Hoarders Anonymous. Thread #8. We Are Keeping On Keeping On. Fighting The Cluttered Fight.

[Solo]

We are a group of likeminded householders who are leading somewhat challenging lives; be that living with too much 'stuff' that we find difficult to deal with, houses that are falling apart (mine is), health issues within the family unit, wider family, or ourselves (me too) that means sorting out our households is challenging to say the least. So...

You are all welcome to join us for support, adding your ideas to help others out, storage ideas, and even tips on actually getting those items out of the house which sounds so simple when you say it, but this part can be so very difficult; we are often attached emotionally to our 'things', afraid of letting things go just in case we need them.

Encouragement and support abound here in our band of clutterbugs. We never ever criticise anyone! We even try not to criticise ourselves as it's not helpful to anyone, but this can be very difficult to achieve.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by clutter, mess, disorganization and generally don't know where to start. If you can't be bothered, but really do want to be bothered. If you think you are a bit lazy, or if you just need to see your highs and lows and everything in between on the screen here, join us, and we will help you. We'll virtually high-five your achievements - small or large, and virtually hug you when the need arises. If you want a hug, just ask because we are here for you, here for one another because we get it. The art of washing up is sometimes our great achievement of the day, but it's still an achievement

Some helpful links. They aren't for everyone, but have a look if you fancy:

• Help For Hoarders by Jasmine Harman (the author/producer of the BBC1 documentaries My Hoarder Mum and Me and Britain's Biggest Hoarders)
• The FlyLady Cleaning Method by Marla Cilley
• The Organised Mum Method by Gemma Bray
• The KonMari Method by Marie Kondo
• A Slob Comes Clean by Dana K. White
• The Getting Things Done Method by David Allen

And a LINK-#7

I'm not sure if The Flylady link is working, but if not, you know what to search for.

Welcome to thread #8 of Hoarders Anonymous. Thread #8. We Are Keeping On Keeping On. Fighting The Cluttered Fight (and winning, one small step at a time).

Hello, may I join the thread please?

I am not sure if I qualify as a traditional hoarder or not as some of my rooms are in an ok shape but some parts of my house are seriously out of control.

A combination of the pandemic and depression resulted in the house becoming overwhelming and I haven’t got back on top of it! I certainly don’t want to hang on to stuff; I just need the energy to chuck it out!

May I join please?
I have started to sort my clothes. I am doing baby steps.
My DH has hired a storage unit for me to put my "hobbies" in until the house has been decluttered. He didn't mention his stuff ☹️
We both work F-T so it's a weekend job for me because DH volunteers on a Saturday and is trying to rebuild something on a Sunday.
I was feeling a bit overwhelmed last weekend because, despite sorting my clothes, and having a big bag to take to recycling, the pile didn't look any smaller! It was so disheartening ☹️

@Forthethirdyearinarow87 Welcome ☕come on in.
What it looks like isn't really what defines hoarding disorder, though the clutter scale pictures have their uses for many. Others with H/D can't relate to them because they're messy and chaotic, which is only one presentation of H/D.
How much difficulty we actually have in parting with things, whether we think want to get rid of them, or think we want to keep them is the real H/D tell.

Many of us with serious attachments to stuff, don't have homes that look like 'traditional hoarding' equally many others do.

Prior to a mad moving in and out for building works situation we're currently in, most people visiting my home wouldn't have been able to spot whats going on.
Surplus of stuff for the size of the place, but mainly all hidden away, organized, clean, tidy, available surfaces, plenty of space.
But it was being achieved by apart from lots of hidden storage solutions at home, and too much time spent on housework, the majority of stuff was just not in the house. No one could live in it there if it was!

Depression and lack of energy can actually be masking H/D and it can also be a direct cause of depression and lack of energy. Others don't have H/D but depression and lack of energy mean their homes present as if they did have chaotic H/D, and H/D strategies can work for them too.

Wherever we're at, everyone on this thread has a close understanding of overwhelming and overwhelmed.

Do you have a plan on tackling things? (it's ok not to have)

@Karatema Also welcome☕and come on in.
If DH has lots of stuff too, then you may be looking at a bit of a DH issue there.
If you know you have loads and he doesn't, then that may be something to accept. Have you been having conversations about the state of the place, and is the 'rebuilding something' linked to place to put things?
(If you'd rather not say, you don't have to answer any question asked.)
You may want to read what I've posted below to KittyTalbot about storage units. Are you on an 8 weeks half price type deal or similar?

