If you find it quite easy to run a household, would you mind sharing your wisdom with me?

[Janni]

I'm starting to think it's not about how many children you have (I'm better now I've got three than when I had one), nor how much space you have (I've lived in all sorts of dwellings and struggle wherever I am). I don't think it's about whether you have a cleaner (when I did I half-killed myself shoving things in cupboards and drawers before she came). I've tried Flylady - I just spent even longer on MN.
I know all about decluttering and I don't think clutter is the problem. I'm not interested in a debate on the division of labour between partners. What I want to know is this: What do you say to yourself each day to keep on top of things? How do you do the same things over and over and not give up? How do you stay on top of things even if there are unexpected events that throw your routine out of kilter?

In short, HOW DO YOU DO IT?

Hi again! Wow - I can't keep up. this thread has definitely touched a nerve.

Mmmmomma - I really agree with you about the need to PRETEND your a tidy person until it becomes part of you.

I've been thinking about what I do do well. I'm not late for things and the kids normally have everything they need for school etc. I don't miss appointments. So I'm not a hopeless case.

The things I'm going to work on are: not procarastinating - tackling things that obviously need doing and 'acting as if' I already am the way I want to be in the hope that I'll fool myself!

Bozza - try Ovenpride. It's £5/6 from supermarkets or Wilkinsons and really is amazing stuff. There is a plastic bag for your racks which come up like new.

we moved into a house with a really scuzzy oven and it looked like new after Ovenpride. (My f&f think I'm on comission for the stuff)

Probably not too eco-friendly though if that's a concern.

Sorkycake - I do understand what you mean, but I was beyond hopeless at housekeeping when it was just me and DH (he was worse ) and I used to wade through clutter with DS1. I learned how to declutter and set up some sort of system, through reading lots of books about it with DS2, but there's still something about my personality that resists being neat and tidy, despite the fact that it makes my life SO MUCH EASIER. I HAVE achieved it on rare occasions, but never stick to it.

That's why I think it's time for a complete personality transplant, or at least to pretend I've had one

Just a general point - I found a written rota on the wall helped me

Monday - beds changed, upstairs clean + bathrooms.

Tues - focus on washing - iron bedlinen

Thurs- toy sorting, general debris

Friday - downstairs clean (floors, dusting etc.)

By giving myself Wednesday off I can catch-up is schedule is upset. Obviously this doesn't include daily kitchen cleaning, bed making and picking up rubbish, also do daily laundry, but at least if I don't change the beds on Monday, I'm still on track by Wed.

Of course according to that system I should be tackling general debris and our playroom right now as DD is asleep..... Mmm, the lure of Mumsnet

Have a cleaner 2 mornings a week who also does the beds and ironing. It makes me MUCH tidier because I like the flat to be tidy so she can do her cleaning easily.

Hate clutter and am forever trying to throwing dh's stuff away!

Hillbilly, I've been trying to declutter DH's stuff for ages too. He doesn't like me throwing anything away, when I was on maternity leave I wrapped things in plastic bags before putting them in the bin so he wouldn't know

(It was all my stuff I was binning I hasten to add!)

Just felt guilty posting and not doing 'my jobs' so have just;
put on load of washing, emptied and folded clothes from drier, plumped cushions and generally straightened the living room, wiped all kitchen surfaces and even changed the water and re-arranged my mother's day flowers!!!

Am amazed that it only took 15 minutes!!

Go to a wine merchant and ask if they have any spare cases. WOoden wine boxes are really cool and we have dozens in cupboards, in the laundry room and in the study and kids rooms. Sewing stuff, brio tracks, barbies, spare pens/felt ips, you name . Much sexier than ikea plastic.

I think unless you have decent, adequate storage it is much harder to keep tidy. If everything has a place you can put things away so much more easily.

I am pretty OCD-like about keeping on top of the housework, I hate a mess and can't relax until everything is done. Having said that the house looks like a bomb's gone off throughout the day but after the girls are in bed I tidy and hoover and dust around, clean the sticky finger marks from the telly etc. I couldn't go to bed if I hadn't washed up, cleaned round and put things away.

I try and have a clear out from time to time of clothes that we don't wear, I Freecycle toys and clothes that the girls are finished with, and pass along anything that we no longer use.

Great thread - I really struggle with all this as well. Totally agree with OP that it's a state of mind. When I lived in rented accomodation I always thought I would take care of it better when it was actually "my" house - eventually came to realise it was just me!

Systems are important, but the most vital thing is to just do it - like Janni's picked up on - not to procrastinate. DH and I are awful at collapsing in front of a DVD after dinner without tidying away etc.

I've dabbled in Flylady over the years, and the thing that has most stuck with me is using a timer. It's been mentioned already on here, but it is the one thing that has worked brilliantly for me - so if I have a free hour or two I'll do 15mins cleaning/tidying, 15mins decluttering/sorting, 15mins on admin and 15mins on MN or reading etc. Not that timing MN always works, but it does more often than not.

