Hoarders Anonymous. Thread #8. We Are Keeping On Keeping On. Fighting The Cluttered Fight.

[Solo]

We are a group of likeminded householders who are leading somewhat challenging lives; be that living with too much 'stuff' that we find difficult to deal with, houses that are falling apart (mine is), health issues within the family unit, wider family, or ourselves (me too) that means sorting out our households is challenging to say the least. So...

You are all welcome to join us for support, adding your ideas to help others out, storage ideas, and even tips on actually getting those items out of the house which sounds so simple when you say it, but this part can be so very difficult; we are often attached emotionally to our 'things', afraid of letting things go just in case we need them.

Encouragement and support abound here in our band of clutterbugs. We never ever criticise anyone! We even try not to criticise ourselves as it's not helpful to anyone, but this can be very difficult to achieve.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by clutter, mess, disorganization and generally don't know where to start. If you can't be bothered, but really do want to be bothered. If you think you are a bit lazy, or if you just need to see your highs and lows and everything in between on the screen here, join us, and we will help you. We'll virtually high-five your achievements - small or large, and virtually hug you when the need arises. If you want a hug, just ask because we are here for you, here for one another because we get it. The art of washing up is sometimes our great achievement of the day, but it's still an achievement

Some helpful links. They aren't for everyone, but have a look if you fancy:

• Help For Hoarders by Jasmine Harman (the author/producer of the BBC1 documentaries My Hoarder Mum and Me and Britain's Biggest Hoarders)
• The FlyLady Cleaning Method by Marla Cilley
• The Organised Mum Method by Gemma Bray
• The KonMari Method by Marie Kondo
• A Slob Comes Clean by Dana K. White
• The Getting Things Done Method by David Allen

And a LINK-#7

I'm not sure if The Flylady link is working, but if not, you know what to search for.

Welcome to thread #8 of Hoarders Anonymous. Thread #8. We Are Keeping On Keeping On. Fighting The Cluttered Fight (and winning, one small step at a time).

Can I join please? My background is one of real poverty (& CSA) so when I had a chance to acquire 'nice things which would change my life' I did. Lots.
As an adult I am now disabled myself and a Carer to two young Autistic adults who are still very dependent. I have long unpredictable days and am mostly exhausted. Still , I can see if I want to move (I do), I need to reduce my possessions by about 50% (75%?). It will be painful (literally & emotionally) but joining up for accountability.

@Itsnotwhatitseemslike Thank you. It has been. I think most people find it hard to accept than some people respond to life's painful events by holding onto everything. They mistake causes and reasons for excuses.

I had another unexpected breakthrough yesterday, that I'm pretty sure is as a result of your conversation and responding, about difficulties around childrens stuff. 🙏
I managed to put some practical baby items (past an age others would be likely to want) into the public recycling bin and let go of them. I've previously hit a brick wall even trying to think about, or imagine doing it.

@Karatema Having things not go as planned, including 'total mental meltdowns' when we expected to be trying to do this stuff, is far from unusual.
I will be working trying to sort my situation out next weekend too. 🙂All things allowing, I'll actually be doing this for at least a part of every day for at least a fortnight. Mainly moving stuff but also trying to let go as I do, then dealing with builders and trying to get rid of as much as I can as a concerted effort in getting better control.I'm hoping enough others will be posting that it won't feel like I'm spamming the board!😅
Looking forward to you finding your favorite evening trousers.🙂

Update: last two days has been trying to balance not making injury worse, with getting everything done that builders need to happen.
More shelves and some furniture taken to the storage unit. More stuff packed up and taken over, and a lot of moving stuff around figuring out how to make it work and still be able to get at needed stuff, as currently we have no idea how long they will take.
Only one 'bag for life' of recycling has gone out in the process, but as mentioned, some of what's in it is significant progress in managing to shed it from being part of the future.

@medianewbie welcome☕Sorry didn't initially see your post. I have to do something but will be back very soon, and others might spot you anyway.🙂

Hi @medianewbie Really sorry to hear your background is painful, and current circumstances are difficult. You're not alone.
One of the lovely things about this thread is we come from such a wide range of circumstances with some easily able to see how they developed difficulties, and others with little clear to them over what's brought them to the same place and very similar difficulties.