Regarding taking that big bag to recycling and the pile not looking smaller; this is exactly why some of us list what we have got rid off, because no matter what it looks like, we know there must be less. It helps counteract the feelings that it made no difference. Keep doing it, eventually you will start to be able to see it.
Others will be along to confirm this soon enough.
It is always like this at the beginning, and sometimes comes back randomly., That's when being able to check back, or have others point out, what you have actually managed, becomes helpful.
This is something you have to have faith in. Many of us are doing this long term and have been battling very big complex situations, and this is where mutual support is really important. Well done on getting that bag out.⭐You will get more of them out regardless of how you feel right now.

@BlackeyedSusan I have the same issue as BlueSummerBaby with stress over how much time I have left to get to sleep in, stopping me.
Half term is always exhausting but when you're doing what you're doing, it must hit you hard when you stop.
Respect for keeping chipping away at the edges regardless. It all helps keep things under control.

@BlueSummerBaby Aunt is entirely broke, but actually, I so want a PA! 😀
The anything cheap things "just in case" is an interesting idea to think about for when sorting rather than moving units. Because I think those items are now1000's of small items in with other things in boxes, as I've been targeting visible big easy wins.
Congratulations on the charity shop bag.

@TalkToTheHand123 Unless they're unreasonable 'my show house' type people, then knowing people can come in and out and not be shocked, is definitely a thing worth working for!

@KittyTalbot Storage units are such a double edged sword. People (myself and Solo are just two who say it openly here) get trapped through using them, as much as we might also benefit in other ways. Be careful.
General advice is if you haven't managed to sort things in your home, you probably wont then manage to organize time and transport to do it somewhere else, without support, and prices go up really fast. Things go wrong in your life, and often in storage units too.

Update. The MOT didn't go as smoothly as hoped but it's now passed. I have lost several days moving time though.

Yesterday started by shifting annoying big light need to keep for work materials,from a storage unit to the main out of town one. While there, a carrier bag of stuff went to rubbish, a small amount of 'just in case' food offloaded on a friend, a bottle of alcohol brought home to enjoy, and six smaller empty cardboard boxes chucked.
But also managed to re-home a 'good' shoe rack, ( a want, not need) and a 'problematic' wheeled shopper. But the big bit was I half filled it with items that I've had terrible guilt about trying to dispose off for a long time.
TBH some guilt attached to disposing of the shopper too, but not as much.
I repaired it for someone who hasn't collected it in two years. Logically no reason why I should have to chase them but habits of a lifetime are hard to ignore.
I did! I gave it away to someone else!

The other items belonged to someone probably now dead, and a couple definitely mattered to them, might have some value beyond sentimental and are heirlooms, which has plagued me.
But there's lots of their stuff dumped on me, their relatives don't answer, and I've been resolving myself to stop letting other peoples stuff be my problem, and doing so much work on my thought processes.
Someone expressed interest in a few items and I've done it. I've given things that aren't mine, away! It left some unpleasant feelings but I can tough those out.

I do know how mad this may all sounds, to anyone not suffering serious level H/D, but it's really big progress to have achieved it, and hopefully getting rid of the rest of their stuff will be a bit easier now.
It's the equivalent of an anorexic self treating, and managing to work on themselves to manage to choose to eat a large hugely calorific pudding!

Space reclaimed in one 'trying to move unit' is about about 6' x 5'. Actual space reclaimed in total is only one large box, and one medium, but 1/3rd of it's 'contents' going are a significant shift towards a healthier brain.

Unfortunately I also spent last night in A&E getting X-rayed. I've cracked a bone in my ankle with my wheelchair working platform. The irony!

@Elleherd thank you very much for the welcome and for the insight! It’s interesting how many varying factors play in to the same condition!

Also, I can very much relate to clutter and overwhelm contributing to depression as well as being the initial cause. It’s a vicious cycle I guess!

Starting is always difficult but with the help of this thread, I hope to tackle my rooms of doom so thank you for the advice and support!

Hi Elle, thanks for your encouragement.

