Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Housekeeping

Find cleaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Housekeeping forum.

This New Year, The Fledglings are Flying a new approach

824 replies

HillsBesideTheSea · 31/12/2021 16:54

Hello and welcome to new and old.

If you are new around here. Hi, introduce yourself around the fire pit in the naughty corner where we are all sitting comfortably. The naughty corner is decked out with comfy, and snacks, and a place just to have a chat when things haven't gone to plan. We are a very long running thread but do love new blood stopping by to join us.

Welcome to those who are returning.

We had a chat on the previous thread about possibly trying a new twist on the fly lady system. We all know that the fly lady system is good for establishing routines when we follow it. But we also know that sometimes we need a quick hit of a big declutter. And that life has a habit of throwing curve balls making it very difficult to stay on track.

So this is the plan. Each evening I will post the babystep, a thought point and the flylady daily focuses. We are not giving up on the fly lady system but just bringing it into line with the individuality of our lives, and trying to resolve some of the issues that comes from being the family brain, trying to do all the things and generally having modern busy lives. The thought point is to try to get you to think differently. And may require a click on a link (video), a discussion on the thread, or just you considering things. I do not promise it will make you feel better, or magically change your house straight away. But hopefully it will help with the overall flow and approach. And may just tweak the twee out of the fly lady system to the point where it is now your system.

But before you entirely regret your choices in letting my try this craziness we are going to start with some key basics that I really do think has been incorporated well into the Flylady system.

  1. the mess, disorder and chaos did not happen over night. Give yourself the grace and time to fix it. (also known as roman weren't built in a day so don't kill yourself trying to get your house immaculate in a day)
  1. Goals vs system.
We will go into this a little more shortly but to start, the fly lady system has an end goal - a house which is tidy and clean that comes second nature. It achieves it by building habits and routines that make the steps needed to achieve that goal second nature. There is a lot of research that says goals don't work, systems do. And systems are built on the formation of habits.
  1. You are never behind.
You might not be making the progress you would like, you may have taken a break. But you are not behind. So again, give yourself a break and drop the guilt. There is probably a reason why you have taken a break - illness, other demands on time, mental health etc etc. And yes some days it is an effort to make sure that everyone is fed and ok. But that is ok, so give yourself grace that on that day that was exactly what was needed and thus you succeeded in the essential goal of the day. guilt is just going to make things harder than it needs to be. It is ok not to feel guilty if you did not do all the things.

I will be back later with links for tomo. I am posting them in the evening the night before because some of us are morning people, and some of us are night people. And this way everyone will be able to see prior to when they need to consider it.

Come park your broom in the new thread for a little while and have a natter whilst we wait to bring in the New year.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
IWasWillingToGoWassailing · 27/01/2022 08:12

Good heavens that really is cold Hazel! Sending warm thoughts.

Good luck with keeping things in line Hills. Sometimes life takes over, even from the thread . Well done to DS for recognising school wasn't working and taking action, and to you for supporting.

Frankie hope things can get back to normal a bit now!

Dammit, the rest of the personals have fallen out of my head and I can't scroll back. Shall content myself with 🍒👋 to Red, Up (and MiniUp), SC, Bean, Mc, That, ED, foxes, zoo, Swallowed, dancing (if you are back on and lurking) Lady, Granny, Pretty and all and any other lurkers and regulars I've missed.

Yesterday was a weird mix of busy and too tired to move.
YesTaDa
❤️ morning routine
🧡 half an hour's writing
💛 Phone call for an hour
Enormous hiatus while neither I or my brain worked and I just played a stupid computer game on my phone.
💚 Helped DS3 with history homework - enormous trouble getting incurably truthful child with ASD to see bias / hidden agenda in sources. Tears and wailing.
💙 Telephone support for DH (see below)
💜 DS2 called in for All The Tools having been to his grandmother's to pick up curtains, poles etc that she doesn't need and gaining Grandson Points by fixing her curtains and having lunch with her while there. He is a good lad.
❤️ Fed everyone here
🧡 DS2 returned for step ladder as he is not a giant 🤦
💛 Sudden burst of energy led to blitzing kitchen, emptying all bins, putting bins out, cleaning coffee machine etc. Was just sitting down with a cup of tea to sew when DH arrived home.

