Intensive mothers

[Xenia]

It seems pretty clear children benefit a lot if their mother has a good career and here is another piece of evidence of the damage housewives do to children:-

"Stay at home mothers are more likely to be unhappy than those who go out to work, according to new research.
Women who believe in "intensive parenting" are at risk of a range of mental illnesses including depression.

They think women are better parents than men, that mothering should be child centred and that children should be considered sacred and fulfilling.

This may put them in danger of suffering the 'parenthood paradox' where their ideology increases feelings of stress and guilt.

Psychologist Kathryn Rizzo, whose findings are published online in Springer's Journal of Child and Family Studies, said: "If intensive mothering is related to so many negative mental health outcomes, why do women do it?

"They may think that it makes them better mothers, so they are willing to sacrifice their own mental health to enhance their children's cognitive, social and emotional outcomes."
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She said parenting is a big task and requires a variety of skills and expertise. Many women rate the challenge as one of the most fulfilling experiences in life.

But some previous research has suggested it may be detrimental to mental health, with women reporting taking care of their children as more stressful than being at work.

So her team at the University of Mary Washington, Virginia, looked at whether intensive parenting in particular was linked to increased levels of stress, depression and lower life satisfaction among 181 mothers of children under five.

Using an online questionnaire, they found out to what extent the participants endorsed intensive parenting beliefs by measuring their responses to a series of statements.

These included "mothers are the most necessary and capable parent", "parents' happiness is derived primarily from their children" and "parents should always provide their children with stimulating activities that aid in their development".

Others were "parenting is more difficult than working" and "a parent should always sacrifice their needs for the needs of the child".

Overall, the women were satisfied with their lives but had moderate levels of stress and depression.

Almost one in four had symptoms of depression and these negative mental health outcomes were accounted for by their endorsement of intensive parenting attitudes.

When the level of family support was taken into account, those mothers who believed women are the essential parent were less satisfied with their lives. Those who believed that parenting is challenging were more stressed and depressed.

The researchers said overall, the women were satisfied with their lives but had moderate levels of stress and depression.

They added: "In reality, intensive parenting may have the opposite effect on children from what parents intend."

Earlier this year a study of more than 60,000 US mothers found 41 percent of those not in work experienced worry compared to 34 per cent of those employed.

And 28 per cent suffered depression, eleven per cent more than the others. Psychlogists fear the phenomenon is linked with feelings of isolation and a lack of fulfillment. "

www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/9381449/Stay-at-home-mothers-more-unhappy-than-those-who-work.html

"If you are always at the bottom you do what you're told or lose your job."

Not everyone wants to have a lot of responsibility in their job, they just want to go in and do the job and go home again. Having much responsibility doesn't suit everyone! Being at the bottom is sometimes the best place to be.

"If you are always at the bottom you do what you're told or lose your job."

Depends on the job. Journalism has this pesky habit of people preferring you were actually there...

Eva Rausing was mega rich and look where that got her?? Money doesn't always bring you much happiness. There's more to life than aiming to be rich.

I was taking us away from the non working to working person debate into the intensive parenting issue. Eva Rausing like a housewife had no purpose or work or goal. Many housewives are on alcohol or sugar addicted or on drugs.

Work makes people happy and in a sense free. I suspect the Rausing children were being cared for elsewhere (if the parents were living in only 2 rooms in their lage house in squalor and the mother had just got back from the US addiction clinic.

I certainly don't want women to think they need to be at the bottom as that's easier or that they will be the care home workers because someone needs to be. Let us raise their expectations and let them realise that to lead and out earn men is huge fun.

Absolutely agree on some jobs need to be present. You cannot perform heart surgery working from home.

I've just agreed to do some work early next week on holiday which is fine and is possible because of wifi. That would not be possible in many jobs.

HoleyGhost, I have personally heard a lot of what Xenia says from women in RL. The comments increase in proportion to the years a woman has spent in education. I think there ay be an element of 'how dare you waste what men have allowed you to achieve'.

Can I ask,do you do this work for men.Are you at their beck and call?

'Work makes people happy and in a sense free.'

Good lord.

Where have I seen that before....

amillion when you're self employed and in demand, you can pick and choose your projects.

Oh yes, was it from a certain camp in Poland per chance mathanxiety??

Why would she need to do extra work on holiday?
She is scared that she will let them down.
But surely she is in a position to pick and choose,as you say.

Let us raise their expectations and let them realise that to lead and out earn men is huge fun

I've always thought that the thing you miss Xenia, is that for you it us huge fun, but you are not all women.

And not all careers involve outcompeting and out earning men. I run my own little company with my DH. It is huge fun at times; it is also worrying and stressful and tiring. It is my career and I have chosen it, but it certainly doesn't involve trying to lead and out-compete and out-earn men.

Wifi work should be possible in a lot more jobs than it is right now.

It is interesting to see Xenia equate the opportunity to work remotely with status. Yet another example of ego (in the general sense, not necessarily accusing Xenia of anything) in the business and yes, the legal world, getting in the way of increased productivity, certainly getting in the way of harnessing the talent of half the potential workforce.

Math, I think you are a fair bit older than me, based on what you've said on this thread. The Oliver James cortisol nonsense has, in recent years, persuaded lots of women that the moral choice is to martyr ourselves. I was delighted that he was shown up for the charlatan he is on his webchat here.

amillion it's not fear.

On holiday DH will probably do some work. I will most definitely write (my work). We just don't see these divisions.

Work for us is not boring, or a necessary evil.

I think I may be a bit behind -- where has cortisl come into it?

(am 47 btw)

X posts - I meant that Xenia's arguments are heard less often these days, and that is a shame. I don't believe that women of my mother's generation had the pseudo neuroscience nonsense to contend with

"Eva Rausing like a housewife had no purpose or work or goal"

Right, so if you are a housewife you've not got a purpose in life. Why don't we just get a shotgun and shoot all housewives, that way they won't be wasting resources because they're just useless?

I think she thinks that everything she does is right,and is therefore high status.Everybody who doesnt do things her way is wrong,and is lower status.

Sorry, am working it out now - light is dawning

I think my point was that you get it from both angles.

I personally have always advised my DCs to choose a profession where they can at some time be their own boss and responsible for their own income. This was my dad's hope for his DDs too, many years ago.

I also hope the ego thing/demanding face time will one day be seen as the millstone around the neck of business and other career areas that it is and discarded in favour of more rational ways of producing results from employees.

wordfactory,do you think you and your DH and Xenia are workaholics.Dont mean that in a nasty way,just pondering.if work doesnt get in the way of other things,it doesnt matter.They would blend,as you say.

amillion I don't think so.

I certainly do a lot of things that aren't work...MN for example. And today the sun is shining so DC and I went to play tennis for three hours!

I just think our lives are very fluid. I don't work, work, work, then do somehting I want to do.

That said, I do take on far too many projects. I know I do. But I can't resist the challenge or the cash .

Also I hate housework and outsource as much as I can.

fair enough,and have a nice holiday.

Yes we need cleaners but let it not be your daughters. Let us enable women to succeed and do well.

I have sons and I want to enable them to succeed and do well too. I don't know why we get so caught up on gender. I treat them the same. My parents treated my brothers and I the same.