Sir Roy Meadow to face inquiry

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Here's the story

Maryz, Thank you, you have put into words my own thoughts, that have been niggling away at me, I think that is why I have not slept and I have been so uncertain if it is correct to contact him. That is why I took time out and asked you all. Yes I must make it VERY clear that I do not expect him to Choose between his adoptive parents and me. There is no contest and there should not be. I know he gets on well with his adopted father but has never really got on with his adopted mother. He was about 7 when he was taken away from the foster parents he had been with since being removed from my care and adopted. (They moved him and his sister overnight, with no further contact with the foster parents). So he has lost two families really. I know that as soon as he was 18 he moved out of the adoptive parents house into a bedsit. His sister told me that and said that she had never seen him happier and that she goes 'round there for tea and toast some evenings. I am glad that they have such a close bond, it is very special. I have felt helpless watching in silence as he has struggled to find an identity, the adoptive parents are not what I would call 'openly affectionate' I remember when my son was about 10 at a contact meeting he said "no one has ever tucked me into bed". it sounds odd now, but at the time we were talking about something silly and he just came out with it. My heart nearly broke and I had to go to the loo so that I did not lose my composure. I do not think that they ever show affection, well not in my presence, but then I am probably very bias and jealous. What would be nice is if we could all meet, the adoptive parents as well. They said that they were going back to the adoption agency for advice as what to tell my daughter. Do you think if I contact the agency (I have to use their 'postbox' to send things to the children) although I do know my sons new address hence I can write to him direct. Would it be better if I could get the agency to arrange a meeting with a councillor there where I could meet the adoptive parents without the children, so they can see that I do not want to cause them distress and then perhaps arrange a meeting of us all. Would that be better? I have waited fifteen years so you are right a few weeks will not hurt, I just hope I do not lose courage in that time.
I am so sorry I have gone on and on, but I am writing my thoughts as I think them. I applaud you Maryz for telling me the 'otherside of the coin' it can not have been easy for you. I would like to hear my children call me mum, and I understand what you are saying but to have your child 'forced' to call you by your name and told off if they accidently slip up is even harder. No one can give me back the last 15 years, I know that but I would like to have a relationship with them even if it is only friendship. I have to be realistic and can not expect them to have paternal feelings towards me but I equally can not bare the thought that they think I tried to hurt them, don't love them and that I did not want them. I do want them to know that I love them and have never stopped.
I am so sorry I have written another monologue here, I am crying so much now that I can not see the screen. Please I think Maryz is right but what do I do if the adoptive parents will not contact me? Help what do I do

Oh Bunglie, I wish I knew the answer so I could share it with you. I'd be tempted to send the letter because your son needs to know the truth .. but maybe the cautious approach via the agency is right? Hope someone out there can advise.

sorry, but my instinct is to avoid all the "agencies." Aren't they what helped cause this mess in the first place? Bunglie, your letter is beautiful and had me in tears.

Thank you all for your kind word of encouragement. I seem to have sat back and let you do it all Bunglie - I am sorry but I have been completely overwhelmed. Levanna I contacted the Family Rights Group and as a result I went to the CAB and saw a lawyer, basically he said EXACTLY the same as Bunglie has told you with one addition "My dear, if you decide that you would like another child then I think that it may be possible for you to keep it now, but it would be on a register". I was angry, I know he was trying to be helpful but as if another baby could replace the two I have 'lost' I do not expect a court to overturn an adoption, my little girl has never known me and I pray that she has parents like you maryz. To uproot her now during her formative years would be wrong children need love and stability and I pray that is what she is getting.
Can you imagine how I feel if I am just a few days late with my period, I am petrified of getting pregnant my dh and I have had many problems due to this but I would love to be a mother again but I can not take the risk until I am 100% certain that this man has been stopped and it is safe.
Buglie I am so sorry I have not contacted you but I just do not know what I can tell you. The only thing I should like to add is PLEASE do not go back to the social services/adoption agency. I can understand how the adoptive parents must feel and have sympathy for them but I will never trust another social worker. I think that they must all be trying to cover their backs and they will just make you look bad to your childrens adoptive parents. I don't believe that they will hand over the files. The G.M.C. are holding an inquirey this autumn into him but what can they do? Strike him off, he is already retired. I think he should have his knighthood removed (as well as a something else!) and that the government must hold it's own inquirey ASAP.
Bunglie why don't you write to the adoptive parents and ask to meet them, that way they will know that you have your childrens best interest at heart and are not a threat to them. Please send your son your letter, but yes you should let his adoptive parents know and if they will help you then all the better, but don't expect the social services to help they will turn this around on you and make you out to be a liar again. I am sorry if I sound hard hearted but I thought that I had got over the bitterness and anger, but you never do, you learn to cope with it and you Bunglie seem to cope so well, I wish I had your strength.
Please all you mumsnetters write to your M.P.'s and ask for a government inquirey, can we truly trust the GMC to do the right thing by us - I think not.
Thank you all again for your words of support, they have helped me so much and I need some kind of resolution so that I can have some sort of personal closure on the last few years of my life.
Take care all of you and help to keep the awareness alive. It must end soon and your support has certainly helpd me more than any of you can imagine.
I am posting this late as dh is asleep and he does not agree with this. In fact he will not even dicuss it with me.