Could you give a brief out line of what's happening with your aunt for those new to the thread and those of us who go AWOL for large chunks of time.

Welcome to new posters.

Brief introduction: disabled single parent to disabled teens. Live in a flat where I sleep in the living room. It was a doer-upper but splitting with ex many years ago and disabilities put it all on hold. It's still not done up. The bits that were will need doing again soon. Too much stuff. (Autism makes it difficult to let go)
Driving 260 miles per week taking kid to college. School reluctant teen. Kids dad bring them back at random late hours.
Broken washing machine which I don't have the energy to sort so washing clothes at ex's.
I lack energy due to lack of sleep :self inflicted and teen caused. Have responsibility for mum's house 100 mile round trip away which needs repairs.

@Forthethirdyearinarow87 I'm afraid I tick the boxes for so many of those varying factors. 😑A lot of unpicking going on.

@BlackeyedSusan outline is (great) aunt is old, hoards, and has a crappy absentee landlord who either blame tenants or raises rents to deal with issues. His tenants either move, or pay him, or professionals a lot, to get things he should legally do fixed. She can't afford better housing.
Post pandemic, aunts health was in decline, then she broke a leg.
Youths abusing her garden. Poor conditions and dry rot in her home. I fixed it, but not what caused it. A lot of her stuff in my storage in process to make room to do the work, keep SS happy and harder for the landlord to say dry rot caused by her. (it isn't but she hasn't helped)
She spent time in hospital, step down hospital, and care home. Two cats and two elderly dogs. The dogs died during it all, affecting her badly.
SS wrongly tried to get some costs out of me, and a legal nightmare.

Last year her neighbor (who owns her own flat) had a serious fire. Neighbor is insured, aunt is not, (landlord probably not!) Neighbor's insurance is paying for B&B for aunt as her flat's affected. We thought aunt just had smoke and water damage. A lot more off her stuff went into my storage in crates to be cleaned.
Some invisible structural damage between the two flats and in the walls has been discovered.
Aunt is still stuck in B&B as the structural issues are complicated by lack of maintenance and I think a blame game going on. She has an independent firm acting for her but they are basically ambulance chasers, so only interested in what makes money for them, not what affects aunt.
I just don't have time at the moment to push things forward.

I also have post pandemic decline. The last five years have been Groundhog day over health and disability issues, self repair leases, sewage pipes and drains, and crumbling building and repairs, our landlord and contractors, as well as storage units and issues with them. I don't have time to manage aunts problems at the moment.
Pre pandemic I had a business and a commercial warehouse, outbuildings at home, and a big domestic storage facility, and could afford to have too much stuff. There is a huge amount, much new, some specialist high value, most not. Some treasured. Other peoples stuff too. All kept in good ordered condition, but I'm terrified of turning into my mother - who fell to total squalor hoarding.
The pandemic destroyed everything I'd built up and my finances, as well as my industry.

Plan was to make enough money to stop working long enough to tackle everything. It's hit a lot of bumps and the dates had to move, and I have to keep doing some paid work to now keep going with it. But I am working on myself and the stuff, to have a very different mindset and life by the end of 2025.

Currently I have to empty my home for major structural works on my home and the whole block. We are one of the access points for scaffolding and big building materials to go through for all. Windows will be taken in and out for it.
We should be rehoused during it but know we will never be able to return if we push it. They want old self repair leases out. Other's who didn't co-operate have been evicted. We are co-operating as things stand and waiting for the effects of some laws coming in.

Update Yesterday was stuff that didn't need repacking, taken to the new storage unit, including some of the shelves.
Got half the shelves up and stuff onto them. Pulled out half a bag of stuff for recycling, now waiting to go.
This morning have the news that as well as stripping back the flat including floor coverings, to just beds, bedding and a suitcase each,
half the back garden also has to be dismantled. It includes patio, decking, garden furniture, barbecue area and wall, and greenhouse, dismantled and gone. Surveyor has hinted at a date in three weeks time, but we have to wait for the landlord to confirm when.

About to go and start keeping on keeping on with sorting and packing.

I'm trying to prevent the absolute squalor here!

So today is a stay at home and do bits and bobs day.:

DD and I have both washed up. I do ceramics, she does plastic,wood, metal as a bit dyspraxic like
.
Some washing up put away, rest still air drying.

