Mumsnet in Sunday Times

[Xenia]

I cannot link because of the firewall but saw a reference to mumsnet - article about left wing people who send children to private schools.

one couple they referred to broke up their marriage because they could not agree on state or private schooling.

(When is it right to put family ahead of principle?

www.thesundaytimes.co.uk/sto/news/focus/article1101910.ece )

Xenia, I doubt that you could do my job well. Just as I couldn't do yours. That doesn't make either of us worse people, just different, and just as important.

I'm not in the least jealous of you, I actually pity you. Its very sad that all your drive, qualifications and money can't make up for a lack of empathy and likability.

I have found a few words-although sensibly I ought to leave well alone.
I can't see how nursing is failure when it is the most valuable job in a hospital-the doctors can't do their job without them. It isn't all to do with the body and the mind is all important. If I was dying I would want intelligent women looking after me and not ones who are doing it because they can't do anything better-(although I fail to see what is so great about taking gall bladders out all day!)-I would want them there because they had a real vocation and emotional intelligence.

You are still failing to see parents as a unit-why on earth does it matter who stays at home and who goes out to work as long as it suits the couple. I loved staying at home and DH would have hated it so it was a no brainer in our household. I earned the money too-if I died he couldn't have done it. We are a unit.

I have never felt inferior! If you want to see me that way feel free. I think that a woman who is living in the depths of Somerset, doing a bit of B&B , keeping some hens, keeping sheep and spinning her own yarn to make her own designs, has time to spend with her DCs and read a book, walk dogs etc isn't in need of therapy! She is probably askance that anyone could prefer to live in London, keep office hours and have to pay for childcare etc.
Of course some people would be utterly miserable living in the depths of Somerset and they thrive on city living and competition etc-and why not?

Why are we all supposed to be the same? Why is one supposed to be superior?
Why do we all need power and influence? I don't want either-and life wouldn't be worth living if I got them. I would be the one needing therapy if I was forced into some high powered job that I didn't want. Luckily other people thrive on it.

My ideal has always been part time work around the children-at something interesting to me.

Exotic, exactly. All jobs are important. Its about balance. The person who cleans the wards is just as important as the surgeon. The secretary is just as important as the md. The kp is just as important as the head chef. And the dinnerlady/man is just as important as the headmaster.

My children loved me being a SAHM.But you are one too Xenia.You work from home or at home virtually all the time.

And I find it flabbergasting that such an intelligent, successful businesswoman can't see that.

And I find it flabbergasting that such an intelligent, successful businesswoman can't see that.

If the cleaners and nurses go on strike operations come to a halt. The surgeon can't work until they go back. Some doctors have no empathy whatsoever-they do a ward round and nurses have to go around with a box of tissues moping up the emotional mess-I have certainly seen it on the maternity ward.
Many people are very good on caring and empathy-what is wrong with wanting to use them in a career? They prefer it to dealing with body parts-a person who is good at keyhole surgery is using different talents-just as valuable, but not superior.

lissielou,there are different sorts of intelligence,and people can be high in some and low in others.

Yep.

Yep.

One of my sons is very bright.
But as for common sense,near the bottom I am afraid.

I've known many people like that, one of my best friends has a first from leeds. But is utterly useless at anything practical. The most successful businessmen and women I have known, have understood the importance of all their staff.

I don't agree with the bulk of what Xenia says, but I can understand where she is coming from. The thing that I fail to understand completely is her blinkered view that we should all be the same and think the same.
There is a thread at the moment from someone who thought she was maybe weird preferring her own company-it turns out that she is not alone and lots of women love being on their own and not necessarily doing anything-just pottering about. I wouldn't want to do it all the time but it is utter bliss to have the house to myself, complete silence and nothing in particular to do. I don't think these people are going to need therapy or tranquillizers!
I don't know how anyone could need therapy if they have time to read! There are far too many books out there to read in a lifetime!
Of course some people never read, some people have to have background noise, some people have to have company. Variety is the spice of life-why be the same-it would be dull and boring if we did.
Celebrate the fact that some people want to operate on bodies, some people want to specialise on a part of the body or an age, some people want to treat the mind, some people prefer to cure animals, some people just want to do teeth,some people want to bring babies into the world, some people want to be GPs, some want to care for the patient, some want to work with the dying, some people want to work with the dead, some people want to be on the scene of the accident, some people want to test blood etc etc etc. One isn't more worthwhile than another because we need them all. Many are dependent on others. Why tell a 16yr old who has an aptitude for caring that she must be a surgeon instead? Quite probably she isn't interested in the money-people interest her and body parts are boring. Let people decide for themselves-not tell them they are 'letting the side down for women'. Lots of men are very good nurses-no one tells them that they are 'letting the side down for their DSs and men in general'. My friend's DS is a nurse, coming to it late after a history degree at a very good university (among other things) and no one told him that he should aim higher-he loves the job. If he had wanted to have aimed higher he would have done.

Dh has just left an office job, to go into retail. It made him miserable.

I have tried working in offices, and hated it. What's more, I was awful at it.

Yes, but we all accept there is a pecking order, unless you're wifully blind. They even have them in jungle tribes - who has the prettiest wife, who has the biggest penis gourd. There will always be someone much more successful and much less so than all of us. This is how humans are made.

But being successful doesn't make you more important. The washerwoman is as important as the chief. I'm afraid it appears to be you who is blinkered.

If you want to take account of a pecking order you can do. It isn't something that bothers me. I never ask what people do for a living- it isn't very interesting so I wait until it comes up in conversation, if relevant. I treat everyone the same, politely in general - as long as they are polite.
Status symbols don't interest me. A car needs to be reliable, get from A to B and have boot room, other than that it doesn't matter. I dont want a huge house and garden- too much work. If I was given an island I would sell it without seeing it - unless it was in Scotland, when I would look at it and decide. I would keep one on Derwentwater.

I find that the people that I know higher up the social scale are very nice and never draw any attention to it.

People that care about pecking orders but don't care if they insult and belittle people are not successful human beings.

The grander they are the less likely they are to draw attention to it. Talk of alpha males and alpha mummies always makes me laugh! Someone on here even described a 6yr old as an alpha DC!! I think we lesser mortals are supposed to be impressed.

yy, ime, people with real class dont feel the need to sneer at others.

its the difference between class and crass.

Money rusts and you cant take it with you.

lissielou,I know the peoples representative for the Queen in this County.Cant remember the official title.And she is really a very warm person who noone has a bad word to say about.

It is probably insecurity if you have to be defined by job or possessions - if you are simply happy in your own skin,and like yourself, you don't need it.

exactly, its about manners.