The ADHD/ suspected ADHD/poor executive function/ generically disorganised and overwhelmed housekeeping thread

[MissKeithsNeice]

Diagnosed adhd. Medicated (hooray!). But no amount of medication can help me do anything when my dc and dh are in the house.

Dc are teens BTW

I work 4 days a week, term time only. On Fridays, I get shit done. Dh is also term time only. By the end of the summer holidays, the house us destroyed. Its just really hard to explain how bad it is.

Dh works really hard to keep on top of it but I'm just so messy that its an impossible task.

Today is my first Friday to myself for 8 weeks. I am so excited. Its going to take weeks to get this place straight but once it is, I'm getting a cleaner.

This thread is possibly the most relatable thing I've ever read and I'm so glad it's not just me!! It never occurred to me that I might have ADHD until after I had children, pre kids we had a cleaner and I'd blitz through any other jobs that needed doing while DH played football at the weekends so the house was manageable despite me being naturally disorganised and quite messy. Since children it's all got out of hand and I feel SO overwhelmed but can't seem to get anything done while my family are around (which is always!), I don't know where to start with it all and but even a little job that would take 5 minutes I can stress about for weeks when I could have just done it! I really can't stand starting a job and then having all the interruptions that come along from the children (they are 3.5 and nearly 2) so I just don't get anything done. But something has got to change because living in a messy house causes me so much stress. I like the idea of setting one task a day so today I'm going to focus on the kitchen and get the sides properly clear (including getting rid of the basket I keep on the side to put random bits in!!)

What a great thread. It has explained so much about why my house looks the way it does.
I am working hard to be able to open the door to visitors and not be full of stuff. Finding a home for things. Though, I would be happy for someone to help with my blind spot- the kitchen. I have to tackle this tomorrow! 🤦‍♀️

Someone mentioned this upthread but I think ADHDness is definitely worse in the week before your period, I’m sure I have read.

This thread is so relatable, I feel like I have found my people.

I have library books in a pile somewhere from 6 years ago

I put all my energy into work as I'm on my own and need the job for survival. However anyone seeing my house looks aghast, is critical. My personal social life is non existent. I find it hard to parent due to dissociative behaviours and then regret what I've missed of interacting with my child. Some days I feel like I can rule the world, others an utter failure and little between. The best diagnosis I've got is anxiety and depression but that doesn't quite explain it. I think the worst part is the criticism and rejection, I don't deal well with that.

@TinyTroubleMaker I know what you mean about criticism. Discovering that rejection sensitivity dysphoria was a thing has really helped me.

I used to be caught up thinking “what the hell is wrong with me? Why am I so thin skinned? How do you build resilience? I’m so ridiculous”

Now I know why it’s hard, I can be kinder to myself, and deal with the overwhelm instead of giving myself another kicking about it.

Hello all, just read the thread. I am wondering if anyone has a similar experience to me/want to vent a bit, I hope you don't mind! I suspect I have dyspraxia and possibly ADHD, and that DP has ADHD, but neither of us is diagnosed.

I think the main issue for housekeeping is that I don't have a routine. But I don't have one at all. In any part of my life. I have no sense of time and thus struggle to institute them. I don't tend to remember which day of the week it is so don't remember when I last did things and although I have a list on the fridge of what I'm supposed to do on each day I somehow never do it. I do have a job which I cope with but am still wfh and our hours are semi-flexible as long as we are online during core hours so I still don't get huge amounts of structure to my day from that.

Looking at the living room now there are tins of soup on the floor from Monday's delivery, a big box of paperwork that needs shredding, multiple bags to go to the charity shop which have been there for weeks, the Halloween pumpkin, loads of unopened post, several days' worth of cups, a random banana on top of the electric piano ffs. Last week we ran out of forks for several days (we have a dishwasher and plenty of cutlery) and were just hand washing one each time we needed one. We seem incapable of just dealing with things and there is often some 'reason' why we can't, often that it is too late in the evening [to hoover/do laundry/run the DW/go to a shop]. I didn't even have dinner last night because it got to 10pm and then I figured I needed to just go to bed instead!

