The ADHD/ suspected ADHD/poor executive function/ generically disorganised and overwhelmed housekeeping thread

[MissKeithsNeice]

Diagnosed adhd. Medicated (hooray!). But no amount of medication can help me do anything when my dc and dh are in the house.

Dc are teens BTW

I work 4 days a week, term time only. On Fridays, I get shit done. Dh is also term time only. By the end of the summer holidays, the house us destroyed. Its just really hard to explain how bad it is.

Dh works really hard to keep on top of it but I'm just so messy that its an impossible task.

Today is my first Friday to myself for 8 weeks. I am so excited. Its going to take weeks to get this place straight but once it is, I'm getting a cleaner.

Draining board jenga OMG that used to drive me nuts - too scary! But yes, something being done is the most important thing.

I did most of last nights dishes at lunch time today

Just left the wok cos I had walked away from the sink and noticed it on the hob. No way was I going back.

I have so so so much to do before Christmas it’s quite terrifying.

I wrote a long post here yesterday but then didn’t send as I think I overshared a little. The TL:DR version would be I’ve realised I am dangerously close to a complete burnout, as in signed off work sick breakdown. I seem to be responding to this realisation by quadrupling down on efforts in all areas, and seeing doing the house as part of self-care. The effort is all over the place though and difficult to channel effectively. It’s like my brain is simultaneously darting all over the place but also really slow and moving through treacle. But the Doing The Dishes thing is so so helpful. It means that when I am stuck, I do that.

When I did my initial week following A Slob Comes Clean, when come what may you just Do The Dishes every day, by day 4/5 I was finding that my definition of Doing The Dishes also meant they were getting put away promptly, and the sides of the kitchen were getting cleared and cleaned as well. It was like the first domino. In a really clunky heavy rubbish set of dominoes that gets stuck easily .

I also put everything in the dishwasher!!! I got my first dishwasher last year age 38 when we moved house. Everything goes in there. Pans, baking dishes, cans for recycling, pet bowls. My reasoning is everything is done at a hot enough temperature it comes out sterile. It’s a bit of a revelation though that even now I have a dishwasher, it is still a massive effort to get the dishes done. It wasn’t a completely magic solution, it doesn’t actually work by itself and stuff doesn’t just hop into it unaided. I think I thought it’d be like in Sword in the Stone when Merlin does the washing up in the castle kitchen.

Last week to Christmas and the family still, unreasonably expect 3 meals a day and clean laundry.

Hmmm there might be something to this Do the Dishes thing. I wonder if I should put more effort into trying it. The problem is in about 2014 we didn't have a dishwasher, and I struggled with it so much that eventually I agreed to do all the clothes washing if DH handled all of the dishes. We've never "undone" that arrangement, so it's entirely his domain. I sometimes chuck some things in if they are cluttering up the counter, but I don't do a whole lot with it.

Also, as I have a 4 month old baby I tend to need to go to bed with him as he doesn't settle on his own yet.

OK I think I've successfully talked myself out of it until the baby is older at least.

I'm a big fan of the idea of Team TOMM but not very good at implementing it. The rhythm and the why makes so much sense to my brain but I just can't do it. Most likely because of the large amount of clutter in my house, and the squirrel. My main downfall is working the first half of the week, and I can't get stuff done and it puts me off carrying on. Anyway, the couple of weeks I've had moderate success with only doing a mixture of her level one jobs and A Slob Come Cleans Daily Check List.

So I've been doing:

1. Do the dishes
2. One load of laundry
3. Straighten Make beds
4. Quick check/clean of bathroom
5. Vacuum main traffic areas/Five minute pick up & kitchen floor.

Not done everything every day but enough to see progress. Vaccuming the main traffic areas means less dirt in the rest of the house and that's made a visible difference to me.

Also, I've been listening to the Slob Comes Clean podcasts and audiobooks this week. She talks about making laundry day a one-day a-week project for your project brain. This probably works well with Americans with no school uniform and large separate washers and dryers in their basements, but not for me in the UK with a tiny dodgy washer/dryer and an airer in the bedroom .

However I've had a lightbulb moment and wondered if I could take her laundry approach as a way to do Team TOMM level 2.

She says if your laundry day is Monday but you work or have plans then start on Sunday night, do what you can on Monday then continue Tuesday/Wednesday until it's all done. I'm wondering if I can do what I can on the days I'm working then tick off a whole weeks worth of Team TOMM during the latter half of the week. In theory, I should be able to do 2.5 hours of level 2 jobs over the 12/18 hours the kids are in school right and I'm at home by myself? RIGHT? Maybe I'll wait to try when the house is less cluttered.

