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Intensive mothers

999 replies

Xenia · 07/07/2012 20:17

It seems pretty clear children benefit a lot if their mother has a good career and here is another piece of evidence of the damage housewives do to children:-

"Stay at home mothers are more likely to be unhappy than those who go out to work, according to new research.
Women who believe in "intensive parenting" are at risk of a range of mental illnesses including depression.

They think women are better parents than men, that mothering should be child centred and that children should be considered sacred and fulfilling.

This may put them in danger of suffering the 'parenthood paradox' where their ideology increases feelings of stress and guilt.

Psychologist Kathryn Rizzo, whose findings are published online in Springer's Journal of Child and Family Studies, said: "If intensive mothering is related to so many negative mental health outcomes, why do women do it?

"They may think that it makes them better mothers, so they are willing to sacrifice their own mental health to enhance their children's cognitive, social and emotional outcomes."
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She said parenting is a big task and requires a variety of skills and expertise. Many women rate the challenge as one of the most fulfilling experiences in life.

But some previous research has suggested it may be detrimental to mental health, with women reporting taking care of their children as more stressful than being at work.

So her team at the University of Mary Washington, Virginia, looked at whether intensive parenting in particular was linked to increased levels of stress, depression and lower life satisfaction among 181 mothers of children under five.

Using an online questionnaire, they found out to what extent the participants endorsed intensive parenting beliefs by measuring their responses to a series of statements.

These included "mothers are the most necessary and capable parent", "parents' happiness is derived primarily from their children" and "parents should always provide their children with stimulating activities that aid in their development".

Others were "parenting is more difficult than working" and "a parent should always sacrifice their needs for the needs of the child".

Overall, the women were satisfied with their lives but had moderate levels of stress and depression.

Almost one in four had symptoms of depression and these negative mental health outcomes were accounted for by their endorsement of intensive parenting attitudes.

When the level of family support was taken into account, those mothers who believed women are the essential parent were less satisfied with their lives. Those who believed that parenting is challenging were more stressed and depressed.

The researchers said overall, the women were satisfied with their lives but had moderate levels of stress and depression.

They added: "In reality, intensive parenting may have the opposite effect on children from what parents intend."

Earlier this year a study of more than 60,000 US mothers found 41 percent of those not in work experienced worry compared to 34 per cent of those employed.

And 28 per cent suffered depression, eleven per cent more than the others. Psychlogists fear the phenomenon is linked with feelings of isolation and a lack of fulfillment. "

www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/9381449/Stay-at-home-mothers-more-unhappy-than-those-who-work.html

OP posts:
AdventuresWithVoles · 09/07/2012 19:59

Rage is so last year, I'm having to sit on my hands to stop engaging in more sport.

MiniTheMinx · 09/07/2012 20:00

Don't say crazy pills, Xenia might take that as a sign that motherhood has made you mad Grin

Debs75 · 09/07/2012 20:03

I have been a SAHM for 16 years and I have really loved it. It was my choice to be a SAHM not my partners even though we knew I had the capability to earn more then him. If I had waited a few years to have my first I would have been a qualified teacher but then I would of ended up on maternity leave and having to make a decision between leaving my child in childcare or with her dad or becoming a sahm.
I am not against my partner being a SAHD, infact he is from September as I am finally going to start at college and hopefully Uni and then be the main breadwinner.

I have never had any MH issues and have never felt really unhappy. Yes I have worried but having kids does that to you. I find now I worry more about them when I am out all day so haven't seen them. Xenia would have me believe that I have been brainwashed to believe that mums are the only good carers and I should be the one to relinquish my career to care for my kids.

AdventuresWithVoles · 09/07/2012 20:14

Men never get told they subcontract out childcare

Thread this week about Tom Cruise saying he does exactly that. So does Madonna. So did most the English upper class traditionally.

YoYoYoItsTillyMinto · 09/07/2012 20:15

some more scientific research:

[[http://www.esrc.ac.uk/news-and-events/press-releases/16143/working-
mothers-and-the-effects-on-children.aspx]]

"The ideal scenario for children, both boys and girls, was shown to be where both parents lived in the home and both were in paid employment"...."Girls in traditional households where the father was the breadwinner were more likely to have difficulties at age five than girls living in dual-earner households."

