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Housekeeping

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Hoarders Anonymous. Thread #9. We Are Keeping On Keeping On. Fighting The Cluttered Fight.

204 replies

Solo · 07/11/2025 23:20

We are a group of likeminded householders who are leading somewhat challenging lives; be that living with too much 'stuff' that we find difficult to deal with, houses that are falling apart (mine is), health issues within the family unit, wider family, or ourselves (me too) that means sorting out our households is challenging to say the least. So...
You are all welcome to join us for support, adding your ideas to help others out, storage ideas, and even tips on actually getting those items out of the house which sounds so simple when you say it, but this part can be a huge challenge; we are often attached emotionally to our 'things', afraid of letting things go just in case we need them, or it belonged to mum or gran. This is tough stuff to deal with.
Encouragement and support abound here in our band of clutterbugs. We never ever criticise anyone! We even try not to criticise ourselves as it's not helpful to anyone, but this can be very difficult to achieve.
We hold one another's hands, dab away tears, and snot virtually.
If you are feeling overwhelmed by clutter, mess, disorganisation and generally don't know where to start. If you can't be bothered, but really do want to be bothered. If you think you are a bit lazy, or if you just need to see your highs and lows and everything in between on the screen here, join us, and we will support you. We'll virtually high-five your achievements - small or large, and virtually hug you when the need arises. If you want a hug, just ask because we are here for you, we're here for one another because we get it. The art of washing up is sometimes our great achievement of the day, but it's still an achievement. Every small step is an achievement.
My own journey is very long, I've tried to get it done, bug it's a work in progress. Single working mum (children now both over 18, but youngest has many physical issues as well as ADHD and ASD). I have chronic illness, and am in my 62nd year on the planet, so I need to deal with it. The point is. You aren't alone if you are also suffering.

Some helpful links which I hope are still valid. They aren't for everyone, but have a look if you fancy:
Help For Hoarders by Jasmine Harman (the author/producer of the BBC1 documentaries My Hoarder Mum and Me and Britain's Biggest Hoarders)
The FlyLady Cleaning Method by Marla Cilley
The Organised Mum Method by Gemma Bray
The KonMari Method by Marie Kondo
A Slob Comes Clean by Dana K. White
The Getting Things Done Method by David Allen

I'm not sure if The Flylady link is working, but if not, you know what to search for.
Welcome to thread #8 of Hoarders Anonymous. Thread #8. We Are Keeping On Keeping On. Fighting The Cluttered Fight (and winning, one small step at a time).

Decluttering Expert: Dana K White of A Slob Comes Clean
Learn more about decluttering expert Dana K. White and her cleaning and organizing blog: A Slob Comes Clean. Author, podcaster, blogger and YouTuber.
https://www.aslobcomesclean.com/about-me/

This is the default server vhost

https://www.theorganisedmum.blog/

OP posts:
Elleherd · 27/11/2025 10:42

@BlueSummerBaby You're absolutely correct in theory but it doesn't prevent it being misused, widened out, and that's often when levels of fear and paranoia can set in for some of us, while others end there without that happening.

Thank you for engaging with it, because I think It's one of many conversations that needs to be more widely had and explored, in the attempts to unpick why hoarding is traditionally seen as so difficult to treat.
Currently it seems we're left to figure out these things ourselves.

Some of us are on the extreme ends, and some far more moderate, or in earlier stages not yet aware, (and others healing well) but at any level we are all potentially affected by more than 'attachment to stuff.'

The issue for me is has been a rotten council combined with my own long term disability and others attempted control over me, and what was attempted with DD when after a ten year battle I managed to get her some compensation for her life changing injuries. We've seen again and again with different situations that it's a mechanism here, that gets used on people who've tried to be independent all their lives, but are now in a position of needing temporary or permanent support, or just CT discounts.
Somehow you have to balance knowing that, with not allowing it to become all consuming. I'm not quite there yet, but getting there.

I don't know if this will chime with others, but I think many who are already in fear of being 'discovered' as hoarders are more prone to feeling misjudged, and needing to both hide, and justify themselves, which results in others becoming suspicious of them.
It often starts with just 'a bit of a mess' and so not inviting others in for fear of judgement, and the rest follows, all of it can then transfer into keeping 'evidence' to protect themselves.

Conversely, councils often treat people with hoarding disorder as likely to be hoarding and hiding wealth that could be being used by them.
When there is nothing, the response can be to look to see if there used to be, and it can somehow be clawed back. Some are strong arming using their own rules and determinations of what 'deprivation of assets' means.

It ends up as 'Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get you' even when it shouldn't be happening, and somehow a balance has to be found regardless.