I too would be reluctant to trust the agencies who did this to you. Your son is clearly NOT close to his adoptive parents, who sound entirely different people to Maryz. It's not normal or usual for a boy of 18 to leave his family and immediately move into a bedsit. He sounds confused and desperate for love. They never tucked him into bed? How dreadful. I think you should send the letter. How long until your daughter is 18? If it's soon, maybe send the same letter to them both - at least then nobody will be vindictive and stop you seeing your daughter out of spite.

I still think that you should contact your son, he has been told one version already that must be hard for him to accept and live with. I really do not think that you can do anything but good by telling him the truth and showing him that you love him. - send the letter Bunglie.
If you can get the adoptive parents help and suport I agree, use them to help you. Yes they must be worried but they should have your childrens best interests at heart, not their own.
I too understand what you are saying maryz, but your children do have a birth mother,(and father).I think that you should help them establish contact with them and tell them the truth now, not when they are eighteen. I realise that is just my opinion but I am adopted, I grew up knowing that and I will always love my adoptive parents and they are my 'Mum' and 'Dad'. I found my adoptive mother when I was 20 and I have contact with her. I would not dream of calling her anything other than 'Mum'. It is not the same relationship as I have with my adoptive parents but she is my 'Mum' and I am grateful that my adoptive parents suported me during my search. I know that every case is different but when you give birth to a child, as I have now, that bond is there for life. I know the torment my mother went through in giving me up and it was not easy for me to hear. It is important to tell your child the truth. I think that we underestimate our children. ALL teenagers go through the phase of 'you never really loved/wanted me' etc. You can not avoid that Maryz and I really do see your point of view. Your children will always be yours, whether you gave birth to them or not, and you sound like a very loving caring person who has a good relationship with her children. If that relationship is not there or is not very strong, as in the case of Bunglie, then I think she can only help her children by telling them how much she has always loved them. The adoptive parents, if they have the welfare of the children formost should be receptive to your approach Bunglie. Explain it to them as you have explained it to us, that you do not wish to destroy their relationship but you have a legal right when your children are 18 to see them, if they want to see you. Good luck in whatever you decide. Please let us know, I too am having sleepless nights just thinking about this. Has anyone had a reply from their M.P. yet?

I agree with you 100% Wayward. You put it so well. Bunglie, you have nothing to lose, your son isn't seeing you. I don't believe it is more upsetting to learn that your mother ALWAYS loved you than to think she tried to hurt you. Bunglie, I believe you are his mother more than the adoptive parents in this particular case. You carried him in your body, you gave birth to him, and until he was five (FIVE? It doesn't bear thinking about) you loved and nurtured him. My son is not yet 21/2 and I have carried him and loved him and fed him and held him and you can NEVER say I am not his mum - even if he died I would be his mum. Even if I died I would still be his mum. He deserves to know that his mum loves him and never willingly gave him up. That information CANNOT hurt him more than thinking you didn't love him. Please send the letter. And if he doesn't come back to you now (please God he does) I feel sure that one day he will. I too am having sleepless nights over your story. It haunts me.

BTW this is not an attack on adoptive parents who normally have children either volunatarily given up or taken from parents who could not look after their children properly or were cruel. This is a special and agonizing case. I think of your son as like one of the children of the disappeared in Chile - when the gvmt murdered parents and then put the children up for adoption.

