Today I realised I really am a hoarder as I struggled to open my bedroom door

[BlondieMuver]

I'm very embarrassed to admit this but I'm a hoarder.
Today, it was like I seen the reality and enormity of the problem.

I needed to find a shirt and tie for my son. I nearly just went and bought new ones but suddenly I realised, I do this all the time.

My bedroom is full of clothes. Most I barely wear, many brand-new with tags.
Its now so bad I struggled to open the door this morning and (this is awful) I push clothes aside to get into bed

I had to literally climb on the clothes to open the window last week.
There was almost no floor visible.
I hate my dc coming into my room. Im so embarrassed of it.
No-one else has seen it.

I've always struggled with clothes. Big family. Love shopping, especially clothes and trainers.

When I split up with exdp, it got much worse as I have the room to myself. No accountability.

I keep telling myself I will sell the clothes etc but of course, I never do...

I've removed about 10 black bags today.

My plan is to sell the clothes by weight and donate everything with tags on to charity.

I was so overwhelmed earlier.
I feel such guilt, embarrassment and shame.

Any strategies or advice appreciated. I have to deal with this.

Forget reselling. That's just kicking the can down the road and prolonging your storage problem.

Close your eyes and think about the Self you wish to present to the world. What is that Self wearing? Maybe even make a list of the clothing you can see yourself in. 20 to 30 items should do.

Get rid of everything that doesn't match your vision.

Do you know what might be driving your hoarding? It might be worth having some therapy with someone experienced with hoarding, otherwise if you don't deal with the root of the problem you'll end up back where you started.

It's amazing you've had this realisation and want to make changes.💐

There are some fantastic, reasonably priced de cluttering and re organising services out there, that all have different approaches and skills. Most theraputic. And all understand that there are things driving this. Whether it's impulsivity, a previous trigger for being without, loss, or you You simply can't coordinate it all! You are not making a conscious decision to live like this ( trust me. I have been there ) and you need a fresh start. But one that includes everything you want to keep, and help to get rid of the stuff you don't. Then a little support to maintain for a bit.

Throw in the towel maybe, and get some help. If you haven't the budget for professionals there is absolutely finding out there for you to apply for.

I work in housing - Please DM me if you would like any signposting.

Good luck. You could not imagine how many have been there!

No-one other then my dc know. I literally would die from shame if anyone seen my room.

I even hate the children coming into my room!

I know why I hoard.

I shop too much and since my relationship broke down I stopped donating to charity with the idea of selling unwanted/outgrown clothes.

Realistically I don't have the time to do car boots and Vinted.
I work at least 45 and up to 60 hrs a week. 4 dc, house, elderly parents, no support, no break ever from the dc/house.

Yep, thats my thinking.
Just get it all out as its so overwhelming and humiliating.

I need to do it differently this time as I keep ending up back in the same situation.

Yes I think ‘that’s my charity donation for this month’ which helps me put the ‘money lost’ thing out of my mind.

Well done! You have done a really brave thing.

Ignore the people saying "do a car boot sale", you are doing something that works for you.

I would tend to agree that finding a therapist would help you not get back in the same situation.
I go to a therapist who I found locally through the BACP.

Wow, 10 bin bags, that's brilliant!
My top tip is to pick out what you want to keep not what you want to get rid of. You get rid of loads more this way.

Definitely agree with this. Get it out. Don't wait to sell it as it will never happen.

My advice would be just to find a few local clothing banks and chuck a few bags in each. I think that will remove any embarrassment from you, as people do that all the time, and you won't have a massive car full which someone might see. Not saying I think people would care, but you are embarrassed so make your drop offs look "normal" and you'll be more comfortable I think.

So is it just your room like this and the rest of the family home is “normal” and clean and tidy?

Yes!
People always comment on how clean and tidy tbe house is but if only they knew...

One of my teens room gets a bit messy but nothing like my room.

I just never get round to sorting it.

So far, I have removed 42 black bags of clothes. I haven't even started on the wardrobes

You have done several amazing strong things already. Well done!

You have a huge caring responsibility and work a lot of hours- and keep a tidy home all bar one room! That’s impressive! And stayed the same dress size. I eat my problems so have not kept the same dress size!

Accept the loss of the money spent so far. Make the donations.

Do you think you know what you need to manage the situation in the future? Or do you need therapy of some kind to give you more strategies?

You sound massively self disciplined, but this is a lifetime issue. There will be many challenges in the future that you will need to ride out without refilling your bedroom with clothes!

Would a walk in wardrobe work for you? It sounds as though you compartmentalise well and are boundaried. If your bedroom is no longer the place clothes are kept that may help. I’m imagining one of those corridor wardrobes behind the bed head. That is the space and the space is that. No floor available. Just the units.

I needed to find a shirt and tie for my son. I nearly just went and bought new ones but suddenly I realised, I do this all the time.

why aren’t his school clothes stored in his room?

You’re doing the right thing. Vinted will only add ‘purpose’ to your hoarding and really you need a lot of space and time to do it.

They are.

It was a shirt and tie for a Prom.
I have a wardrobe in my room with all the smart, wedding/suits/formal clothes in as the dc rooms are quite small.

First job
charity shop all the wedding suits and formal clothes that your children have outgrown.

42 black bags of clothes already removed???

Is that a typo? 42??!

Give your self credit for doing this. I am currently decluttering. I have clothes in my wardrobe that I haven’t worn for 16 years. You have given my the impetus to get rid of them.

Missdecmber thread called i had a massive de clutter.
Its brilliant what she done and good advice.

you did say that you have a lot of new clothes with tags do you have a shopping addiction? i do not mean that rudely but maybe if that is the reason behind so many clothes then perhaps that root cause needs helping

42 bags? That is amazing, well done!

Not a typo 42 before I opened 1 of the 3 wardrobes...

That’s incredibly impressive to have bagged up that much so please feel very proud of yourself.
If you can donate those things then the charity shops will be so happy to be raising all that money. And you could be clothing and equipping a lot of people who really need to have access to low cost clothing and household items. This is a massive achievement. Maybe it’s just the start but it’s still very inspiring.

Not an addiction but definitely lots of bad habits.

Plus I can't see what I have so just get more...

I used to dress very smartly for work so loved getting outfits but I changed roles so I don't need such smart clothes now.

I do love a sneaky Shein shop but haven't purchased 1 item since my original post.

Read Dana k whites books on decluttering hoarding they’ve been life changing for me. You’ve done absolutely the right thing in recognising that holding things back for sale doesn’t work in these situations- priority one - get them out of your house in whatever way works for you.