I just need to get past today and then I shall be back in 'fighting' spirit!!
Oh ** my virus checker has just reported that I have w32.mydoom virus on my system. I was going to sort myself out now and have a cup of tea and 'comfort eat' a packet of ginger creams!! I must find out how I get rid of this virus, it is quarantined at the moment.
Why are people so destructive - do they really think creating a virus is a game?
At the moment it is the last straw and if I ever got hold of anyone who admitted to doing it I would not be responsible for my actions.
Sorry - I shall feel a lot better tomorrow and maybe I shall have some news, I hope so.
Love Bunglie XXX

Maryz, Thank you. I think I understand what you and wayward are saying. Please do continue to 'talk' about it because just as there are 5000 (at least) mothers out there in my situation there must be 10,000 parents, going through what my childrens adoptive parents are going through and I think it is easy to focus on 'us' and people say 'how awful' but I need to know how it must be affecting my childrens adoptive parents, I want to understand. You are brave enough to tell me how you would feel and that gives me valuable insight.
I had not intended to tell my children anything until I thought they were 'strong' and mature enough to understand. I now feel that I have to tell them, to put my side, as my son was sent a letter and I do not think I would have found out about this letter had it not been for Meadow's being exposed.
It is easy to sympathise with someone like me or cheeseball, but the adoptive parents must come into this equation and IMO I think that their feelings must be considered if they are to understand and help 'their' children. Do you understand what I mean? You are a wonderful insight into the other half of the equation. Your frankness has helped me to understand.
Wayward - I do also appreciate your input as it tells me how an adopted child could feel, I know everyone is different but I think that this highlights the fact that each case must be reviewed individually and a judgment made according to the current circumstances of the children concerned. Every set of parents and all the children will have very different relationships and it would be wrong to have a judgment made without considering this.
That is why I am pleased that Helena Kennedy is involved because I think that she is a very open and fairminded person who will judge each case as individuals.
I am tired, I hope I have not just typed a load of rubbish. I will try to have a good sleep tonight and thought that I would pick up some holiday brochures tomorrow and try and cheer myself up and think of something constructive.

Bunglie, you seem to be so rational even when you are having a bad day!
I am sorry and hope that you feel better today.
You made a point that I had not even thought about, you are so correct in saying that it is easy to read yours and cheesballs story and say 'how awful' and it is awful. but to think that there are TEN THOUSAND people who have lost their children, another TEN THOUSAND who have adopted them and then when you add on the children themselves you are talking a minimum of FIFTY THOUSAND PEOPLE who have had their lives upset/destroyed what ever you want to call it by ONE man. How did we let the justice system, social services get away this for so long. We owe it to ourselves, and future generations to never let anything like this happen again. Remember Cleavland and the Orkney inquiries well that was only a handful of families and the government held an inquirey into those cases. I think that they are 'dragging their deet here, and they need ALL of us to give our support to everyone who has been affected by this man. If you have not written, I urge you to write to your M.P. Rather than go back all the way through, just 'flip' this thread and read bunglie and cheesballs stories. I am angry, saddenned and I admire what you have done in telling us your story Bunglie. We must not let this 'thread' stop until we hear that there has been some kind of resolution.
With huggs XX

Have you sent the letter to your son yet? I would in your position. The adoptive parents (who don't seem as skilled or loving as Maryz from what you say and how your son is living) have had a chance to respond IMO. I really hope this goes well for you. You deserve it.

I have not yet sent the letter to my son, I so much want to, but I do feel that I 'owe' it to the adoptive parents to come back to me and if possible tell me what he has been told. I think it would be far less damaging for hime to know the truth but if they helped me it would be better. I do not know what a reasonable time to wait for a reply is. Am I just putting off sending it to him and making excuses? My head says give them a couple of days, my heart says send it. H-E-L-P ? Do you think I should send it regardless, your advice has always been 'spot on' aloah. You must have a sensible gene as you seem to be able to empathise, yet give practical advice. Thank you. I feel better today, I do not know why after all this time I still will never forget the judges words or the date when he freed my children for adoption.
Wayward - I can not imagine one other person going through this let alone thousands. The enormity of it all is to far reaching for me to comprehend. I am selfish I want to stop hurting inside because I love my children so much. I should be able to empathise with cheeseball, but I find it difficult, it is too awful to even contemplate.

