Intensive mothers

[Xenia]

It seems pretty clear children benefit a lot if their mother has a good career and here is another piece of evidence of the damage housewives do to children:-

"Stay at home mothers are more likely to be unhappy than those who go out to work, according to new research.
Women who believe in "intensive parenting" are at risk of a range of mental illnesses including depression.

They think women are better parents than men, that mothering should be child centred and that children should be considered sacred and fulfilling.

This may put them in danger of suffering the 'parenthood paradox' where their ideology increases feelings of stress and guilt.

Psychologist Kathryn Rizzo, whose findings are published online in Springer's Journal of Child and Family Studies, said: "If intensive mothering is related to so many negative mental health outcomes, why do women do it?

"They may think that it makes them better mothers, so they are willing to sacrifice their own mental health to enhance their children's cognitive, social and emotional outcomes."
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She said parenting is a big task and requires a variety of skills and expertise. Many women rate the challenge as one of the most fulfilling experiences in life.

But some previous research has suggested it may be detrimental to mental health, with women reporting taking care of their children as more stressful than being at work.

So her team at the University of Mary Washington, Virginia, looked at whether intensive parenting in particular was linked to increased levels of stress, depression and lower life satisfaction among 181 mothers of children under five.

Using an online questionnaire, they found out to what extent the participants endorsed intensive parenting beliefs by measuring their responses to a series of statements.

These included "mothers are the most necessary and capable parent", "parents' happiness is derived primarily from their children" and "parents should always provide their children with stimulating activities that aid in their development".

Others were "parenting is more difficult than working" and "a parent should always sacrifice their needs for the needs of the child".

Overall, the women were satisfied with their lives but had moderate levels of stress and depression.

Almost one in four had symptoms of depression and these negative mental health outcomes were accounted for by their endorsement of intensive parenting attitudes.

When the level of family support was taken into account, those mothers who believed women are the essential parent were less satisfied with their lives. Those who believed that parenting is challenging were more stressed and depressed.

The researchers said overall, the women were satisfied with their lives but had moderate levels of stress and depression.

They added: "In reality, intensive parenting may have the opposite effect on children from what parents intend."

Earlier this year a study of more than 60,000 US mothers found 41 percent of those not in work experienced worry compared to 34 per cent of those employed.

And 28 per cent suffered depression, eleven per cent more than the others. Psychlogists fear the phenomenon is linked with feelings of isolation and a lack of fulfillment. "

www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/9381449/Stay-at-home-mothers-more-unhappy-than-those-who-work.html

What a negative post.

What's this studies opinion on SAHDs?

I guess childminders might as well klll themselves is the answer... You're trapped with the little darlings!

Guffaw

I was asleep and then I was busy. It makes a nice change for once to see an article going into the disadvantages of mothers being home.

As for when feminists will seek to stop castigating housewives and sexist men that time will come when more men than women stay at home and the cabinet is as likely to be 80% female (and boards and all the other positions of power) as male. We have hardly started yet. Women own 1% of the world's wealth. Let us get that nearer to say 60% and we can let up on women staying home.

When oh when will women support and respect each others choices??
I am a sahm at the minute...my choice I'm happy and my kids seem happy. However I have total respect for those doing it differently to me, and generally try to help friends with childcare when I can as well.
I realise I am being a bit naive but wouldn't our choices be easier to make without all this shit??

Well said, outinallweathers!
Perhaps it suits the patriarchy for us to be at each others throats the whole time??....

I think it's pretty significant as women often believe that if they make sacrifices for their DCs, they are giving their DCs the best outcome, when the actually result for some women is worse MH.

As feminists surely we should be able to say that being a SAHP can be worse for your MH, if this is what the current science says. obviously the research is only talking about averages.

i dont think feminism is about hiding from social research.

I wish I could say "Only Xenia"

But it's fairly pointless YoYoYo because people either SAH because they really want to (like me) and are therefore pretty likely to be happy and not have their mental health suffer because of it, or they stay at home because circumstances have pushed them into it in which case they are a lot less likely to be happy but the way to change the situation for them is not by castigating them for it.