I’m quite proud of where I got to before Christmas! I managed to clean 3 rooms and put a load of clothes on Vinted. I just can’t seem to manage to juggle working and doing housework once I have time off I can hyperfocus on the house, but when I go back to work I know it’s all going to go tits up again! Oh well - life with ADHD eh!

Argh lost another post half way through, got distracted following your TOMM link @MrsWombat and by the time I remembered I was mid posting here it had disappeared!

Anyway checking in. Hope everyone has survived xmas. After my last post I drastically reduced my hours for about 5 days in the run up to xmas for my mental health - normally do 10-12 and I did 2-5 with some days nothing at all - my boss was very accepting as it was either that or I signed myself off! Now I’ve had 4 days off completely I feel a bit more capable again. We’re going to have to make some changes at work though or I’ll just be right back there again within a few weeks.

Does anyone else get all enthusiastic and hyper about all things cleaning/decluttering/organising this time of year? I may have tipped the other way from burnout. It’s 3.30am and I am wide awake still, have just decluttered and cleaned under the sink, and have been measuring my study and planning the new furniture for in there. I am at work in 5 hours time. It’s all a bit mad really isn’t it. I know I’ll be fine though and probably just crash tomorrow night when I get in.

@PineappleMojito sounds like you achieved loads, did the clothes sell?

@BertieBotts the dishes may be your OH’s domain…..but does he actually do it? If not, does them not being done act as a block for you to be able to get on and do other stuff? That’s the issue for me. That if the dishes aren’t done then I don’t do other stuff (because my mind says what’s the point) and the kitchen is always a state, and so the whole house is always a state. It’s the first domino. And Dana’s “dishes math” (you have to say that in an American accent for it to work) is a thing, keeping up with it gets easier and easier. Until you fail, but then you know that you can get it back again.

I wanted to ask, those that have gone through an ADHD assessment, what did it actually entail? I’ve been looking online at the private ones. It’s something I could afford if I wanted to (would take it out of the house doing-upping savings, or work private healthcare might cover it I’m not sure). If you get a private diagnosis and then private prescription has anyone then had their NHS GP agree to continue the prescription? And what if they say no there’s nothing wrong with you you’re just rubbish 😱

I’m going to pop a melatonin and really try to sleep now though I think 🤪 am feeling a bit loopy.

@LemonViolet Hope you managed to get some meaningful kip before work. I always get a spark of enthusiasm about cleaning and decluttering after Christmas. This year it started before Christmas as I caught Covid in November and started to panic about losing 2 weeks of Christmas prep. I can't see it lasting after the kids go back to school, it's already waning, and I'm starting to get hyper-focused on a different aspect of my side hustle again.

I think managed about an hour and a half sleep in the end. Was a bit wobbly when I woke up, but feel fine now. And am getting to finish work 2 hours early as there aren’t enough staff to stay open the full day! Thanks Covid!!!

With the extra 2 hours I’ve got today. I’m thinking of heading to IKEA and buying all the new furniture for my study. Am still buzzing. Dishes are DONE.

I never knew that hyperfocus was an ADHD thing. I’ve always been like this - always gone through intense phases of being massively into something and then moving on, although now I am a bit older I return back to the same things in rotation with the occasional new thing interspersed. It’s just normal to me. I never realised everyone wasn’t like that, being late to work because they were madly researching their latest obsession.

Hi guys….. happy new year and hope people are doing ok.

I put my big girl pants on and joined a “mainstream” decluttering thread
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/housekeeping/4441273-decluttering-club-thread-20-22?msgid=113877640#113877640
Which is really fast moving with all these people just casually zooming in with stuff! I am still on an up though and declutter/organise/tidy/clean still being current focus so I can keep up for now. Yesterday was the first time EVER I managed to do 3/4 of Dana’s daily tasks (dishes, floor, bathroom sides), not perfectly but better. Feels very good getting up this morning.

Hello all. The house has managed to keep at the same level of clutter post-Christmas as it was pre-Christmas so I'm calling that a win. Mostly done the dishes every day. Doing some sort of cleaning/decluttering daily in the bathroom is more successful. Probably because of the lack of clutter. Managed to do some random decluttering Dana style upstairs when there was just too much chaos downstairs.