I like that you've recognized that if you think you need to reduce by 50% it may well actually be 75%. Some wise folk have said when they got to the magic 50% mark, they realized they still needed to loose half of that. Starting out knowing that might be the case, may help a lot.

Based on what you've said, looking at 'Did I acquire this for the lifestyle I don't/wont have?' (I certainly did!) might turn out to be useful.

Is the moving concrete (ie it's happening in August/Next year etc) or a decision that you need to get out of where you are, and it can't happen until you've reduced considerably?

Great that you managed to let go of the kids’ stuff in that recycling place, @Elleherd . Slow and steady , slow and steady!

Slow and steady may be good for disposing, but unfortunately isn't getting me where I need to be in terms of clearing out this place for builders in time!
Lot's more has gone over to storage, but only a small amount actually chucked in the process. There just isn't time to sort, though I have identified some stuff for later disposal, so at least my thoughts are in the right direction.
I need more hours in the day, less pain and disability, and less other major things going on. But it's the end of the month, I have some paid work that has to happen over the weekend, and fear is beginning to set in. So off to start again.

Hope others are making some progress or gearing up for the weekend.

Hope everyone makes some progress today, even if it’s just the kitchen being better. I’m aiming for a bag for charity and some things for the tip. Hope the paid work doesn’t eat up all your energy, Elleherd

Removed all the empties from the bathroom today. It's looking good. I've been working on using up all the open toiletries before I open more.
Trying to do the same with makeup too. My stash is huge and I really want to thin it down.

I read this in a YouTube comment in a decluttering/organising the pantry video, so take it with a pinch of salt because I've no idea if it's true, but it said that on some items of food the expiration date is not because the food itself will go off but because the plastic bottle has reached the maximum time period where they can't guarantee it won't start to slowly break down. I'm guessing this potentially means plastic chemicals in the food.
It made me wonder about beauty products too. So I'm working on getting everything down to a small amount now because it feels like it'll be safer what with everything being packaged in plastic these days.
I've never been someone who worried about expiry dates, relying on eyes and nose to tell me if something wasn't right, but I'm going to try to get myself into a situation where everything is being used in a sensible time period not bought on a whim then sitting around for years before finally getting used.

@Thehillsarealivewithbutterflies Thank you. Annoyingly it stole the whole day in the end, but not much I could do about it.
Hope your planned aims for yesterday had some success.

@BlueSummerBaby Well done on the bathroom clear out!
Given the quality of modern plastics it's probably not far wrong.
I'm trying to do something similar with perfume. People buy it for me as something special. I love it, but then I feel it's too special to wear for anything other than special events. and there aren't many of those in my life.
It feels like advertising myself to wear it, and that's something that's been deeply ingrained in me as an unacceptable thing to do.
So tiny bit of joy out of them before they go off leaving me feeling sad and guilty.
I am trying to use it most days now, and as an aid to remember there is more to life than the problems we're going through.

Today is launderette to get fitted in to everything.

Update: a dump run for big items in, but no time to collect smaller stuff.
Gone is one wardrobe, the large piece of vehicle replaced for MOT, old battery, wheel covers, and some electronic waste. Unfortunately I'm not doing well physically, so it's mainly been packing up big boxes since, but I need help to get them to the vehicle. Hopefully happening today.

Just one carrier bag of recycling actually out, but another breakthrough as it contained some children's bits, including something made by one of them, and those are the things I find hardest to let go of let alone send for destruction.
It's haunting me at the moment but hopefully will pass.

Another box of children's items to one side ready to go to anywhere/one.
I'm thinking about gathering all surplus stuff that I can't easily out right now, into one of the units until building work is done, and then doing a week, batch of weekends of BlueSummerBaby's idea of 'free box contains xyz and whatever else' and hope to attract car boot sellers.

@Elleherd this I relate to: “some children's bits, including something made by one of them, and those are the things I find hardest to let go of let alone send for destruction.”
Brava for managing that!

@Itsnotwhatitseemslike Thank you. It is hard. I'm finding mentally processing it afterwards isn't great either, but it is what it is.

The big box's got loaded and made it to storage and a bit more garden prep got done.
Another dump run; another couple of sacks of greenery out, one black sack of landfill (complete with guilt, a smaller bag of recycling, couple of medium sized electrical items, and a door.

