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Intensive mothers

999 replies

Xenia · 07/07/2012 20:17

It seems pretty clear children benefit a lot if their mother has a good career and here is another piece of evidence of the damage housewives do to children:-

"Stay at home mothers are more likely to be unhappy than those who go out to work, according to new research.
Women who believe in "intensive parenting" are at risk of a range of mental illnesses including depression.

They think women are better parents than men, that mothering should be child centred and that children should be considered sacred and fulfilling.

This may put them in danger of suffering the 'parenthood paradox' where their ideology increases feelings of stress and guilt.

Psychologist Kathryn Rizzo, whose findings are published online in Springer's Journal of Child and Family Studies, said: "If intensive mothering is related to so many negative mental health outcomes, why do women do it?

"They may think that it makes them better mothers, so they are willing to sacrifice their own mental health to enhance their children's cognitive, social and emotional outcomes."
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She said parenting is a big task and requires a variety of skills and expertise. Many women rate the challenge as one of the most fulfilling experiences in life.

But some previous research has suggested it may be detrimental to mental health, with women reporting taking care of their children as more stressful than being at work.

So her team at the University of Mary Washington, Virginia, looked at whether intensive parenting in particular was linked to increased levels of stress, depression and lower life satisfaction among 181 mothers of children under five.

Using an online questionnaire, they found out to what extent the participants endorsed intensive parenting beliefs by measuring their responses to a series of statements.

These included "mothers are the most necessary and capable parent", "parents' happiness is derived primarily from their children" and "parents should always provide their children with stimulating activities that aid in their development".

Others were "parenting is more difficult than working" and "a parent should always sacrifice their needs for the needs of the child".

Overall, the women were satisfied with their lives but had moderate levels of stress and depression.

Almost one in four had symptoms of depression and these negative mental health outcomes were accounted for by their endorsement of intensive parenting attitudes.

When the level of family support was taken into account, those mothers who believed women are the essential parent were less satisfied with their lives. Those who believed that parenting is challenging were more stressed and depressed.

The researchers said overall, the women were satisfied with their lives but had moderate levels of stress and depression.

They added: "In reality, intensive parenting may have the opposite effect on children from what parents intend."

Earlier this year a study of more than 60,000 US mothers found 41 percent of those not in work experienced worry compared to 34 per cent of those employed.

And 28 per cent suffered depression, eleven per cent more than the others. Psychlogists fear the phenomenon is linked with feelings of isolation and a lack of fulfillment. "

www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/9381449/Stay-at-home-mothers-more-unhappy-than-those-who-work.html

OP posts:
whenyouseeitwaveorcheer · 07/07/2012 20:19

And your point is?

darthsillius · 07/07/2012 20:23

Jeez. Again? Why do you need to find justification for your life choices? It's usually a sign of self doubt and insecurity.

RandomMess · 07/07/2012 20:27

If you think about it what was parenthood and childhood like 100 years ago and 300 years ago?

Both parents worked, children amused themselves until they were old enough to help with "work"

So I think children are designed to be with their parents 24/7 but not designed to be indulged - more to learn about the world around them and "fit in".

Hassled · 07/07/2012 20:28

There are just so many many variables here. Are non-working mothers stressed because they're at home with the kids (i.e the actual parenting) or are they stressed because they have less money? Are they stressed because their partners have less respect for someone without a career?

You don't define intensive parenting, either - I actually think SAHMs are more likely to have a more laid-back "make your own entertainment for a couple hours" approach to their kids because they have got all day to interract with them; the cumulative effect will be the same as for a parent who just has a couple hours before bed and so has to pack a lot of parenting in.

mathanxiety · 07/07/2012 20:29

yawn.

UnChartered · 07/07/2012 20:30

hold the front page - more boring research for women to beat each other around the head with

whenyouseeitwaveorcheer · 07/07/2012 20:30

The only 2 points I'm prepared to make here are:

  1. not all women who work 'have a good career'; and
  2. not all women who stay at home intensively parent their children.

