Today I realised I really am a hoarder as I struggled to open my bedroom door

[BlondieMuver]

I'm very embarrassed to admit this but I'm a hoarder.
Today, it was like I seen the reality and enormity of the problem.

I needed to find a shirt and tie for my son. I nearly just went and bought new ones but suddenly I realised, I do this all the time.

My bedroom is full of clothes. Most I barely wear, many brand-new with tags.
Its now so bad I struggled to open the door this morning and (this is awful) I push clothes aside to get into bed

I had to literally climb on the clothes to open the window last week.
There was almost no floor visible.
I hate my dc coming into my room. Im so embarrassed of it.
No-one else has seen it.

I've always struggled with clothes. Big family. Love shopping, especially clothes and trainers.

When I split up with exdp, it got much worse as I have the room to myself. No accountability.

I keep telling myself I will sell the clothes etc but of course, I never do...

I've removed about 10 black bags today.

My plan is to sell the clothes by weight and donate everything with tags on to charity.

I was so overwhelmed earlier.
I feel such guilt, embarrassment and shame.

Any strategies or advice appreciated. I have to deal with this.

Wow you’ve done brilliantly acknowledging the issue and straight away removing 10 bin bags! That’s brilliant.

maybe do a bin bag a day so it’s manageable?

Well done on your binbags today! I need to do something similar. Used to be a strict minimalist, now ever since Covid I’m drowning in Stuff. I absolute HAVE to get on top of my bedroom in particular. I’ll happily do a declutter/de-hoard alongside you, OP!

Not really, it was so I could find the shirt and tie!

A bag a day would take months.
Weirdly the rest of house is tidy. Plus it's actually doing something with the clothes, it's a ridiculous amount to get rid.

I don't know much about hoarding first hand, but I do know that it takes an immense amount of courage to face up to problems like this. You've done an amazing thing, OP, even just taking those first steps.

I’d have spent some time listing the best of it on vinted and put the money towards a nice holiday!

You can get people to sell them for you.

One of the things about hoarding is the difficulty getting things out of the house - it can be an emotional process. Sometimes there is just physically so much and sorting/listing would take too long, plus keeps things in the house for longer. Sometimes the best way to deal with it is to make the decision and get rid in the most straightforward way possible.

I have been saying that for about 5 years. I've never actually listed anything and don't really 'get' how Vinted works.

Like a company?

OP, start with storage- do you have wardrobes, drawers etc? If so are they full of clothes tou don't wear? If so start by clearing those out. Then start going through the other piles. I find it helps me to go through my clothes seasonally l - I then vacuum pack winter items at the start of summer etc. Also do your kids have enough clothes storage in theor own rooms? Why was the shirt and tie in your room? I also don't iron things before I out them away - I just put them away and them steam anything that needs it before I wear it.

I use to jave this pro lem and jave be strict with myself in sorting through them regularly as I love shopping! This is a great 1st step. There's also charity's that will come amd collect bags of clothes if you leave them outside - i was had 15 black bags piled up on my front.

I’ve had a box of stuff I was planning to sell on Vinted. Today I saw red and was sick of looking at it and have taken it all to the charity shop.

I have an event tomorrow and have been thinking I NEED something new. But in reality I have dozens of things I could wear.

You have to keep on top of it. I have millions of black leggings and white vests. Unless they’re in tip top condition I’m starting to chuck them.

Yes, like this: https://sellforyou.co.uk/ (as an example).

I'd bag it up and let them deal with it.

Hire a van. Black sack it up - one day. Get a lovely friend to help and just donate the entire lot to a charity shop. I did it about a year ago now with books thousands of them charity shop was happy. Honestly admit you have a problem. Pay or get someone in or speak to a trusted friend. Buy 200 bags and aim to do 100 in a day! Well done

For me now I have 20 books. I buy one and I get rid of one. Same with clothes.

I have 3 wardrobes, 2 chest of drawers, dressing table and 2 bedside lockers.
Currently I can only open 4 drawers out of 23...
I am just going to bag up everything in them as I haven't worn anything in them for a couple of years.

Part of the issue is I've always been the same dress size so never needed to get rid of anything.

Well done for Doing Something. And I particularly admire you getting out of the trap of "Oh I'll sell it". You might like a car boot sale though. Pick one this weekend and turn up with what you have.

You should be so proud of yourself.

I can't tell you how much easier it is when everything you own fits into the drawer every time you clear the laundry basket. You've been dealing with a much bigger problem for a long time. 10 bin bags down is so much easier already. I would prioritise clearing 5 drawers and making them your day to day use drawers. Keep your working wardrobe separate from the hoarded stuff.

The re-seller sounds interesting but you're right not to get bogged down with re-selling yourself. I frame it that I don't give as much as I should to charity anyway, so it's a very positive choice to give all the decent, sellable clothes to charity shops.

Well done on bagging up 10 bags full of clothes. Over the last year I’ve donated so much that I’ve hoarded for more years than I can remember. It’s still an ongoing process for me but I’m very nearly there and you will get there too.

Just keep reminding yourself that you'd rather have the space.

I really recommend, if you can, to hire a professional organiser who specialises in hoarding. And if not that, find an online or in-person therapist who can help you to untangle why you hoard. Is it a self esteem thing? Is it a troubled childhood? Is it a history of early bereavements or abandonment? My MIL is a hoarder and it’s because she lost both parents by the time she hit the age of 18 and then her husband died young at 57. She fills up houses and then leaves them and moves elsewhere. She keeps trying to declutter but the reality is that without therapy she always falls back into old habits whenever she’s stressed.

it is great that you recognise the problem, but you also need to understand what causes it and how to build healthy alternatives. A well trained professional organiser will be very good at supporting this, but I appreciate that you might not be in a position to work with one.

My mum and I are slight hoarders as she grew up in an abusive household and I have abandonment issues thanks to my dad. Working with a trained declutterer really helped with the questions that they asked and the support that they provided.

If you need Vinted guidance I am your go to, ask away.

I had clothes everywhere and love the challenge of selling.

Good for you. Hoarding is really tough to live with. OP you sound very determined and when it’s gone, you’ll feel so much lighter.

Well done for recognising the problem. Also well done starting to start sorting the clothes.
👍

Could you sort and decide what you want and donate or sell whatever you don’t need?

I'd also class myself as a hoarder, in my case it's books and clothes.
I'm a fanatical ironer and I've had some success with ensuring that all washed items are sorted and /or ironed. I've two bags beside my ironing board, one for the clothes bank and the other for the charity shop. Previously my problem was that everything just went back to the wardrobes.
I'm making some progress but it's a difficult journey.