FIL was diagnosed with Alzheimer's yesterday. This is not a surprise but it feels a bit final. He appears to be accepting that help needs to be put in place NOW as a safety net to keep him in his house for as long as possible, whereas last week he was insistent that no such thing would happen and he was fine. Hopefully we can keep him safe and at home while he wants to be. DH is exhausted but also relieved that help will now be accepted and it means we are not imagining the changes we see in FIL. It's not going to be plan sailing, but we have made a start.

HillsBesideTheSea · 27/01/2022 08:18

launch pad

babystep is meal planning
daily focus is errands

woke up to the smell of ds' cooking. I really really hate it when people can not be arsed to open the window/run the cooker fan so the whole house stinks of cooking. Waking up to the smell of garlic is not something that makes me happy to be awake Hmm

But i am awake and i have 2 down with forgotten meds Hmm So there is no slack being picked up.

to do
drink a crap ton of water
find eye drops
make coffee and drink it
throw open windows and air
get dressed
unload dw
wash up pots
reload dw and run
put a lol on
empty car
sort out charity chop stuff
run errands
multiple meetings
fold laundry
find all the little sharp knives
wash them up
teach ds how to sharpen them
leave him to sharpen the pile of knives
help ds with college app stuff for sept
help ds with job app
walk with friend
sort the bins and put out
take half an hour to read

OP posts:
HillsBesideTheSea · 27/01/2022 08:31

Glad he got the diganosis wassailing be kind to yourselves whilst you process it. Glad he will finally get the help that he needs

OP posts:
HillsBesideTheSea · 27/01/2022 08:32

Sorry that comes across wrong. Not glad he has alzeihmas though. iyswim?

Going to shut up before i dig hole deeper.

OP posts:
SingToTheSky · 27/01/2022 08:34

TaTuesDa Hmm
✏️staff meeting
✏️sent some homework to pupil instead of lesson
✏️reading (not even a chapter but still)
✏️discussion group meeting (subject was why CBT is often less successful for autistic people!)
✏️wrote up staff meeting minutes

Think that was all I managed that day.

YesTaDa
🌴work event on zoom
🌴bit of maths
🌴found and printed some work for DD1’s friend who was here
🌴went to my friend’s house

Feel like I’m doing the bare minimum atm. House is a tip. Today is hectic - meeting 9-10 which I’m a tad clueless about, meeting 11.30-?! for my volunteering (updates, meeting new trainees etc), entirely pointless job centre appt (I’ll be wearing my work shirt just to make a point :o). Not even sure what’s happening after - various factors are still unknown - but both options are busy.

I know lots of people manage much busier days than this on a regular basis so I feel ridiculous whining about it. But it still feels a bit overwhelming TBH. It’s mostly good - I do have better mental health, I have a much stronger sense of self this past year. But my god I am tired. 😣😳

swallowedAfly · 27/01/2022 09:38

Brrr Hazel! Where are you - for some reasons I want to guess Montana Confused

It's all on your plate at the minute Wassailing - how overwhelming that must all be.

Remember we try not to worry about what 'most people' would do/feel/manage Sing. We often don't see the whole picture anyway. And remember this is the tiredest, hardest, longest part of the year imo anyway.

I'm finding this Habitica app really helpful. It seems gamification really does help me. I get satisfaction from it that I could never get from ticking off items on a physical list for some reason. I feel a bit childish but hey if it works. I can set daily's, to do lists with or without deadlines, habits that can be done several times a day and accumulate points and for all of it I can assign levels of difficulty that that task represents to me (regardless of how easy those 'most people' would find it Wink ). I find if my mind is looking for something to look at in a pause I look at that and pick off something to do rather than automatically turning to a game or mn or whatever.

Tada thus far:
-dog walked
-ds woken, lunch made for him and out the door on time without much fuss
-lol and actually hung it out
-dw loaded and on
-unboxed and checked over the new case for my trip that has been sat in box in lounge for over a week
-rubbish and recycling out
-messaged hairdresser to arrange appointment
-messaged friend to arrange a time to meet
-wrote to do list for today and ongoing one and done stuff and added more habits that I want to be reminded about to app
-fed animals

Now I'm going to do bed and laptop based stuff until my groceries arrive which is sort of working/chilling at the same time for me.

