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Intensive mothers

999 replies

Xenia · 07/07/2012 20:17

It seems pretty clear children benefit a lot if their mother has a good career and here is another piece of evidence of the damage housewives do to children:-

"Stay at home mothers are more likely to be unhappy than those who go out to work, according to new research.
Women who believe in "intensive parenting" are at risk of a range of mental illnesses including depression.

They think women are better parents than men, that mothering should be child centred and that children should be considered sacred and fulfilling.

This may put them in danger of suffering the 'parenthood paradox' where their ideology increases feelings of stress and guilt.

Psychologist Kathryn Rizzo, whose findings are published online in Springer's Journal of Child and Family Studies, said: "If intensive mothering is related to so many negative mental health outcomes, why do women do it?

"They may think that it makes them better mothers, so they are willing to sacrifice their own mental health to enhance their children's cognitive, social and emotional outcomes."
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She said parenting is a big task and requires a variety of skills and expertise. Many women rate the challenge as one of the most fulfilling experiences in life.

But some previous research has suggested it may be detrimental to mental health, with women reporting taking care of their children as more stressful than being at work.

So her team at the University of Mary Washington, Virginia, looked at whether intensive parenting in particular was linked to increased levels of stress, depression and lower life satisfaction among 181 mothers of children under five.

Using an online questionnaire, they found out to what extent the participants endorsed intensive parenting beliefs by measuring their responses to a series of statements.

These included "mothers are the most necessary and capable parent", "parents' happiness is derived primarily from their children" and "parents should always provide their children with stimulating activities that aid in their development".

Others were "parenting is more difficult than working" and "a parent should always sacrifice their needs for the needs of the child".

Overall, the women were satisfied with their lives but had moderate levels of stress and depression.

Almost one in four had symptoms of depression and these negative mental health outcomes were accounted for by their endorsement of intensive parenting attitudes.

When the level of family support was taken into account, those mothers who believed women are the essential parent were less satisfied with their lives. Those who believed that parenting is challenging were more stressed and depressed.

The researchers said overall, the women were satisfied with their lives but had moderate levels of stress and depression.

They added: "In reality, intensive parenting may have the opposite effect on children from what parents intend."

Earlier this year a study of more than 60,000 US mothers found 41 percent of those not in work experienced worry compared to 34 per cent of those employed.

And 28 per cent suffered depression, eleven per cent more than the others. Psychlogists fear the phenomenon is linked with feelings of isolation and a lack of fulfillment. "

www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/9381449/Stay-at-home-mothers-more-unhappy-than-those-who-work.html

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 13/07/2012 19:18

I don't think today's cortisol arguments are anywhere near as dictatorial as the instructions to women were back when my mother was dealing with babies.By the same token however, I think some women take all that stuff to heart more than others and always have, and meantime, the women who could really benefit from taking notice of cortisol arguments (or their babies could benefit) couldn't be bothered.

MiniTheMinx · 13/07/2012 19:19

Many housewives are on alcohol or sugar addicted or on drugs Xenia do you have any facts to back up this claim?

sunshine401 · 13/07/2012 19:22

Ive known so rubbish SAHM I mean to the point of them not doing anything with their children at all and being SO lazy and still moaing that it is hard!!
And yet Ive see some rubbish Working mums however nursery has many benifits for a child so at least when a working mum is rubbish the child is still getting the educational values they need.
Of course 9 times out of 10 Both Working mums and stay at home mums are WONDERFUL parents and thats all that matters at the end of end. :)

Xenia · 13/07/2012 19:27

What matters is we see things in gender neutral terms and talk about men and women as good or otherwise not just pick on women all the time.

Yes, many surveys shows more women at home have worse mental health and addiction problems than those who work for obvious reasons, they are bored and doing dull work which no one really enjoys.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 13/07/2012 19:29

'Many housewives are on alcohol or sugar addicted or on drugs'

I think there is a fair amount of truth to this and back in the 50s 'mother's little helper' was another name for valium. However, I know for a fact that addiction in the financial services sector is quite an issue. Ditto journalism. Medicine has its fair share of doctors and nurses helping themselves from the medicine cabinet (exFIL knew medical students years ago who hooked themselves up to alcohol drips once their long shifts were over; DSIS once dated a young doctor whose breakfast heading out for a day in A&E consisted of vodka and orange and weetabix). Never mind the vast quantities of sugary snacks and caffeine that fuels the average office...

mathanxiety · 13/07/2012 19:32

'they are bored and doing dull work which no one really enjoys.'

Maybe if more status was accorded their work it wouldn't be so depressing. That is to say, maybe there is nothing inherent in the job itself that makes it depressing. Maybe it is the realisation that people actually look down on them for choosing what they have chosen. It seems to me that when women happily embrace anything and are supported in their choice their chance of happiness increases, be it sahm-ing or a career in neurosurgery or street-busking or whatever.

amillionyears · 13/07/2012 19:34

Xenia, might you be projecting?

mathanxiety · 13/07/2012 19:36

After all, there are plenty of bored and unfulfilled women manning grocery checkouts, certainly plenty in the nursing profession, plenty of teachers who are burned out but putting in the hours nevertheless.