Bunglie you are one of the least selfish people I have ever encountered. Throughout all this you have been putting your children first and even thinking about their adoptive parents and the effect on them. IMO please do send the letter to your son asap; he's officially an adult now and the relationship with his adoptive parents seems to be strained, to say the least. At any rate, he deserves to know the truth. As always, will be thinking of you and your kids and will post if I ever hear from my MP. Am moving house so will also write to my new MP (he's a Tory so may well be happy to have a go at the government, IYSWIM).

Have you heard any more from your MP, Bunglie? May be worth pressing him or her to ask a parliamentary question or put down an early day motion to focus attention on these cases and press government to get on with it.

Oh, Bunglie you are NOT selfish. You are the very opposite of selfish. Please believe us when we say this. I personally think your son deserves the truth. If he has chosen to live on his own at the age of 18 then he clearly regards himself as separate from his adoptive parents and I think that you should probably do so too. I cannot bear to think of him thinking you are a bad mother, when you so clearly are not. When will your daughter turn 18?

She will not be 18 for another 10 months. So you see I do not want them to break off contact now between us. I am afraid that if I do anything 'wrong' this will give them the 'excuse' they have been looking for to stop bringing her to see me. I have never been to their home and I rely on their compliance with the courts order. They do not always contact me when they are supposed to. I should have seen her at Christmas and her birthday. This contact has usually been 'joined' together, but this last Christmas and Birthday they were 'too busy' but they have said that they will try to arrange something for half term which is in a couple of weeks I think? She seems to have a very good relationship with her brother and I can not help thinking that he has shown her this letter and maybe she did not want to see me at Christmas and hence they were 'too busy'. Am I jumping the gun and being unfair. It is hard for me to see it from a neutral perspective, that is why all you mumsnetters are so helpful.
Thankyou Bunglie XX

I think I'd wait until your daughter's visit before sending the letter then but this is only my opinion, go with your own feelings. When you send the letter, he'll probably tell his sister about it (unless he's a very unusual person). There will be lots of emotional fall out ? outrage on your and their behalf, anger at social services/lawyers/docs, perhaps anger at adoptive parents, maybe, and this might be very hard for you, disbelief. I think there are a series of stages of emotions that you go through if you have a life crisis (can't remember what they are but someone here might) that include disbelief, anger, acceptance. But in the end the truth is so important your story has to be told. I will be thinking of you all and hope that it goes well.

I have only just seen this thread and have just read it all. I can hardly see the screen for tears. Bunglie and cheeseball - I have no words - I just have no words to expess my sorrow at what you have gone through. I know nothing can make it right, but the world needs to know what has happened to you. I will write to my MP. I hope you can both find some peace.

Bunglie, it has to be your decision, but maybe wait until you see if they contact you or keep the contact meeting as planned. If not, you have nothing to lose by sending that letter and I hope and hope you will be able to build a new relationship with your children. I cannot tell you how much this story has touched me. I think of you very often.

Ahhhhh! I feel better now! I found that things were just getting too much so I went away for a 'long-weekend'. I could sleep, think and try and get things in perspective. I feel that although 'The Meadows Man' is retired and living quite happily I have being going through a personal 'hell'. I think that is was you wonderful mumsnetters that gave me the kick start that I needed but then I had so many mixed emotions, decisions and it was all getting out of proportion in my head and I found that I was making myself ill with worry. Do I or Don't I what is right. I was just so worried about losing contact with my daughter and I want so badly to see and have contact with my son. I think I was in danger of doing something in haste that would have hurt all involved.
Now that I have had a rest and a good think, away from the constant reminders of the children I can think clearly. I knew that you would come through for me!! I have a date NEXT WEEK to see my daughter with her adoptive parents. I have said in a letter to them that I do not want to discuss the 'current Meadow's situation' with them while my daughter is here. I will be able to give her her birthday and Christmas presents and hopefully guage the reaction of the adoptive parents as to whether they will contact me after, so that we can decide on the best way to talk to my children (and there's), and I wondered if they might encourage my son to come with them. Maybe that is just very wishful thinking on my part.
Either way I have decided that they must know the truth and I should like it to be with the help of the adoptive parents, but if this is not posssible I shall contact an organization called NORCAP who I have been told offer counselling services and should be able to help me. Does anyone know anything about NORCAP?
I feel that I have nothing to loose now by telling my son the truth, and he deserves to know it. It will not be long until my daughter is 18 but I think she should be told as well. If the adoptive parents do not want me to tell them, well to be honest, I am sorry for them but I have lived with this stigma for long enough and I want the truth out in the open. There have been too many lies already and it is destructive. I love my children, I will always love them and It hurts so much to think that they hate me because of what they may have been told.
Am I being selfish and thinking of myself in wanting them to know the truth, or would it be easier for them to continue to justify their adoption because I was deemed an un-fit mother?
Cheesball, if you feel any way how I was feeling give yourself some time out, if you can. I felt as if I was a coiled spring about to 'twang'!
I have emailed my M.P. again to find out what is going on.
Please God, let everything be alright next week when I see my daughter.
I think everyone needs time to themselves every now and then and I know it must have helped as I can think of them without bursting into tears.
Thank you, thank you .... for all of your advice and support. Please though write to your M.P. and Margaret Hodge (if you have not already) as this mans damage is so far reaching it is difficult to comprehend how many people he has affected? We can not let the government 'hide' the impact that this man has had and the lives that he has derstroyed.
Sorry for the long 'sermon' but I shall let you know if I get a reply and what happens when I see my daughter. oooooh! I can't wait

