Hoarders Anonymous. Thread #9. We Are Keeping On Keeping On. Fighting The Cluttered Fight.

[Solo]

We are a group of likeminded householders who are leading somewhat challenging lives; be that living with too much 'stuff' that we find difficult to deal with, houses that are falling apart (mine is), health issues within the family unit, wider family, or ourselves (me too) that means sorting out our households is challenging to say the least. So...
You are all welcome to join us for support, adding your ideas to help others out, storage ideas, and even tips on actually getting those items out of the house which sounds so simple when you say it, but this part can be a huge challenge; we are often attached emotionally to our 'things', afraid of letting things go just in case we need them, or it belonged to mum or gran. This is tough stuff to deal with.
Encouragement and support abound here in our band of clutterbugs. We never ever criticise anyone! We even try not to criticise ourselves as it's not helpful to anyone, but this can be very difficult to achieve.
We hold one another's hands, dab away tears, and snot virtually.
If you are feeling overwhelmed by clutter, mess, disorganisation and generally don't know where to start. If you can't be bothered, but really do want to be bothered. If you think you are a bit lazy, or if you just need to see your highs and lows and everything in between on the screen here, join us, and we will support you. We'll virtually high-five your achievements - small or large, and virtually hug you when the need arises. If you want a hug, just ask because we are here for you, we're here for one another because we get it. The art of washing up is sometimes our great achievement of the day, but it's still an achievement. Every small step is an achievement.
My own journey is very long, I've tried to get it done, bug it's a work in progress. Single working mum (children now both over 18, but youngest has many physical issues as well as ADHD and ASD). I have chronic illness, and am in my 62nd year on the planet, so I need to deal with it. The point is. You aren't alone if you are also suffering.

Some helpful links which I hope are still valid. They aren't for everyone, but have a look if you fancy:
• Help For Hoarders by Jasmine Harman (the author/producer of the BBC1 documentaries My Hoarder Mum and Me and Britain's Biggest Hoarders)
• The FlyLady Cleaning Method by Marla Cilley
• The Organised Mum Method by Gemma Bray
• The KonMari Method by Marie Kondo
• A Slob Comes Clean by Dana K. White
• The Getting Things Done Method by David Allen

I'm not sure if The Flylady link is working, but if not, you know what to search for.
Welcome to thread #8 of Hoarders Anonymous. Thread #8. We Are Keeping On Keeping On. Fighting The Cluttered Fight (and winning, one small step at a time).

Decluttering Expert: Dana K White of A Slob Comes Clean
Learn more about decluttering expert Dana K. White and her cleaning and organizing blog: A Slob Comes Clean. Author, podcaster, blogger and YouTuber.
https://www.aslobcomesclean.com/about-me/

WearyAuldWumman I had that phase of looking around and thinking - what have I done. I'm sorry about your husband.

I want to do minimalism TidyHoarder. Not in an extreme way, in a not having anything I don't need type of way. If you're into collecting physical media I'd have the storage for that and make space for it by getting rid of something you're not into. I believe our homes have to work for us and if visitors come, they can make do temporarily because they're not living here. So if, due to room size, I had to lose a chair to gain the media storage, I would.

Would they want it though,stuff has been up in the loft 20 plus years ..it was well looked after ,and bagged up properly.
Really wish I just got rid of things as the last child outgrew everything

This week we have cleared out under the stairs,we used to home educate ,so have piles and piles and piles of used work books and diaries..so they have sorted through and recycled,and so many coats and shoes and trainers have all gone to the charity bins ..found my 25 year old sons Jordan trainers from secondary school under the stairs.
Hallway looks much better

Sometimes you can get lucky, sometimes the process of discovering it can't even be given away, is what it takes to be secure in disposing of things.

@Lionsandtigersandbears7 Home ed family here as well. though it's now the DGc's and not mainly on me anymore. Managed to get rid of a lot of books and paper but it's lots of court paperwork around it after both being taken to, and then taking LEA to, court, that's ended up in boxes here in storage, waiting to be sifted through and shredded.
Well done sorting it out, and recovering the space,

Trying to get some basics done before contractors arrive here, then off to work, but really close to the end of this contract, and it can't come soon enough.

Yes tribunal twice here ,it's exhausting.
End of an era throwing it out

There's SO much to do though
As fast as we get through a draw or box or cupboard
Another pops up .
I didn't realise how much of a hoarder I am

@BlueSummerBaby I agree about the storage. Shelves intrude into a room by only about 15” max.

I think I’ve got stuck somewhere mentally / emotionally. I don’t really know what I’m trying to achieve as everything moves online and I let myself get left behind.

Eta - posted too soon. The paperwork is bad. Six feet of shelving of lever arch files, file boxes to the ceiling, and my own personal notes in a stack under a table. I’m frightened that I’ll get rid of the one piece of paper that’ll prove I paid my taxes, and hmrc’ll take my house.