The legal profession produces more bored and dissatisfied former practitioners than any other I am aware of. I know three former lawyers, two women and one man, who retrained as teachers. The man among them spent a few years as a sahd before doing his teacher training.

sunshine401 · 13/07/2012 19:36

Xenia "they are bored and doing dull work which no one really enjoys."

Sorry but that is not true when I was a SAHM I loved every second of it. It so sad that I am back at work . I miss the fact I could spend all day with my children I could take them out when I wanted We made lots of mess painting cooking playing etc How any mother can say being with their own child is not fun is just silly. Going to work is dull I like my job but the difference quite clearly is i LOVE my children and they are my world I could happily be with them all the time.

mathanxiety · 13/07/2012 19:37

Actually, I also know a fair few former nurses.

mathanxiety · 13/07/2012 19:37

'What matters is we see things in gender neutral terms and talk about men and women as good or otherwise not just pick on women all the time.'

Words to live by there, Xenia.

MamaMaiasaura · 13/07/2012 19:39

Agrees math

MamaMaiasaura · 13/07/2012 19:43

Xenia feel a bit sorry for you. Harping on for fecking years, berating SAHM. It's really really sad. I'm happy being home with dc and was happy nursing. Right now, my choice is home, and I am lucky to have a choice. I think the issues arise when a person has no choice.

exoticfruits · 13/07/2012 19:47

Yes, many surveys shows more women at home have worse mental health and addiction problems than those who work for obvious reasons, they are bored and doing dull work which no one really enjoys.

I think that you must have a very limited imagination because staying at home seems to indicate to you that you are a helicopter parent who never gets out of the 4 walls and cleans all day! (when not knocking back the alcohol)
You can have benign neglect-you don't have any more housework than if you were out at work-you can finish it quickly and get out and do interesting things. I can't think that a woman who has actively chosen to stay at home is going to be depressed.

lovechoc · 13/07/2012 19:48

Home is where the heart is Grin

MiniTheMinx · 13/07/2012 19:50

Can you point us in the direction of these surveys Xenia, if it isn't too much to ask of you. Thank you. (doing my best humble inferior voice)

lovechoc · 13/07/2012 19:50

I hardly drink alcohol actually. You're lucky if I have two units of alcohol per month! I have never abused drugs in my puff, and never smoked a cig either. I'm not bored, I do get out the house. I am not chained to the kitchen sink (!!).

sunshine401 · 13/07/2012 19:51

People who bash others on their idea on "parenting" are dealing with their own issues anyone who is a SAHM well done you for doing just do not take any notcie of horrible comments on here that are aload of tosh. I was a SAHM and then returned to work. 2 of my children went nursery and 2 did not and they are just as happy as each other :)

lovechoc · 13/07/2012 19:53

Do you want a shovel Xenia to dig yourself out this mess. It may take you a while...

MamaMaiasaura · 13/07/2012 19:54

Only on sex night lovechoc Wink lol

MamaMaiasaura · 13/07/2012 19:54

Not the shovel but the chains... Grin

exoticfruits · 13/07/2012 19:56

There are other ways to be a great role model. Challenges don't have to be about work and earning money. I think that my sky dive was a great example to my DSs -that women (even older ones like me) can do anything! My next is to run a marathon-in training now (and have not being noted for being sporting). Just as valuable IMO. (needless to say my few years at home didn't turn me into a fat, depressed,addict!)

LunaticFringe · 13/07/2012 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 13/07/2012 20:39

You have it in a nutshell in your last sentence, LunaticFringe. Some people are fulfilled by staying at home, some by being high powered. Some would feel that life was passing them by if they stayed at home and some would feel it was passing them by if they were high powered. Does it matter - as long as people have freely chosen what suits them?

FreelanceMama · 13/07/2012 20:45

mamamaiasaura is right, in my opinion, that feeling one has options, and has chosen their path, whatever it is, rather than have no choice is what it's all about.

People - not just Mums - who have (or feel they have) no choice are on a fast-track to depression whether that's having to work full time when they'd rather not, or having to stay home when they'd like to work full or part-time, or just being in a job they feel they can't get out of. Or being stuck in a relationship or house they don't think they can leave, etc.

I feel extremely blessed that we have options. My partner and are taking turns with being the one who stays away from paid work (which is perhaps a more accurate way of putting it than SAHM given staying at home is something to be done only when it's really rubbish weather). Hopefully we'll look after our baby between us and both get our career kicks in part-time doses.

This week we swopped over, and I am now a SAHMWW?! Stay at home mum who works - as I mostly work from home. I am not depressed. He is not depressed.

In six months time (or sooner, if it doesn't work out for either of us) we'll review the situation and see what we want to do next.