Today I realised I really am a hoarder as I struggled to open my bedroom door

[BlondieMuver]

I'm very embarrassed to admit this but I'm a hoarder.
Today, it was like I seen the reality and enormity of the problem.

I needed to find a shirt and tie for my son. I nearly just went and bought new ones but suddenly I realised, I do this all the time.

My bedroom is full of clothes. Most I barely wear, many brand-new with tags.
Its now so bad I struggled to open the door this morning and (this is awful) I push clothes aside to get into bed

I had to literally climb on the clothes to open the window last week.
There was almost no floor visible.
I hate my dc coming into my room. Im so embarrassed of it.
No-one else has seen it.

I've always struggled with clothes. Big family. Love shopping, especially clothes and trainers.

When I split up with exdp, it got much worse as I have the room to myself. No accountability.

I keep telling myself I will sell the clothes etc but of course, I never do...

I've removed about 10 black bags today.

My plan is to sell the clothes by weight and donate everything with tags on to charity.

I was so overwhelmed earlier.
I feel such guilt, embarrassment and shame.

Any strategies or advice appreciated. I have to deal with this.

Do you have to clear your bed every night to get in?

Sometimes.

I would literally just move piles of clean folded clothes onto my dressing table, drawers etc and then put piles on top of those piles until I could hardly see my furniture.

i have 6 dc so theres always been alot of clothes in the house. I have systems for each room/dc but never applied it to myself or my room.

So in the end the floor filled up with boxes and bags of stuff intended to sell, gift or donate.

Your DC in their 20s and 30s…. Tell them you’re sorting your room (they will be delighted! And they’ll probably fall over themselves to offer to help with charity runs etc

My older dc couldn't care less about my room.

They have no idea about the state of it and never will now!

I think I haven't described the extent very well as there literally wasn't room to open the door properly, let alone have multiple people in the room.

I have been doing it for 2 hours every night and I am loving seeing the clutter decreasing. I have given 8 bags to charity. I have been ruthless. Gave clothes I still liked but as a shopaholic had way too much. It is also made me more aware of shopping and I am cutting back.

Your children have never entered your bedroom? Never popped in to say something to you? To borrow something? That is odd. I suspect it means they very well knew the state of it.

They have “no idea”

i highly doubt that

added to which you say no one knows other than your dc

Exactly

and that in itself is alarming if these children never go in to their mum’s bedroom.

it is because they can’t get in presumably but they’ll know full well what’s going on

My older dc are in their 30s. They haven't lived at home since going to uni.

Why is it alarming?
My older dc wouldn't ever need to go in my room.
Obviously the younger dc have seen the state of my room.

Well done 👏
I love the space I'm gaining.

I can see patterns in my shopping as I'm sorting through stuff.

I have been the same size all my adult life so I used to just keep everything l liked!

It’s amazing that you have seen it and I presume you want it to change?
i grew up in a hoarders home. It started with one room and then got progressively worse. I’m now 27 with a 3 year old and another on the way. I can’t enter my mums home and my children will never see my childhood room, living room ,dining table or experience any of my mums love in our family home. Whenever we meet it’s at a cafe for a short while. She just wasn’t and isn’t willing to change.

If you can, just donate it all. It saves you the mental load and you will feel fresh and free. Do it for yourself and your children because I wish my mum would have put us before material things.

OP you have done fantastically well to admit this to yourself and that is a major step forwards. You have then done even better to get rid of a load of clothing.

Since you cannot enter the room easily, it's likely that you are wearing a capsule type wardrobe anyway already. Therefore, I would consider binning 95% of the rest of what's in there. It's just causing you problems - there is no benefit to having it at all.

It's also pretty easy to see how this happens. Clothes shops are selling new trends all the time and they are good at marketing. And then everyone in the streets has that look and you feel like you ought to or want to.

Well done and keep going. The fact that the cleanup has come from you makes it so much more likely to be a permanent success.

I can enter the room now.
I buy clothes constantly so no I don't have a capsule wardrobe. (That's part of the problem!)