One day I think we may talk about HD and 'complex' HD the same way we are beginning to recognize PTSD and CPTSD may benefit from different approaches.
We will recognize that some people have HD (that may also present differently from expected) as a direct result of specific causal experiences, (ie childhood poverty or neglect, low level or not, or death, disruption, and displacement, or neuro diverse, and or never absorbed how to 'discriminate' or 'house keep' ) 'group A.'

Others will have more than one, (ie childhood poverty, combined with neglect, then cruelty and death, disruption, and displacement, some also neuro diverse) ''group B.'

Some will have multiple layers of causal experiences, (ie war, forced emigration, leading to childhood poverty, cultural destruction, cruelty, repeated loss, including of identity, or integrity, neuro diversity, wrongful accusation leading to loss, removal, resulting in emotional transfer to objects.) 'group C.' and so on.

We will (ok might!) recognize that someone in category A could actually be more deeply or differently, affected than someone in category C, and 'causal experiences' shouldn't be treated as some sort of 'top trumps.' Just a way of unpicking and better understanding of what treatment pathways and self work, might be useful for each individual affected.

Elleherd · 27/11/2025 10:44

Meantime back in the actual world: yesterday was more cleaning up behind contractors, bath scrubbed to within an inch of it's life, (following swamp monster DC's idea of cleaning) some shopping and batch cooking done, and a carrier bag of stuff disposed of.
Today has to include difficult paperwork, and dealing with what's looking like attempts to rinse me over the difficult contract I've just completed. 😡

BlueSummerBaby · 27/11/2025 17:40

There's pretty much a two tier life in the UK based on whether you have enough money to live on due to your own means or not. If you do, you're able to throw money at problems, even if you're not wealthy you can choose how it's spent and basically live your life in a way that suits you. But those who through ill health or poverty need practical or financial help from the state, suddenly their lives are not quite their own any longer. I'm glad we have the welfare state but it's far from perfect in the way it reduces personal autonomy and, yes, there are many corrupt practices of people inventing and implementing their own rules with no basis in law.

I'm quite looking forward now to doing December without any thoughts of decluttering. I just want to sit with what I've got and breathe for a bit. I'm looking forward to the declutter course I'm going to start in the new year because I'm feeling a bit stuck again with what to attempt to reduce next.

WearyAuldWumman · 27/11/2025 17:43

I still have two bags of clothes sitting at the bottom of my stairs. Posting for accountability.

I'm heading out to deposit one bag in the Salvation Arm collection bin.

WearyAuldWumman · 27/11/2025 18:28

That's the bag safely deposited in the bin. I tend only to take one at a time - other people have a habit of stuffing the bin with old duvet covers, etc. Annoying.

Made a start on the last small shelf in the spare room wardrobe unit. Came across my old Tiso hill-walking breeches. They're in good condition, so I've put them into another bag, read to go out: they're definitely too small for me at the moment and my knee consultant has banned hill-walking.

Elleherd · 28/11/2025 06:05

@BlueSummerBaby Yes, the welfare state is overall a good thing, but independence is everything, sadly not always achievable and always a price to be paid.

It's great that you're getting to sit with what you have now and enjoy where you've got to. You've earned it, but I suspect being able tp process where you now are before trying to move forward, will probably be helpful in the long term.
(TBH the relentlessness of things here is very wearing, and I do hope to take Christmas itself off at least.)

@WearyAuldWumman Well done, nice use of a bit bit of thread accountability there!
Well done with the decision making, you sound like you're making good progress.

Yesterday was just exhausting and brutal. Once contractors are gone I have to go in today and have it out with them in person.

WearyAuldWumman · 28/11/2025 08:20

I'm sorry you're having such a trial, @Elleherd .

Elleherd · 28/11/2025 08:41

Thanks @WearyAuldWumman I'm afraid it feels never ending at this point, and I'm trying to work out how much things like appearance, age, disability and accent, are playing into it, and if there's things I might be able to do to change it, and how much is just connected to the economy biting downwards, and not much I can really do.

This threads helped me a lot as it's allowed me to see patterns in what isn't working or i could have done differently, which in turn helps with the sense of needing to hold onto everything 'in case...'

WearyAuldWumman · 28/11/2025 08:55

I'm having to deal with the repercussions of work that was done badly some years ago.

I was working full-time; my late DH was retired but unwell and there's no doubt that the contractor took advantage. I'm rather cynical now: there are some contractors who absolutely will take advantage if they realise that you can't watch them 24/7.

Elleherd · 04/12/2025 10:52

@WearyAuldWumman I'm afraid not only individual contractors, but increasingly firms that take on managing contracts so they can take a slice out of the pie by further corner cutting.

I made the decision to remain in situ when my home was deemed a ' works access point' because I was pretty certain I'd never get to come back if I didn't and would loose hard earned rights. I knew it would be difficult but wasn't expecting just how much it could overrun by, and TBH I wasn't expecting to have to constantly watch everything, but now do, which isn't fun for anyone.

