Hoarders Anonymous. Thread #9. We Are Keeping On Keeping On. Fighting The Cluttered Fight.

[Solo]

We are a group of likeminded householders who are leading somewhat challenging lives; be that living with too much 'stuff' that we find difficult to deal with, houses that are falling apart (mine is), health issues within the family unit, wider family, or ourselves (me too) that means sorting out our households is challenging to say the least. So...
You are all welcome to join us for support, adding your ideas to help others out, storage ideas, and even tips on actually getting those items out of the house which sounds so simple when you say it, but this part can be a huge challenge; we are often attached emotionally to our 'things', afraid of letting things go just in case we need them, or it belonged to mum or gran. This is tough stuff to deal with.
Encouragement and support abound here in our band of clutterbugs. We never ever criticise anyone! We even try not to criticise ourselves as it's not helpful to anyone, but this can be very difficult to achieve.
We hold one another's hands, dab away tears, and snot virtually.
If you are feeling overwhelmed by clutter, mess, disorganisation and generally don't know where to start. If you can't be bothered, but really do want to be bothered. If you think you are a bit lazy, or if you just need to see your highs and lows and everything in between on the screen here, join us, and we will support you. We'll virtually high-five your achievements - small or large, and virtually hug you when the need arises. If you want a hug, just ask because we are here for you, we're here for one another because we get it. The art of washing up is sometimes our great achievement of the day, but it's still an achievement. Every small step is an achievement.
My own journey is very long, I've tried to get it done, bug it's a work in progress. Single working mum (children now both over 18, but youngest has many physical issues as well as ADHD and ASD). I have chronic illness, and am in my 62nd year on the planet, so I need to deal with it. The point is. You aren't alone if you are also suffering.

Some helpful links which I hope are still valid. They aren't for everyone, but have a look if you fancy:
• Help For Hoarders by Jasmine Harman (the author/producer of the BBC1 documentaries My Hoarder Mum and Me and Britain's Biggest Hoarders)
• The FlyLady Cleaning Method by Marla Cilley
• The Organised Mum Method by Gemma Bray
• The KonMari Method by Marie Kondo
• A Slob Comes Clean by Dana K. White
• The Getting Things Done Method by David Allen

I'm not sure if The Flylady link is working, but if not, you know what to search for.
Welcome to thread #8 of Hoarders Anonymous. Thread #8. We Are Keeping On Keeping On. Fighting The Cluttered Fight (and winning, one small step at a time).

Decluttering Expert: Dana K White of A Slob Comes Clean
Learn more about decluttering expert Dana K. White and her cleaning and organizing blog: A Slob Comes Clean. Author, podcaster, blogger and YouTuber.
https://www.aslobcomesclean.com/about-me/

Welcome @RubySparrow we're here to encourage and support one another as much as we can. Every item removed from the clutter and gone from the house/garage, shed or storage unit is a space made. Keep posting.

@RubySparrow something that worked for me was having a supportive and non judgemental friend helping me.

They don't have to necessarily do anything at all - just being there helped me along.

DSIL was brilliant - she not only gently encouraged me, but also took everything away with her, be it for the tip, the charity shop, or to sell.

She has been back several times (she seems to really enjoy bringing order to my chaos) and apparently has a pile of cash for me after selling the stuff she took away!

And the only input I had was deciding what to let go of.

That’s, my adult children who still live at home don’t want to get rid of anything either! DH stuff other the album cd dvd is in the shed!
The person who would help is my sister but I’m not sure I’m ready for her help, because she ruthless!

@Jaffapaffa Your DSIL sounds great in making the process simpler. Well done,

@RubySparrow It is hard when you're stuck between extremes, and others fill up the spaces as soon as you clear them.

Mainly ground to a halt here last week.. Both Aunt's and our garden have shot up, never ending contractors and their mess, pain and exhaustion, locked out of the unit I need to empty, and others constantly undoing any move forward.
The relentlessness of everything got to me.
Tried to pull myself together yesterday.
Some tidying. Black sack and carrier bag's worth in the bin, and cleaned out the hoover.

Hi all. Sorry for my absence. Mum's in hospital with a broken ankle that required surgery. Had the occupational therapist wanting to visit her house to assess her needs so I spent my entire bh weekend cleaning and tidying her downstairs., only to have them cancel the appointment. Exhausted. Going to bed. Will be back.
Keep on keeping on.

Nothing at all accomplished here - it's been too hot to do anything.