Unfortunately, the head of my cordless vacuum has stopped working which has ruined my quick vacuum a day momentum. I've taken it completely apart and cleaned the filter and can't work out what's wrong. I'm loathed to give Mr Dyson anymore of my money. I need to call them to see if I can get a new one (apparently they sometimes do this) but don't have the spoons for that. I do have a bigger one so my carpets do get cleaned a bit less often, but it's a lot more cumbersome to get out and my smallest child hates the noise.

I'm feeling hopeful for decluttering over the next year, as I'm off to a good start, but I say this every year.

Hi, may I join please ?

I was diagnosed with adhd in early December. Am feeling my way with medication. It's been both a shock and a revelation.

I desperately want to sort my cluttered disorganised home out.

I even paid someone this week to come and help me sort my clothes. It was brilliant! But I've so much more left to do, and tackling it alone somehow feels impossible.

Welcome @freckles20 That sounds great to get help with clothes. Was it very expensive?

I’m checking in again after Christmas when I duct taped my slobgoggles on for the entire time. I did dishes and some of the dailies so we were fine but now that the dc are back at school I’m overwhelmed with all that needs doing. Wrong end of the month too and I’ve no energy at all. I need to get the Christmas decorations packed up. It doesn’t help my motivation that it can be a trigger for ds so I need to do it slowly and not change too much at once. I work better when I can get stuck in and just keep going.

This book is good.

@coraka

This book is good.

Thank you, I'll add that to my to do list.

amazon.co.uk/Keep-House-While-Drowning-compassionate/dp/B08NF1PGYH/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1641628603&sr=8-1]] I keep seeing this book mentioned in various places. Has anyone read it? I don't want to get distracted by yet another different method.

I have suspected for a while that I may have ADHD, my dd is currently awaiting an assessment.

I’ve read the whole thread and it was a revelation! It was comforting to see that I’m not alone, I procrastinate, have hyper energy spells and then fail to maintain a daily routine. I lose myself in hypothetical planning and future goals and forget to eat or self care.

My house is a disaster although better than it was. I majorly decluttered the living room last summer and it has been easier to maintain. I can’t seem to cope with the daily nature of housekeeping, I get in from work and I’m mentally exhausted!

I’ve tried TOMM and fly lady but will look at some of the other recommendations on here.

Today I had a post Xmas clean in the living room which looks brilliant, but the dining room is a cluttered disaster area. I always think that if I had enough time it would all be perfect, but of course when I have time I’m off spinning sandcastles in my head and not much gets done unless I’m on a hyper active phase.

I do wonder if it would be worth pursuing a diagnosis and whether medications would help.

Hello, can I join? A mum on another thread suggested I may have adhd from what I was posting. I don’t know if I do, but I do seem to share your. struggle with the same things - biscuitandacuppa exactly!
so it’s SOOOOO nice to find this tread and realise it might not be be because I’m useless/thick! I’m catching up with reading it all but wanted to jump ahead and say thankyou! Great tips and resources, that I’m looking forward to going through. You have changed my life!!

Morning all. Hope you've all had a productive week. Bin day here and I've managed to fill mine up which I'm taking as a win.

Nice to have new people here!

I’m really struggling just to think straight lately. I find myself doing something that should take a short time but it goes wrong because I haven’t thought it through. I pulled off my bed sheets this morning forgetting that I hadn’t washed uniforms yet, and we’re out this afternoon so won’t have a chance to get them in the dryer, so now need to put on other sheets which are cool summery ones, so I’ll have to take them off again tomorrow and wash them as well…

It’s a silly example but they all are and I just seem to go round making work for myself. I ask the dc to do something and don’t spot that they’ll need help with it, and then end up not getting my own jobs done either.

I’ve no idea whether this is adhd, perimenopause, or just stupidity.

Hey guys hope you’re all plodding along ok.

I do that not thinking things through think sometimes too @thelegohooverer. More usually I’ll do the opposite in that I will have a lot of trouble working out what order to do something in, so much that I tie myself in mental knots and don’t even start. But then other times I’ll just start something spur of the moment and then half way through realise I could finish even if I wanted to, that’s if I haven’t got distracted and just wandered off and started something else.

With the bedsheets thing…..I’d probably have gone out and bought a full new set of bedding from 24hr Tesco (BTDT!!!!) I recognise I am fortunate to be able to do that. Future organised me will have sufficient numbers of beautiful matching bedding sets for each season, all neatly organised folded into pillowcases and stored in neat boxes in the ottoman bed, then changed every week without fail and replaced immediately with waiting fresh set…..obvs! One day!

