If you find it quite easy to run a household, would you mind sharing your wisdom with me?

[Janni]

I'm starting to think it's not about how many children you have (I'm better now I've got three than when I had one), nor how much space you have (I've lived in all sorts of dwellings and struggle wherever I am). I don't think it's about whether you have a cleaner (when I did I half-killed myself shoving things in cupboards and drawers before she came). I've tried Flylady - I just spent even longer on MN.
I know all about decluttering and I don't think clutter is the problem. I'm not interested in a debate on the division of labour between partners. What I want to know is this: What do you say to yourself each day to keep on top of things? How do you do the same things over and over and not give up? How do you stay on top of things even if there are unexpected events that throw your routine out of kilter?

In short, HOW DO YOU DO IT?

Foxy - yes it was that site I used

Ernest I love love love my robomop. It deals with crumbs, dog hairs, glitter. It's not great with wet weetabix spilt under the table, so I've learnt to check under ds's chair after breakfast. I'm actually on my second, as my puppy got out of his crate whilst it was going one day and ate the plastic cage!
It does do the whole room, under sofas/chairs, right up to the edge. You have to make sure you close the door to any carpeted rooms and pick up rugs though or it gets stuck at the edge of the fabric. Get one, please, you'll love it.

Hi

Nice thread!! I agree with OliveOil... stop obsessing about it, make a simple plan and stick to it. Don't stress about the days it goes wrong and when you have an extra burst of energy or some time on your hands (HAHAHA) get a little extra done. Cleaning kitchen at night, and getting organised with laundry should take away most of the headache. Having a weekly target to get things done i better than setting yourself a list for a day - this almost invariably ends in failure.

Your primary question is :what do you say to yourself each day?

I wake up and say "here I go again" and try to smile. During the day I try not to think so much as to DO. As my pre-baby life involved lots of thinking and new challenges, I find that if I let the mundane grind get to me, then I lose control (and hope) very quickly.

On days where I can't face things,I go for the zen option and take DS out for walk and shopping and leave the piles unattended. It all gets done in the end somehow

It's SO nice to hear someone else is like me. I struggle and struggle to keep on top of things. I do mainly win, generally by spending one hour first thing every morning doing the chores and ensureing the kitchen is sparkling clean every night, but I was thinking today when hanging out the washing: you still need to be superwoman when dealing with kids, part time job, house work and husband.

Ginnyweeze, I love you..can I have your babies??? I SO love your philosophy on cleaning.

If I was up for turning, you'd definitely get my vote! (Hope DH doesn't read this...it'll just get him going)

I'm not really a gadget person but if I hear a few more robomop testimonials I might be tempted!

P'raps ought to name-change here, but went on holiday once with someone who I'd always admired for having a clean, tidy, well-organised house. Shared a cottage with them for a week, and hoped I might pick up some tips. What I learned was that IT'S NOT WORTH IT. I'd rather have mess and relaxed, happy kids than the sergeant-major regime that went on in the other family. Not saying that would apply to any lovely MN-ers, of course. Just that some people take it too far, and get too militant about.

I'm more Miao than Prufroc.

I find that if I get too housproud then i feel resentful with the kids/DH for making a mess.

Identify what is important to you and focus on this is my tip. I make sure there are clean clothes in the draws and food in the cupboards and toys/paperwork is put away at the end of the day.

I'm pretty slack re actual cleaning . Here Flylady helps.

I work 4 days a week and have a messy dh so I try my best but it's an uphill struggle and we can't afford a cleaner.

Clean kitchen every day including sweeping and mopping floor. Load of laundry at least every other day plus hanging it out putting it away (dh seems to be blind to the swathes of towels around our house). And tidy, tidy downstairs and clothes in bedroom at least once usually twice a day.

I do about 45 monutes of housework everyevening after work and cook tea every other night. I make sure the kitchen is spotless before I go to bed and dds room always looks lovely. At weekeneds I force dh to help me and we spend a few hours when dd has her pm nap getting on top of the big things.

In the hour or so before I go to bed in the eve I stare vacantly at the TV, too tired and mentally too busy with other stuff to think about reading these days.

All I can say is for a WOHM it's bloody hard work!!