@Solo Sorry to hear your Mum's broken her ankle so badly and the OT cancelled the home visit. Using up the BHW like that must sting, but, look at it another way, you are now ahead of the game when it comes to Mum getting out of hospital, and that part of what's bound to be a time and energy sucking period, is at least done. Well done, especially in this heat.

@Jaffapaffa Can't blame you, the heat has been very de-motivating to do anything without something external spurring people on.

It feels like most of this week has been waiting on contractors failing to turn up, or turning up and doing a major go slow or openly sun bathing then going home lobster red. A bit frustrating but it's been hard to blame them.
Mostly it's just been maintenance, but have managed a first pass on a couple of bags of paperwork, chucking anything obviously un-needed.
Aside from the lack of action, I feel like I've gone backwards in the built up muscle of discarding things. Had to work at chucking things that reminded me of events and people. I guess it's like any muscle, it goes slack if you don't keep using it.
The storage unit I'm wanting to clear, has finally got it's gate fixed, which is good news but means the rent clock starts ticking again in an hour's time.
They've said if I can clear it by 11am tomorrow, they'll void charges for today and tomorrow morning, so that's what I'm off to try and do.

It became obvious yesterday that I didn't stand a change of getting it all done. Maybe if I was younger and not disabled, but not in this state.
So I'm not killing myself over it this morning, though going to carry on going at a more bearable pace.
I've left a message pointing out that with so little notice, I was never going to manage it, especially in this heat, and think considering how long it's taken them to get the gates fixed, it wasn't the compensation offer they presented it as.

Came back last night to discover dirty water flooded down the back of the house and I'd left the windows locked but open an inch.
Result is dirt covered windows outside and in, and dirt streaked curtains.
Left the curtains in the bath to soak overnight and have washed them this morning. They're on the line with fingers crossed they're dry enough to bring in before I go, as I don't trust the contractors not to do something stupid.

Have cleaned the inside of the windows, and a half hearted attempt at the outside, and shredded some un-needed paper work spotted in moving boxes yesterday.

Trying to find the energy to go and carry on clearing the unit.

Storage company have 'reviewed' my message, and and offered the same deal again that if I get it clear by 11.00 tomorrow, they'll wave the charges.
Seems it's all about another customer wanting that unit.
I've brought in the curtains and heading down to give it another hard and fast go. Fingers crossed.

Did you manage to get it sorted @Elleherd ?
I've had eye surgery, and can't lift or bend for 2 weeks, nor drive for one week.
I've kept up with the washing up and laundry. I cleaned the cooker top down. That's the extent of my anything, right now.

I get so overwhelmed with the state of my house, I have so much washing to do it’s awful I don’t know anyone else who gets back logged with washing like I do . What’s the solution? Have less clothes?
we are a house of 2 adults and 2 children (5&7)
the kids have clothes that are too small which are still in the house as I haven’t taken them to charity yet.
they have too many pairs of pyjamas there’s a drawer full plus a pile on the floor permanently of what won’t fit. Why do they need that many? 🤯
me and DH had a chat today and decided we need to seriously reduce the amount of stuff in our house as it’s messy and cluttered and makes me overwhelmed.
The kids have a new bunk bed which needs building so we started in their room today, dismantled the old, tidied the room, hoovered and managed to take out a load of toys and I even took them to charity shop today. Their mattresses are set up on the floor until we build the new bed but they will enjoy the novelty
of that. I’m pleased with all the stuff I got rid of today (kids haven’t noticed yet I’m sure they’d be upset to get rid of them but they don’t play with them and we don’t have the space)
sorry for offloading all that! I’m going to work for a 7 hour shift now 😭 and working all day tomorrow so new bed will be built next week.

@BlackCatBea Hi. Yes the solution is reduce the amount being worn, and you reduce the amount needing washing. I found having a set day for washing (launderette for us) helps stay on top of it. Generally it's a weekend thing here.
After a bit everyone got the message that if their washing wasn't in the basket in time it didn't get done. They got better at making sure it was so less unexpected surprises.
(If some of it's stuff's going in the wash because it's badly s crumpled rather than needs washing, then a steamer's the answer.)
Also if both of you are working, any chance DH could do some too?