Yesterday went to more work trying to prepare outside for becoming a temporary builders yard.
I've realized in the state I'm in I really need at least a week to do it and a lot of help tbh, and I don't have either. There is at least another two bags of greenery and one black sack of waste out of it.
I've been trying to do outside while the weathers good, but think today has to see a lot more packing up inside regardless.

Oh dear - might you be able to just leave those bags to sit while the builders are there, or do they need to be away?

It is tempting, but I've learnt the hard way when I leave things like that, something always happens. They get wet, or attacked by foxes, or used as a toilet by neighborhood cats, or you can't get a dump slot, so better to get them out while they're clean, dry and easier to handle and while I can.

They've made it to the dump along with another two bags of greenery, another black sack of landfill, couple of bits of wood, some metal bits and bobs, and two carrier bags of recycling. A reasonable amount's found it's way to the next black sack as well.
But tbh I've still only got a few boxes properly sorted, packed, and re- labelled, though lots of small bits sorted back out to the right ones. It feels like an uphill battle with adult Dc not correctly identifying what's going to be needed, and things getting packed and then unpacked again as they realize they need them.

I just can't get enough done fast enough each day, but if I keep going too long everything's too swollen and painful to physically do more the next day. Annoyingly no amount of exhaustion is overcoming insomnia.
Today and tonight is mainly paid work but I have a couple of hours in the the middle going towards it all, and prepping for what hopefully will be a more successful weekend at it. Fingers crossed.

@Itsnotwhatitseemslike I just realized you asked if they could stay while the builders are here. No, it would cause issues.

Hi all. A little progress has been made in the last few days. I have enough to go to the local recycling centre also which would clear a lot of the hallway. My diet has been quite good last few days so feel a little more motivated.

I mopped the hallway today. I didn't think I had a dirty house, but after mopping I've started to notice it's not as clean as I thought.

Hey all! I have two massive bags to go to the tip, but it’s raining now and they’re always quite strict before letting us put things into the various containers - I’m not in the UK and they’ll literally stop you and rifle through your bags - so I don’t think I’ll bother today after all. Will try and make it tomorrow.

Aha
I get it
hope you feel well enough to break the back of the piles soon @Elleherd

This seems like an interesting article https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c3vw33g2lxxo.amp
I like the fact that it seems to be increasingly recognised that people who have too much stuff aren’t helped by someone throwing it all away. That people who have valued things find it much easier to let go when they are going somewhere useful. I managed to get rid of loads of craft stuff by making packs for the school jumble sale (including all the gems , sequins and Pom poms that I’d pulled off kid’s artwork when they were throwing them out -slightly over the top re-use but v eco I guess).

Yesterday I looked briefly at a cupboard I’d whittled down last year. I think now I’m ready to get rid of a lot more. wedding present placemats I don’t really like anymore but that I somehow thought I should keep and tablecloths from my childhood home that I either thought I would cut up into craft makes (the embroidered bits) or had memories of family special occasions. But the memories are still in my head and I will wish these things well on their way to new homes as I take them to charity shop and I travel on lighter. Still sentimental tears as I write this but feels ok.

@TalkToTheHand123 Well done! I'm afraid if things aren't routinely moved, dirt does build up, but at the same time I found it easy to end up obsessive with constantly moving things to clean behind and under. Extremes either end aren't great.

@Itsnotwhatitseemslike Hope you made it to the tip. There is some inspecting here too, but mainly they're looking for people trying to dump paint, oil, or asbestos more than anything.

@Thehillsarealivewithbutterflies Annoyingly the more affordable charity shops here, have gone under and we're left with an excess of expensive ones asking for luxury goods who are now extremely picky about what they will take, and when, and it has changed who their customers are too.
Giving things to others who want them and will make use of them is a nice way of shedding excess stuff, that helps all concerned. Well done. I like your "traveling on lighter."

Crappy update: It's been a really horrible week here tbh.
Last Friday I thought if nothing went wrong and I worked almost every hour, I could just about do everything in time.
Then the project manager caught me on my way to work to announce even more of the garden had to be removed or moved. 🙁The space they're now commandeering for all their needs, equipment and materials, included where my (new) shed was, the greenhouse, several large waist height planters, and a lot of decking.