Done some sorting out of compost caddy and a leaky bag. Rebagged and lined with old compost (found in bag in hall ) and cardboard. Floor being wiped. No mopping as it goes straight through to Mr downstairs ceiling. (Poor construction)

Recycling collected or rinsed or squashed and put in the bag to send down with ex later

I've been dizzy for a while (two months) so I am only now able to tackle the floor so bits and pieces are getting picked up.

I have wiped down the hoover as it lives in the kitchen and was covered with dusty grease or is it greasy dust.

It is all stuff that needs doing before I can order a washing machine.

We have a tiny hall. (Was going to say tiniest but my friend had one that required you to stand on the stairs or in the living room to open the front door!)

kitty flylady is about not needing to do that with the spring cleaning first but just to start where you are. You don't do the whole thing all at once, just the baby steps and go from there. The website was really confusing when I first looked at it, although now I understand the system it makes sense. The flylady thread on here simplifies it a lot though and takes the overwhelm out of it. I'd give that a go if you're interested in the system, they're a friendly bunch and definitely won't judge you for not having your shit together. Your builders sound an utter nightmare, glad it's all finished for you now.

Elleherd you've done amazing so far. I know it sounds mean but I'm glad you're leaving aunt to her own devices a bit, so much of this situation is of her own making and she has to take responsibility for that. At least she has someone helping her even if it is just greedy freeby solicitors.

Yes I had a feeling you'd probably got boxes and boxes of small cheap things that are costing you hundreds of pounds a year to store, when you could go out and replace it all for a one-off cost that's less than that, if you ever really needed to.

I didn't realize you'd had other people's stuff dumped on you. I'd be totally ruthless with that. Especially if you've tried to contact them multiple times over a long period and they still haven't collected. At this point I'd consider it abandoned, I think legally it's 6 months for that, and therefore it now belongs to you since it's on your land. Which means you can do whatever you like with it. Including selling some of it to offset the costs you've incurred in storing it. You needn't tell them you've sold it, no point inviting trouble, after all! I'd say simply that you've moved around several times due to circumstances, have no idea where it is and haven't seen it lately - if they ever ask. Which will be the truth 😉!

Alternatively, you could send them a letter or text to the last known address/phone number saying that you're giving them notice that as from eg 1st April you'll be charging them to store their items at (cost of storage unit plus a bit for profit, fairs fair and they've taken the piss for so long!) payable at the 1st of the month every month. Non payment will constitute an ending of storage by you with immediate effect and it will all be disposed of as you see fit. If they don't want to pay you to store it all they're welcome to collect their items between X and Y dates/times at no charge. Then when it's all still there 1st May you can dump it on the street with a sign "free please help yourself". Or if you're worried about being done for fly tipping, make up boxes with some expensive stuff and some old tatt all mixed together, advertising it online cheap or free, on the basis that they must take an entire box. If there's valuable things in there people will come take it and then the dump run or cramming the tatt into Wheely bins will be the buyer's problem not yours.

I am checking back in after a month or so. I don’t get where the time goes.

Things are tough. I’ve got some council/ school issues to sort out for my child but I just don’t have the fight in me. I am at the stage where it’s taking me a week+ just to open an email because I can’t face it (and I’m trying to deal with it all on my crappy little phone screen which probably doesn’t help).

I can’t remember if I mentioned already but I made a sideways work move. Being away from toxic manager is a HUGE relief and I had my contracted hours increased but also a lot of new stuff added to my plate. It’s stressful in a different way.

Elleherd hoping that things improve for you soon. These years of unrelenting stress and fire-fighting, coping with various dependents complicated situations on top of all your own stuff must surely be very hard on your health & wellbeing, sending lots of positive & supportive well wishes your way.

I wish I could follow the excellent advice from BlueSummerBaby about getting rid of low value just in case stuff that would be cheap to replace. My feeling is that I end up ordering new anyway as I can’t find the just in case stuff amongst all the other clutter.

Well done to everyone making progress and “you can do it” high five to anyone struggling to start. Welcome also to the new joiners. Plenty of wisdom here and 5 minutes really does matter if you can just get started. Start anywhere is the advice and remember - progress not perfection.