Sounds like organization and time might be quite a bit of the issue, as well as too much stuff for the size of the house. Easy to lose control with busy lives too

If stuff is too small you need to bag it up and get it out. Is time, the only reason you're having a problem taking it to the charity shop? Procrastination because you don't really want to is common.
(Lots of us here acquire too much and or struggle to let go of things for multiple reasons)

Well done getting the room better sorted and the un-played with toys out.
All that work we rightly go to making sure the kids have beds... while most love having mattresses on the floor 😂

@Solo Not properly. Really depressing tbh. I got a load out and then the gates failed again.
Hung around all day waiting for them to try and be fixed, but there wasn't an easy solution, so wasted the day as well.
Everyone else can get in through the office, but there are stairs between it and the lifts, so I can't.
It feels like back to square one, except I half killed myself for nothing and now have a load of boxes back in the flat that shouldn't be there.

Sorry to hear you needed eye surgery and the things you cant do for the next week and fortnight.
Hope you're not in too much discomfort or pain. Do you know if it's successful yet, or do you have to wait to find out?
A big well done for managing to keep the basics up, regardless. It can't be easy with those restrictions.

How's your Mum doing? Is she back home, or still stuck in hospital?

I got the curtains back up, and the outsides of the windows cleaned and have managed to keep up with basics. Have mainly been dealing with annoying contractors, LL, finances, and paperwork.
In the slowly running out of money, I let paperwork fall behind badly, which is really stupid, and now I have to sort out.
Washing and shopping got done over the weekend, and a bit of starting on paperwork, but that's it.

Got in late last night to discover a letter that we're being visited this morning by a bunch of people including the landlords, to inspect.
I can't not be in, as already agreed contractors access through to the back.

Of course they have chosen now, when I have a load of boxes that shouldn't be here. As well as the stuff we are allowed, being in rooms we are supposed to be keeping totally clear for access.
About to try and sort everything to try and make it look as much like it ought to as possible, before they get here. But no chance of getting the boxes out.
It just all never ends.

I made a start on my bedroom today - the leak in the bay window ceiling is being repaired next week, so presumably they will want to access it without having to climb over endless bags of stuff.

I found a brand new jumper that I bought in 2003, and alas am now too chunky for. As it was expensive (mohair and possum - a souvenir from New Zealand), I've messaged the family to see if anyone would like it - if not, it will go out.

A large Lundby dolls house that I was going to do up is being collected by another keen enthusiast - I could probably have sold it, but tbh, I need the space, and at least it's going out.

I've binned the bag of odd socks, and my late DH's personal grooming stuff.

Random gloves and hats are going into the porch, where I installed a small Kallax unit yesterday for important things that I don't necessarily need every day.

But I also found a pile of cards from DH, which were too much for me to process - they are in a box and I'm having a break

@Elleherd hi, and thank you for the message re my eyes which are healing well, I think. It's really difficult to remember not to bend down and I definitely did it too much in the first week trying to get mum's place sorted. Oh, the dust in her bedroom! Last night, i put up a new net curtain at the window in her bedroom. I've had to throw the old one out. I think the only thing holding it together is dust. I over did everything really, but things have to be done. My checkup was good, and i can drive again. Mum's still in hospital and thinks it's going to be another 3 weeks, yet. I'll be away then, and really don't want to cancel my holiday. It's only in this country as usual, but I need the break.
I'm sorry things are not going to plan. It must feel like everything is against you, but you keep going and I admire that about you. How did the visit go?

@BlackCatBea I have the same issue. Too many clothes that I hope I'll fit into again sometime. I'm just about to delve into the massive pile in the dining room, and I'm determined to get rid of some! So I'm holding out a hand virtually to support you. Well done on the kids bedroom.

@Jaffapaffa how is it going? Did you manage to get the window repair done? Another hand hold for you re your late Dh's cards. That's a tough one.

Right! Second wash load going on. Clothing mountain to be tackled.

Keep on keeping on!

Well done @Jaffapaffa! That's really good progress, both the moving stuff on or getting rid, and setting a 'rule' for trying to give away, but if not out.
Also hopefully setting up the Kallax unit will help contain lots of bits and bobs while you work things out..
I'd be pretty sure the workmen aren't prepared to work in or climb over clutter.
Though if you run out of time, assuming it's your house, as long as you can get it all away from the area they need to get at, you could just cover it in plastic sheets.

I'm not surprised the cards got you.💐There are no easy answers sometimes.
There's been a multiple loss here, and I'm unable to tackle quite a lot of things.
I work around them for now. 'For now' has been way longer than it 'should' be, but previously I just came to a grinding halt, along with hidden tattered MH, so I'm now doing whatever result's in 'wins.'

