Good advice to new mothers? Have sex even if you don't feel ready

[shagmundfreud]

here

Or is yet another example of how this woman has completely failed to understand that motherhood is about RELATIONSHIPS, and it's not a fucking JOB.

Good point SGM - It is all quite insulting to men too

It is insulting to men too. Some of them are fully absorbed in baby and children and allow nature to adjust the priorities as time goes on. And we have 4 so sex clearly does return in good time. DH seems more exhausted than I do with each new baby - because he fully takes on doing everything for the older ones while I concentrate on the wee one. Sex came back in time and we felt a huge intimacy just getting to know the new one when the others were in bed for the night. Lovely to be on the sofa together with the new baby being able to go on about how wonderful he/she is. But then I have never taken to scheduling when to take a bite of toast or whatever it is contented little parents are supposed to do to achieve their serene states.

Just to say though I think it is more insulting and more harmful to women

Nice reply Stewie - just didn't like to see thread end on that note of concern for the men. (Although as I said it is a good point) I'm sure you're with me there!

Of course its relevant if shes had a child,how else would she know how your fanjo feels.

Gina listen up. You are a vile woman. A traitor to your gender.

Delete after reading.

I'm so glad I now know it wasn't my fault that h had an affair when ds was 4 months old.

I had a pretty traumatic birth, episiotomy and loads of stitches then was re-admitted to hospital for almost a week when ds was 5 days old.

BUT I still bowed to his constant pressure and was intimate with him. Not all that often granted but I did it.

I also did all the housework, all the childcare, all the night feeds, all the cooking, always asked him how his day had been and made sure I looked fresh and groomed every day even though I felt like shit and was clearly boarderline pts and pnd.

His excuse for the affair was that I wasn't paying him enough attention.

So how does that sit with your "advice".

Forgot to add, my sister didn't have sex for 6 months. She is still very happily married.

Your posts sum things up perfectly CanDo

I'm sorry you're partner wasn't up to the challenges of family life with a newborn.

Hope things are better for you these days.

Thanks juggling. Adjusting to being a single mum is undoubtedly crappy but each day I feel really proud of what i'm doing.

Ds is now 7 months old, happy and thriving. We're winging it most of the time but we get there!

So there swmnbn, stick that in your smug-faced pipe and smoke it!

We're all winging it CanDo especially with a 7 month old

• Or juggling with tangential oranges - but don't ever forget You CAN do this !

Christ, she really is thick as shit isn't she. Unless she's only said this in the knowledge that it will surely cause another big brawl with the massed mothers of Mumsnet. No such thing as bad publicity and all that.

I felt pressured into having sex too soon after dd1. Not by dh, but by 'friends & family' who said it was important that we resumed things ASAP on that front. So, dh made a move & I went along, unbeknownst to him that I was doing it because I thought I had to.

I can honestly say that I have never cried after sex before that (or after). I was in pain (section) but didn't feel it was fair to dh to stop it. I wasn't young, I was 30, this was only 8 yrs ago, but 'well meaning' idiots friends/family ruined what was supposed to be a wonderful time by making me feel pressured into something I didn't want. Dh was livid when he found out & felt very bad for me. He had a few choice words for those involved (his aunt for one). And we suffered intimately for a while, as a result.

So yes, pressure to resume things when you aren't ready can do damage to new mums & to the relationship with the dp/dh!

After dd2, we waited until I was ready...which was a few months. And guess what...it did him no harm!

I cannot understand how she feels qualified to comment if she hasn't given birth. I have no children but would not dream of coming out with something like that!

ttosca - "Not a surprising article, coming from a paper that hates women."

What is surprising is that nearly everyone on this thread believes what the Daily Fail printed. It is clear from the quote in her book, that she did not suggest women should have sex within six weeks.

" Gina says: I agree with the mums that patience and communications are key. Even the happiest marriages can take a knock in the bedroom after the arrival of a baby. But avoiding the subject of sex is the worst thing you can do. Instead, share your worries with your partner. This will help manage expectations and relieve any pressure to get back in the saddle before you're both ready. Arm yourself withpost-birth essentials, such as lubricant and massage oil, and take things slowly. Keep talking, flirting and cuddling, but sex can take up to year to get back on track. The most important thing is that you remain intimate and close until it does."

She's worked with hundreds of families in their homes, presumably talking to the mothers she's worked for about 'intimate matters'. That's what she's basing her book on (as well as posts from her website) and as a few posters have already commented on this thread, she's passing on their comments to whoever cares to buy it. Yes, she is endorsing these comments (as her name's on the cover) but I woud imagine that's because enough of them have said the same thing for her to think there's some common ground.

You're free to disagree with what she's saying - although why waste your emotional energy on someone you already know you don't like?

And has anyone on here slagging her off actually read the book? Or just read the article which incorrectly summarises her book?