Great. Another baby dead as social services fuck up - WARNING, DISTRESSING

[ImFab]

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I can't bear to hear another story of a beautiful baby dead because his mother wasn't capable of caring for him and social services weren't up to the job. When will they learn?

Here.

ImFab has had a very tough life, with many mess ups by SS. But she has had a life and an education and opportunities denied the child in question. He should have been removed until the mother had proved herself consistently capable.
If that meant he was fostered and adopted because she couldn't be a responsible parent, then he gets to live.

what yogididabooboo said.

I don't think Fab was having a go at the idea of babies being taken into care. she was expressing frustration at SS as a whole.

Your comment wasn't really relevant to that end.

goblin whilst in an ideal world that is how i would have it, in this real world it simply doesn'[t happen like that.

we have a society where (mostly rightly) we are innocent until proven guilty.

To have a child removed we have to prove they are in danger.

we also then need to fund their removal and their subsequant residential environment.

therer simply isnt enough money to go around

Goblin - are you asking me if I would prefer to be dead?

Also, if you don't mind, please don't speak for me as you are incorrect in your statement at 19.20.

i think that goblin was trying to say that a pretty shitty life in care is preferable to death.

i am sure she knows it is much more involved than that...but i assume you get her point

Who was monitoring this Woman and her child? FGS she has been found in a similar state when the baby was 3 months old, it's a miracle the little might survived as long as he did.

What a waste

yogi - I can honestly say I would rather have died than have the life I have.

I don't think you should say that Fab. It sounds wrong when a little boy has just died.

like it wasn't that bad, or something.

I know that isn't what you meant.

The mother fucked up here.

I have seen enough anti social services threads on Mumsnet. I simply do not understand what people want or expect from them. Mistakes will be made. Society cannot safeguard against every eventuality.

it is desperately heartbreaking to think you feel like that Fab.

I am sure i have seen you post about having had counselling before but i would suggest that if you still feel like that you probably could do with some more.

The mother did indeed fuck up. But it's important to remember that the mother herself is quite likely to have been fucked up, ie to have been severely and permanently damaged by trauma at a young age. Like a much bleaker version of the Larkin poem.

slhilly - that's quite some assumption there....

Not all people who suffer trauma go on to inflict it.

I am merely stating bald facts.

My point is simply that the social workers did not cause this baby's death. It looks like mother did (whatever the circumstances), or whichever other adult should have been in charge.

opps - posted too soon. Meant to add

Not all people who are alcoholics have had a terrible life either.

I think that the SS are overloaded unfortunately. We will keep seeing this kind of thing again and again.

The sad thing is that these threads run on throwing blame around but rarely does anyone ever ask how we can help.

That baby should have been in care - but how many decent foster parents were able to take him?

I think the focus needs to shift to why this s happening instead.

What a heartrending story. It makes me want to go and hug my DD. But it wasn't SS, it was the mother who let that happen. Maybe she had been fucked up herself, but she still has to take responsibility as an adult.

How many mothers on here are adamant that they don't need to see their HV? How would they feel if that meant SS became involved?

Makes me sooooooooo mad. I trained as a social worker and I appreciate the pressures they are under and the protocols they have to follow.

However IMO, and I said this after Baby Peter, they need to lose the obsession with keeping the family together. It is NOT always the best thing. Substance misuse is a known risk factor. Remove the child or put in solid support early on.

Too much giving the benefit of the doubt IME. Too much pussy footing around recognising the 'rights' of the parent.

Poor little boy - neglected to death pretty much.

Thread title is awful.

This mother caused the death of this poor child.

Why would you say you would rather be dead? Do you not have children and family that love you? How would they feel reading or hearing that?

This part of the report stands out to me:

'However, because of the failure to recognise risk and parent focused practice, practitioners lost sight of the impact of her behaviour on Child T...'

I don't understand why in this case, practitioners operate under a parent focused practice. The opposite practice is followed in the case where a family with a child with disabilities is seeking respite care - every last assessment and visit to the family is 100% child focused.

It all boils down to money at the end of the day. Removing a child and placing him/her with foster parents costs money and providing respite care costs money.

I am going through a tough time and yes, I wish I hadn't lived. That has no bearing on the baby's life who was killed. He had a terrible time.

How many mistakes though bibbity? There are so many of them.

Social workers might have degrees, etc but do they have common sense, insight and any idea of what it is like to be in care?

My mother had a shit life. I have had a shit life. My children have a fantastic, safe life.

Skip I have offered help to SS and have been told I need a degree. A standard response letter. No questions about who I am and what I think I can offer.

fifitot I can back you up with real life experiences.

dickcheese I said I would rather have been dead than live the life I have had and that would have involved not getting married or having children so a non point really.

SkipToTheEnd Wed 02-Feb-11 19:49:21
"slhilly - that's quite some assumption there....

Not all people who suffer trauma go on to inflict it."

I wasn't implying that all people who suffer trauma go on to inflict it. I was implying that many parents who are neglectful or abusive also suffered neglect or abuse when they were children. As there are 60m people in the UK, there will of course be lots of examples of neglectful parents who did not suffer themselves, which is why I said "quite likely to have" and not "will have".

My assumption / implication may still be wrong -- at least one journal says that this hypothesis cannot be accepted unqualified, but I haven't got the time to do a proper exhaustive search.

onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1939-0025.1987.tb03528.x/abstract

"Too much pussy footing around recognising the 'rights' of the parent."

That's not what it's about though, fifitot. SS are always reluctant to take children from families unless they absolutely have to because of the wellbeing of the child, not the rights of the parents. Putting a child in care can have huge ramifications fro them, and it's far better, if at all possible, that the parents are supported to bring them up well.

I know a CQC inspector, who sees awful, awful care homes where elderly people are mistreated. Making the decision to close the home and move confused, frightened people to somewhere they don't know is very difficult. It's not just about 'they are at risk here' but 'they are at risk in both situations and we have to decide which is the least risky option'. And the decision has nothing to do with the rights of hte care home owners and everythign to do with the quality of life of the residents.

I don't believe you would rather have died. I'm sorry, I just can't believe it.

Anyway this is about the baby and you're right, this has no bearing on his life and death.