I've basically kept a few of everything I like and then I will go back and review everything I have kept.
My plan is to go declutter my clothes every season after this.

I usef to do it years ago but stopped when my relationship broke down.

I think if you have had this problem for a while selling stuff will take too much effort and time. Do you have a spare room you can just use for sorting stuff out? I would start by tackling stuff never worn with tags on. Decide whether to keep if you will wear it then hang up in your wardrobe. Otherwise charity bag or recycling if worn. This assumes your wardrobe has space for you to hang up stuff. Why was your son’s clothes in your room? Sort out their storage first.

I'm not selling any of it. I don't have the time or space.

Everything with tags, brands, quality is going to charity.

Everything else is being recycled.

Dc rooms are small. Think 1 single wardrobe in each room.
So their formal wear, coats etc are in a wardrobe in my room.

No space in wardrobes, I've cleared the dc wardrobe and will start on my 2 wardrobes next week...

Well done, OP. Clothes hoarding is an odd one. I have this notion that "It'll come in handy / I could alter that / DD will love this in a few years" -it became the prevalent narrative after I'd finally disabused myself of the fantasy that I would eventually get around to selling things.
I've got a lot of clothes, although not as many as you, and I can't wait to spend my annual leave doing what you're doing.
Well done, OP.

I can recommend giving stuff to Oxfam - you can bag it up, download a label and drop it off at the collection point. You might even be able to get royal mail to pick it up from your door. Moving stuff out once you've decided you don't want it anymore is liberating.

Your younger dc will have told their older siblings op

How is the clean up going?

Believe me if my oldest Dd knew she wouldn't hold back, she's not diplomatic at all!

The floor and sides are totally clear.
1 chest of drawer and 1 wardrobe done.
2 wardrobes, dressing table and best side lockers and 1 chest of drawers to go.

It's awful but I'm quite bored of it now and struggling to stay motivated. 🙈

Surely now you can see the wood for the trees! That is your motivation. You have made such progress.

how big is your house op?! Because if as you say your children literally could not enter your room, and in the first day alone you removed 42 black bags and wasn’t even half way through…. I can’t believe that none of your children living at home didn’t mention

how long has it been like this?
were your children that lived with you concerned? Commented on it?

You bedroom must be enormous with all this furniture!! Any progress on all the boxes stacked up?

But what about the clothes with tags that you’ve never worn? I’ve got some too, I feel awful about the money I’ve wasted, but Vinted doesn’t appeal, I haven’t got the energy to deal with it.
i thought I was bad enough, struggling to shut drawers stuffed with clothes and wardrobes jammed with outfits. At least I’m not alone!
The charities will certainly benefit from my clothes when the time comes!

Acknowledging you have problem is a long way towards resolving the problem: WELL DONE 👏👏👏👏👏

I found this …

https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&sca_esv=5b070172e01c51df&hl=en-gb&sxsrf=AE3TifPMTwUvZGRSfLXOVbZ3q1X2u-YgTw%3A1752415017513&kgmid=%2Fg%2F11hbprqqz_&q=Linx%20Hoardings%20Ltd&shndl=30&source=sh%2Fx%2Floc%2Fact%2Fm4%2F3

If you want to make a clothing donation to a worthy charity helping women returning to or joining the workforce, I recommend Smartworks.org.uk, a national charity for which I’m a volunteer stylist in Leeds. Your donation will help a lot of women

Good luck 💐

You've do e brilliantly! 10 bin bags and acknowledging the issue is a significant step.
Don't feel shame, no one is perfect.
Of course ideally listing them to get some money, especially new with tags would be great, or doing a boot fair, but I totally get it's another thing to organise and feel overwhelmed with so it can be a barrier.
Is a skip a feasible option?
I do this every couple of years of course I know I should do tip and charity shop runs, post on vinted etc but it's so much effort.
Skip outside chuck all unwanted stuff in, skip people sort and recycle, some people may even skip dive and free up space, get it collected problem solved, quick easy and relatively pain free, although not cheapest option but sometimes needs must