On the one hand almost all paperwork is in huge cupboards. But because I can’t see it, I forget it’s there.

TidyHoarder contact HMRC and ask how long you should keep paperwork for. Then get rid of anything before that date.

I'm finally all set to decorate for Christmas on 1st December 😊

@Lionsandtigersandbears7 That sounds very stressful. I hope throwing it makes it possible to clear out the associated stress with it to some extent.
It's SS, diagnosis, Tribunal, High court, partial JR, and eventual control of AWP budget, here.
Some key parts of our paperwork need to be kept to 2040, but I haven't yet faced up to going back through it all and sorting which ones because it's all in with so much boxed paperwork.

@TidyHoarder I utterly understand the fear of throwing away some vital piece of evidence. It's where a lot of my paper hoarding started. I absolutely got stuck mentally and emotionally. Very much a work in progress.
If the taxes bit relates to self employment, it's keep for seven years to be safe.
I went through a horrible time with HMRC that took forever to resolve which helped drive a level of paranoia for a time.
But, I now keep my tax records in a way that I can literally pick up the files and shred the contents, of the now reached 7yrs one, each April without having to check them and it feels good.
Could digitizing or photographing the worst of it, be a halfway house solution?
I was concerned about digital storage but I've now directly learned that paperwork doesn't survive flooding, or fire anyway, so much of my attempts at control and future proofing against chucking something important where somewhat futile whatever I did.
When I started scanning things, the laboriousness of it encouraged me to discard more. Examining what it all represented in terms of insecurity helped.
I now have an insurance claim and separately a need to produce documentation from years back. The reality is I will not be able to find proofs of purchase in time, and will have to live with the claim probably being denied, and know I'm looking at a huge task finding the documents, because there are shelves of boxes and boxes in storage. Keeping it all has proved counter productive when it's needed.

@BlueSummerBaby Well done you! You've so earned it. 🙂

Mopping up the ends of the exhausting contract I've been doing. Amount of work and time out from de-cluttering has made it barely worthwhile,
Part of today's going to be trying to reset and make new plans, part contractors.
The original plans (and finances) of being down to one big unit by Christmas entirely hopelessly derailed, but hopefully by the weekend I'll be returning to full time de-cluttering, Aunt's situation isn't fixing itself either.
It's looking increasingly unlikely building contractors here will be finished in November, but praying they'll no longer need access through us soon at least.

Fingers crossed I may have evicted the last fruit fly, Not finding dead ones either.

Hi everyone, just found this thread and place marking in the hope it will help me tackle our dining room/office/playroom room which has become the dumping ground for everything,

Introduction:

Disabled single parent of disabled teens. Mid 50s

Reasons for too much stuff:
Fatigue.(HSD, autism)
Tired(looking after kids who.dont sleep, lots of driving DD to college 350miles per week)
Bereavement 3 years ago now but things got really out of hand. Really really out of hand.
Two bed flat with three people. It was a doer upper. Threw ex out due to DV then trying to.run the whole show left no time for doing up.
Autism. Get ridiculously attached to things.
Upbringing: things got thrown out.
Things got given away that belonged to.me and I grieved them. I had no control. Won't do that to kids.

There is a whole heap of trauma. I have an enormous amount of food in the flat. Due to food insecurity/rationing/horrible 1970s food/ now a fear of running out and a teenager with hollow legs/illness backup.

I don't have people to rely on.

My washing machine broke a year or so ago but I don't have the spoons to get it ordered and cleaning a route through while ongoing driving/shopping washing at ex's. I've been nearly there a few times. Then something happens.

We've had leaky taps, drainage leaking and broken shower to get fixed and intercom in recent months/years. The car has needed work. (Including yesterday)

I have my mum's house I am trying to.keep going. Boiler there has been fixed twice, broken window, overgrown tree. I've fixed the French window. It's still full of their stuff still and needs a refurb but I have no energy.

Today:
Washing got out of bin bag and hung. Other washing has been turned over/inside out, wettest side out etc. (30 mins)

Clothes got out for DC. (5 mins)

Dried the condensation with old socks. Put these tomsoak.in boiling water and washing up liquid. (10 mins)

Paperwork filed. (1 hour)

Been rootling about in a heap:

Thrown some stuff out. Unravelled some yarn out of the tangle. Identified some things to be washed. Found the lost slipper. Stirred up a ton of dust. Put away some stuff. Only a few of each but you have to start somewhere!

Emptied one shelf of a wardrobe unit. I thought that it would only contain shawls and scarves.

Found a summer dress which I moved to another section of the wardrobe plus one shawl inside a battered cardboard box which I know for a fact once contained another shawl my mum bought me in 1977. Box is now in the recycling.