Lastly, I just have to suck it up re: DH - we've had furious rows over housework, but it works much better if I'm not a martyr about it. I think being a SAHM now also helps, but even in the evenings (when I'm like ok, you've finished your work, when do I get to stop doing mine? etc) I just have to not mind when DH is on the comp. or whatever, and know that a tidy house makes my life about 100000% easier, even if I do it. Plus, it does normally work that if DH sees how much I do he helps as well, and will be more ameniable when I ask him to do something.

PS - I did toy with the idea of getting a cleaner, but thought that as a SAHM in a tiny 2 bed flat it would be just too shameful not to be able to manage it myself. What do you think?

Sorry - v long and rambling!

I have a colour sectioned laundry basket to save time, put on one wash every day & hang washing outside to air properly & keep house clutter free.
At the end of each day I sweep the kitchen, wash the surfaces & anti-bac the highchair & table. I do one hour of ironing & I put away my washing.
I dust while I watch evening television.
I clean my bathroom every day so it's easier to manage & hygenic.
I hoover every 3 days & keep my DD's toys in a toy box.

Oh, my mistake, that's what I SHOULD DO.

What I do actually do is;
Dream of a dishwasher
Blame all mess on DP & DD
Shove everything into conservatory when people come round
NEVER invite my Mum over

Seriously, if you know how to do it but you don't or can't do it, then your NEVER going to do it. Accept it, then it's one less thing to worry about.

I've just bought a robomop online after reading this thread!!! When I googled it and saw the youtube vids I was hooked.
Hee hee hee. thanks!

all of these tips are fantastic.

So any additional tips on how to overcome lethargy/exhaustion/proscrastination?

I have high standards but am crap to sticking to them, so permanently feel unhappy with state of place. I know if I pulled finger out t'would be so much better. Avoiding mn would help, but then how would I learn any of your great tips?

I'll blame it on being 25 weeks pg, but gotta keep on tops of it, esp when dc4 comes, so can't use triedness as excuse, as can't live in tip for next x months (/years)

My paperwork is terrible. Piles of paper and bills. It weighs on my mind. Am lucky enough to have a laundry room, but it does mean you're more able to ignore it/forget/postpone/have big room to chuck stuff in to 'sort out later'

Is it a Q of gritting one's teeth?

And how to deal with spending a whole morning cleaning, only by evening for it to be dirty & messy again (courtesy of 3 boys)

Peterduck - I like that slip of the keyboard that you keep your house pretty 'tired' most of the time. Go and have a nap, dear!

I know I said this before but really, if any of you organised types are looking for a business, this could be it. I would seriously pay someone (when I'm back at work and no longer on SMP of course!) to come round my house and set all these systems up. As long as you promised not to dish the dirt to MN about how bad it is in the monkeypit.

Someone further up mentioned state of the house being related to how happy you are. I agree although I have a friend who was going through a really difficult time (family illness). She couldn't do anything for this person as it was terminal so she spent her spare time keeping her house spotless. I think it was a way of controlling her environment and knowing that she could make some things better.

It can be therapeutic to clear a shelf, scrub something till it shines but I do think you can get obsessive. this friend has always been a bit like this (pre family illness).

Its often the interesting people who have cluttered houses, thinking eccentric types who are far too busy doing something eclectic to do something as base as housework ... hmm maybe I am just telling myself that as an excuse. I just find housework so so so dull. But shall read through a bit more of this thread for tips as I need it. find it hard to keep on top on things.

My house is very untidy but fairly clean and I don't agree with the tidy house, tidy mind bit - just simply too much to do (I have to do nearly all the childcare), one child with SN and two others still very young. And I don't actually care a lot of the time, just go out to the park or swimming and get away from it, it is those times that I treasure, actually spending time with the kids... (trouble is the mess is still there when I get home ! )

On the way back from a playgroup DS (2.4) I think was expecting to go to Granny's house (we spend a lot of time there). We got to our front door and he starts shouting "not mummy's house! Not mummy's house!"

"What's wrong with mummy's house honey?"

"It's too messy!" Grr.

Ibblewob - too messy for a 2 year old?? This I have to see!! Sounds like you could train him up to be 'mummy's little helper'!!

Lol! Actually he loves nothing more than helping with housework - hoovering, dusting, wiping, washing up, loading/unloading dryer, sorting laundry... we got him a toy ironing board and iron for Christmas and he likes to 'iron' all his clothes before he wears them...

I'm actually a bit worried, definitely my MiL's genes coming through! Will certainly try and harness this in the future though

Anna888, I think you're right: I'm not sure my furniture is yet up to the task.... But also we still have too much stuff so useful furniture ends up unused since it is always full and stuff that could go in it just circulates! guess I need to tackle that first.

My DD (7 yrs) had a friend who has been here lots of times round to play after school tonight. Her first words whilst dumping coat, hat, etc in living room were (and I quote here verbatim): "I see you've tidied up your house then" in the tone of voice your uninhibited MIL might use when coming over and discovering your place much tidier than it usually is. Found myself explaining to said child that yes, I had tidied up as my DS (4) was at childminder's today and Thursday is the day I mostly devote to housework. Then I thought why TF is this 7 year old girl commenting on my housekeeping skills? Blimey!!