I wonder if I can put that into practice myself. I’ll start a timer…

Yesterday was a small start on prepping what needs to happen with the garden, before rain stopped play.
Managed to get some of the raided boxes repacked labelled, and into vehicle before pain stopped play, and unable to drive so had to leave it there.
Today is launderette for everyone's stuff, and trying to manage to work smarter, to achieve more, not harder. The latter's not working for me.

@BlackeyedSusan Sorry if you already said, but I hope you got the dizziness checked out. I get it a fair bit. For me it's a reoccurring inner ear infection and can take between weeks and months to go. But ruling out other things is wise.
Well done keeping it all at bay even when it feels like King Canute.
Each step forward is another one closer to better living situations, and getting that washing machine should make life easier.

Shocking the construction's so poor you cant mop the floor without affecting the ceiling below, but I assume there must be a bit more to it like old lino etc.
So wondering if it's worth mentioning during my battles with sewage flooding, I've found pinned hardboard sheets with several coats of garage floor paint which seals the joins, and sealant on the skirting boards; creates a waterproof underlay to put floor coverings on. It is another cost you might struggle over, but it is an investment. (Until they say it all has to come up for building works! )
I know others with doors not opening fully as opening onto stairs.
SH landlords and HMO's squeezing in more and more occupants.
Outside of historical buildings, it shouldn't be ok.

@BlueSummerBaby Aunt's too old for it to matter who helped create the situation. Her life has been no bed of roses and she's at the end of it.
I got her the no win no fee loss assessors, and do worry about their game.

Unfortunately it isn't "boxes and boxes of small cheap things." That would be so much easier. It's boxes and boxes of all sorts of things, that include lots of small cheap things. They need sorting.

You would be able to be totally ruthless with that. It's where we differ. I can't without unbearable cost to myself.
As part of working on myself I've already done the notifying. Mainly resulted in silence. So it 's then just my own internal issues to get past to start disposing. Which is why it was such a big deal to me to have done it and I hope it encourages others that even the most convoluted of us can progress.

I'm trying to unpick bits of what's behind it all, and make myself better. If I could just do sensible logical things easily, it would be done. It's where I want to be.

Giving away someone else's property is a huge thing when you've been indoctrinated to not even touch anything you haven't been given direct permission over. Even cutlery and food included. Permission could be removed part way through anything. Ownership of the bath could be invoked and you'd find yourself stood with a head covered in soap naked and freezing and in trouble for dripping. (guess who instinctively later hoarded enough towels to run a sauna.) Clothes on your back only on loan, and their condition entirely your responsibility, including not to damage through growth even if third hand and not fitting. Very few things where actually yours, and having those that where, destroyed as punishment, or removed by new placement, standard.
I can't explain but instinctively know many of my behaviors (including some better ones) are connected to it all. I'm working through it as best I can, dealing with unpleasant reactions 'normal' people don't have, seeking to be 'normal.'

Another person promised to pay, now including the back lump already owed. They haven't. When I have time I will be doing the maths, and sending them a letter before action, and follow through. But I'm leaving that one till last as it will have a lot of repercussions and affect me a lot. If I can avoid conflict I will.

Being fined for fly tipping for putting boxes of free stuff out is a council money maker here if you don't own the wall.
Thank you for the Pick and Mix box idea. I wouldn't currently be able to that with valuable or religious things they cared about, (but handing them to people who will care about them, yes!) But I wonder if 'Free Kitchen box - X no. of good saucepans, sieve, rolling pin, and assorted kitchen items' or 'crockery, mugs and glasses plus associated items' might work with household detritus. It's a good thought.

@Sameclutternewname I know the not opening things because of the effect, while battling councils, SEN tribunals, and YA SN, NHS vs LA needs, over DC's so well. The later is a huge painful ongoing issue here currently. Yes the fight goes out of you at times. It is so exhausting and relentless, and you have to spread the damage out so you can be ready for the big pushes when they come.
Only having a phone size screen, will absolutely make it worse, if you can do anything about that, do. Even something temporary, 2nd hand, battered and cheap used just for that, IME, is worth it.
Sorry the sideways work move is also stressful and more hours and work, but really glad you've escaped the toxic manager. You have more chance of overcoming effects of the former, than the later.