Am meeting a friend for lunch today - I've been a hermit and a really rubbish friend and I know isolating isn't good for my mental health so I pushed myself to arrange it for today. Whilst I'm out there already I also need to go to the chemist.

HillsBesideTheSea · 27/01/2022 09:52

Glad it is helping swallowed
I echo what Swallowed said Sing also your bad day looks suspiciously like a pretty good day used to look. Remember you are not super woman, that there is emotional tiredness which will make you feel physically tired, and that if you try to push through a flare (or just make yourself feel guilty about it) it is going to take a lot longer to recover in the long run.

I have no get up and go. The one that refuses is refuses, the one with health anxiety has decided they have to have covid (they don't negative lateral flows and they are ill because they have forgotten their important to basic function meds for a few days and this ALWAYS results them feeling this way in the process of getting them back into the system). but this in combination with the fact that i have been trying to hand over basic household functioning means that the kitchen is an absolute bombsite. We have food shopping but it is mostly in bags on the floor and not away on the shelves. And there is just "stuff" everywhere.

I need minions. Tame ones. Who know how to iron, and wash up, and dust. Hoovering would be good but tidying up is required first. FFS what the hell is going to happen when i move the answer is everything will look amazing and then they will blame me for the state of the house people be peopley

OP posts:
swallowedAfly · 27/01/2022 09:55

Where are you moving Hills?

Redsquirrel5 · 27/01/2022 10:13

Catching up everyone seems busy.
After a really bad day on Monday my stomach has been a lot better. A relief as it was getting me down.

DH was annoying last night and made me furious and sad. I was making a special meal which he did buy ingredients when he was out but at 5pm decided to go to the pub. I went down at 6pm for one or two drinks like he wanted. I was hungry ( which I haven’t been very much lately) and he wanted another and just as I thought we were going he decided to have a half. I left. He went to bed early without the Pavlova I had made as “ you are in such a bad mood.” This was because I hardly spoke to him when he finally came home. I was trying to do something nice. I feel so fed up with him doing this. It is not the first time.

SingToTheSky · 27/01/2022 10:20

Ah thank you both. It’s funny how adjusting to work has been the easiest thing in the world - colleagues and my manager have all said I’ve just fit in and wasn’t like “the new person” at all. Considering I’ve never done this type of work before I am really pleased.

It appears to be everything else that’s going to shit a bit. DH’s health (both physical and mental) is just getting worse too.

You’re right though hills I am achieving a lot more than I ever did before. I think maybe it’s just that I was achieving a lot more house and general admin stuff once I got my ADHD medicated, and it’s hard not to see that slipping as a big failure! Even though I know logically I am still achieving things I never thought possible like having such a lovely interesting job. So it’s different achievements, not less. But it’s hard to hold on to that when the lack of housework has much more obvious and visible consequences. Gaaah.

Oh well. I may have been forced into a quieter day anyway as halfway through my meeting Cagletini threw up.

Redsquirrel5 · 27/01/2022 10:24

Sorry to hear that hills people are annoying.
Ironing mountain done including the two LOL from yesterday.
Cleaned most of kitchen last night. Everhot needs doing. It is always me that does it🤬
Home bleugh done including bed changed by myself even though I asked for help.
One pile of RC sorted.

Vacuumed downstairs.

Going to do some more of the boudoir today as it has been going well. Clothes to put away and then try and do one pile of stuff accumulating.

HillsBesideTheSea · 27/01/2022 10:33

swallowed long term plan is to move out of this house. where is not decided just out so that i am no longer on immediate hand and the people HAVE to adult like they are entirely capable of but would rather not.

OP posts:
foxessocks · 27/01/2022 10:52

Morning, sorry for going awol once again. Just caught up on all your news there's a lot going on, be kind to yourselves everyone Flowers

It's my day off and I've so far done the dishwasher (which I should have done last night) put a wash on (which has barely made a dent in the washing mountain) and emptied one bin. I've spent the rest of the morning scrolling pointlessly and read one chapter of my book.

I'm going to do a power hour 11-12 and try and get on top of things a bit. They slide out of control so fast!

Annoyingly have cramps this morning and feel very tired so that isn't helping.

