The ADHD/ suspected ADHD/poor executive function/ generically disorganised and overwhelmed housekeeping thread

[MissKeithsNeice]

Diagnosed adhd. Medicated (hooray!). But no amount of medication can help me do anything when my dc and dh are in the house.

Dc are teens BTW

I work 4 days a week, term time only. On Fridays, I get shit done. Dh is also term time only. By the end of the summer holidays, the house us destroyed. Its just really hard to explain how bad it is.

Dh works really hard to keep on top of it but I'm just so messy that its an impossible task.

Today is my first Friday to myself for 8 weeks. I am so excited. Its going to take weeks to get this place straight but once it is, I'm getting a cleaner.

Yes, starting with doing the dishes means everything else trickles through after that. E.g. for me, I did the dishes after dinner. Next morning I had clean plates and cups for breakfast and coffee on the draining board. So instead of using up my metaphorical energy spoons on washing up before breakfast because I had no plates I put the extra dishes away, realised I had too many for the cupboard so decluttered some, and gave the now empty sink a quick wipe down. Washing up the breakfast and lunch things will happen because there isn't too much to do and you don't want to lose your momentum, and you end up deluttering/wiping done something else whilst you are doing that. Also you have more time because of the dishes maths.

It is a slow process though. I found this thread, and Dana on 11th November. This week I've finally managed to declutter and deep clean the last visible counter section in my kitchen, and I've still got some onion layers to go before I think I'll hit my clutter threshold and be happy. But it took a long time to get to this point, and it will take a long time to recover. I have been working on other parts of my house and inside some of the kitchen cupboards in the meantime as well with focus.

A dish related tip I heard on the A Slob Comes Clean podcast from one of her guests, but originally comes from Fly Lady is to have a bowl of hot soapy water in the sink to wash up as you go long whilst cooking dinner. This only works if you've got an empty sink though!

Apparently, there is some sort of positive energy in thinking that getting the breakfast/lunch stuff done during the day is getting ahead of your evening chores rather than just trying to keep up.

I kinda feel like I don’t really “do the dishes” any more most days, since I found her book about 4 months ago and started this. Most days, I empty the dishwasher in the morning whilst the dogs are having their breakfast (2 mins). Then throughout the day when I’m done with a plate or something it gets put straight into the waiting dishwasher. So does recycling stuff. Before I go to bed, dishwasher on. The few pans etc that don’t go in the dishwasher I wash really quickly as soon as I’m done cooking (literally before I eat), it takes less than a minute usually when it’s not dried on. As I’m cooking I’m putting utensils etc in the dishwasher as I’m going along.
So that’s, like, 3 minute of active “doing the dishes” a day.

It balls up when DP gets involved, uses every pan and dish in the kitchen creating one meal, insists they need to “cool down” (hide them in the oven and they get forgotten about until we next switch the oven on and it smokes out) and “soak overnight” and “I’ll do it in the morning” (spoiler, he doesn’t) or I leave him to switch the dishwasher on last thing if he’s staying up later than me and he doesn’t because “it wasn’t completely overstuffed full” so my routine in the morning doesn’t get going, and things get piled on top of it whilst it’s doing yesterdays dishes and then next thing you know the kitchen is dish city again and my mood and motivation plummets.

Grr. I wish he saw this.

@Feelingoood I’m with you on the extra squares. I bullet journal and draw my own (until suddenly I don’t) but it makes more sense without extra squares.

Oh legohooverer! I’m so delighted to hear that! They just throw me and I trot off to things on the wrong day. Have designed a calendar that doesn’t have them ..AND is four ( beacause a quarter is four yes? Doh) months in one long sheet so I can train myself to plan ahead. Who knew February is like, really soon! I’m still in Christmas 😂😂😂
Bullet journal! There’s a thought!
lemonviolet exactly! Was just beginning to get on top of a cleanish sink by washing up all.the.time. Till Dp microwaved some pre cooked dinner. I mean, how?!
Watching clutter bug ( instead of cleaning sink ) inspiring! Thanks!

@LemonViolet Does your dishwasher have a timer? I saw a tip about setting it for an hour or two after you’ve loaded it in the evening in case you’ve find any more to put in. But it will start either way. I don’t have a dish washer but I’ve done that with the washing machine a couple of times (was waiting for the teen to wake up and get in his room) and it was a useful tip.

@Feelingoood I’m going to play around with that idea of putting months together visually and vertically.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/neurodiverse_mumsnetters

I've missed that there is a new Mumsnet board.....

What can happen is you develop a negative association with housework where you think it is just endless, horrible, awful. It's because when you put it off, it does become an insurmountable mountain. For me I used to be really all or nothing, so do literally none, or do all of it in one go. I have too little energy and too many kids and other responsibilities to be able to do it all in one go now. And learning to just load the dishwasher or do a load of laundry, or just hoover the stairs, and then sit back down again has been the start of me healing that negative relationship with housework. I do actually find myself thinking things like "I'll just run the hoover around quickly before we go out" whereas before I would always think I'd do it later, until I got miserable or pissed off enough to do it, or somebody was coming round so I felt obligated to. I do little things now like putting the pillows and duvet back on my bed properly in the morning. I used to either leave it in a total mess, or make it beautifully. It is hard to find that middle place, but for me learning that perfectionism is the enemy of good enough has been life changing.

