Good advice to new mothers? Have sex even if you don't feel ready

[shagmundfreud]

here

Or is yet another example of how this woman has completely failed to understand that motherhood is about RELATIONSHIPS, and it's not a fucking JOB.

Forget the foot massage, having my husband do all the night feeds, the washing up and sorting the food shopping for the week would go some way to putting me in the mood. As it is I often feel utterly exhausted, not to mention touched out from having a baby feeding from me and another young child hanging all over me at every other opportunity.

I think Gina Ford has had enough free advertising from Mumsnet now.

Until you've been there and know how you feel, you really are not a position to give advice on this particular issue - imho.

I dunno...I think her advice to go out as a couple in the early days is not a bad idea really. Would have loved someone to give me a few hours off to go out with DH.

i wouldn't - i would have been stressing about if they were crying for a feed....

but again, another thing that is unique, and personal to you - NOT something you should be made to feel guilty for wanting/ not wanting to do

Erghh ! What horrible advice. Give us a break, Gina !

Because, when we've just given birth, that's exactly what we need !

Medical check up at 6 weeks after the birth at least gives women who might need to use it the opportunity to say they need to wait till they've had their check-up. In my experience 6 weeks is a realistic time frame for first sex after a baby, if birth has been straight-forward.

But it would be nice if we were moving towards a world where partners could talk about this together. As catgirl said it should be about mutual enjoyment not as shagmund said part of any "job description". Such a sad state of affairs

And just Who is buying these books from this expert ?!

To be fair, I think the grin and bear it thing is a quote from a mum who posted on the contented baby site that has gone into the book, rather than Gina ford actually advising this. Still very bad advice though.

Cazmoldy - I have a lot of male friends who love their partners but struggled in the early days as they felt all attention was on the baby. All good guys. I appreciate that plenty of couples keep the intimacy, I was commenting on the ones GF felt the need to talk to.

ajandjjmum - I think there's a difference between giving advice and having an opinion but I think midwives who haven't had children themselves can still do a good job advising women in labour.

Best piece of advice you could give to new parents is avoid Gina Ford at all costs.

The divorcee, who has never had children

Agree with catgirl

This makes me unbelievably angry.

I can't put it any other way.

And just because one woman described her own experience as a bit like "just grin and bear it" what gives GF the right to take that and use it as advice on what every woman should do ?

GF didn't have to re-quote the posting on her 'contented baby' site... she chose to and we have to assume that she consequently endorses that view.

I was lucky with DS - only had two lots of stitches and lochia for 2 weeks. A friend has had lochia for 6 weeks every time - only the most determined of sex-obsessed DH's are going to be up for shagging while bleeding I assume....

The main problem is that no advice can be anything approaching universal. People's circumstances are just so variable. It's just laughable to think that you can produce an instruction manual for parenthood.

Yes SGM, that is the really awful thing about it: handmaidenism.

her view is quite insulting to men.

Who the fuck is Gina Ford? What have I missed? Never realised sex was only for men. Bad, neglectful wife, Brecon. What a saintly husband I have, not intruding his beastly member into my bleeding mangled fanjo.
Ick.

at Brecon's DH's ''beastly member''

Classic !

There has been women posting on the relationship board about their husbands/partners pressuring them for sex even when they're heavily pregnant, in pain, or have recently given birth. So there are women out there with shit partners who think they're there to service them regardless what is happening. This article isn't helping them. It seems, sadly, that there is a need for info to new mothers (all women really) about our right to say no.

Oh Lord. Watching Matthew Wrong on Ch5, and they are talking about this. He is gurning like a twat whenever people make reference to (urr!) ladies things.
At one point on of the panel made a comment about how the couple had had sex to make the baby, and MW goes:
"well, a long time ago!"

Er, do you think MW knows that women do actually have sex while pregant.
Although I don't think his schoolboy mentality could actually handle that fact!
Ew! gross!