I have 2 things to report. One is that I signed up to an online course “Take Your House Back” which is run by Cas (Clutterbug) Dana (Slob Comes Clean) and Dawn (Minimal Mom) and it has been SO helpful so far. Really feeling positive about the gradual improvements bit by bit. There’s a private FB group for it too which is good cos it’s full of people like us and no shaming!

The other is….I said to DP this morning, “do you think I might have ADHD?”, thinking he’d say something along the lines of don’t be silly, hypochondriac etc. But nope, he properly chuckled and said “well yes, obviously, I thought we knew that!”. So……..yeah, that’s a thing. Clearly it’s not just in my own head!

Sympathies theelegohoover!
I get in this muddle too, and then everything is more of a muddle than before I started. I need staff. I like your idea of orderly bedsheets, sigh. I can’t even get my duvets to stay in the cover, they all puff out at the bottom!
Everything chaos this a.m. am trying TO MM as mentioned on here. Though how she gets stuff done in such a short time is beyond me too. Kitchen alone can take an hour in the morning ( cos I’m too knackered to do it at night)
Good luck today everyone!
Is the course worth it Lemon Violet? What does it involve?

@Feelingoood

Sympathies theelegohoover! I get in this muddle too, and then everything is more of a muddle than before I started. I need staff. I like your idea of orderly bedsheets, sigh. I can’t even get my duvets to stay in the cover, they all puff out at the bottom! Everything chaos this a.m. am trying TO MM as mentioned on here. Though how she gets stuff done in such a short time is beyond me too. Kitchen alone can take an hour in the morning ( cos I’m too knackered to do it at night) Good luck today everyone! Is the course worth it Lemon Violet? What does it involve?

Team TOMM robots get everything done in 30 mins because there is no clutter to get in the way. It doesn't include the basics like doing the dishes and resetting the kitchen. People like us need more than a week of Boot Camp to sort our house out enough to be able to clean a room in 30 mins.

That being said, it was designed to stop her from cleaning too much. The idea is you do 30 mins of the worst bits from the list then stop. The following week you do 30 mins of the worst bits again but they might be different. So you'll probably vacuum every week but maybe alternate the dusting with the window cleaning. Or dust a different cupboard per week. When I'm vaguely following it I clean a different shelf in my fridge every week.

It does kind of match up with what Dana says about assigning a room to a day, so if you miss a day you'll know you need to catch up a bit the following week and that's ok.

Thanks mrs W! I worked really hard on sat and turfed out the coat cupboard and …It’s STILL TIDY! ( fans self with old copy of homes and gardens) you are right! If there’s nothing in there, there’s nothing to have to pick up/ throw at teens.
Linen cupboard next!! What stopping me is..I have a mad mental block ..Shall I Chuck all the old towels? And duvets and sheets all dumped on us by in laws. How many towels does a fam of 4 need? Do I keep some for painting and decorating? Can I just have 4 bath sheets and a couple of hand towels? Am I overthinking this?!😀

@Feelingoood

Thanks mrs W! I worked really hard on sat and turfed out the coat cupboard and …It’s STILL TIDY! ( fans self with old copy of homes and gardens) you are right! If there’s nothing in there, there’s nothing to have to pick up/ throw at teens. Linen cupboard next!! What stopping me is..I have a mad mental block ..Shall I Chuck all the old towels? And duvets and sheets all dumped on us by in laws. How many towels does a fam of 4 need? Do I keep some for painting and decorating? Can I just have 4 bath sheets and a couple of hand towels? Am I overthinking this?!😀

Look. Just look at first.

Get a rubbish bag and a donate bag. Put all the obvious rubbish in the donate bag. (Stuff with holes in etc) Put all the Duh stuff in the donate bag. (Patterns your kids have outgrown or sizes you no longer need) Hopefully there will now be room in there for you to really think about what is left and how you use it. You will reach for your favourites, and you might find out favourites you'd forgotten about because they are buried at the back.

You don't need any of your out-laws stuff. Maybe keep one set for sentimental reasons, and pick your favourite not the most expensive one. Maybe keep one set for decorating, and you can reevaluate next time you go through the cupboard.

Can you tell I've hyperfocused listened to 300 hours of A Slob Comes Clean podcasts and Audio books over the past month?