@Solo I over did everything really, but things have to be done. That sounds really familiar! Pot to kettle: be careful, and pace it, it easily backfires.

Really glad your eyes seem to be doing ok, and you can drive again. I've dealt with a lot, but not at all sure I'd cope well with anything to do with eyes.

Another three weeks in hospital sounds like your Mum has done her ankle a lot of damage. 😦
Hope it doesn't affect your holiday. I know exactly what you mean about just needing a break away from it all. It all just becomes never ending otherwise.

Well done sorting the curtain out and good luck trying to tackle years of dust.
My mother simply didn't, until it combined with the damp, and created dark grey 'felt 'mats. You could literally lift them up by a corner, and put them back.
Awful really, but impressive in another way!

Re the visit; half killed myself in the process, but the illicit boxes got wrapped in black sacks, and the excess stuff into bags and then into black sacks to keep it dry, as of course it chose it's moment for semi torrential rain. All went out in the garden under a tarpaulin.
Not a great solution in many ways, but it did mean I could argue I wasn't actually in breach of the staying in situ rules if it was noticed, and it wasn't.

They finally turned up in the afternoon, having said it was first thing.
Then promptly said they had to leave with the purpose of the visit not completed!
They will reschedule.🙄
Asked them to please give more notice. Didn't go down well. Got reminded that sort of thing's why we where expected to vacate.

Have brought it all back in. Am really stuck what to do at the moment.
Only positive is everywhere thoroughly hoovered and mopped, (all builders floor covering right now) and cleaned the sink drainer, bin, kitchen sink overflow, and a few marks off walls, while waiting.

But another set back. Aunts flat has suffered a serious leak on a corner wall. Same place that previously had dry rot.
Last couple of days have been stripping most of the wallpaper off and now trying to dry the wall off, and lots of clearing up from it all.

A load of mortar I did last year, has crumbled, and came away with the paper.
I don't know if it's because I didn't do it that well, or if it's because it's so wet.
Her landlord should be dealing with this, but has previously made it really clear he will sell up if overheads increase.
(Cleaned her windowsill and inside windows in that room, while I was at it)

Today is launderette and shopping, then see what else after those.

If it helps anyone, I did all my "clothes I might fit back into one day" for the final time this year and developed some criteria for the declutter that worked.

As the end result of my ruthlessness I kept only those that were:

In 100% perfect condition
and
which I know made me look fabulous (when they fitted), no so-so items
and
which couldn't easily be replaced due to them being a bit quirky.

Additionally, the most important criteria of all:
I had to be able to put them on and do them up, because there's a limit to how much weight I'm ever realistically going to lose. If I couldn't get them on or done up I accepted that I'm never ever going to fit back into them.

This amounted to keeping one very large box of jeans, cords and the odd pair of trousers. Everything else was sufficiently generic to be replaceable, should I find I need to. Remember if you lose a little weight you can still wear all the things you've got even if they're a little big.

I did it this way because I didn't want to be subconsciously punishing myself for not being smaller by keeping clothes I was realistically never going to wear due to their size, but had to constantly manage and see and be reminded of every time I reorganized things.

DSIL came to visit me yesterday, and gently coaxed me through giving her a number of items to recycle / donate / sell - she's been doing this for a couple of months.

I was very sceptical about the selling - as she left she gave me a bundle of notes - the cash she'd made from selling my items on Facebook marketplace and Vinted over the last month

It's £335

That is incentive enough for me to keep plodding along.

She says she doesn't post anything, and it's all collection only - I'm going to give it go 🤞🤞🧁

@BlueSummerBaby That's an interesting approach to the "clothes I might fit back into one day" conundrum.

@Jaffapaffa Your SIL sounds like a lovely person. Very glad for you.

Sunday's extra on top of launderette, shopping etc, was loose mortar in aunts wall cut back and clearing up.
Monday emptied out a big planter that's been waiting for forever, and managed to cut down some of the overgrown garden.
Felt like progress even though it's barely made a dent. Six sacks of greenery down to recycling.
But yesterday was hospital then flat for the rest of it trying to recover and get swellings down. Should have been sensible and used the time to deal with paperwork, but didn't. So that's now urgent for today.

