Good advice to new mothers? Have sex even if you don't feel ready

[shagmundfreud]

here

Or is yet another example of how this woman has completely failed to understand that motherhood is about RELATIONSHIPS, and it's not a fucking JOB.

Oh, and he mentioned "the foul mouthed harpies on MN" too. The cunt.

WaitingForMe I appreciate what you are saying but come on, what gives a grown man the right to think that he's not getting enough attention when he and his DW/DP have just made a new human being who is completely helpless. Poor diddums! Any man feeling like that should grow the fuck up and start giving some attention himself to his wife and newborn child.

I suppose Gina Ford would say that the woman only has herself to blame if the DH has an affair with someone else.

No-one is saying that a man or a woman should not have a meaningful or intimate relationship but surely that can be achieved in other ways that the woman gritting her teeth and lying back, thinking of England.

FWIW, I couldn't bear the thought of sex for months after having DS2 - don't know why - but with DS1 and DD, we resumed "marial relations" (hehe) pretty quickly.

The "Pugh" cartoon attached to that article made me smile.

GF wants us all to be Stepford Wives. Putting on the slap and seducing our poor, put upon husbands while our new borns scream in the garden.

Has anyone actually researched the physical toll on a woman's body from childbirth? Surely a traumatic birth (emergency cs/heavy tearing etc) can cause trauma equivalent to an accident or serious operation. You don't tell someone who's just suffered injuries in a car crash to go and shag their husband, do you? It's surely enough for most women to have a baby's wellbeing to consider post birth (and usually putting her own wellbeing second), let alone her bloody husband's!

DH is having a vasectomy in a couple of weeks' time. I wonder, on GF's logic, how long I should give him before he has to grin and bear it and start servicing me again?

A

''Oh, and he mentioned "the foul mouthed harpies on MN" too''

Fantasist.

Humans have spent most of our time in history as nomadic hunter gatherers, and our brains and bodies are still the same. Having a child takes toll on the mother and the group's resouces as a whole - I read somewhere that if a woman becomes pregnant too soon after a first child, the body turns into "panic starvation mode."
I wish I could find that article!
So, it's wise for many reasons to wait with sex after childbirth.

What Gina Ford actually said ?It?s up to parents to decide, but after about four to six weeks I encouraged every family I worked with to go out for a lovey-dovey afternoon or evening when they got glammed up and were not allowed to talk about the baby. The longer a mum puts it off and doesn?t talk to her husband, the harder it gets. In my experience, couples who do this in the early days find it easier to go out than couples who have not left the baby with anyone else for the first six months

What the Daily Fail have interpreted that as Don?t say no to sex, even if you are not ready; New mothers should make themselves have sex with their partner soon after giving birth ? even if they do not feel ready

StewieGriffithsMum sums it up perfectly for me.

She's still blaming the mother there though.

?It?s up to parents to decide, but after about four to six weeks I encouraged every family I worked with to go out for a lovey-dovey afternoon or evening when they got glammed up and were not allowed to talk about the baby. The longer a mum puts it off and doesn?t talk to her husband, the harder it gets. In my experience, couples who do this in the early days find it easier to go out than couples who have not left the baby with anyone else for the first six months'.

It is, therefore, women's responsibility to return to normal service for their husbands.

She also completely ignores the fact that many parents (both mothers and fathers) do not want to leave their babies with someone else (or cannot do so, even if they wanted to). There is nothing inherently wrong with this.

And theres nothing inherently wrong with those who can and want to. Do not make them feel like pariahs.

The longer a mum puts it off and doesn?t talk to her husband, the harder it gets well, it usually is the mother who takes longer to come round to the idea of leaving the baby for an evening out. It's good that the woman should feel empowered to start this conversation, when she wants to, rather than have to turn down her other half when he asks.

"In my experience, couples who do this in the early days find it easier to go out than couples who have not left the baby with anyone else for the first six months"

which basically is what gina ford is all about, no? separating the needs of a child from the people most able to help them. Her whole philosophy is about not having 'needy' babies and the underlying message is that you should be leaving your baby early as possible to carry on living the same life you had before otherwise you are abnormal.

Not that easy to go out for the evening in the first few weeks if you are breast-feeding your baby. Have you even thought about that GF ?

Or are you expecting all mothers to bottle feed (ignoring WHO guidelines in return to 50s style parenting), or to be able to express (which not everyone will be able to do especially in these early weeks)?

Just sounds like more pressure on the new mother to me

I didn't say that people who want to go out and leave their babies were wrong. And it still strikes me as a big old stereotypical assumption that it is women who have to be persuaded and 'empowered' to leave their babies and talk to their husbands.

Or to wait for him to ask? It's still quite centred around husbands.

Yay! Just what mums of new babies need- even more pressure and guilt trips after giving birth!

I am willing to accept that there are many people who have never had children are great with them and have plenty of common sense and a good idea how to take care of them, but.... taking post-birth sex advice from someone who's never given birth? What the actual fuck?! I don't think so....

The whole idea of shagging your man's brains out ASAP after giving birth just go towards proving my theory that GF is actually a bloke in drag.

The usual Crap from her then.

We went out for an hour when DS1 was 2 weeks old. We were both a bit shell shocked and twitchy and just wanted to go home. When we got back in DH forgot to lock the back door and someone came in, nicked my keys off the table and stole my car. It was all kinds of crap. (The two aren't exactly related but still. When you're ready, I reckon.)

I am perfectly happy to leave my DS with his GPs and go out for evening

DH won't even contemplate it

Its not always the fathers who want to resume "normal service"

That article has made me really fed up... I have a 9month old, me and DP do have sex but not as much as before baby came, I am made to feel guilty for it and now reading this confirms it. I cook, I clean, I look after two kids pretty much alone for 7 days a week (yes he works wknds), but its never enough is it?

Sometimes I feel I would be better alone so I don't have to put up with the pressure of having to be everything to everybody.

She comes out with some serious tosh and seems to believe that women are there purely to care for the needs of others as opposed to having opinions and desires (or lack thereof) of their own. So GF, when DH and I did try after 7 weeks, should I have just grinned and dealt with it when one of my stitches popped? Was it a bit insensitive of me to ask DH to stop? Do you think I hurt his feelings a little?

Please don't take any notice butter - GF literally has no idea what she's talking about

Just keep going, one day at a time. MN advice is much better - and free !