Re excellent advice from BlueSummerBaby about getting rid of low value just in case stuff that would be cheap to replace, and ending up ordering new anyway as I can’t find the just in case stuff amongst all the other clutter that's how most of it got here! Far too often it's been cheaper and quicker to buy a replacement than delay a job, (especially paid) finding the thing, or traveling to the storage unit it's in, even when you know where it is! 🙄End result is multiples, but scattered in different boxes. The other one is buying multiples intentionally, such as glasses, hairbrushes, pens, labels, tape etc, so they are always to hand, then they get packed up too.
Yes to 5 minutes on anything, if that's what you've got.

@Karatema I think you may be going alone to your unit today. If you are and you are struggling, remember others here are doing the same thing today and tomorrow, and feeling overwhelmed but doing it too. It may help a little, as does checking in here with progress or lack of it. You didn't say what your hobbies are, but lots here have such things that need to be stored better, continued, or let go of, and may have useful ideas. Vacuum packing DD's wool supplies came from someone on here, and helped get to a stage where she could consider giving some of an excess to good cause knitting projects.

@Forthethirdyearinarow87 Hoping you might just take a timer to one of the rooms of doom. Just tidying what's there is progress. And all progress is good.

Off to follow my own advice.

@Elleherd ears checked by GP. It was probably an ear infection oh and labyrinthitis causing vertigo which I hate. Dizzy is normal. Hypermobile and sinus ears. Vertigo is shit and I hate it. Vestibular and proprioception fucked by autism sensory processing...not helped by fucked connective tissue and weak muscles.

Been through cardiology and test for POTS.

Today: top up shop.
Collect washed washing (not hung)
Emotional support for autistic teens.(Several hours)
Wiped and put away some shopping.
Saving "spoons " (energy units) for next week driving.
Been on a course for two.5 hrs.

Doesn't seem a lot but helping kids with emotional regulation is hard work when it turns out ds can sometimes be more regulated than me. Shit.

Hiya
Can I join? I feel really bad. Struggling with letting go of certain things. Specifically kids’ papers and drawings, etc. Sentimental stuff. I have kept literally everything. Otherwise my house is fully decluttered. Minimalist, even. But this weighs on me. I read in Marie Kondo that excess words/information can weigh on some people, and that’s what it feels like. I’m suffocating.

Hi all. The bedroom is a little tidyer following packing for a little holiday next week. Lots of clothes to chuck out, which didn't get chucked out the last time. I'll try sort a few tomorrow to go in a chuck out pile.

My diet is improving a little, so I have a little more energy to tidy so hopefully can improve the house clutter levels this month.

It's good to see your regular progress updates talktothehand.

Sameclutter that's so overwhelming. I've been in that place before of not getting started because I can't face it. Hope you can catch your breath with it all and have some success with the education issues.

Yes it is strange Elleherd I have no problems decluttering other people's stuff only my own. I wonder if there's any homeless charity near you that would like the kitchen stuff? There's one in my area helps people with basics of home goods/furniture when they get a place after homelessness. The stuff they give out is second hand and comes from donations. I like your idea for how to create a decent floor. I'm sorry they made you remove it for the builders, that's so awful.

Itsnotwhatitlookslike i feel bad pretty much sums up these situations. I think we're all in that club here. I agree about sentimental items being the hardest.

I haven't managed to do anything specific, just the odd item here and there decluttered but it all helps. Currently trying to work out where to store a bag of curtains that I want to keep but don't know if I realistically can.

I have found that there is a clothes donation bin near one of my regular routes which makes it easier to actually get rid than eg charity shopping. I’m not keen on having to talk to anyone and that way I can take a small easily carried bag and pop it in when passing. Rather than storing it up to “make it worthwhile” which I used to do… which made it overwhelming…

I wish I was as organised with the kids’ stuff that is problematic. Somehow it feels like I’m going to be disloyal to them by only keeping some of their stuff ?

@BlackeyedSusan Glad you got it checked. Well done keeping at it.
Doesn't seem a lot but helping kids with emotional regulation is hard work Totally, and very time consuming, and emotionally draining, especially teens/ YA's.

@TalkToTheHand123 Well done on the tidying. Good luck with shedding more clothing, and with finding yourself with more energy to continue.