HoleyGhost · 09/07/2012 20:16

The research cited in the OP is the best evidence we have. It outweighs all our anecdotes. Even mine :-D

HoleyGhost · 09/07/2012 20:19

X post

With more research pointing in the same direction.

We all make the best choices we can for our families. I just hope this helps stop WOHMs feeling guilty

HoleyGhost · 09/07/2012 20:22

And of course SAHMs should not feel guilty either. Feeling like it is a choice rather than a duty could help that.

I suspect there are more reluctant WOHMs needing to pay bills than women who feel the ought to devote themselves entirely to childcare.

Aboutlastnight · 09/07/2012 20:37

I'm tired of people telling me what to do.

I work because we need the money. I work evenings/nights and 6 weekends in 8.

I miss my children. I miss our family time at the weekend. Sad

I couldn't give a shit about feminist argument or ' the boardroom'

EatingSwansHorror · 09/07/2012 20:45

Someone swallowed feminism for beginners. It's moved on somewhat from the guerrilla girls Xenia.

Btw, am main breadwinner, work 8.30 -5.30 five days a week, am a complete feminist (qualified) and would bloody love to sah.

Feminism like this alienates women, is this what you want? Or are you just a little bored and enjoy the wind up?

bishboschone · 09/07/2012 20:46

Directed at Xenia ... Ever since I have been on mums net he has been going on about having a great job , being rich , having a nanny , being equal .. We get it !!! ..... Next!!!

ovenchips · 09/07/2012 20:47

Are Xenia and Katie Hopkins one and the same?

The raging bollocks talked seems very similar.

thekidsrule · 09/07/2012 21:03

omg xenia can normally raise a smile with me on some of her views but this thread and op's mantra are in bad taste,imho

i have this vision of the sigourney weaver character in "working girl" and margaret thatcher all mixed into one

MumOfTheMoos · 09/07/2012 21:04

Xenia, there are fewer women in the boardroom, owning the world's wealth etc, etc because men don't do their share of home and child care and we should be encouraging men to be more like sahm's not thinking we will achieve equality by being more like the men who inhabit city boardrooms.

YoYoYoItsTillyMinto · 09/07/2012 21:08

if you can only have a go a Xenia personally, it does scream of an absence of any real argument you can put forward.

thekidsrule · 09/07/2012 21:13

also it may come as a suprise to op but NOT all mners had a university education,are a high flyer,top jobs etc

where do the bottom of the heap figure in all this???

oh thats right we can clean your houses and serve you in a resturant

YoYoYoItsTillyMinto · 09/07/2012 21:19

thekids - you encourage your DCs (or specifically DDs) to work hard at school and aim high.

thekidsrule · 09/07/2012 21:27

yes in yotopia but what about in the real world

why is it so bad if a women wants to spend time raising her kids fulltime ????

maybe there are people working that would like that chance but cant due to money issues,so they then feel bad for working but have no choice,god forbid a parent wanting to spend time with their own kids

peoples lives are their buisness and im sure working or not suits their familys

YoYoYoItsTillyMinto · 09/07/2012 21:31

thekids - i am talking about the real world. why is working hard at school and aiming high impossible?

mathanxiety · 09/07/2012 21:34

So aiming high and being a sahm are mutually exclusive?

YoYoYoItsTillyMinto · 09/07/2012 21:38

Maths - i was suggesting the alternative to oh thats right we can clean your houses and serve you in a resturant

practically to be a SAHM you need funds so you need to aim high. otherwise you are reliant on the state and that is a vulnerable place to be.

Rosebud05 · 09/07/2012 21:46

"We need to rid the country of sexism."

Good idea. Maybe not starting threads about the 'damage housewives do to children' would be a step in the right direction?

tomverlaine · 09/07/2012 21:55

Xenia, do you believe that it is just social conditioning / lack of opportunity etc that mean that more women than men stay at home - or do you think there are differences between genders in this regard that if all things were equal more women than men would still make the choice?

Also I don't think your article actually says what you are interpreting it as saying. If a woman believes a mother is the essential parent but still is a wohm this is surely going to create more stress and pressure than the sahm holding the same view.

MiniTheMinx · 09/07/2012 21:55

We need to rid the country of elitism.

thekidsrule · 09/07/2012 21:58

so if everybody aimes high who does do the bottom run jobs ??????