Elleherd · 04/12/2025 10:54

Update of sorts: Contractors and cleaning behind them has been most of the last few days. Hospital, and trying to sort out work situation, the rest.
Very little else has got done beyond launderette, food and basic maintenance, though a couple of carrier bags full have gone to recycling.

Have to get accounts and other paper work as up to date as I can, then hoping to get to aunts today and try and tackle some of the backlog there, as have more paid work starting tomorrow, (promise of instant payment!) and Christmas is heading in for all of us, ready or not.

BlackeyedSusan · 14/12/2025 21:25

Sorry I have not caught up.

Using the thread as a diary post... I recommend skipping a paragraph! You have been warned

Almost literally up to my armpits in shit. My delightful children managed to completely block the toilet and nothing was shifting for over 24 hours and ex's loo (and a bucket) was the go to to go. Arm swathed in a bin bag and hand round the u bend. Seemed worse as still not going down and a toilet bowl nearly overflowing again, then a big swoosh followed by a lot of cleaning the aftermath. Triple bagged debris.

WearyAuldWumman · 14/12/2025 22:07

Oh, I feel your pain @BlackeyedSusan.

I once had to deal with similar.

LifeboatJoy · 15/12/2025 00:08

So wonderful to find you all here. I have been wondering whether to join Dana K White's Kindred Spirits for company.
I listen to her audiobooks on repeat and also Buried in Treasures - does anyone else use that?
I have been actively decluttering , initially in fits and starts, now more consistently, for many years. Many. I feel like I am making progress at last.

BlueSummerBaby · 15/12/2025 01:53

OMG Susan 😩 sending prayers your way 🙏

Welcome lifeboat. I like Hoarder's Heart, on YT, myself.

A bit still going out here, not bad when I'd basically decided to stop with the declutter for December. I'm finding it easier now. Not spending so long on each decision.

BlackeyedSusan · 15/12/2025 09:02

Sadly, it was not the first time. It probably won't be the last. The toilet is tricky.

LifeboatJoy · 15/12/2025 10:02

Thank you @BlueSummerBaby and sorry to hear about your plumbing troubles @BlackeyedSusan I have grim memories of a similar problem.

I'm working through what was a completely cluttered room which needs to be useable - not aiming for perfection - by Christmas. Unfortunately I came down with a nasty winter illness last week so my plan to spend the whole of today decluttering isn't realistic. I might have to do half an hour at a time in between lying down. I will look for Hoarders Heart to encourage me 🙂

Elleherd · 16/12/2025 16:26

Absolute sympathies @BlackeyedSusan 😬But also very well done!

(As a veteran of a different but aligned repeat horror: sewage flooding caused by blocked drains, I recommend investing in industrial strength bicep length rubber gloves. In an emergency can be got on next day delivery for around £7.50/ £8.00. Even when money's too tight to mention, they're worth every penny, and come in handy for a few things.)

Hi @LifeboatJoy welcome to the thread. I read free access bits of buried in treasures back in the day, when it felt like the only publication to recognition us as multi faceted individuals.
Sympathies on the illness timing. I've failed to prepare for the idea that despite the vaccination, I got flu. Proper full on feverish delirious flu. Only just beginning to know exactly who and where I am.

But somehow launderette has to happen, everyone's pretty much out of everything and I've been sweating my way through the bed linen.
Double masked and hoping to be in vehicle for most of it. It feels like ringing a bell and calling out "unclean, unclean" might be appropriate.
Waiting on one of the hoards availability to access wheelchair.
Builder's schedule's been totally knocked out as well, supervisor has ordered them not to catch it, but I doubt they'd be done with us by Christmas anyway.

LifeboatJoy · 23/12/2025 06:54

Thankfully making progress decluttering the room I need for Christmas. Despite winter bug I'm nearly there.

I filled 2 bin bags with rubbish, an even bigger volume of recycling and identified a similar volume of donations which I need to store somewhere as I can't dispose of anything until after Christmas.
I hit total decision fatigue yesterday so I'm concentrating on containing what's left and shoving things out of the way as far as possible without creating a huge future nightmare. It's not ideal but the best I can do for now.
I would really like to get to a stopping point by lunch time so I can concentrate on other Christmas activities.
Best wishes to everyone for a minimally recluttering Christmas 🎄

Elleherd · 23/12/2025 08:27

@LifeboatJoy Well done! 'The best I can do for now,' is always always a step forward from whatever it replaces. And steps forward is is what it's all about.
Am dreading the the annual influx of stuff, but I'm as guilty as anyone.

Wishing you lots of energy and ability and hope you achieve your goal.