I am so relieved to hear there are other people who feel equally unorganised but unable to change... I've recently given up trying to change into superwoman and instead am trying to stop wanting to be superwoman. I try to think about each day like this: if we are warm, dry, have full tummies and have had some fun, then that was a good day. Does it really matter that there's washing strewn about the place in various stages of the laundry cycle? Will I look back in ten years and remember the washing that was strewn about? Or will I remember sitting amongst the strewn washing reading to my dd when for first time she told me what was going to happen on the next page? In 20 years time I'll have time to keep the house tidy if I want, but I won't be able to get my 2 year old back. I'm not saying those people who manage it aren't having fun with their children, it's just being hyper organised while being with a toddler doesn't come naturally to me, and trying to do what doesn't come naturally takes all the fun away. I do get frustrated by the chaos. I do get bored to tears with the drudge. I often berate myself for not being able to keep on top of it all, all the time. But I'm really trying not to worry about it so much, and just enjoy the moment more.

Right-i'm one of those people who hate mess and an unclean house-it makes me grumpy and snappy but the house is only really clean and tidy for about an hour a week .

I really need to get on top of it-i do do bits here and there but its the places to put things i need to get in place.

What should I buy to put things in and where is a cheap place to purchace said storage?

Please don't say ikea-I won't be able to go there for at least 6weeks-i need something quick for all our sanity!

PS I also have a much nicer time when I go to people's houses where things are obviously a little more 'relaxed'... hate feeling like I have to take my shoes off and catch every crumb dd drops and wouldn't want people to feel like that in my house...

Interesting thread. I'm a SAHM mum to one baby, and feel quite on top of things most of the time. But this is probably going to end as soon as DD is mobile - ha ha! I dread to think how much harder it will be once she is a toddler/child and if we have more children. I'm hyperorganised and a bit obsessive about tidiness, and potter non-stop, but have lowered my standards massively with regard to cleanliness. I only clean once a fortnight now, and that is around DD's naps. I find it can take a day to do the cleaning, because ideally I'd have a chunk of time, but DD can't exactly be left for four hours. Whereas the day-to-day stuff can be done in smaller chunks (laundry, tidying, etc). I also only change the sheets once a fortnight. I plan meals in advance and shop every 2-3 days when out with the buggy. So I suppose I have a system that works most of the time. I enjoy the cooking and DH does the washing up every evening. I dream of being able to afford a dishwasher (kitchen too small), a garage for DH's DIY stuff, a garden office for DH's computer stuff, a utility room for hanging up a sheila maid, and a cleaner to do the vacuuming and mop the floors.

Biccy - that's a very seductive post. I'm trying to find the middle ground between feeling on top of things and feeling fairly relaxed because to me the two go hand in hand.

My mum spent years admiring her neighbour's tidy house and spotless three sons, whilst we were always scruffy and the house untidy. However, one of the neighbour's boys ended up in prison and another never sees or speaks to his mother. I'm sure there's a lesson there somewhere.

Once DD is down for morning nap, a full spring cleaning session takes place every day. Clothes washed and ironed daily, clothes laid out for DH and DD previous night. Fresh food prepared daily for dinner. If I am not organised, will not function and feel stressed. In order to spend good quality time with DD must stay on top of things. Think it did take it's toll whilst exclusively bf for six months. I don't think i was born organised I had to learn how to manage my life in order to cope, However I don't let cleaning rule my life. If we have a day out I know the house is clean so can wait till the next day.

Sammysam - try Lakeland.co.uk for storage. They;ve got an offer on those bags you suck the air out to store clothes and bedding. Fab.

Yes, I think I know what you mean about finding the middle ground - you can't possibly be relaxed if you feel out of control. I often feel I'm not in control and get this tight feeling in my diaphragm and throat. The best way I've dealt with it is to say to myself 'Do we have food for the next 24hrs/period of time before I can get to the shops again; do we have clean clothes for the next 24hrs?' If not, I prioritise putting that right. If we do then I write a list of all the things that are making me feel like I've lost it and try and work out the best way of getting them done. And often 10 minutes spent cleaning the loo and basin can make me feel like I've re-tipped the balance in my favour.