Also found a black Lands' End linen size 20 dress still sealed in plastic. I am now a size 16/18 and I'm sick of wearing black. (Was widowed nearly 5 yrs ago. Have no recollection of buying that dress.)

The dress is now in a bag together with a pair of M&S beige jeans with sparkly belt - with tag still on. Lord knows when I bought that.

Wiped out the shelf and lined it with a remnant of wipeable wallpaper. Returned two shawls and two scarves to the shelf.

Not a lot, but it's something.

Constant stream of contractors in and out Friday and then evening went to volunteer work thing, and tbh I came back from that just broken. I'm used to lots of things but one of my legs is stupidly painful, and giving of so much heat that even sticking it out of the duvet overnight in an unheated cold room isn't cooling it down.

I finally just keeled over yesterday and have been stuck in bed solidly since, partly because carer didn't turn up, and partly because tbh; it was a bloody relief to have an 'valid' excuse to entirely fall of the treadmill, though feeling guilty reading others hard work
Of course I'm going to have to pay for the unexpected rest now.
First thing today is gathering family washing together, and as soon as launderette opens getting it done.

@Festivefoxy Hi, hope the thread helps you. If you don't already know this slight conundrum that many of us here have discovered, contrary to what you might expect: Motivation follows action.

@BlackeyedSusan "but you have to start somewhere" Yes and sometimes, again, and again, and again! Well done! Every single bit done or let go of is another move towards a better life.

I realize there may be reasons against, including possibly space and initial investment, and I get the 'not quite there' over the washing machine, but I'm wondering if some sort of basic covered heated airer dryer might bring some big benefits to life, time management, and condensation. (an issue here too) and still be relevant for when you do overcome the washing machine situation.
We're launderette dependent and at this point I've recognized that spending money I can ill afford on drying during wet weather and winter, improves the quality of life on so many levels, it's justified.

@WearyAuldWumman Your "Not a lot, but it's something." actually sounds like good progress, especially if you follow through with what ever intentions the items going into a bag are. Well done!
A lot of progress is changing our mindset which is why this thread is so important. Few other places would recognize the progress in what putting that box in the recycling may represent, Well done, and as is said here a fair bit; 'keep on keeping on.'

@Elleherd I hope that you benefit from the rest - but I'm sorry that it happened that way.

The plan is to get a heated airer but I have so few spoons to get it done!

I only got 5 hours sleep last night.

Today: 1 hour waiting to get kid to school including:

Collect dirty washing:5 minutes
Put pots away. (Sort dry from still wet) 5 minutes
Collect dirty pots 5 minutes
Spray bathroom with spray:2 minutes.
Email school regarding lateness. 5 minutes
Rinse and put recycling in the bag.

Get car out and drive kid to school:15 minutes.

Shop in Asda 45 minutes.

Drive to ex's 10 minutes.

Unload car5 minutes(washing and ex's shopping:food for ds to eat there)

Sort washing into which needs doing for which day/loads. 10 minutes
Washing:2.5 hours. (Eat breakfast) (Watch ds's video)

(Recording everything because I have someone who thinks I don't do anything while they are out...and was making this known at 2am last night! Sadly I have to wait at least 25 years before they are at the same life stage and I can say I told you so! Lots of tongue biting because it only makes them worse when dysregulated. Drives me batshit)

It's Christmas soon. If anyone asks what you want for a present, ask for an hour of their time, to come over and order you a washing machine and airer, which you'll pay for.

Then one day when you have space from wherever the washing machine is to the space where it's meant to be, you can see about finding someone to get it there before the space ends up filled with stuff again. Even if you have to hire a handyman for an hour to do that.

You could even break that second part down further by leaving plumbing it in for another time when you've got a plumber coming anyway for something else and just ask them to tack on that little job too.

It's currently too much because it's all one big job that you've no time or energy for. Break it down into smaller chunks and it might get done.

Did a lot more yesterday but too tired to remember.(Luckily for you lot!)

Today:
driving 3 hours
Washing:2 hours (sort, quick cycle prewash, and wash two loads) eat lunch while there.
Sort paperwork 1 hour
Walk to bank/Christmas shopping for kids. (1hour 30)
Get out wet washing (5 minutes) (it only took that long as I am shuffling like a hundred and ten year old. On the plus side: I can walk faster on the way back, it's slower going as it gets in the way, will get a folding one I think) and further with a walking stick. It doesn't alter the after effects mind, <whimpers>

DD, bless her has washed up. She hung her two garments that she needs for work. The rest are in the basket until I can shuffle things around tomorrow.

Online language lesson.

30 minute Stretch class at gym.

Visit to bank to sort out accounts.

