Hoarders Anonymous. Thread #8. We Are Keeping On Keeping On. Fighting The Cluttered Fight.

[Solo]

We are a group of likeminded householders who are leading somewhat challenging lives; be that living with too much 'stuff' that we find difficult to deal with, houses that are falling apart (mine is), health issues within the family unit, wider family, or ourselves (me too) that means sorting out our households is challenging to say the least. So...

You are all welcome to join us for support, adding your ideas to help others out, storage ideas, and even tips on actually getting those items out of the house which sounds so simple when you say it, but this part can be so very difficult; we are often attached emotionally to our 'things', afraid of letting things go just in case we need them.

Encouragement and support abound here in our band of clutterbugs. We never ever criticise anyone! We even try not to criticise ourselves as it's not helpful to anyone, but this can be very difficult to achieve.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by clutter, mess, disorganization and generally don't know where to start. If you can't be bothered, but really do want to be bothered. If you think you are a bit lazy, or if you just need to see your highs and lows and everything in between on the screen here, join us, and we will help you. We'll virtually high-five your achievements - small or large, and virtually hug you when the need arises. If you want a hug, just ask because we are here for you, here for one another because we get it. The art of washing up is sometimes our great achievement of the day, but it's still an achievement

Some helpful links. They aren't for everyone, but have a look if you fancy:

• Help For Hoarders by Jasmine Harman (the author/producer of the BBC1 documentaries My Hoarder Mum and Me and Britain's Biggest Hoarders)
• The FlyLady Cleaning Method by Marla Cilley
• The Organised Mum Method by Gemma Bray
• The KonMari Method by Marie Kondo
• A Slob Comes Clean by Dana K. White
• The Getting Things Done Method by David Allen

And a LINK-#7

I'm not sure if The Flylady link is working, but if not, you know what to search for.

Welcome to thread #8 of Hoarders Anonymous. Thread #8. We Are Keeping On Keeping On. Fighting The Cluttered Fight (and winning, one small step at a time).

@Elleherd thank you for the link. Most of my appliances are old. I feel the same. They work perfectly well, and why not. I know people that replace items just because they fancy a change. I can't do that. I like loyalty.
I hope the job has started off well. And yay! For the car, that's always a relief.
@Elleherd & @TalkToTheHand123 I wish the weeds would stop growing. Mine are all back.

Posted and disappeared again 😳 thank you for the lovely comments and reassurance 🧡

I hit a very low point but it forced me to speak to the GP about going back on my meds (one for ADHD one for anxiety) so I’m hopeful it’ll make a difference but in the meantime adjusting to them is difficult and I’m exhausted.

Will try and catch up properly later

@SingToTheSky I wish you better. Hopefully you'll feel more able to cope soon and less exhaustion. I hear you on that and it's just horrible.

I was a regular on the last thread and maybe even the ones before that but life has been a bit overwhelming recently. I have chosen a new name and am jumping back on the horse.

My microwave top is looking very cluttered again. Where to start??

Elleherd, the talk of the MOT and advisories reminds me that I need to book my car in too. I have no reliable garage and feel like I have a sign pointing to me saying “fleece me” so it’s always stressy. Well done for getting through all this work stuff.

TalkToTheHand well done on your great progress! Keep it up and share your tips.

Can’t scroll back v far so not many individual comments but hope everyone is maintaining their sanity and feeling good.

@Sameclutternewname Welcome (back) . We're almost all still here. Our struggles are still real. My microwave and everything else is still cluttered... <sigh>

Please may I join.

I would really appreciate advice from other "neat" horders such as @BlueSummerBaby as I think this describes me. I am also at the point in most of the house where I am verging on too full, so there is a risk to tidiness.

Also I am trying to assimilate the first tranche of items from a relative's house and I know there will be a second lot in a couple of months. The arrival of this stuff means that as the house is "full" there is no-where for it to go. Currently I have two rooms which are in the state of "it has to look worse before it looks better", which I am finding stressful.

I have until the end of the month to sort these two rooms, but am finding the job very daunting at present.

The easy option would be to shove it all in the loft, but I know this would be just delaying the inevitable.

Apologies for the essay, actually helpful to write it down. Thanks

Welcome @indignatio ☕️

I have so far limited stuff from my hoarding parent’s house (which must be cleared) to a cake lifter and a bug bat. But I know more is coming and there is nowhere for it to go (I don’t want most of it but they are going to struggle to let go of anything).