Aloha, you have said what I was thinking... only my analogy was with the stolen children of the Aborigine people of Australia.
I haven't yet a reply from my MP but will post when it happens.
Cheeseball, thank you for coming back and sharing more of your story. I really hope there will be full review of the family courts cases which will help you.
Bunglie, I do hope you send your letter ... this is only my opinion but I think your son deserves to know that you love him.
I have been deeply moved by your stories and I promise you I will use every opportunity to raise this issue with my contacts within the health service. I'm not pretending to have any power, but I meet people who do through my work and they will hear about this (obviously without identifying anyone).

I have emailed my mp. Do you think that it's worth emailing all the mp's even if I am not their constituent. (actually since I'm not british, i can't vote for them anyway, but they don't know that)

Message withdrawn

I too have only just caught up with this thread.

I hope that it all works out for you Bunglie and Cheeseball.

Bunglie, can you get hold of a copy of the Observer newspaper today? It has several sad stories in it including a woman who like you had her children stolen from her because of Meadows. It seems many children suffered breathing difficulties because they were given a drug by their doctor or even the very hospital that then accused them of MSBP. Shocking. Still no reply from Harriet Harman BTW. I am so angry about that.

Thanks for that Aloah - No I do not get the Observer (I don't get a newspaper!) I am going to ask the Newsagent tomorrow if he has any left as they do it by 'sale or return' or something like that! I shall let you know if I manage to get one. It is terrible I still can not get it out of my head that their our 5000 women who feel like me. It is a comfort to know I am not alone but I would not wish this on anyone, ever.
I have spent the day writing a letter to the adoptive parents, asking for their help, but saying that I want my son to know the truth now and that it would be easier if they could help me, be there to support him or even prepare him. I have told them that I am going to write to him. But it did come to mind that they did not know the truth as they only know what they were told by the social worker. I have tried to put it simply, concisely and in the nicest most honest way I can. I hope that they are receptive to my letter, it will go in the post tomorrow AM. I did put in it that they are the childrens parents, and that I am grateful to them for giving the children some stability in their lives. But that I am also their mother, who loves them and that I would never do anything then or now to hurt them. I said that I do not want to alter their relationship with the children but that now he is 18 I am concerned as I have not heard from him and I feel that he has heard one side and it is only fair to him and me that I can tell him my side. I asked them if they would meet with me, that way I can show them the papers and reports so they will know that I am telling the truth. I have tried to reassure them and thanked them for being parents to my children, and no matter what they will still be the childrens parents.
It was very hard to write, in fact it has taken me all day. I decided that if I wrote it from my heart and then just seeled it in the envelope, then I would not be writing something that 'just looked good' but something that I meant. Does that make sense to you all?????
If I have not heard anything back from them by next weekend I shall send my son the letter regardless. They said that they would get back to me after I telephoned them and that was nearly two weeks ago, so I really hope that they help me and see the truth for themselves.

THANK YOU ALL for writing to your M.P.'s. If justice is to be done and this man stopped then I want as much awareness as possible.
I now understand why the judge made that 'order' saying that I can't talk/tell anyone about it. I think he was 'playing safe' just in case this meadow's man was correct in his theory, because to accept ONE expert witness over SEVEN others is quite a judgment and if I were him I would want to gag the 'parents/mothers'. If we had been able to talk out he would have been stopped years ago of this I am certain, but I do not know how you change the justice system. They say it is to protect the child. Surely there must be another way?
I just want to sleep tonight- writing a single letter seems to have exhausted me!!! I must sound really stupid, I am sorry but thank you for all of your support I know that had it not been for you mumsnetters I would still be holding on to my secret.
Cheeseball - I understand.

Bunglie, this is the story aloha referred to (I think).

Ministers were warned that MSBP diagnoses were flawed as long ago as 1996

During the years of Meadow's ascendancy, the family courts resembled a secret society.

Yes Bunglie it makes sense ? your words are powerful. Thinking of you.

Dear ALL,
Hold onto to your hats!!
I have had a reply from my M.P. via email it reads;

Dear **
I am very concerned and moved by your email, I have been in discussion with Margaret Hodge, Minister for Children, who is making a statement on the implications of the Roy Meadows affair today, Monday, in the House of Commons. I will come back to you with more detailed advice soon.
Best wishes
**
I have satellite, so I have just put it on to BBC Parliament and put a tape in the video recorder. I do hope that I have not already missed it.
Let us hope that all of your letters have helped, we shall see. Will write more later if I see it.
Love Bunglie XXX

That's great news, Bunglie.