[quote MrsWombat]@LemonViolet Does your dishwasher have a timer? I saw a tip about setting it for an hour or two after you’ve loaded it in the evening in case you’ve find any more to put in. But it will start either way. I don’t have a dish washer but I’ve done that with the washing machine a couple of times (was waiting for the teen to wake up and get in his room) and it was a useful tip.[/quote]
I love my timer in my dw and wm.

Hmm timer is a good idea I’ll have a look when I’m home (away for the weekend).

I would prefer DP just participate as an equal though

I went to the range to buy an expanding file so I could start implementing part of the clutterbug system. But it was £8?!! So I bought wallet files instead and will start there. A bit disappointed as I was excited at the idea.

I realise that my ‘action’ paperwork just gets lost. I have a loose area by my microwave but that gets jumbled up with other paperwork.

My paperwork system is a work in progress. At the moment I have an “action” bin drawer thing in my desk, paper in there needs something doing with it. Then I have a set of Bisley mini drawers I got off eBay for “short-term”, divided into car, house, gas, electric and water. But am thinking maybe consolidating the last 3 just into “bills” and having a drawer each for me and DP personal short-term papers (health, finance etc) might be a better idea.
“Long term” is just a pile of mostly broken folders at the moment. I need to sort this and make it nicer, and also find things like my birth certificate! I think there’s another 1 or 2 bins of paper in the loft I haven’t got to yet must be in there. It’s divided between personal things like passports and degree certificates, and then a massive load of things that came with the house - all the records off all previous building work going back to the 1950s, which is cool and I feel like I have guardianship now!!! And then “memories” and “reference” are just thrown in 2 bins for now, using cube bins in my kallax.

The main issue is paper coming into the house and dealing with it ASAP (open - either recycle or stick in action or short-term). Things get randomly put all over the shop and then forgotten about.

Sounds like you do have a system which works.
The pull out drawer thing sounds like a good idea as does a bills category.

ahalam 😃 that’s great! It’s mad but it does make a difference! I can’t ‘ ‘see’ time if it’s horizontal - it doesn’t look as if it’s in the future. But if it’s vertical it is more in the future if you see what I mean. I’m now trying one where January is at the bottom and it goes up, which Wierdly makes most sense.
I’m either mad or a genius. Mwa ha ha!

@Feelingoood I feel daft saying it but it feels like putting on a pair of glasses when you’re short sighted.
Horizontal time doesn’t make sense to me but I can see it vertically. And if I have to flip pages between months they just get further and further apart.
I’ve added a long folded calendar to my diary that I can re-fold to show whatever month I’m on. No gaps between months either.
I’d be too embarrassed to mention this in real life but thank you for putting your finger on it for me.

ahalam That’s made me happy! A) happy to help and b) really happy it’s not just me ! It took me ages to realise horizontal calendars and seperate pages make no sense!
Going to borrow lemonvioelts paper system now. It’s all go😀

Clutterbug lady puts all her “short term” papers just piled in one box/bin. That’s all paid bills, invoices, receipts; statements etc just chucked in one box and hidden away. Then once a year goes through it for taxes and then either chucks it or goes to long term (forever) filing if needed.

I need more micro categories than that. But it works for her.

I love the clutterbug videos.

I always thought I wanted detailed organised stuff and so it would never happen as it was too much.
I got a kallax for the bathroom and got all bathroom stuff from round the house and now they’re all (mostly) in this one place. Watching these videos I realise I’m
macro. I really don’t like lids on containers either!

If anyone has audible, one of the clutterbug books is available to listen to for free. I've added it to my library. It's only 4 hours.

I think the Clutterbug paperwork method was mentioned on the Slob Comes Clean podcast as something that she follows and works for her. Putting all the stuff I need in one pile is something that I do and works for me. Why waste time and energy sorting it when it arrives when you might not even need it.

Watched a clutterbug video on closers and then I felt motivated to sort some clothes.
Watched a bathroom one and did some sorting there. Macro baskets make such a lot of sense to me. Wish I’d found her sooner!

Bumping this up as it's falling off my list. Not had a particularly efficient week. Started working on my side hustle again which just sucks time away from me. Dishes have not been done before bed a few times. Thankfully still a quick and easy job to do in the morning, but still. Also, my other vacuum is broken now as well. Can just about use it though if I hold it in a particular way, so obviously I'm going to soldier on, making do.

Thank you for bumping this.
Such a useful thread.

Nothing to add of any use, just didn’t want to lose the thread!

New to this thread so sorry to resurrect a zombie thread but I'm really struggling at the moment. The demands of full time work kids and exercise means the house is getting worse by the day. I hate it and nobody else helps so it's all on me and I'm finding life so stressful and tiring