We've been decorating our sitting room for the last 6 weeks (I should probably say renovate rather than decorate) and so haven't had TV. And I must say I really like it. I don't actually miss anything that I would have watched, and don't resent the fact that after dd has gone to bed I need to do some chores. I even seem to get to bed with enough energy to read for 15 minutes, having taken off my mascara properly(!) - and somehow I do still seem to have non baby related stuff to say to people at work. And I've found that half an hour of ironing without the TV means the ironing gets done more quickly (and in the bedroom, which is where most of the stuff needs to go once ironed anyway) and I feel I've had some time just being in my own head; lack of time in my head really makes me go crazy.

By ggglmpp on Fri 07-Mar-08 08:18:34
I think an important factor is your dh/dp.

When I was married to a messy bastard, it was an uphill struggle - an endless tide of mess. Now having remarried a tidy man () life is so much easier....

This is half my problem!

Hi
Work and have four children. Spend from Friday evening until Monday evening playing catch up with the house work. Too busy with the kids homework , dinner and keeping in touch with family by telephone to do much else during the week as far as dusting is concerned.I know the children wont thank me for the tidy house in years to come, but I cant have it in chaos becausse it gets to me.How does everybody else manage.Some tips please.

I love this thread (and have bought a robomop - do you think they've noticed their sales rocketing? ) We struggle endlessly with housework and I'm glad I'm not the only one.

I am currently 28 weeks pregnant with incipient SPD and an 18 month old and weirdly this has actually helped with the housework thing. I now can't use dishwasher (too much twisting to load and unload) so am washing up instead, and can only do this in little-and-often chunks. This means we keep on top of it and no longer have piles of dirty washing-up in the kitchen waiting for dishwasher to be emptied. Similarly with laundry - I can only manage small loads now so have to keep it going all the time, no more building up. I am trying to tidy 'just one thing' whenever I am in a new room - one thing often leads to several but I know I can manage one, and I can't manage a big tidy up any more. Just these things have made a big difference already.

I'm also following the Zen Habits blog approach of changing one habit at a time, and have started with the washing up. Every day I keep up with it (ie go to bed with a fully washed-up kitchen) I get a butterfly sticker on my calendar. Once I have fully established this I'll move on to another habit - not quite there yet. Have tried Flylady before too but despite its babystepping approach it was too much for me, I always tried to do the whole system too quickly and got overwhelmed.

I think there are a lot more values / histories tied up with housework that can make it much harder than the actual physical work. My mum kept a fantastically clean, organised house, but the undercurrent of resentment and martyrdom was fierce, and I'm terrified of introducing that into my life.

But I do love love love the idea of having everything all done by 10.30 am ....

Lara - I think you really have to guard against obsessing about the house and it's hard when you're home a lot of the day, partly because the house is where you make your mark, where you can feel you've 'achieved' something in the midst of the chaos of children.

What Systemsaddict said in the next post to yours is vital - to not have an undercurrent of resentment and martyrdom. The house should serve YOU, not the other way around.

I'm experimenting with different approaches.
I've realised that I'm not too bad at tidying but I feel I can't start cleaning till everything's tidy, so the cleaning gets neglected and that's when I feel the flat's not under control. I'm going to try setting myself a time limit each day and cleaning whatever most needs cleaning at the time.
I find if I have certain jobs that need to be done on certain days, I give up if I miss one day! Pathetic, really!

Few ornaments, many books ( meant to collect dust? Easy to dust?

Wooden floors downstairs.

No dog upstairs.

Nappy wash alternate days, hang out on on airer (dry in 12hrs). wash when load has built up.

Hoover parts of the house several times during week (five to ten mins)ie. after mealtimes.

Dust once a fortnight. Hoover through. Polish windows, and detailed stuff before people visit, or if having mega cleaning mode type of day (usually raining and stuck inside).

Iron before use. Only iron necessary items i.e. shirts.

When i work FT before children, we had a cleaner. The standard has dropped considerably, but we are home more and use the house more, have more visitors, therefore more dirt.

I am breaking the mold, following on from at least two generations of stark raving mad everyday cleaners. I am proud of making the break.