Have put two pairs of size 20 Monsoon trousers into a bag to deposit into the Salvation Army collecton dumpster thingy. They both fit at the waist (unfortunately) but one pair is ridiculously baggy round the thighs and the other is a bit baggy at the back. I don't love them, so they're going out.

Also went through another shelf in the wardrobe in the spare room.

I got an updated printout of my accounts.

I'm filing them with a note of the date to let relatives know the account numbers etc if I shuffle off this mortal coil. The bank wants me to go electronic and I don't have bank books for those accounts.

I don't think I have dementia, but I've become more muddled than I used to be since DH died. It's been nearly 5 yrs...thought I'd be back to normal, but there's been clutter overwhelm coupled with fear of the need to get workmen in.

An even bigger worry than hmrc is the local authority accusing me of deliberate deprivation of assets, as they can go back as far as they like.

I hope I don’t need carers for years yet, but in my seventies I’m being hit with quite a few issues that combine to make previously straightforward tasks a bit of a challenge.

@BlackeyedSusan Sorry to hear about meltdowns. Exhausting for all.
I think @BlueSummerBaby is onto something there. It might need breaking down slightly differently to fit whatever going on, but the idea about breaking it right down into as many smaller tasks as it takes, is a good one. Keep on keeping on.

@WearyAuldWumman Well done! Keeping what we don't love, when we need space for what we do, is counter productive. I think life, and here definitely insufficient sleep as well, can take it's tole on our abilities. Grief also does a number, it may be that it's needed to be five years to get to a point where you're able to tackle things. I'm not sure there's really a 'got back to normal' with some things, even if the world seems to expect it. It can be about building new normal's.

@TidyHoarder Disability and the need for 'safe hospital discharges' forced my hand over carers involvement in my life regardless of age.
Fear of being accused of deprivation of assets is surprisingly common.
The days of assuming we will be treated fairly are gone for many of us,
Aunt got temporally pushed into a care home, and at a later point B&B, and both of us had the same increased fears even though there wasn't any more reason than councils hunting around for any ways of saving money.
Unless you're in a situation where there's visible evidence you have done something exceptional, the chances are no one's going to go on a forensic search.
I wonder if some of these worries are actually quite normal and come under the heading of what is now called anxiety and we're not seeing it that way?
It is just a thought, as if it is, there may be ways to lower it, other than what we instinctively do with keeping every scrap of evidence just in case...

Lost the weekend to trying to reduce swellings urgently before something burst! (Apart from something separate, not literal but felt like it would!) Waiting for GP's appointment to come around, and determined to try and get more notice taken than managed so far.
Washing happened, and last couple of days has been dealing with and gingerly hoovering up behind contractors and trying to clean mold of Aunts wall. Has reduced but not removed it.😞Lack of the washing machine that I gave her but haven't yet had time to look at seems to be mainly behind it happening.
Trying to kick myself into gear today. falling behind too much.

I wonder if some of these worries are actually quite normal and come under the heading of what is now called anxiety and we're not seeing it that way?

💯 - Normal for someone with an anxiety problem. Others simply don't worry about it. Unless perhaps they've been doing something they shouldn't have. Even then plenty don't worry about it, happily bragging to their mates, who then grass them up out of jealousy.

Deprivation of assets isn't spending your income on frivolous things. It's gifting your children £30k for a flat deposit. Switching from someone who goes on a camping holiday in Devon for a week every year to someone who goes on a six month cruise round the Carribbean every year (once on a big birthday would just be a once in a lifetime holiday. Switching the camping for 2 weeks in a hotel somewhere hot every year would just be different choices. Neither would be a problem).

Deprivation of assets isn't just 'spending your money'. It's doing something that an average person in your situation wouldn't reasonably be expected to do. That's why it's fine to live a life of debauchery and spend it all as fast as it comes in and that's not considered deprivation of assets just because you could have saved but didn't. You could even get diagnosed with dementia, cash in your pension the next day and buy a holiday home in Spain. It would only be a problem if you eg registered that holiday home in your daughter's name and tried saying it wasn't yours when applying for means-tested funding.

It's all about whether or not it's reasonable to expect to need that money for care needs/to live on. So gifting the £30k for a house deposit when you're 45 in great health and your child is 18, that's no problem. If you needed care within 7 years they'd a long look at whether you could reasonably have for seen this eg do all your family going back generations develop health issues at 50, had you spent months feeling unwell before the gift then went to the doctor's a week after. Giving such a generous gift when you've a diagnosis of terminal cancer isn't ok. Or when you're 60 and under investigation for memory problems. Or when you've just been made redundant and want to claim UC rather than spend your savings. Or if you're telling HMRC your business only made £5k last year and writing that holiday home off as a 'business expense' even though eg you live in the UK and all your business is in the UK and you only ever take family there not clients.