Hoarders Anonymous. Thread #8. We Are Keeping On Keeping On. Fighting The Cluttered Fight.

[Solo]

We are a group of likeminded householders who are leading somewhat challenging lives; be that living with too much 'stuff' that we find difficult to deal with, houses that are falling apart (mine is), health issues within the family unit, wider family, or ourselves (me too) that means sorting out our households is challenging to say the least. So...

You are all welcome to join us for support, adding your ideas to help others out, storage ideas, and even tips on actually getting those items out of the house which sounds so simple when you say it, but this part can be so very difficult; we are often attached emotionally to our 'things', afraid of letting things go just in case we need them.

Encouragement and support abound here in our band of clutterbugs. We never ever criticise anyone! We even try not to criticise ourselves as it's not helpful to anyone, but this can be very difficult to achieve.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by clutter, mess, disorganization and generally don't know where to start. If you can't be bothered, but really do want to be bothered. If you think you are a bit lazy, or if you just need to see your highs and lows and everything in between on the screen here, join us, and we will help you. We'll virtually high-five your achievements - small or large, and virtually hug you when the need arises. If you want a hug, just ask because we are here for you, here for one another because we get it. The art of washing up is sometimes our great achievement of the day, but it's still an achievement

Some helpful links. They aren't for everyone, but have a look if you fancy:

• Help For Hoarders by Jasmine Harman (the author/producer of the BBC1 documentaries My Hoarder Mum and Me and Britain's Biggest Hoarders)
• The FlyLady Cleaning Method by Marla Cilley
• The Organised Mum Method by Gemma Bray
• The KonMari Method by Marie Kondo
• A Slob Comes Clean by Dana K. White
• The Getting Things Done Method by David Allen

And a LINK-#7

I'm not sure if The Flylady link is working, but if not, you know what to search for.

Welcome to thread #8 of Hoarders Anonymous. Thread #8. We Are Keeping On Keeping On. Fighting The Cluttered Fight (and winning, one small step at a time).

@BlackeyedSusan Wish you well soon. It seems to be cumulative here. Well done on keeping keeping on in the face of it.

@KittyTalbot Thank you. They call us 'current occupiers' which sets the tone. No one's bothered about any impact on us as they'd rather the lot of us went.
I don't have it all done, but have made it possible for them to get started unimpeded, and am going to have to throw myself on their mercy to let me try and complete tonight tbh.
Well done with Ds room!

Thanks both.

So labyrinthitis struck again Saturday but between us we managed quite a bit of washing up and put the pots away. There is still a lot more to do. (We have real spoons if not energy "spoons")

Yesterday I cooked the multi veg delivery fake curry. Also cleared out the fridge a bit. (The weeks illness delay meant there was something grey and furry which used to be an aubergine) massive pan of cooking boxed up and in the fridge. I tried to use up the whole lot of veg because there is a risk of the rest going off with my next bout of winter illness. I failed and in about a week I may be posting about chucking out half a butternut squash and sweet potato. If I find energy I will try and cook them, add them to the curry and freeze some portions for the next illness.

I managed to get the medicine and information sheet out but not yet started treatment. (I am really lacking in energy)

Today: first half of driving.(40 miles)

One load of washing hung by DD

Dirty washing collected and two big shopping bags carried down to the car.

Shopping for Ds's fruit, milk and chicken plus a massive haul of Exam fuel Prime. (It worked for his GCSEs) And dd's stuff. Combined with weight bearing exercise: carrying shopping up the stairs while lifting them good for arms and legs. On meds that can cause osteoporosis, post menopausal plus it's in the family .

Put some shopping away.

Collapsed in a heap. Sorry still not caught up with the thread. I had to spend quite a while laying down in the dark with my eyes closed.

The kitchen doesn't look better but it doesn't look worse.

At the end of my tether emotionally after hospital trips and other extra stuff this year. Nothing huge but lots of little extras adding up. Floored by PIP changes.

So today:
Got kid to school.
Sorted put two sets of clothes for kid.
Cleaned bathroom basin and tiles above. Unblocked plughole, cleaned plunger.
Cleaned top of toilet.

Washed up and put away some pots. Stacked others.threw away packets started sorting compost bag. Recycling (some) rinsed, squashed and put in bag.

Been for a short walk around the garden.

Ooh @BlackeyedSusan great work there… I’ve been allowing myself a wee break from feeling obliged. Will get back to it.

Thanks.

I find doing a little bit here and there as you feel able is better than not being able to tackle the obligations and doing nothing.

Recovering mental health and wellbeing is important as well. You are better having a proper rest and being able to get back to it when more energetic than trying to struggle on and being less efficient.

Just a quick well done to @BlackeyedSusan 👏

It's very hard to plod on day after day, especially when coping with ill health - I mean I think my house is looking better after spending days and days decluttering, plus however many hours I've subsequently spent trying to keep on top of the cleaning, but sometimes I do wonder if it'll be this hard forever. I just don't seem to be a natural cleaner!