Up to me to get it done, or they'd send a bunch of blokes to come and just demolish everything, drag it through without bagging to remove it, any damage done - tough, and be charged for disposal.😩Any objections are met with the constant threat of losing our tenancy.
It's been very large amounts of back breaking work stripping back everything, trying to re-pot plants, and salvage some of what's needed to rebuild after this is over.
A lot's had to go regardless of condition because I just don't have the time to dismantle it properly.

Whole situation's horribly demoralizing and I'm really battered and struggling to move physically. There's still lots to do outside, as well as still clearing out everything inside into storage while they do the works. I actually don't know if I can do it anymore, but somehow it just has to happen.
About ten sacks have gone to the dump, and I've got a fair bit of the furniture and some boxes to the storage unit. But had to go to hospital this morning and am now down to a bit of today and tonight, minus a few hours this afternoon for another beyond essential appointment, and the weekend to complete.
Realistically I think it's actually several days hard flat out work.
Some helps promised on the weekend, but it may be too little too late.

Equipment and builders where supposed to start today, but after they also messed up, and a lot of argument and dire warnings of what will happen if I can't complete everything, we have a reprieve until nastily early AM Monday.

Thanks for the BBC article thehillsarealivewithbutterflies I went down a bit of a rabbit hole there!

Fingers crossed for you elleherd.

I have an empty box! A big one. Only I want to keep it because it's plastic and good quality and I think I might need it in the future, but I don't know where to keep it. The contents being moved elsewhere/removed from the home doesn't make any difference to space available if I'm keeping the empty box. At some point I think I'll fill it, it stacks well, and get rid of some lesser boxes instead, but for now I need to find somewhere to put it.

Yesterday afternoon's "beyond essential appointment" was a specialist patient unit and supposed to be a three hour infusion. Instead resulted in being admitted to a ward and kept in overnight to get chemical levels up from a unacceptably low levels. I'm more grateful than I sound that they caught it, but I now only have rest of today and tomorrow to manage miracles. Throwing working clothes on and trying to gee myself up into believing it's all still possible and within my abilities.

@BlueSummerBaby Thanks, please keep them crossed, I have to be able to do this.
Good luck with finding a home for the box.

Morning. Been AWOL... haunting A and E and various other medical establishments. And various ailments.

Driving, washing, shopping has all been done. Sadly, the minimum of anything else.

This morning I am checking in with various lists of (scraping the bottom of the barrel) tasks.

So far: (it's boring, skip it, mainly just for me!)
Some recycling rinsed, squashed, stacked and put in the bag to get sent down to the bins.

Some dry washing up put away. (Very little)

Some rubbish thrown in the bin. (The non recyclable lids, and empty packs)

Some washing folded. Redistributed drying washing.

Some shopping put away.

I am absolutely shattered due to various illnesses extra driving, etc.

Will catch up on the thread later.

@Elleherd I'm so sorry to hear about your difficulties with the building project. It does sound like whoever is managing it is particularly bad at planning - surely they should have specified to everyone involved at the beginning what they would need to do, when they would need to do it, when things should be finished etc...? The way they're doing it sounds like such hard work for everyone, particularly you - you have my complete sympathy at having to do all this (physically and mentally) hard work, and at such short notice too. I found it really tough going when I cleared out the loft at the end of 2023 - got rid of bags and bags and bags of stuff - not sure I could even manage it any more! Sorry to hear about your Great Aunt's situation too; I honestly dread the day when DF admits he needs help with his hoarding, I have no idea how I'd find the time to help someone else and keep on top of my own stuff.

@BlackeyedSusan I hope you're feeling better now, and can spend some time recovering

@BlueSummerBaby that's interesting about the plastics, I can believe it given that modern stuff doesn't seem to last any more/ more stuff is packaged in plastics rather than tins - I remember my grandparents keeping various bits (including food) in tins for many years!

@TalkToTheHand123 it's always depressing when you get one part of the house nice and clean and then realise another part is utterly grubby I keep meaning to mop the entrance hall but realise that I really should also move the shoe storage units to mop underneath them, and that's a job I can't face...

Plodding on here, decluttered DS2's room yesterday - only by a binbag or so but his room's quite small so it all makes a difference. Today I was planning to do some bits in the garden - bought some planters from Lidl in order to make a start - but it's just too chilly!