Bunglie THANK YOU! Since all of this started and 'the Meadows person' has been shown to be an unreliable witness you would not believe the stress that it has caused me and especially my dh. I think we need a holiday, what a wonderful idea, to leave all this behind for a while.
I do not think I have ever hated anyone in my life but at the moment I hate myself, the world and Meadows. Yes ... I need a break!!!
I too have written to my M.P. but had no reply. I think the government are ignoring it and hoping that the GMC will do their dirty work.
Oh, I would give anything to know that my little girl is happy. What is this NORCAP?
Professor Meadow's deprived me of a family, I am not certain that I can forgive him for that but I understand that hate is destructive but what else is there?

I have never erad this thread before and am now sitting at my desk crying - they all think I am mad anyway. I was parted from my beautiful daughter for 14 months (well for 5 days a week) and it was beyond painful - it was like grief - I cannot ever imagine what you two have been through because of that Bastard.

I can't think of anything to say other than you two are terribly strong and brave and a wonderful example to everyone who thinks that they have no hope.

I hope everything goes well when you see your Daughter Bunglie and I know it sounds like me trying to get your hopes up but the fact that this guy is being shown for what he really is can only help in terms of reestablishing a relationship with your children.

Am gonna have a delve onto the internet now and see if I can find anything helpful for you.

Bunglie and Cheeseball please write to Lord Howe - he is the Shadow Spokesman for Health.

"Earlier this year Lord Howe, the Shadow spokesman for health in the House of Lords, delivered a scathing attack on Meadow, calling MSBP "one of the most pernicious and ill-founded theories to have gained currency in childcare and social services in the past 10 to 15 years. It is a theory without science. There is no body of peer-reviewed research to underpin MSBP. It rests instead on the assertions of its inventor. When challenged to produce his research papers to justify his original findings, the inventor of MSBP stated, if you please, that he had destroyed them".

He obviously hates RM anyway and I am sure he would be interested in your cases and may be able to point you in the direction you need too.

Tony Coleman - MP for Putney is also onvolved after hearing from one of his constituents - maybe he could also help you.

[email protected] - sorry to go on but this is the email address for Sally Clark's defence lawyer - he must also be able to help you too or at least tell you where to go for more help.

You can write to Sally Clark too at

c/o Sue Stapely
Quiller Consultants
11-12 Buckingham Gate
London SW1E 6LB

Twinkie - Thanks, Lord Howe, I think I like the sound of him. I now know that I am allowed to tell an MP ALL the details so I can let him have a copy of the Judges 'Judgment' His comments re Meadows are un-printable here but not because he said anything bad but because I am not allowed 'to tell'. I think Lord Howe would find them quite interesting. Thank you for that one Twinkie.

Nice to see you back Bunglie and Cheeseball. I have been thinking about you all week and kept an 'eye out' for you, but I am glad that you had a break and feel better.
Please do tell us how it goes with your daughter. I have everything crossed for you.
No response yet from MP. - Do they answer their emails?
Bunglie please do not be to upset if your son does not come with your daughter to visit. Is he working, if so he may be working that day. If they are as close as you say then she will give him a positive feedback and perhaps you could pack a special 'goody bag' for him now he is in a bedsit, maybe a few tins of baked beans, you know the kind of things I mean. But it would show that you care about him, and if your daughter delivers it it will give her an excuse to tell her what a great time she had, which I am certain she will.
Love Wayward XX
Oh aren't NORCAP the adoption people who put people in contact with each other. Maryz do you know?