Stay at home Mums - Money

[sahmhe]

I’m a sahm and have been since our child was born. She is now 10 and is Home Educated.

I just wondered if anyone in similar position receives any money for themselves. I get bill money but doesn’t leave much for anything else. I just hate asking for extra money to get a haircut or a few clothes.

I am a SAHM / home educating parent too. Key differences are: we are married, all of my DHs salary goes into a joint account, I manage our finances, and I never have to “ask” for anything.

Me being at home enables DH to do a demanding, well-paid job, and he is hugely grateful to me for working unpaid to provide an excellent education for our daughter.

I would urge you to move to a fully shared finance system, ensure you have some savings in your name, and ideally get married (even if just a registry office thing) so you are protected. Assume the house is in both your names?

Joint account you both have access to. Credit card each to give you some privacy of purchases. Standing order from joint account to pay of credit cards in full each month.

It depends how tight/strict budgets are. If they are strict you should have exactly the same amount of fun money as your husband. If not, then either take what you want/ need from the joint or transfer a chunk over to your own account.

I work part time but am about to stop. I intend to take £2k per month from the joint account - transfer it into my own account, with a view that I’ll be buying shopping/ household items /kids stuff and then my own clothes/coffees etc. if I’m paying a bigger bill like a holiday I’ll just use the credit card that gets paid by my husband from his own account. We’ve discussed how this will work, if I feel it doesn’t work I’ll have to rethink. My husband’s mum was a SAHM and she’s always run their household money - my husband isn’t as inept as his dad and historically has done all our bills etc so I don’t see that changing.

Op, you do realise you’re in an incredibly vulnerable position here don’t you? You’ve been out of employment for 10+ years which will have an impact on your NI credits towards state pension, you’ll find it difficult to get back into the workplace, I’m assuming you have no private pension?
If he decided to leave you tomorrow, how much money do you think you’d have - ie how much in joint savings do you have and how much equity on the house? (please tell me you own the house jointly!) You’d have to forget the homeschooling as you’d have to get a job to cover your living costs. Not having enough spending money each month is the least of your worries.

I was a sahm and had to ask for every penny.

Took me years to realise but this is part of a bigger package of abuse op. It's NOT ok to have to ask for marital funds to buy yourself a pack of pants or a haircut.

Was homeschooling a joint decision?e being a sahp was initially a joint decision but very quickly became a stick to beat me with if ever I voiced anything about having financial independence. Or any independence tbh.

Time to reconsider your position op?

Please say you are no longer with this man @Shittyyear2025 ?

This isn’t a normal set up imo and I don’t understand why anyone would leave work to be a child like this.
I’m a sahm, my DH doesn’t give me bill money or spending money we just both have equal access to our money.
I do the food shopping, buy things for the house, gifts for the kids and family members, clothes and things the kids need or want, clothes I want, drinks out with friends, Botox etc all just comes from the joint account.
If anything I have more control over the finances than my DH does.

Good grief. When I was a SAHM DH’s salary went into a joint account and we both had access to it.

Money was tight and we were very careful, but it was our money not his.

No, though it took several years for me to realise how bad the situation was. And I had a history in financial services and ran out household bills!

Being financially tied is one of the most limiting situations op can be in, especially as she's not married.