Are you attempting to use this study 'prove', in some way, that working mothers are somehow better or more important than stay at home mothers? I genuinely thought that you had a more critical mind than that, Xenia.

haththefecklessbreeder · 07/07/2012 20:31

I think parents should do whatever suits them work/not work/ff/bf/whatever.

And the kids generally in 90% of cases, neglect and so on excluded, the kids turn out fine.

Meh.

Sittinginthesun · 07/07/2012 20:32

Xenia - I read the Telegraph article earlier, and actually thought "Xenia's going to love this" Grin

mathanxiety · 07/07/2012 20:34

When I see some studies about fathers and depression, anxiety, 'intensiveness' (whatever that may be), blah blah, I will start taking 'studies' of mothers more seriously.

Surely one of the big problems that contributes to the feelings of mothers is that they are, by virtue of having babies, damned whatever they do or don't do, ever afterwards. And if they choose not to have children they will be judged for that too and found wanting.

Not so fathers or men in general.

Being a woman of childbearing age is detrimental to your health.

RandomMess · 07/07/2012 20:39

I wish we still lived in such a way that "the village" raised the child Sad

MrsJamin · 07/07/2012 20:39

I am not damaging my children by being a SAHM. You can go jump.

cutegorilla · 07/07/2012 20:40

I'm happy enough to not permanently have to justify my choices. You should read about cognitive dissonance if you have an interest in psychology.

It never ceases to amaze me how women like to tear each other apart over their choices when our predecessors fought so hard to give us the choice. Surely all rational parents make the decision that's best for them and their families in their particular circumstances and to suit their particular personalities, incomes and ideals. Whatever happened to live and let live.

ThatBastardGandhi · 07/07/2012 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheSpokenNerd · 07/07/2012 20:42

Why have you just cut and pasted an article in? I am happy being a SAHM and so are my DC...I work some from home in the evenings but if I didn't that would STILL be fine.

IsabelleRinging · 07/07/2012 20:45

Somebody has to look after the kids, whether it be their mother, father, other family member, friend , neighbour or a paid substitute.

RabbitsMakeBrownEggs · 07/07/2012 20:46

Bah! How about other environmental factors causing depression?

wibblywobbler · 07/07/2012 20:48

yeah whatever

chocolatchaud · 07/07/2012 20:58

There was a huge debate about this on MN last week - with Xenia as a major contributor.

Again, and so soon? Really?

gatheringlilac · 08/07/2012 00:13

Where's the research into father's?

Somehow, men and fatherhood isn;t even a set of questions prompting research.

... sadly, I lack the energy to even develop that point. I'm just so, enormously, fed up.

There are so many questions not being asked in this piece of research that Xenia's quoted, and it prompts, for me, so many questions (some of which Hassled has articulated) that I actually lose the will to live.

And, you know, someone, somewhere, has to look after children. If not the mother, or the father, then a childminder/nanny/carer - someone who is usually a woman. You can't pack them up with you and take them to work, not usually, anyway, not these days. And school is only a few hours, for (I've forgotten, but not that many) weeks a year. So I always wonder: why all this mania about mothers? The mania isn't about caring for children per se, it's all about the mothers. It's just weird.

LilQueenie · 08/07/2012 00:23

1950s mothers and all those before....how many went about the house doolally because they were stay at home mothers? Get a grip.

fedup2012 · 08/07/2012 00:28

41 percent of those not in work experienced worry compared to 34 per cent of those employed

And that statistic is significant? Exactly how? What a waste of energy this post is. I'm going back to intensive beer drinking.

AxlRosesLeatherTrousers · 08/07/2012 00:55

Blimey, another women bashing thread how quaint. Hmm

I had a choice when my dd1 was a baby, be a SAHM or find another minimum wage dead end job that I hated. For me it was a no brainer! Not all mothers who work have careers, not all women have a choice to have a career!

mathanxiety · 08/07/2012 03:23

And what the heck is 'worry' anyway when it's up and dressed?

KatherineKavanagh · 08/07/2012 09:50

Where is xenia?