Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

News

Justine and her mum - Times' Relative Values

158 replies

TanteRose · 16/01/2011 11:01

today's Relative Values

Justine, your mum in the photo in Malta looks just like you now Grin

Nice article - your mum sounds fun! Oh and is everyone at Mumsnet Towers really scared of you? Wink

OP posts:
Xenia · 19/01/2011 09:20

I think the word "driven" is mostly u sed as a criticism. I regard myself as quite laid back. I work hard but enjoy doing nothing, silence, thinking and time with the family but I've never heard anyone use the word driven in a good way so I just don't like how the word is used.

jonicomelately · 19/01/2011 20:59

I don't mind 'driven' either.
I've been a WOHM and a SAHM and both are tough. The hardest thing about being a SAHM is feeling undervalued. I'm at the stage now where I'm working hard and have a lot of ambition (I'm not afraid to say that). It hasn't changed my relationship with my children at all but it has given me a lot of satisfaction.

One thing that I would say about the article is that I hate the phrase 'little woman.' I think it's highly perjorative and demeaning, as is the term 'little man'.

Bozcar · 27/01/2011 14:11

I'm joining this discussion a bit too late, but I just came across it. I am currently a SAHM after being made redundant 2 years ago. When I was working I was made to feel guilty for not being there for my kids even though I worked part-time (eldest is autistic). Now that I am not working I am made to feel guilty because we don't have as much money. Kids prefer me at home with less things. When can a mother really ever get it right in today's society?

NikonNelly · 28/01/2011 13:45

"She could never have been the little woman sitting at home"

Well, I guess now we know what Justine thinks of SAHMs.

How fucking rude!

giveitago · 28/01/2011 13:57

Bozcar - I'm with you.

I think xenia is an extreme with her own drive - who gives a fuck is a mother is working or not and if the kids are complaining or not - we either work because (money aside) it gives us something our kids can't give us, or because, we HAVE TO, or we don't work because we can't or don't need to.

Anyhow we all give our kids the best we can and all the excuses in the world are for us parents and not us kids. But many of us are on different sides and that's why we all judge each other.

Bit of a joke really. On us mums.

I've been a working mum twice - once because I wanted to and now because I have to - no fucking difference and no difference when I was a sahm - stress from having very little life (imo) as a sahm is the same as having no life (due to time constrains imo) as a working mum.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/05/2012 12:22

Surely drive and ambition can be channeled into parenting, though, Xenia? For example, I think it takes a huge amount of drive to home-educate your children.

And can you not see how offensive it is to imply that only dull, unintelligent, limited women will want to stay at home with their children? Because that is the message I am getting from what you say.

I firmly believe that what is 'right' varies from family to family, and can change as circumstances change. I agree that no parent should feel guilty for their career/work choices - and that includes being a SAHP - and it really annoys me when it is women making other women feel guilty about their choice, whether that choice is to work or to be a SAHM.

And I know that my dses have benefitted by having me at home. For example, because I was a SAHM, I had time to go and volunteer in the boys' school, and as a result, I saw ds2 in the school environment - when he wasn't happy because it was the end of school and he could escape - and I saw the unhappiness in his demeanor and on his face, that was being caused by bullying, and that I hadn't seen any sign of, up to that point - and I was able to ask him what the problem was, and we were able to tackle it with the school. And I was only able to do that because I saw how unhappy he was - he never showed it out of school (as I say, I guess because he was just happy to be out of the bully's ambit for another day).

That's just one example - I have others. But what it boils down to is that I think I made the right decision for my family. Others make different decisions, and I believe that they make the best decisions for their families in their circumstances, and I applaud them for that.

I don't applaud someone who makes such judgemental observations as you have, Xenia.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 26/05/2012 09:13

Well - it seems I killed this thread!

PeelingmyselfofftheCeiling · 26/05/2012 09:39

Tis a very old thread ( tho I missed it 1st time round so thank you for resurrecting).

Fascinating to see how many mn-ers have been interviewed in the press feeling inadequate emoticon

New posts on this thread. Refresh page