I went to a grammar school in the 70s. My friend was very bright and had aspirations to be a journalist. She passed all the right A levels, but, instead of going to university, went to secretarial college, worked for a nationalised industry, and then got married. She has since been a SAHM for 30 years, doing the odd bit of charity work. In the interim, she's done a couple of OU degrees for fun.
Why were so many thousands of pounds wasted on this very bright person's education?

What do SAHMs feel about the state's investment in their education?

How exactly was your friend's education wasted? She worked, she got married? Are you saying she should have been kicked out of school at 15? I don't see your point flexybex, other than that you're not much of a friend.

yoyo please dont speak for me regarding the "as feminists surely we" i dont class myself as one

I've been sitting here for the last wee while trying very hard to think of a polite way to put this But despite my extensive (and accorded to the lovely flexy) wasted education all I could come up with was:

TOSH

I have rarely read such nonsense.

Really Xenia really? You really think this about SAHMs?

Please tell me you are just stirring and don't genuinely think that this is accurate?

Flexy I am very grateful for the state's input to my education. Many children round the world will never be able to access the education I enjoyed as a right merely by being fortunate enough to be born in this country.

Education is worthwhile in itself. My university degree would be worthwhile even if I never earned another penny. Everything we learn enriches us, not just the practically useful stuff.

The state must agree with me as otherwise it would only pay to teach it's citizens vocational subjects and subjects such as philosophy and oh I dont know feminism wouldn't be taught as they aren't income generating.

I don't think that my education was wasted. I have worked in a professional job, I will most likely work again. In the mean time I am able to stimulate and educate my children while they are in my company so that they are doing very well academically and will also have opportunities opened up to them in the future.

What I hate is that economics seem to be valued above all else. Absolutely it's important but there is more to value in a person than their capacity to earn. The capacity to care and nurture is important too. If we lost that as a society we'd be pretty screwed. You'd better hope that when you are old and infirm there is someone genuinely able to care around to look after you, rather than someone who is only in it for the (rubbish) money and so can't be bothered to do a proper job.

Most probably SAHMs get depressed because they're constantly told how worthless they are. Fortunately my children tell me otherwise and I care more about their opinions than any old random.

I'm just playing devil's advocate, and of course we don't know how things are going to turn out when we're 15.

But really, is it tosh? If you've consumed about £70,000 ++ of the state's money being educated, shouldn't you be obliged to give something back?

Why should so many women think they should be exempt from that responsibility, just because they are 'looking after children'?

And BTW, I'm saying this because I feel that SAHM are worth something to the country and economy - not worthless at all.

I think Xenia you are looking for evidence to support your viewpoint, rather than giving an evidence based view IYSWIM.

You and I have raised our children very differently yet they are all bright, well-balanced and successful young people (well mine are and I assume from your posts that yours are too!) I may not own an island yet I am happy with my life and my choices and don't see why there is a need to prove one way of doing things better than the other.

Women are different, children are different and what suits one family may not suit another so please stop trying to force your way onto other women.

Well in the interest of balance OP I'd just like to let you know that I have gone back to work and I'm absolutely fucking miserable.

Seriously miserable. As in, considering seeing a doctor.

Still better that than damaging my son by being happy eh.

What do SAHM feel about SAHF?
What would you do if your dh came home tomorrow and said that he wanted you to work and that he wanted to stay at home with the children?

SAH-ness is very much a woman's preserve. Should it be? If we are all educated to equal standards?

Meh.

Bottom line: If you set yourself extreme goals and become obsessive about achieving them, leaving no room to adjust them if you find they're making you unhappy, you're heading for mental health trouble. Whether your goal is home schooling 5 year old twins, managing a sales team or climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro.

If you decide that something should be a certain way and any other option is failing your children and being a bad mother, you're setting yourself up for huge problems. If you start to believe that something should be making you happy and you're unhappy it sets up a conflict. People can end up thinking that it must be their failure as a mother/human being/worker/wife rather than thinking maybe they need to change their goals. Then they put more pressure on themselves.

Sorry MyDog. I went to deal with the tumble and posted without refreshing. That wasn't directed at you. I hope you can work things out.

Perhaps it's a failure of women still not sharing their roles equally in the house?

BTW I think the SAHM discussion is very unfair to single mums, who usually have to go out to work, have to do all the household chores AND have all the child-care responsibilities.

Excellent point flexybex!