A lot's happened here, but little of it good. I thought I was recovering from flu but wasn't. Just had a day and a half of upwards then straight back to fever, but at least with clean sheets and towels.
I've lost a lot of weight too fast, and am really ill, injured and exhausted, and carer vanished some time back so it's falling on family to get me up and running in the morning, which isn't working well. Also have unwell aunt staying and a couple of serious ASD meltdowns in the middle of it all. We are however builder free for now at least.
Load of hand washing and launderette happened yesterday, and hoping to manage to pull things together enough today to make Christmas happen.

Hope others are doing well enough with all the addittional challenges of Christmas.

LucyLoo1972 · 29/12/2025 03:48

Solo · 08/11/2025 23:46

@Sarkykitty I think for me it's a few things, but my main thing is loss and deprivation. My first husband didn't allow me to have anything. If I asked for something for my birthday or Christmas, most of the time I had to go and purchase it myself and take the money from the bank, so I didn't feel like it was a gift, and I didn't dare get rid of something in case I didn't have it or something else again. I once picked up a 99p fabric pomander to look at and that was what he independently gave me for my birthday. I spilt from him in 1990. I probably still have it somewhere. If I found it, I'd probably have an internal fight over whether to throw it out or not. And he was a nasty man. I shouldn't want to keep anything connected to him.
The other part was losing my Dad. I had some counselling a decade ago, and she came to the conclusion that I had abandonment issues. So.much emotional hurt too from my relationships...so. up went the draw bridge. Nobody in. My Dcs are 27 and nearly 19 and neither have ever had a friend over.

I think a lot of us that have been and are on these threads have health issues, and many are on the autism spectrum/adhd too. It is a reason. Not an excuse. A real reason.

@Elleherd glad you found the paperwork in time. I am though, quite disgusted that the contractors are eating in your home, and worse is them drinking alcohol on the job! So so wrong.

@BlueSummerBaby you really do sound as though you are getting there. Brilliant job!!
My kitchen is a bit better, but i would say at 20% only. It is good to use a worktop though.

Today, I've done nothing but a wash load. That's because I have felt very tired, and had a 2 hour sleep sitting on my sofa because my eyes just closed...

my husband is a hoarder and is very mean to. I didn't have any signs of mental illness and lived an insanely successful life as an academic travelling everywhere for my research. I have hoarding tendencies but not as badly as him. I ended up having psychosis which robbed me of everythign and now I live in a completely non functional state. I worked so hard from a background of poverty and trauma and to end up now at 53 with nothing and in a pretty abusive marriage is too much to bear

Solo · 30/12/2025 01:08

Hurray, ive caught up! At least on this thread.
I hope you all had at least a half decent Christmas. Mine was okay on the whole. I received a small and requested professional meat baster from Dd. Money from mum which will go on something I need at some point. Ds gave me a bottle of alcohol back in September as an early Christmas present, and his gf gave a bottle of something I'm sure I'll enjoy over the next several years! I'm not a great drinker of alcohol. So, not much 'in' I'm very pleased to say.

Weirdly, I had a week off (9 days in all) mid December with the intention of 'doing' but, only managed to do anything the day before I went back to work. It left me very annoyed with myself.
Today though, I got home from work and did actually sort some of the other kitchen worktop. Pleased about that. But really, I can't move in my kitchen. Its a danger to us. Washing up done though, and a wash load last night and put to dry on the airer this morning before work.
I'll do my best to come back more often.
Welcome new people. You are most welcome 😊

OP posts:
CherryRipe1 · 30/12/2025 06:14

This thread spurred me on to tackle a huge bag and storage crate full of paperwork that I've been glumly aware of but largely ignoring over the years as my health isn't the best. I spent hours yesterday sorting through it, shredding sensitive but unneeded stuff, filing and recycling the rest. I've filled the paper and card recycling box up and filed loads away in storage files etc & emptied some files of irrelevant old stuff. Now just have a small pile left of odds and sods that will be further pared down. It's quite liberating!

WearyAuldWumman · 30/12/2025 10:59

Took a pair of brand new sandshoes - still with tags - up to the charity shop. (Podiatrist says they're too flexible for my feet.)

I have a coat I should also have taken up, but it's got creased lying in the bag. (Not new - it's too big for me now.) So..I have to find my steamer and uncrease it first. Yup. OCD. (Official diagnosis.)

WearyAuldWumman · 30/12/2025 15:52

The coat is out.

The logic is thus: I would have had to drive up to the charity shop tomorrow, Hogmanay. Not a good idea - it's always mad round here at that time.

I realised that the Salvation Army charity bin next to the wee Co-op has been emptied. (Highly unusual for it to be empty at this time of year.)

If I'd steamed out the creases and then put it in a bag to go into the bin, it would just have re-creased...so I stuck it in the bag and then straight into the charity bin, rather than having it hanging on the back of the hallway door until after the New Year. Job done.

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