I'm currently waiting for a GP appointment myself, one of my feet is very swollen and painful. When DP hurt his ankle he would spend every possible minute with his foot up, snarling at us all and refusing to help with anything. I'll give you three guesses as to how much help he's being now I could really do with a rest...

Ahhhh, so that's how you get a blank post!

@KittyTalbot Sorry your foot has gone south, not being able to move around to whatever one's normal is, always chucks a spanner in the works, and yes to how different expectations are when it's you that's hurt rather than them.

@Itsnotwhatitseemslike Having done a great deal of it, I'm in agreement with BlackeyedSusan about not just inefficiently struggling on if there's a choice.
I carry on doing it when I shouldn't because I seem to have poor luck in things waiting for me these days, but if life isn't doing that to you, then better to have rest and renewed energy. It's physically and mentally wearing.

@BlackeyedSusan Well done keeping on keeping on and the bathroom etc especially when unwell.

I think everyone's floored by PIP change proposals. It's a very unwieldy blunt sword and hopefully when looked at properly it will be realized that it will do more harm than good.
It's PIP that makes it possible for me to still work and have a vehicle, I'm unemployed and unable to do anything independently without it.
I've previously gone from high scores to nil points overnight and know it only takes one agenda driven assessor to turn scores of 4 to a score of 3 regardless of realities. Unnerving times.

Update: Didn't get things done in time and compromise was reached of throwing everything still left into one room, which I then couldn't access as they took the floor up outside it!

The scaffolding's been a nightmare as they're using three different firms and it's all being done on the cheap. They took out a window to get everyone's through (several lorry loads) then all walked away blaming each other, without putting the window back.
We then found out why. They'd broken a main large sheet of glass! Nothings been done all week beyond a partial tarpaulin over some of it. Bed was just put into another room.

So yesterday was spent boarding up the abandoned window and getting the bed back into the room. Unblocking drains that have had plaster bond poured down them, (why?) and laying temporary flooring to get at the room that's full of stuff as it was made clear everyone expected to be given money to do it, and double because it was a Friday.

Today is launderette and get that room cleared, though I doubt I can manage to take apart two large pieces of furniture or get one large carpet (wasn't rolled and ended up just stuffed in) out.
Am hoping to backhand a couple of the builders into helping with those next week.

Also moved a load of aunts stuff out of her flat so that her neighbors builders can get at everything they need.
Totally different treatment there. Chalk and cheese! Very pleased to say their insurers may pay a bit towards her (my!) storage, and the builders helped me move her things and didn't expect paying for it.
It was dark so thankfully couldn't properly see the state of the garden.

@Elleherd that all sounds AWFUL

poor poor you

@Elleherd your builders sound like absolute cowboys!! I'm guessing the project manager just chose the cheapest solution and it's now coming to light... my heart goes out to you, it really does. I don't know a lot about the PIP changes - I mean I understand that the system has to change somehow, but I don't receive PIP, so I don't know how it will affect people who do - but I hope everything goes ok for you. Irritatingly my DM is eligible and won't claim; I tried to explain that it would help her to pay for a cleaner (as her mobility is so poor) but I immediately got the "I don't need any help, I can manage it" response. Which if you'd ever seen her house, you'd know she can't manage it

I'm really struggling with meal planning, I just can't get my head round it I think because everyone eats different things at different times, my head explodes when I try to compute it and I end up just getting stuff out of the freezer. I'm looking for a helpful Idiot's Guide somewhere!

<passes round ear plugs and ear defenders>

Use them you have been warned

AAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I am about to rewashup the washing up I have just washed up. Ds . Tongue biting is going on.

Bloody hell he is trying my patience.

Interfered with my phone and I have missed important phone calls. Wouldn't go to school. Won't go in the shower/bed. Went missing after being dropped off to school. Walked out of school when he should have been there. Trouble with getting coursework done.

I am in survival mode and barely doing the minimum. I've cried in the supermarket twice this week.

That sounds really tough. Survival mode is sometimes just what it takes…

Sending you lots of hugs @BlackeyedSusan

It's not the same I know, but I constantly walk on eggshells since DS1's birth - he is such a bright, sweet, funny child but MY GOD, the meltdowns and often they come out of nowhere - the ASD/ ADHD courses I go on talk about trying to head kids off before the meltdown stage, but because quite often there's no actual build up (just something that triggers him) it isn't possible. I never feel relaxed because I'm either waiting for the next meltdown or trying to work out how to stop/ avoid one. It's a constant cycle of panic...

I hope things have improved for you now!!

As soon as he walked through the door tonight he was told don't go near my washing up.

He will regret chuntering that I should have told him about the washing up yesterday....

Did they tell you to do occupational therapy regularly to get him generally more calm so that he has more (word of the week) headroom before he reaches meltdown?

I used to tickle or blow raspberries on mine when they were small to head off all three autistic meltdowns. If one of us goes the other two follow in quick succession.

I had a day off today. Mental health day.