I wish I was a tidy hoarder! You might find Cassandra Aarssen (Clutterbug on social media) helpful as she talks about different types of hoarding. I’ve been trying to do the Take Your House Back Challenge which is a group of 3 decluttering experts but have been somewhat derailed by the decline of hoarding parent’s health.

indignatio my main advice is don't bring the stuff in. If you're looking around thinking the place is full, then it was probably full at 50% of its current level too. Adding more isn't really an option, it'll end up choked with no space to organize.

Why are you thinking to add more? This isn't your stuff. I get wanting to help parents and it's easier for them to let go if they're passing it onto someone who "wants it", even though you don't. But what's wrong with a skip out front, telling them you want it all but really it's going straight into the skip? I know that's hard, but if you bring it in that'll be harder. You're going to get all attached to it, have less room to sort things out, start taking ages to let go of each item because it's not someone else's stuff any more, it's become your stuff that needs a decision made about it before you can let it go. It's not going to improve your life in any way to bring it in so why do that?

My second advice is, unless you're on the bones of your arse, desperate for the money and have the free time to actually do it - don't bother selling anything, not even if it's worth £100, your time spent decluttering and the space that frees up is more valuable. If you're giving something away free, take it there, wherever "there" is, don't deal with private individuals messing you around and not showing up to your home when they say they will, because if you're dealing with all that you may as well have sold it.

Thank you both.

Whilst the advice not to accept the influx is sound, as the items are mine and were being stored at the relative's house, refusal is not an option.

I am a bee apparently. Interesting as I don't like things on display generally.

Trip to the tip tomorrow and to the charity shop on Monday.

The house looks better, but I really need to keep decluttering to deal with the next influx.

Thank you for the advice.

SingToTheSky Hang on in there, one foot in front of the other and sooner or later you find you're at least somewhere else.

Sameclutternewname New name, new cleared microwave top, it'll make you feel better. Garages are without question getting harder and harder to navigate.

Solo New jobs got off reasonably thanks, not enough time as always and struggling particularly to be creative when tired but grateful for the work. Weeds are winning here.

*TalkToTheHand *Well done on getting stuck in! Hope the house stayed less horrific.

FiniteSagacity Well done holding out and managing both houses and situations at once. It isn't easy.

Hello and welcome @indignatio Hope you'll forgive an essay back. 😄
I wrote this only to see you'd posted while I was doing it!😂Please forgive me that I'm to tired to go edit it.
In classification terms I'm an organized 'neat' hoarder.
I'm normally (currently dealing with building work coincides with self employed work hell) very organized and everything is clean and tidy but appearances is all it is at the best of times, it's Tetrus'd in deep hoarding!
Add to that storage units: also shelved, tidy and cleaned regularly, but all part of the illusion that this isn't a hoarding problem, and there's a cleaning compulsion problem that I'm trying to get in balance.
Even my safety pins face the same way round in different bags for decreasing sizes, but my common sense tells me there's something wrong that I 'need' that many of them, and them to be so exactly stored, to feel OK and it's multiplied by a need to always be prepared...

Organized tidy hoarders are often assumed to have less of a problem because it looks better. It's a fallacy. It generally means at least three times (if not many more times) as much stuff, packed in far tighter, to clean, keep in good condition and fight to let go off, than the average.
There is never a surprise half used cupboard or drawer, or bit of space you didn't know you had, or ability to re-organize to make more fit, because you've already done that, and everything except the living spaces are already full up... and then something happens - and only that precious living space is left.

One of those 'something happens' moments for me was sudden disability. When I carefully built in wall to ceiling shelving, and big sliding doors (now dismantled) so it could look uncluttered, I wasn't planning on being in a wheelchair, same as the 7ft high shelving at my workshop, now in storage units.
Life is what actually happens when we're planning it.

The only time it's good is when using the methods of organized hoarders whilst consistently reducing and not acquiring.
BlueSummerBaby has already summed up much.. No matter how hard it is, if you already have difficulties in getting rid of things, then it is far easier to prevent something entering, than removing it once it's made it's way in and declared itself yours, no matter how tidily arranged.

Most of us acquire/buy/keep stuff to service our lives and homes. Many of us end up using our lives and homes to service the stuff we'd hoped to enjoy!