Yesterday was a bit of slow paced cutting greenery, and most outstanding bills sorted, and some of the urgent paperwork done.
But ended up going to aunts after she said she was struggling with a very upset stomach, then mentioned she's had no power in her kitchen since Sunday night.
She's been eating from a non refrigerated fridge. 🙄
So a lot of yesterday ended up being figuring out if there was anything actually wrong with her electrics, (Suspect she tripped the fuse by getting an electric kettle base wet) giving her a hand to sort out her bathroom better, and clearing the contents of her fridge and freezer out, and cleaning both. Then negotiating borrowing a 'dump acceptable vehicle' to get four sacks of unusable food to the dump. Did manage to get rid of my couple of sacks of greenery at the same time at least. She was waiting 'till the weekend to tell me about the electricity because she "didn't want to bother you"😢
Am back to pain and swollen bits but hoping to mainly do paperwork today.

I began decluttering in the early days of Marie Kondo's fame but didn't start to make major progress until an unpleasant epiphany when I realised I was heading towards hoarding. Dana K White is now my guiding light.

I still have lots of clutter to deal with and sometimes feel overwhelmed/defeated/hopeless but rooms that were once half piled with boxes are now far more functional.

Today I want to do 'one hour better' on a visible space I'm decluttering.

I really appreciate this thread, so good to know I'm not alone.

Welcome @LifeboatJoy No you're not alone. Lots of people have this issue to varying degrees of severity.
If your rooms are getting more functional, then you are definitely getting somewhere. Well done, keep going.
Is 'one hour better' an hours work focused on one space?

Here only some paperwork got done, as turned out to be more complicated than I realized. Aunts wall is drying out, and not eating off food has sorted out he being unwell!
Watered garden and another sack of greenery got cut back, but you can't see much difference. Weekly family laundry and shopping got done over the weekend but my joints don't like me.
There's hope the gates on the storage unit I was trying to clear are about to get fixed, but the timing isn't good. I HAVE to manage to massively downscale. I'm out of money and time.

Yesterday ended up being another three sacks of garden waste, and a container cleaned out and cleaning up behind contractors using us for access.
Sunday I accidentally soaked a dust sheet, which I've managed to dry out. (One thing in the heatwaves favor) It doesn't sound or feel like much, but trying to do the most that I can, without breaking my body.
Three items finally binned. A lot of thinking and tbh worrying.

Update: This is it.
All the work I've been trying to do on myself is about to be tested.
I've cobbled enough money together to get to the beginning of next month and am trying to work out some sort of urgent major downsizing plan and not panic in the face of it.

Home: Contractors here have been driving me mad, but have slowed down again, officially because of heat. There's a lot of stuff here that isn't supposed to be back yet which is causing issues and worry.
I'm struggling with health a lot and future employment isn't looking good.

Aunts: I sorted out Aunt's sufficiently that it can sort of hold, but she's now living with the cut back walls area slowly drying out, which isn't very nice for her.
Her landlord has been to see it, and insists it isn't being caused by what I think it is, (which would cost him a lot) and feels it's a one off problem. He also mentioned a neighbor had moaned about the state of her garden and he could see why. I don't know if that was to put her on the back foot or genuine.
We had to pretend I hadn't just cut back and cleared a lot of it, (instead of my own overgrown garden!) and let him think what he was seeing was it at it's worst.
He's had a couple of people come and look at the walls and ceiling. Both made lots of noises but actually said little. Waiting to see what happens next.

Storage units: The stuck gates units are still stuck and waiting for parts, so I can't get in to do anything about anything there. But know the minute the gates are fixed I will be expected to move from damaged units to fixed one, or do what I was planning, which was leave.

I've given a couple of months notice on the one full of everything moved out for builders, but can't afford the rent, so it has to be emptied.

At the 'out of town company' I have two units, including the very large one. I've given notice on the 2nd one and now have 9 days to clear it. Literally the following day the padlock jammed! I think it's the heat as it's all boiling hot.
So today was finding a spare lock, and geeing myself up to going there with it, and getting the old one cut off.
Then starting work on the big one to both clear, reorganize and generally make space, in order to clear some of the other unit into it.
Have been identifying things from both that can go, but a lot of it will have to move into the big one first, and then be disposed of from there. (which isn't helpful)
TBH I can't see how I'm going to manage all this, it's very overwhelming, but doing nothing will change nothing. Wish me luck, I'm going to need it.

How is everyone else doing?

Stuck lock is sorted out, and a start made but not nearly enough achieved for the amount of time spent.
Couple of large cases have been lent out, and three mediums sized items headed for dump. Awful lot of time spent looking at how to try and move stuff around to make space and identifying what can go.