Janh Thank you very much for the links. I noticed that in one it said that Margaret Hodge and Helena Kennedy QC are to investigate. You might find it interesting to know that 4 Barristers (QC's) were approached by the CPS (Crown Prosecution Service) to prosecute me in the criminal case. The 1st was Helena Kennedy, she turned down my case for prosecution, they then approached a further two women barristers who also turned it down and finally they had a male barrister prosecute me, and as I told you he lost! I only tell you this as I have some faith in Helena Kennedy and I think that she may well be very fair. Was it Helena Kennedy who prosecuted Beverly Allett,(is that how you spell it)? She was the nurse charged with murder and I think the defence said that she had MSBP and was therefore criminally insane! Am I correct?
Beetroot - I posted the letter about 1 hour ago.....I hope I have done the right thing.
I am videoing BBC Parliament, nothing yet but my M.P. is in The House. I am so nervous I feel like I can not sit still for more than 5 minutes.
I bet after all this waiting it is a bit of a 'let down'. Oh I hope not.

Helena Kennedy is a bit of heroine of mine. She is very strong on representing innocent people unfairly jailed - a brave woman I think.

Just a thought, the adoptive parents won't try to prevent you sending a letter to your son, will they? Could they do that? I think it is vital he knows the truth. And frankly, I cannot think they can have a great relationship with him if he's living alone in a bedsit at the age of 18.

AGH!!!! Have any of you ever sat through 9 hours of parliamentary debate (it war on betting, the tote and a national lottery to fund the 2112 London Olympic bid)....Yawn! I have never felt so well educated on such a boring subject.
Back to the serious matter. If Mrs Hodge did make a statement then it was not on BBC Parliament and she would have had to have done it in the morning. So I know not if/what she said. Anybody know anything,
Is it in todays papers?
Well I have done it again, I have put my big feet in my mouth, why couldn't I have been more patient? Last night the adoptive parents telephoned me and said nothing about Meadow's or the current situation but did say that they will bring my daughter down and gave me a date and time (it is half term week in Feb). I told him that I was really sorry but I had written him a letter which had 'some more information in regarding our previous conversation'. He seemed alright, thanked me and said that it was not to be discussed during the contact visit with my daughter. My letter was very nice I thought, I re-read it this AM and I do not see that they can be upset apart from the fact that I have said I would like the children to know the 'truth' now. Yes I was a bit worried that they would stop me from sending the letter to my son, however I do have his bedsit address and it is a criminal offence to 'tamper with the Royal Mail' so if I post it to him I can not see that they can stop it. However, in saying this I would much rather do it with their help , consent and let them see that I do not want to cause him any more hurt in his life than he has had already.
I quote from my letter "You are the childrens parents, you always will be,and I am grateful to you for the care and opportunities that you have given to them. I but I am also their mother, I do not wish to do anything that will upset your relationship with them, which is why I am asking for your help."
Do you think that they will see this as a threat or is it condescending. I did write it from the heart, and did not re-read it until this morning otherwise I would not have posted it.
Did I do the right thing??

I agree Bunglie, I too sat there and until yesterday I did not know what the 'tote' was. Perhaps we should start the most boring 'thread' in the history of mumsnet, 'To Tote or not to tote?' I can find no mention of it in the papers.
Why don't you email back your M.P. and find out? I am on the edge of my seat.
With regard to your letter, I think you should have sent it. You said earliear that you told them the facts as you told us, because yes, I doubt that they know your side of the story and have been brainwashed by the social workers. They needed to know.
I do not find your wording anything but honest and I commend you for being so non-judgmental towards them. I hope that they encourage your son, to come with them when they visit you, are they likely to do something like that? It would be so nice if they did.
I have emailed my MP and Mrs Hodge, but no response, I think I shall email them again.
I too agree with Aloha and Bunglie, you are correct when you say that Helena Kennedy is a fair person. I can not think of anyone better qualified or suited to the job.
Maryz, I have had sleepless nights, perhaps I was a bit hard in my comments about adoption, you are clearly a very careing adoptive mother and you can see things from the adoptive parents point of view. I was adopted many many years ago, and things have changed, no 'open' adoptions then. Please do not take my comments personally.