As BlueSummerBaby's accurately observed "if you're thinking the place is full, then it was probably full at 50% of its current level too." And there's the rub because you manage to get rid of 50% only to find you're still far to full.

So, is this stuff you really want? Is this loyalty, or duty etc, or even that you've been told for so long that it 'must be saved' and 'inherited' because x,y,z?

If these potential incoming items are things you love and want to have and use, then start looking around at what do you have taking up similar amounts of space that could go. Sooner or later it will come to this anyway so starting now might save some pain..

I’ve just realised even the dog has a little hoard of toys that he never plays with or chews!

@Elleherd

Thank you so much. You so get me.

Am embracing the container concept and not doing too badly on later revisiting to reduce the size of the container. I don't seem to be able to do it all at once.

Tetris is so accurate

Much to think about. Thanks again

Hey if I may join 🤘🏼

i work full time, live alone and sometimes the chaos of the house and garden is a bit too much (especially the garden)

i try and follow Tomm and love rock the housework but you know, lack of motivation, lack of car to get rid of rubbish, feeling sometimes alone

Thehillsarealivewithbutterflies You know what they say about people and their pets. Mine hoarded dead tennis balls bones and sticks.

indignatio You're welcome. Finding out what does and doesn't work for you is half the task. Some of us do some very strange things indeed to get us to a point where we can overcome something. It doesn't matter - if it works it works.

TheShiningCarpet The more the merrier.🙂The garden here has entirely escaped me and will get me into trouble soon at this rate.🙄

Indignatio Dana also mentioned once that your home itself is a container. The container concept didn't help me, except that bit.

Elleherd ages ago I sold 50% of the contents of a cupboard. It's still full. Normal-full though, not tetris-full. It's crazy isn't it.

It's hard Shining. I found the more I keep doing it the easier it gets. I advise recycling as much as you can, if your council does a good kerbside collection. I've had to really work on not obsessing about where things go and focusing on getting rid of them by the least time consuming method possible.

Realising it is half the battle Butterflies, now to bin the disused ones.

Morning, I think the container concept helps me because I can see exactly how many of a certain item I have, the the rational part of my brain can take over and I can accept that no-one needs say, that many towels.

So if my airing cupboard is a container, it now only holds sufficient bath towels for each family member to have one to wash and one in use, plus two x 2 sets for guests as we are unlikely to have more than 4 guests at a time.

Having just smugly typed that out I have remembered that there are also hand towels (far too many) and another separate box of beach/ holiday towels. So even towels are still a work in progress.

I have also just realised that when elder DC returns from uni next week, he will have had to clear his rental place, which is another influx which will have to be managed. I have, of course, made use of his bedroom as additional storage whilst he was away!

Dog saw me collect up all the half chewed bits of rope and other things, then he couldn’t work out where they’d gone when they went in the bin! As a pp said I also struggle with how eco to be in disposal- generally I find it easier to let go if things are going to reuse or recycle. I thought the chewed rope toys will hopefully burn cleanly in the local incinerator!!

Think I’ll put a box out today of free things to take , lots of my worn tennis balls (not pre-chewed) to hopefully donate to other dog walkers. And will also take a bag of mixed bits to a charity shop- I have a bag in a cupboard that I put things in when I notice they are things we don’t need, then take to charity shop when it is reasonably full. I’ll also commit to putting at least one thing on freegle!

I like the discussion on this thread of being a tidy hoarder - I know I’m a default hoarder but friends often don’t believe me.
I am somewhat reformed after the hard work of doing most of my mother’s major downsize. I also find it helps to let go to remember that if I find I need a certain thing I can always buy it again cheaply on eBay etc

@Thehillsarealivewithbutterflies
What is a default horder please?

I also have a charity bag constantly on the go, my biggest challenge when dropping it off is not to acquire anything else.

The thought that removing 50% of the content of a cupboard can still mean that it is full is another concept with which to grapple

Lovely supportive threads ❤️
I'm wrestling with what to do with a foam mattress topper.
I bought it for DD when in cold flat at uni.
It's now in spare room where ai sleep some of the time. It's too hot for me.

I thought about sending it to uni with DS when he goes in September but he keeps really hot so will hate it and it's bulky and would be a nightmare to get in the car.