Would also like to fit in a walk today to clear my head a bit.

frankiefirstyear · 27/01/2022 22:19

Today I managed to clear out my wardrobe a little. Been wanting to do this since Christmas when I extracted the presents I'd hidden in there, leaving a tumbling mess behind.
My heated throw came in a box in a box so decided to use those to fill with charity items instead of a carrier bag as usual. The up side is I taped the box up so no dc peeking in and requesting things back that they will never play with for another few months!
I put up a coat hook, emptied the coats from the wardrobe, so had enough space to hang my fabulous fancy dress which absolutely brings me joy every time I see it, and added a few items to the 'joyless' bag for cash4clothes.
I organised my work clothes too but do need to go through them more thoroughly.
Why do some things bobble so bad 🤯 I have two Lonsdale hoodies and both have bobbled terribly!

Night all, hope you've all had a good day

Redsquirrel5 · 27/01/2022 22:34

Foxes good to hear from you. I was just wondering how you were as we hadn’t seen you for a while.

Been for my booster today. Two people in before me and one had the same first name. Both reception lady and nurse commented on it as it isn’t a common name. I have met three other people with it in my life. It isn’t outlandish. So that started the conversation.
So far I am ok just felt tired after we went somewhere for lunch. So had a nap snuggled under a blanket on the sofa. DH had a nap too. He didn’t have a booster he had it last year.

Had that Macaroni cashew dish from M&S it really is yummy and DH got it for £2 yesterday as he took the car for it’s MOT. There is an M&S food store near the garage.

Sofa dived and found a pen and a tissue. I do hover down there frequently so didn’t expect much.
Loaded dishwasher.
S&S

Some checking through stuff.pain spasmodic today.

Started knitting a hat and scarf for DSis 3 birthday next month. Colour sunset.

🍒👋🍒👋🍒👋🍒👋🍒👋🍒👋🍒👋 to everyone

ExtremelyDetermined · 27/01/2022 22:56

Red - when I went for my booster it turned out the woman administering the jabs was born on the same day as me. She said in all her years of checking people's dates of birth it had never happened before. You inspired me to do a bit of cleaning of the EH today - that tricky bit at the back behind the lids had crumbs all over it, it's tricky for me to reach as I am short. Lovely toad-in-the-hole from the EH tonight - I could never get it to rise in my old gas oven.

Frankie - enjoy the heated throw!

🍎I took some clothes to the local clothes bank today, I was passing the drop-off point with a bit of time to spare on the way to work today so I did a bit of a wardrobe declutter last night.

🍏Cleaned the back of the EH as mentioned.

🍎Checked my tax return again.

🍏Did the Sainsburys online shopping.

🍎Had outdoor coffee with a friend after work - she had been pinged so we thought it better not to risk indoors, luckily it was quite mild out.
🍏 De-pooped litter trays
🍎 emailed vet about dcat who is not responding to treatment for skin problem, might have to take her in again.

SingToTheSky · 27/01/2022 23:33

ta da
🍩meeting
🍩volunteer catch up and made some notes for other projects
🍩job centre
🍩bit of work
🍩went with DS to tap class and top-up-shopped on the way home
🍩ordered tesco for Saturday night

Ladyrattles · 28/01/2022 01:15

Extremely* the same thing happened to me. I was having an X-ray and the lady doing it was born same day as me but was one year older (but better agedConfused). Red* that's amazing. I also have an unusual name so I know how cool it would be to bump into someone with the same name. Were they anything like you?

Ta Da
Starswipe, shower, dressed
Staroffice wipe down inc windows
Starsmall toilet all scrubbed
Starset up my new iPad
Starmade pizza dough
Starprinted out Feb calendar sheet
StarFaceTime with my dad

Ladyrattles · 28/01/2022 01:16

Sorry, don't know why it put that all bold lol

HazelNuttyElf · 28/01/2022 04:06

fly close, Montana is right next to us. I'm in Idaho, Southern Idaho, but we are having an awful cold front that has no end in sight (according to the 10 day forecast 🥶)

I have just worked today, we had leftovers again so easy dinner, and the DC cleaned up the kitchen again and rotated the DW, so it's all cleaned up and dirty dishes in the DW.

foxes good to see you! I hope you were able to power through the cramps, then took it easy once done.

Red sorry DH isn't helping you and being so thoughtless 💐 for you. I'm glad to hear you're feeling a bit better now

Sing I hope cagletini is feeling better!

hills it sounds like you had a rough day with all the people, were you able to escape for a bit?