I don't have DC yet and want to start trying soon but know I can't bring a child into this environment. I need to get it together but don't know how

Chaos try the A Slob Comes Clean podcast! She waffles a lot but it's entertaining and seems pretty helpful for people with a "slob brain" (aka an ADHD brain :o) like us.

One thing is for sure. Having children does not magically make you good at all this stuff :( it seems like it's a common belief that it will.

Medication can also help with a lot of what you mentioned, if diagnosis is an option you want to pursue. Even if a waiting list is long, it helps just to get on the list. It will come around quicker than you expected.

Thanks for this thread!

I’m currently procrastinating (for about 2 years ) about getting myself on the ADHD assessment waiting list.

I’m actually a cleaner and when I’m at work I somehow manage to stay on task and whizz through clients’ massive homes.

But when I’m doing my own house…. Can anyone explain it? It’s a tiny house and I have never managed to have it all clean at the same time. Never. It takes me hours just to do downstairs. Ive tried loads of different methods, fly lady, TOMM but no- I never manage to complete them. Tbh I think I've resigned myself to never having a clean house.

Thanks @BertieBotts, I listened to an episode last night while putting away laundry and she does seem to get it!

I had a GP appointment today where I finally told someone IRL what was going on and how I was feeling. I’m glad I did because I dared to hoover the kitchen yesterday, banged my funny bone on the wall and it still hurts! It’s so frustrating that even when I can get my mind in gear my body takes its turn to sabotage me. I’ve now been referred to a local dyspraxia support group, occupational health and also talking therapy so hopefully some of that will help.

Talking it over with someone was a huge relief so I might consider also pursuing a diagnosis for ADHD for both me and DP. We both have a thing about not requesting too many doctors appointments in a time frame but I imagine the waiting list would be long enough to avoid that issue!

The best tip I ever got was for tooth brushing. As I really dislike it and put it off. A woman on a forum said run side to side/ in circles whilst doing it. It works!

This is very interesting! I have always found myself wandering around the house whilst brushing my teeth and then having to dash back to the sink to spit I never really questioned why but I think it’s just the standing still staring in the mirror for 2 minutes is boring so my body takes itself off for a change of scenery. I always seem to be humming a tune while doing it too. I have to prowl round the house when I’m on the phone too.

Rachel, could you try to set an hour where you approach your own house or one room like you would a client's house perhaps? Not sure whether that would work. I was just talking to my mum about this the other day because she had just started a job at WHSmith, and I used to work there myself some years ago. They are unusual in retail in that they have plans for each shelf and I used to love that, so you'd go to the stock room and get out what was on the plan and put it in the place they suggest. I said I need one for my house and she agreed!

It’s a good suggestion @BertieBotts and one I’ve had recommended so tried many times and my brain is just too smart. It knows I’m not in a clients house and takes itself off on other little adventures. It’s all stuff that needs done because of course the to do list is never ending so my brain justifies the detour. Tbh there were times it happened in clients houses too where I was just itching to tackle a big task. Some clients were very happy for me to just do what I thought needed done so this wasn’t an issue.

Just wanted to say thanks for this thread. I don't have a diagnosis of ADHD but the quizzes seem to really fit me andthis thread has been really helpful. I followed the link to a slob comes clean podcast and listened while doing jobs in the kitchen. The decluttering principles make so much sense compared to the pull everything out method and I really needed to hear that today. Anyway, hope you're all managing to be kind to yourselves about whatever you've managed to do today.

Just found this thread and started listening to A Slob Comes Clean which is helping. Also restarted Team Tomm again!

How is everyone doing.

I’m at another low point. Exhausted a lot of the time. If I’m not at work I’ll sleep for hours in the middle of the day. DP said to me last night he thinks it’s the depression again at the moment - he said it like it was obvious, but I hadn’t realised, I just thought I was lazy. Not been eating properly, just snacking.

Today I have 1 day off, I worked an extra morning yesterday because we were short. House is gross and stinky. I’m awake and going to get started. It’s just me, DP is going to work.

I’m going to Do The Dishes. Sigh. Grateful that since discovering A Slob Comes Clean i at least know where to start now!