I'd feel better if it could be reused or recycled but it can't really and I feel terrible thinking I it going to landfill. So it's rolled up in a bedroom in my house instead awaiting landfill eventually.

Any tips? I know I should just think it's served it's purpose. And also font buy a cheap thing that nobody wants!
My dad used to say, "You buy cheap, you buy twice."

I suppose by default hoarder I mean that my instinct is always to keep something in case it might come on useful or because I can fix it before passing it on, and because I used to have very little money and so worried that if I needed it in the future I wouldn’t be able to afford it.

I think I used to also be an emotional hoarder, my mother said I always cried when I grew out of my clothes and they had to go - to the point that one of her kind friends would sometimes make me slightly bigger dresses in the same fabric . I think I’m emotionally attached to only a few things now, normal things like a sensible amount of kids artwork. I tell myself that space to live is valuable.

I scurried out in my dressing gown and a box of free things is now out there so fingers crossed they go!

@Thehillsarealivewithbutterflies thank you, I understand/ relate to the default hording, again perhaps having times with little income. I think there is also a waste aspect, if I get rid and have to replace, that is more of the earth's resources being used, unnecessarily.

@ButIsItArt I have racked my brains for an alternative use for your mattress topper, but failed to come up with anything. Sorry

Is it possible to wash the mattress topper if it needs it? I washed a form mattress once by treading it like grapes in a bath - you might then be able to put it on free cycle and someone might want it? Or as is and maybe whoever gets it can wash it .

I feel terrible thinking I it going to landfill. So it's rolled up in a bedroom in my house instead awaiting landfill eventually.

Any tips?

Assuming you've tried giving it away, the concept that it will take up the same amount of space and decay at the same rate wherever it is in the world, might help. So it can either be in actual landfill or you can effectively turn your home into landfill.

I've helped others sort severe homes out, and some things I've learnt (that I sometimes even manage to do myself!) that may be worth thinking about.

If you have a hoarding problem and it's being compounded by things like eco disposal, correct disposal, and or guilt, then please give yourself a temporary free pass over just getting it out on this occasion. You cannot save the world or environment by your home becoming a giant rubbish tip or recycling center.
If you die with it in situ, it will all go straight to landfill.

Tidy hoarder's friends will insist you aren't a hoarder because they have decided what a hoarder and their home looks like and they can't imagine any other presentation of hoarding, and they're focused on 'does it pass their critique.' Secondly they don't want to say I'm comfortable knowing you and being in your home accepting you have a hoarding problem. It's an issue people aren't comfortable with.

Sadly it only takes unexpected disasters, accident, injury, leaking roofs, floods, sewage floods, emergency building works, and a tidy hoarded home can become anything but, very easily.

People find words, designations and descriptors they're more comfortable with, and some of these things can be helpful in understanding motivations and triggers, and finding individual solutions that fit- ie books that say tidy, order and clean things are really unhelpful for me, I need to spend less time on that and reallocate that time to removing and disposing of things, instead of focusing on what it looks like.

Ultimately it all comes down to the same things: we acquired it/ let it in/ brought it in, we allowed it to stay, we didn't take it back out, it is too much 'stuff' than the size of our homes allows for. (In my case at least, on an epic level)

ButIsItArt if it's clean put it on freecycle/ trashnothing/ freagle etc, offer to local charities, and if it doesn't get taken, take it to the tip. See above about becoming a recycling center. I've been providing for us and others in difficulty half a lifetime- it becomes habit forming holding things for years because someone will need this and it's in great condition.
I grew up in a bad state, and started out life with so little and was so glad when something needed turned up. So life 'punished' me the first time round and now I'm punishing myself the second time around by living my life feeling I have to put someone else's world right all the time. It's ridiculous when you think about it.

indignatio I recognize the fluctuating family sizes, needs, vs spaces issue. They sneak up on you.

Thehillsarealivewithbutterflies Well done! Hope your box got emptied.

BlueSummerBaby Spot on!

Update - Weekend achievements here were maintaining basics, launderette and an insufficient tidy up of aunts garden. But did take a lot of time out to catch up work for this week and be better prepared for up coming deadlines. Lost this morning to hospital, now just trying to settle down to work.

Yes, everything went from the box at the end of the drive thanks. Also managed to sort and take 2 bags to a charity shop, and not buy anything! Didn’t put anything on free cycle but still definitely a good day. Sending encouragement to everyone else!