@BlackeyedSusan no, no therapy mentioned - maybe it's offered on a local basis rather than as a general policy? At the moment I'd try anything the way it was explained to me is that with ADHD, he's constantly looking for a dopamine hit - so playing quietly with Lego/ reading a book/ doing some drawing doesn't work for him the same way that (for example) winding his brother up to the point where DS2 goes mad does. DS1 was lovely this morning for a whole twenty minutes - gave me my Mother's Day card and a hug - then went off to pick at his brother, and it was all downhill from there. He is not a child you ever get any downtime with!

Hope you enjoyed your day off!!

@Elleherd - I'm beginning to feel your pain about ongoing repairs. DP's mate was booked to repaint and tile our kitchen (this has been needed for about 10 years, as it wasn't finished when the kitchen was originally installed!) - DP was talking to him a couple of months ago and mentioned that the original tiler had let us down, so it had never been done. DP's mate is a handyman and piped up "Oh, I can do that!" - we arranged it for X date, he didn't turn up. This happened twice more until this week, when he finally arrived as planned! Yippee!! Only for him to empty the kitchen, take out appliances, rip out some old bits of tiling that were there and vanish again... now I have an unusable kitchen and no sign of him yesterday

DP's mistake I think was to feel sorry for him, and pay him in full in advance - just why??? - meaning he now has no incentive to turn up either!

On top of this we (DM and siblings) found out that DF, who's always been a hoarder, has developed an Ebay habit apparently he's getting loads of clothes delivered. How he pays for it - he only has a tiny pension - and where he puts everything, we have no idea...

@BlackeyedSusan yes to MH days and survival mode. Sorry life's so difficult, I'm not surprised you've ended up overwhelmed in the supermarket, dealing with all that at the same time.
Hoping it's on a more even keel even if it's only for long enough to recharge and get the washing up away from unhelpful fingers.

@KittyTalbot The PIP debacle has unleashed another wave of unpleasantness and accusations on disabled people, and most of us spend years trying to cope before giving in to the idea that we might actually not be able to manage without help, and even then we hang onto what we believe is stuff we just 'have' to be able to do ourselves, so your Mum's reticence is par for the course I'm afraid. The process of claiming is really demoralizing as you spend your life looking at what you can do, not what you can't, and suddenly you're forced to see yourself as others see you.
Ds refused DLA which was laudable in some ways, but of course the not insignificant limitations and high financial load it caused on life was borne by the rest of us and still is.

Sorry to hear that DF is acquiring at pace. It's hard to convince people it isn't a great idea when they're in the middle of doing it. I don't know what the relationship's are like, but trying to get him out and about and away from the routines he's building might be the best that can be done.

I'm afraid paying DP's mate up front was definitely a bad idea! It is now likely to be something that he will fit into and around other things as and when.
IME hustle him before it becomes an embarrassing overdue chore he doesn't want to face up to, while he can still do it as 'a positive thing' rather than complete a negative, if that makes sense.

We're a bit over run with contractors using us as a site entrance and exit, but in theory we're getting early finishes today and tomorrow.

Attempts to build a temporary floor so we could access the stuff shoved into a back room last week and get it out, failed, as did any idea of getting help from contractors without ending up bankrupt.
Have rethought it all and got better materials, and am waiting for them to all go today to have another go. Fingers crossed.

I've been trying to cull bits from boxes in storage, but it isn't really working well. Lack of space, light and heat isn't helping. I need to bring them home with me but currently anything that comes in has to be out and back in the vehicle by the morning. I have to get into a better routine to make it properly effective, as it isn't right now, but another sack has gone out in bits here and there, and I have 2/3rds of another one.

We're currently without hot water after one of the contractors decided to give the pipes 'a good shake to see how strong they where.' He didn't mention that it resulted in water now continuously spraying up under the floorboards soaking them. We found out three days later when the boards had soaked through to the surface, and water started to ooze through the lino joins.🙄

The good news: the temporary floor design works.
The not so good news: By the time I'd got it down I was too battered and exhausted to do anything with it.

Squeezed two token boxes past the stuffed in unrolled carpet this morning before having to take it all up again for contractors.

Got a bit more into the 2/3rds full sack and out and down to recycling.

Asked about sorting leak and got had a go at that had I just done as instructed and had ALL floor coverings removed before work started, then they'd have spotted the leak (that they caused!) sooner and I wouldn't have soaking wet (already rotten) floor boards.
Lino that's still down, must be up by Monday or "will be removed and skipped." THEN we'll talk about plumbers. Yippee.👿

<sidles quietly into the room>
Ahem. Can I join you all, please?

Hey @Solo lovely to see you!

Today I have procrastinated a lot. But I have also made a bigger mess by pulling things out of a fast growing child’s wardrobe.

Shocking how much of it is basically rag, if that. I’ve also missed a school uniform sale and the chance to drop off… but all progress is progress right!

Hi @FiniteSagacity thank you! How are you? Uniform... I still have some of Ds's (now almost 27) uniform to sell, and Dd's too...