I'm already really tired, after having such a short work week last week, this week has been draining and long. Thank God tomorrow is Friday!

HazelNuttyElf · 28/01/2022 04:19

Oops, it seems I missed a few posts 🤦‍♀️

Frankie that sounds like a productive day
ED coffee with a friend sounds relaxing
Lady I don't see it all in bold 🤔 so that's interesting

HillsBesideTheSea · 28/01/2022 08:11

Morning.

Hazel i did manage to get out for a walk last night.

Set the alarm for a lie in. Needless to say this morning i am up earlier than the original alarm time Hmm

to do
unload the dw
reload dw and set to run
clean the cuttlery tray
fix the cuttlery tray
return tray to drawer
put pots to soak
laundry to hang
sort the bins - set to wash what is needed
put dry pots away
start the process of cleaning the oven
sort stuff for going to the tip
sort charity shop stuff - never got around to it yesterday
see about getting shopping onto the shelves
hoover the kitchen floor
wash the kitchen floor
deal with the cupboard i accidentally flooded last night

... that should get me to lunch time Hmm

OP posts:
HillsBesideTheSea · 28/01/2022 08:17

Links

Friday is clean your car and purse out, date night.
This week i have a date with a hot water bottle and a book WinkGrin

Babystep is take care of yourself too - don't forget to take breaks, you can't pour from an empty cup

launch pad is here

Thinking point: we are coming to the end of the month. I have promised I will explain my chores as project system which is currently in development, and the stages of change (finding that bit of paper from that training - i put it in a safe place) they are on my big picture to do list. We have looked at many things in the thinking point. How are you going to move forwards to help with being more consistent with flylady/getting the chaos tamed? Are you going to simply just be mindful to keep plugging away? are you going to consider the blockers and clear them? are you going to throw in another system for decluttering? What is you plan for moving forwards in February. Because yes folks, as much as we don't want to think about it - Tuesday is the 1st of feb.

OP posts:
SingToTheSky · 28/01/2022 09:17

Gawd that’s come round quickly, although at the same time new year seems forever ago Hmm

Quiet morning here. DSD stayed over which was lovely (and cut DS’ hair - I often do it but not up to it at the moment). Cagletini just woke up and seems to be feeling better. DD1 and the males of the house are still dozing too.

This morning I really need to get some work done, then after a meeting 12-1 I’m going out with a friend for a bit as I need to find a venue for a work thing and we can have lunch/wander around shops.

Really want to start my uni reading too as I haven’t managed to. It isn’t necessary really but being a week or so ahead could be useful later.

MrsTidyHouse · 28/01/2022 12:34

Thinking point from Mon 3rd. I know I'm behind. I'm thinking allowed on this while waiting for delivery, so feel free to ignore. Shocked to read that it is February on Tuesday.

hills. "do you have times of the day/week/month/year when you have more energy or less energy. Is there a way you can tweak your planning to help lighten the load a little bit in those times when you have less resources? Also are there ways that you can tweak your planning so that when there are specific/extra demands that are foreseeable you can reduce the additional demands/build up a reserve to help you through the additional demand."

I read once do less on your good days and more on your bad days. As far as I can remember, it was in relation to ppl who are prone to low mood or mild depression. It works for me up to a point. I like to get up early before everyone else and spend half an hour or an hour straightening up my room, writing the day's lists, getting the kitchen bearable.

Weekly, I tend to slump badly on Thursday, so I do more on Mon,Tues,Wed, to offset this. Fridays I can relax more because the weekend is in sight with some respite. Weekends I can concentrate whatever I'm doing. I rarely speak unless I want to phone anyone in the immediate family, and music and tv can be loud.

Monthly, I start each month with good intentions. When I realise the date is approaching double figures, I feel guilty that little improvement is obvious from the first of the month. Another spurt until the last week, then a vague feeling of relief that I get to try again the new month. This is the kind of pattern I experienced with my menstrual cycle, and I've somehow got myself recreating this cycle even without hormones. It's slowly disappearing.

Annually, I long for early morning light, but not the high heat of summer. More or less driven by the garden. Winter is for sorting out inside, planning spring maintenance which rarely gets done, and summer I just try to keep my head above water through the holidays.

Working at making this year a bit different. Too old to keep faffing.