@Itsnotwhatitseemslike Welcome. ☕TBH I don't take much notice of Marie Kondo. Some of her ideas have use, but she's selling a lifestyle as much as anyone, and her animism (things have feelings) is very unhelpful to many.
Textile recycling bins are an excellent resource for all.
There's no disloyalty in not keeping everything your Dc's made, but I entirely understand having difficulties over letting it go. (I have sad reasons here, and ime the longer you leave these sort of things to tackle, the harder it gets.)

Do you have any idea why letting go would specifically feel 'disloyal' to you?
I've read about many people's shocked disbelief at being handed or discovering all their childhood schoolbooks, cards, etc later in life, where their parent/s have kept everything. Most had at best, brief interest in flicking through it just before dumping it all, while wondering why their parent/s left it for them to do.
On the other hand TBH I would have been touched if anyone in my life had kept any evidence of my existence or interest in it, but it's the two extremes.
So perhaps finding something in the middle is probably the best way forward.
Would digital copies of things help at all?

@BlueSummerBaby Annoyingly there's not much here anymore. Used to be quite a few, though I should look again. Last time I did, they would come and go through every thing and take exactly what interested them only, which I do understand, (disposal of what's unwanted costs) but it doesn't work well for me.
BHF said even barely used kettles and toasters with boxes, have no appeal and coffee machines and air-fryers are what's needed nowadays.

Tbh every year outside local university halls is swamped with IKEA and Argos abandoned furniture and lots of B&M/ Dunelm style household items, so the days of desperately needed household items are probably in decline.
Quite a divide between those successfully moving up into housing who get vouchers for new stuff, and those entirely homeless who things are available at the wrong time to.

Well done keeping at it with the odd item still being de cluttered here and there, Hope the curtains resolve themselves.

Yesterday launderette got done, but got everything else wrong owing to poor communication. Ended up moving lots of stuff to the storage unit before having moved more shelving. Then had to move the shelving, then everything into the corridor, to build the shelving, then move the stuff onto it. Not my brightest day, hurt myself a lot and got had a go at a lot!.
About to try and do more. Hope others are doing better.

Thanks @Elleherd

my maternal family are hoarders of paperwork/knowedge/information (slowly have realised this) and I have a family member who definitely dumps excess information on me - long story there.. I’ve realised that for them, collecting and categorising information is actually an end in itself rather than because it might allow them/us to actually make use of it. I’m thinking perhaps undiagnosed ND? I think there is definitely something going on there. I also have trauma which makes me paranoid about being accused of having done the wrong thing. And then if it’s gone it’s irretrievable and irreversible… and I will be “blamed”. I’d rather not do electronic if I can avoid it bc I also have issues with electronic clutter and decades worth of hard drives and DVDs sitting needing worked through as well. I need to really sit with it all a bit. Query if it is something with my identity as a mother, too, and the kids growing up…

thanks to all for helping me and good luck and strength to all - slow and steady or all in a one, whatever works .

@Elleherd I’m sorry to hear about your experience. Sounds like things have been really tough for you with your childhood experiences and beyond. Why is it so hard for us humans to find a happy medium with things, eh…?

Life is definitely not designed to be fair, it can be cruel and we react. Often all we can do is remind ourselves that what's happening to us is at least happening in this country, and how much worse it is in other places.

My issues around my childrens stuff is definitely my loss of one set of children and step children, and wanting to hang to the happier childhood times of all.

Mainly happy times and despite challenges, lots of simple joy and hope.
No one could see or alter how the future would pan out really. Now is hard work and a lot of worries, though I'm trying to work for things to be a better future.

A lot has happened to us and part of me doesn't want to let go of how things where before that. It isn't unreasonable, but how it manifests may be.

Definite verging on paranoia over being able to prove everything that has happened, but such a lot has gone on, and a lot of back fighting to put it all right as best as could be done. I'm often afraid to destroy 'evidence' in case it's needed again. It has been repeatedly.
Some of this is of course a form of excuse, while being also behind it.

Sounds tough. Sending strength.

@Elleherd - Had a complete mental meltdown over the weekend but thank you for your encouragement. I will try again this weekend and have an incentive; I can't find my favourite evening trousers and wanted to take them away with me (business) and I only had them 2 weeks ago! So this weekend it's sorting the clothes!