Ok 2 hours in (apologies for using the thread for checking in/accountability/personal acheivementing) I have been using the dishwasher and washing machine on speed/daily cycles to churn through stuff. I normally use eco cycles overnight when I’m on top of things but today speed and volume is of the essence!

All windows open to let fresh air in

1 load of dishwasher done and put away and second is on now

1 load of laundry done and hung up to dry, second is on. Third and fourth sorted out and queueing by to the washing machine to go in next.

I cleaned the microwave (I did that microwaving a lemon trick, very satisfying).

Recycling out to bin.

Bathroom tidied - which was easy as my DP deep cleaned it for my birthday.

I decluttered the bedroom windowsill

Just sitting down with some breakfast now. If I do nothing else today then I feel ok I have made a dent. I’d like to sweep and mop downstairs floors though and vacuum and wash upstairs carpets too - we have lots of pets so if we don’t carpet wash very regularly it gets proper niffy, but, carpet washing requires clear vacuumed floors and to be done early in the day so it dries, so gets put off and off and off. In fact maybe that should be next task, and then I’ll have earned a walk in the woods with the dogs.

Wow. Upstairs floors done. Turned into a bit of a mammoth task. Ended up cleaning both the vacuum cleaner and the carpet washer themselves before I used them! Everything is so minging. Got sidetracked sorting out subscription orders as well as loads of supplies that usually turn up automatically are low, since I changed my bank card all the automatic payments were messed up. But anyway. So much grime up out of those carpets. It’ll feel much nicer up there later.

Anyway.

Going to hang laundry load 3 up now, put no 4 on and then take doggos to the woods.

Totally aware this is “project cleaning” and probably not helpful long term but hey.

@LemonViolet thats amazing! Hope you're not feeling too exhausted today.

Been listening to a lot of the slob comes clean and didn't do too badly yesterday - did some cleaning/decluttering in the kitchen during day, cleaned bathroom after bedtime, finished putting clothes away (instead of leaving a big pile on the floor), and cleaned kitchen again after we ate. But still got so much to do, loads of appointments to arrange on a to do list I'm putting off, plus actually getting things out of my house.

Gah am feeling a bit hopeless/overwhelmed, I keep wanting to get started on sorting/decluttering but for example today we have run out of towels so I need to do washing. Washing machine is full of the stuff that was sicked on at the weekend. Can't hang it up until I take down everything that's hanging in the bedroom. When I stood up to do this the baby is crying and I can't leave the slightly hyped up 3yo with him. And then I realised I'm shaky from low blood sugar. ARGH.

I know a newborn and sick toddler is already a lot to deal with, it's the executive functioning fails piling up on that - forgetting to eat, not having processed some of the washing in the last 2/3 days when I probably did have chance.

One thing at a time. You’ve clocked the sequence of things you need to do now to get the towels washed. Stick the washing machine on a quick rinse and spin to freshen the languishing load whilst you get a snack. Decluttering can wait, sorting and organising definitely can. Get a snack. Forgive yourself. And Do The Dishes (A la Dana).

I had a nap with the baby while DH took the toddler out instead :o

I’ve hurt my arm/shoulder (a bonkers post covid thing) which has not helped with my chaos but I’ve sent meter readings to bulb, sent two emails I’ve been putting off, burnt a load of paper that needed shredding in the garden, removed all the recycling and vacuumed around various bits of mess. Still not done the dishes though which includes some bits from last night. 🙈

Is anyone else panicking a bit for Christmas? I started listening to Dana’s 14 days and found myself thinking she was leaving it a bit tight 😂
Not that it matters when I start. I’ll still be a disorganised mess regardless!

Not even thinking about Christmas! Which I’m working on anyway, and packing DP and the dogs off to his Dad’s for the day, so I’m off the hook preparations wise. I’ll just turn up in the evening and eat whatever they’ve got left.

I have a week off now, we’re going to a country cottage with the dogs. No real plans. It’s a 2 hour drive and we can get the keys after 5pm; this morning need to drop the cats to the cattery, supermarket shop, pack, and get house clean enough so it’s nice to come back to. Feeling very guilty about cattery right now, old lady cat is snuggled up to me purring like a train.

well hello my tribe!